elephant in the room: i got into a fight. not going into details, but will share something with you- i was totally ashamed of what i’d done. there was a time when i’d have bragged about it, but like i said that guys gone. but at the time of the fight, 2 months prior i went into deep isolation: avoid friends, not leaving the house, and not eating. my family was seriously worried.
other interesting news: i dropped out of school and quit looking for a job. told my mom, “i think i need to just concentrate on readjusting to civilian life and dealing with the PTSD.” personally, it took me a few days of thinking over after the fight.
what am i gonna do now? simple- nothing.
just get my shit together and deal with each day as it comes. not really much else i can do. how will i get money- pfft, that never gonna be an issue. but there’s more news you probably won’t believe- i quit drink out of where 2 weeks ago. ZERO beers, and i honestly have no desire to do so.
then today, just a few hours ago, i was at the VA. i saw mental health so could start on getting my disability fixed. i’m at 10%, i’m easily at 80%. however, what i’m not getting is retroactive. so the paltry 10% clocks in at $133.22. yup. i did the math and i HOPE to be getting $64822. well guess what mental health told me in the end.
“i think yo need to just concentrate on readjusting to civilian life and dealing with your PTSD. you’re not ready for school or work.” *facepalm*
i still plan on writing so don’t worry. i’ll do my best to get 2-3 post out a week.
i’ve been away for a while. sorry. been going through a lot of shit. long story short- i’m quiting school.now i have a few months to figure out what i’m going to do.
if you really want to understand, watch last sunday’s episode of walking dead where eastmon explains PTSD to morgan. i put the tv on pause and cried……for a good 5 minutes. don’t know where i’m heading i just know there’s a road before me.
got into a fight last. guy was unloading his groceries into his car and pushed his cart away.
it hit my car.
words were exchanged and
i walked away, he didn’t.
i’ll try and keep up with posts. sorry guys.
sorry about the little lapse in posts. had kind of a rough week. ended up having to call the VA emergency line because i got severely depressed. just a lot of shit hit at once. i’m second guessing school, still can’t find a job, the VA is still dicking me around to fix my disability status from 10% to the 80% i deserve.
thank God this week is fall break and i only have school wed/thur, then i’m off for the rest of the week. had to sit and do a lot of introspection about the near future. it’s kind of odd; for the last 3 years all i could think about was getting out. and while i’m certainly not wanting to be back in the matrix, being out hasn’t been quite what i expected.
i guess i thought it would an easy transition, but…not so fast danny. lol.
point is, if i can deal with this bullshit….any of you can keep trudging along as well. see, told you the new writing isn’t going to be the yuk yuk slinging, girl chasing crap it used to be. i’m in flux, and that should be reflective in the writing.
maybe i’ll start walking around wal-mart for writing material. that might be funny. until then, sorry. but hey, at least i’m being honest.
i mentioned that there was a blonde honey limbed lovely that caught my attention. and i got the impression you guys were going to want see the turn-out. hate to be a kill joy but the fact is…..
haven’t been there in 2-3 weeks.
you see. something i always stressed to you guys was live your life as what is most important to you. and on planet Danny a lovely blonde isn’t changing my plans. she works at starbucks and i have no reason to go there now. i have no class crap to study. thusly, i’m not going there just to chat up some girl.
women are the side-dish to my life. not the entrée.
i’m not here to bullshit you guys about myself. and i’m assuming most of you reading don’t want me to BS you. if i go back to that sturbeezy’s, and she’s there, i’ll give it a shot. but my expectations are low to non-existent. i think i heard the term “outcome independence” in the past. i dunno…
that’s just not the crux to my life atm. the mission is ALWAYS more important than the girl.
quick post because i’m lazy and have to study this weekend.
everyone has one thing. one thing that means the world to them, is personal to them. no woman has EVER found my one thing. and this one thing usually isn’t family, it’s something personal. i’ll explain- i came home to NO before i moved to jacksonville from spain. i used to go to this bar close to my mom’s when the step dad was watching TV.
there was a bartender there that was fine as hell. every guy there drooled over her. i was there damn near every day for 2 weeks. she used to read when it was slow, which it was when i was there. i finally asked her what she was reading and i asked her if she’d read, “the unbearable lightness of being”.
she hadn’t. i bought her a used copy and told her we’d have a discussion after she finished it. well, she LOVED the book. i told her we needed to hang out one night after she got off work. her next night off, we went to the house she was watching while the owner (her boss, who had a crush on her) was on vacation.
do i need to elaborate?
one book, i got in. why? reading/books was her one thing. we ALMOST banged in a book store that i brought her to before i got the +1.
my best friend, a man i’ve known since i was 5 has his own one thing: skateboarding. a girl that can appreciate skate culture will win him over every time. i quit skating years ago, but i’m still part of the tribe because i appreciate and support the culture.
what’s your “one thing”? that girl you like, what’s her one thing? your son, daughter, wife- what’s their one thing?
food for thought, you do the dishes.
one of the classes i’m taking is a pre-requisite class that damn near everyone has to take. basically to make some funds for the school. all the class does is teach you to write a resume, go on a job interview, cite references for work, prioritize, and keep track of finances.
done, done, done, and done.
i however am the oldest of the class and for the most part i’m teaching my side of the class. and it’s funny: when i start talking career success and job related crap they listen intently. when i’m talking to the guys, the instructor listens for a moment and will say, “listen to the man, he’s been there.”
just before class was done i told them, “learn from your past, be ever mindful of the present, have a plan for the future. just don’t be so overly concerned of the past and future that you lose sight of the present.”
hokey. sure. but it’s the truth. and Lord knows i’ve made enough
complete fuck-ups mistakes to know.
you see, i retired after my time in the nav. i knew my life was going to be different. in jax i was living my last years up. i knew i was leaving in 3 years so i was just having fun. well, eventually playtime came to and end. and my constant pursuit of women was placed on the back burner.
i had fun in jax, and there’s a LOT of posts of nothing but me chasing the skirts. many of the post were explanations of things i’d learned as a dick slinging little asshole that incredibly works out and got me some
poon results. but now that time is gone.
i quit writing to get my shit together and figure out what i’d do next. and, well….i’m still in that present. as for the future; the original plan is out. but it’s been restructured. i must finish school (one more year of machining and i’m dropping welding). not that i dislike welding, but delgado’s program just isn’t for me. once i’m done with school, i have a few options- to be continued.
sorry i’m not slinging witticism and my typical self-deprecation horse shit. because, honestly…it’s time to be serious. but until then this site is still developing and maybe a new voice will emerge for me to offer something you readers. honestly, when i see i have over 200 views…i’m fucking amazed. so to you guys reading, thanks.
so in summation: don’t dwell on the past, keep your eyes firmly in the present, and don’t sweat the future.
i saw this while i was living in jax and 1- i always loved Dice, 2- he has a bit about todays woman that had me crying. but the kicker is the reaction of the women when he goes through the bit. just a warning NSFW based on language. because of the language, the sites showing it for free have a “age entry” requirement so i can’t link it. enter “andrew dice clay indestructible”- check the lolflix.com
if you decide to watch it wait for just about the 26 minute mark and strap yourself in. again, the females response is funny/telling.