i didn’t want these gems to get lost in the older pages. so i’m making a page just for them. EVERYONE should read these every few months. it is brilliant advice.
to his son:
Son, I know you’ve probably talked to your mom about girls and sex. That’s fine, but I want you to listen to me
What I am about to tell you about women is not a judgment about women. It is about men’s natures and women’s natures. It is not good or evil, right or wrong. This is just the way women are.
You must accept these as facts of the dating and sexual market. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change any of this. The best you can do is use these facts to your advantage and to help influence things to go your way.
I do not care what else you have heard or what others have told you. It is not true that women are impossibly complex and they cannot be figured out. In fact, once you master a few simple precepts about women, navigating their minds and hearts really turns out to be an easy task.
These are immutable facts of life about women. They cannot be modified or abolished. They can be covered or masked for a time, but their attributes always come out. All women are like this. Teenage girls. Elderly ladies happily married for decades. College students. Dull uneducated girls. Country girls who grew up on farms. City girls who grew up poor in ghettos and working class neighborhoods.
The uptown girl with the designer clothes and Daddy’s Beemer. A girl on her first boyfriend. A girl on her 20th boyfriend. A woman on her fifth husband. Virgins. Sluts. Church ladies (especially church ladies). Housewives. Lawyers. Doctors. Businesswomen. Politicians. Teachers. Waitresses. Secretaries. Chief executive officers. It doesn’t matter their age, race, station, income, socioeconomic status or walk of life. They are all like this, despite their protestations that they are not.
Women hold the sex card. They decide when and under what circumstances sex happens. You hold the investment and commitment card. You decide how much time, money and resources you will give women, how much commitment you will give them, and when that commitment will be made.
Men display themselves to women. Women choose men based on the displays they see and discern. Your attractiveness to women depends secondarily on a few things: your environment, the ratio of men to women in your locality. But your attractiveness to women will depend primarily on the display you make to them: your body and how it looks, the confidence you have in yourself, your ability to dominate and influence situations, and your control over yourself and your circumstances.
Men are attracted to a woman’s physical attributes, youth, and a pleasing personality. Women are attracted to male confidence, dominance and projections of power and charisma.
The way you attract women is to be the best man you can be. Work on your body and keep it reasonably fit. At least make it look like you care about how your body looks. Do your own thing. Do things you enjoy. Get good at something. Do not sit on your behind at home, watching TV or surfing the internet. Get out there and do things, meet people and go places. Have a good cadre of male friends and when you get with a girl, DO NOT DITCH THEM. Have a life separate from your girlfriend. You want her in your life, but you do not NEED her. If she fits into your life, great. If she doesn’t, then end it and move on. Make a life plan for yourself and work on it. Decide what you want to be and work on it.
Do not listen to what girls say they want. I do not care what your mother has told you. The last thing you should do is “be nice, and be yourself”. Girls do not want “nice guys”. They want confident guys.
I do not care what anyone else has told you, or what you have learned in school. Men and women are very different. They do not approach sex or male-female relationships in the same way. A woman’s view of men is very different from your view of women.
Despite what you may have heard from women or read, women are not naturally monogamous. They are not designed to stay with one man. They are designed to seek out and be with the BEST man they can find.
You think that most girls and women are hot. You want lots of women — sexual quantity. To you, most women have at least a few attractive qualities, good enough to have sex with. And if you had the chance, you would probably have sex with more than half the women you meet.
Women are not like that. To women, only a small percentage of men are even remotely sexually attractive. They just don’t see most men sexually. And you get only one chance to make a first impression on a woman. Women have two categories for all men. Category 1 is “I would have sex with him.” Category 2 is “I would never, ever in a million years have sex with him.” A woman puts every man she meets into one of these two categories within the first few seconds of meeting him.
Therefore, most women will not find you sexually attractive. A woman does not really want lots of men. She wants the best men — sexual primacy. A woman goes through a series of men because she wants to find the best men. If she believes you are the best, she will select you until a better one comes along. What a particular woman believes is “the best man” is purely subjective to her. But the constants are: confidence, dominance, charisma, power.
Learn indicators of interest that women give you. Learn what they do that shows they are attracted to you. They are:
1. Going out of her way to see you or talk to you
2. Downward chin tilt when averting gaze
3. Smiling, laughing
4. Letting you into her personal space
5. Light touching
6. Fiddling with her hair or touching her face
7. Hanging out with you or seeking you out to talk to you
If you don’t start seeing IOIs in five minutes, bail out and move on. And when a girl says she just wants to be your friend, she is really saying “I am not sexually interested in you”. And when she says this, politely bail out and move on.
You must remember at all times: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER WOMAN. You can always replace a woman. There are many, many women out there. When (not if, WHEN) one breaks up with you, there will always be another. If you approach and she rejects you, there will always be another. If a date doesn’t work out, there will always be another.
But don’t use your knowledge of women or the principle of female abundance to mistreat them. Don’t blow her off, be a jerk, be rude, or be arrogant. There’s no reason for that. If you do that, word will get around about you, and women will avoid you.
You are going to be rejected a lot. You need to accept that now, deal with it now, and DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
Girls are going to break up with you. There is no getting around this. When this happens, you need to accept it, take the time to get over it, shake it off, and move on. If you did something to cause it, find out what it is (you will know what it is). If it was wrong or counterproductive, correct it so you don’t do it again with the next one. Don’t beg her to stay with you. Don’t ask for another chance or tell her you’ll change. Whatever you do, DO NOT get hung up on the idea that this girl is the only one for you. It is not true. If she did not like you, another one will. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER WOMAN.
DO NOT make heavy commitments to a girl you just started dating. Don’t spend lots of money on her. Don’t tell her how much you like and love her. Don’t give her all your commitment all at once. Hold back until it’s appropriate. Even then, never, ever let a woman use you or walk all over you. If she can withhold the sex, you can withhold the commitment.
You are going to face fitness tests. She will challenge you to see if you can stand up to her. Simply ignore those tests. Don’t respond to them. If you cannot ignore them, laugh at them. Change the subject and talk about something else. Or turn it back to her in question form. Whatever you do, don’t give her what she wants. When you give in, she will know she can control you — and your relationship is doomed.
You will have to break up with girls. There will be many reasons for this.
(1) She is able to control you, probably because you’ve failed too many fitness tests. You’ll naturally bristle at her controlling you. Just end it. The relationship’s probably too far gone anyway.
(2) She is cheating on you.
(3) Her goals aren’t compatible with yours.
(4) For whatever reason, her life does not fit in well with your life.
(5) You just don’t like her anymore.
(6) She nags and complains at you all the time.
(7) She makes unreasonable demands on your time, attention, money or resources.
When you end it, do so firmly and kindly. Just say something like “I don’t want to date you anymore.” That’s all you have to do. If you want to tell her why, tell her succinctly with not a lot of explanation. Don’t offer to let her “change”. Don’t hold out the possibility of “getting back together”. Just end it if that’s what you have decided needs to be done. And remember: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER WOMAN.
and to his daughter………
I know you’ve talked to you mom about boys and sex. Now I want you to listen to me.
All of what your mom told you is, I am sure, well and good. But I want to tell you about the nature of men and women.
What I am about to tell you is not a judgment about you, about men, or about women. It is about our human natures. It is not good or evil, right or wrong. These are immutable facts of human nature. They cannot be changed or abolished.
Men and women are different. Men want sexual variety. You will appear attractive to many men. To men, most women — including you — will be at least somewhat attractive. But to you, most men don’t show up on your radar screen. They just don’t. You simply will not see most men as attractive. You will see a few as attractive sexually, some other men as “friends”. The vast majority of men will be simply invisible to you.
As a woman, you don’t really much care for sexual variety. What you want is sexual primacy. You want to find the best man you can get. At your core, you are looking for a man who you perceive is better than you are in some way — looks, earning power, educational level, social status, social or workplace dominance.. This is called female hypergamy — the tendency of women to “marry up” or find ever-better men than the ones they saw or had before.
You hold the sex card. That means that you decide who you will have sex with, when, where and under what circumstances. In terms of your value as a woman, the sex card is the trump card. It is the greatest power you have. You must not use or play it capriciously, recklessly, or frequently. For reasons I’ll explain below, you cannot afford to do so.
Men hold the commitment card. This means the man decides on whom he will expend money, time and resources; when they will be expended, how much will be spent, and ultimately when commitment will be provided in the form of exclusivity and marriage. The commitment card is the man’s trump card. It is the greatest power he has. You should not be surprised that he does not use or play it frequently or recklessly. He cannot afford to do so.
The relationships between the sexes have much to do with deployment of these two cards and the tension between them. Women often use their sexual charms to persuade a man to give her time, money, resources and ultimately, commitment in the form of a long term relationship or marriage. By contrast, men often dollop out commitment and resources in ever increasing amounts (or, mistakenly, all at once) in an effort to get the woman to have sex with him. A woman must do two things for relationship happiness and success: Attract the man, and keep the man. Initial attractiveness depends on these things, in this order: Looks, age, and chastity. Keeping a man means you have to bring more to the table than just your body. You will need to cultivate a pleasing, interesting personality.
APPEARANCE. Your attractiveness to men begins and ends with your physical appearance. I am sorry, daughter, but this is the way it is. You must do all you can to improve your physical appearance.
1. Keep your weight down. It is not fair that women are judged more harshly than men for weight issues, but they are. Excess weight is the most challenging attractiveness issue women face. Many women could improve their physical appearance greatly if they would simply lose weight, or keep their weight at a reasonable level.
To put it bluntly, don’t get fat.
2. Learn to wear tastefully applied makeup that works for your skin tone and facial structure.
3. Get a good hairstyle that works for your facial structure and body type. Long hair is more appealing to men than short hair.
4. Don’t smoke. Don’t drink to excess. Don’t use illegal drugs. All that partying ages a woman.
5. Learn to dress well for your body type. Wear clothes that flatter your body type.
Get help from a fashion consultant or cosmetologist if you need it.
AGE: You will be more attractive in your teens and 20s than at any other time in your life. I do not care what anyone else has told you. All other things being equal, you will be more physically appealing at age 20 than at age 40. Nearly all women at age 20 have some level of physical appeal. They have smooth skin, they don’t have a lot of excess weight, and they probably have not yet endured the body-changing experience of childbirth. As you get older, you will become less attractive even if you take good care of yourself. It is simply a fact that your physical appeal and attractiveness will decline sharply between the ages of 30 and 45. A woman at 20 is much, much more attractive than she is at age 30, even if she has taken good care of herself and kept her weight down. Her attractiveness only decreases further at age 40, all other things being equal.
If you want children, it will be much easier to carry and bear them in your 20s than in your 30s or 40s. I do not care what anyone else has told you. It is better for women to have finished bearing children by age 35. You have a much better chance of having healthy children, and fewer health risks to yourself, if you have them in your 20s rather than later. Not only that, once you have the children, you will spend the next 20 years raising them. Better to have them sooner rather than later so you have the health and stamina to raise them.
CHASTITY: The fewer sex partners you have had, the more attractive to men you will be. Conversely, your attractiveness decreases as your partner count increases. I don’t care what you have heard from anyone else. A man does not want to be a woman’s 20th sex partner for any reason other than to have sex with her. (When it comes to sex, every man wants to be Captain Kirk: he wants to boldly come where no man has come before.) He certainly will be far less inclined to view her as relationship material. Men can tell which women have had a lot of sexual experience and which have not. The more men a woman has sex with, the less attractive she will find the man she ultimately marries (that’s if she can find one to marry her after so many partners). Studies show that women with high partner counts are higher risks for divorce. As her partner count increases, so too does the likelihood of unplanned pregnancy or contracting an STD. Don’t think you can beat the odds. You can’t. If you decide to have sex with lots of attractive men, your attractiveness will decline with each new partner. Even if you don’t get pregnant or contract an STD, your higher partner count makes you less attractive to men for anything other than sex. As you get older and remain unattached or unmarried, you will find it increasingly difficult to attract men. Before you know it, you will have squandered your most attractive years on men who would not give you the commitment you were trying to extract from them. You played your trump card; you showed your entire hand. And you are the one who has lost out.
The sexual marketplace puts different values on male and female sexual experiences. For men, increasing sexual experience boosts their confidence. For women, high partner numbers tend to harden and coarsen women. For reasons I’m about to explain, a coarse, cynical, jaded outlook on life is not what you want to cultivate when looking to attract and keep a man.
PERSONALITY, BEARING AND DEMEANOR: To keep a man, you must offer more than looks, age and chastity. You must cultivate a pleasant personality. Optimism, cheerfulness and an upbeat outlook are key here. Men don’t want a pessimist, or a woman who complains and nags. Be kind, pleasant, optimistic and nondemanding. This is not to say that your needs are not important. They are. Just recognize that his needs are important too. Your wants and needs do not always come first.
Don’t be crass, rude, vulgar, profane, sarcastic or caustic. Don’t complain about his hobbies or interests. Men absolutely hate it when their women complain, grouse, or bother them about things. Men absolutely hate being around a pessimistic woman who can’t find anything good about her life, her circumstance, the people around her, or herself. Men do not like gossiping, sniping or sarcasm from women. Most of all, men absolutely do not want to be with women who act like, talk like or look like men.
INTERACTIONS WITH MEN: Men display themselves to women. Women choose men based on the displays they see. Thus, you will be the one doing the choosing. Men will approach you and talk to you, chat you up. Almost all the time, it is because they want to get to know you with the ultimate goal of having sex with you. They are not talking to you for intellectual stimulation or to befriend you. They want to have sex with you.
You will not find most of these men attractive. You will have to reject the vast majority of them. A simple “I’m not interested” will suffice. Be kind. Do the rejection in private if you can. If you can’t, do it as quietly and discreetly as possible.
The men you will find attractive will be those who display confidence, power, charisma, and dominance. Just recognize that most other women will also find these same men attractive. There will be other women who will be better at attracting these men than you are. If you deploy sex to “get” these men and beat out other women, then about the only thing you can reasonably expect from these men is sex.
In relationships with men you will be governed mostly by your feelings, while men look to their thought processes and judgments. This is not a bad thing; it just is. Don’t make decisions based on feelings or your girlfriends’ judgments.
You will “fitness test” men. You will challenge them to see if they can stand up to you. If he gives you everything you want, he will have “failed” the test and you will see him as less and less attractive. If he ignores your tests or changes them back to you, he will have “passed” in your eyes.
It is your natural tendency to try to control your man and get him to do what you want. But if your man complies with your demands you will find him less attractive, because:
1. It’s boring
2. it’s predictable
3. he’s needy
Men have a tendency to try to “be nice” to women, because society tries to pound this message into men’s thought processes. The men you will find most attractive are not those who are “nice”, but those who are independent and who don’t seem to need you. A man who professes to “need” you probably has a lot of issues you don’t want to get tangled up in.
Signs of a needy guy or “nice” guy:
1. Buys you a gift or flowers on the first date or right afterwards
2. Spends exorbitant amounts of money on your dates
3. Contacts you the very next day for another date
4. Tells you first that he loves you
5. Wants sex right away, or wants to have sex every time he sees you
6. Asks for permission to kiss you or make sexual moves
7. Does everything you ask, when you ask, every time you ask
8. Constantly asks “are you OK” or “is everything all right” or “are you mad at me”
You will need to break up with a man at some point. When this happens, the best way to break up with him is to simply say “I don’t want to date you anymore.” That’s it. That’s all you have to do. The reasons you will break up are:
1. He’s seeing other girls and you don’t want that
2. He’s no longer attractive
3. He’s not as attractive as you thought he was
4. He’s making sexual demands or moves before you are ready
5. His life plan and goals are not compatible with yours
6. You just don’t like him anymore
If a relationship is over, don’t spend any more time on it. Get out of it. If a date did not go well and you don’t want a second date, make sure you turn him down if he asks.”
Attractive traits vs. desirable traits
The genesis of this idea was a debate at Badger’s a long time ago.
There’s a difference between traits women find attractive, on the one hand; and characteristics that women by and large find desirable, on the other.
Traits women find desirable tend to be loyalty, fidelity, honor, steadfastness, kindness and dignity. These are things women want for an LTR and certainly for marriage. But try as she might, no woman can talk herself into attraction to such traits. These characteristics typically become apparent to a woman after attraction is established.
Traits women find attractive are confidence, dominance, poise, charisma, and displays of power and authority. These are the quintessential things that bring the tingle, so to speak.
It’s important to remember: first comes attraction, then comes desirability. Without it, the desirable traits are never seen. First the man must be confident and dominant. Then and only then can the woman see the remaining desirable traits.
Male Emotional Availability: Desirable, but not Attractive-
Men need emotional connections. We get connected emotionally to people (wives, girlfriends, family, close friends) and sometimes things (work, hobbies). Men also from time to time need emotional suppport. A job loss, difficulty at work, emotional pain, the death of a loved one, frustration about anything, are things all men must endure. You can show your heart to your woman. Just don’t expect her to find it attractive.
It’s a myth that women are attracted to the so-called “sensitive man”. Emotional availability is a desirable trait, but it does not generate attraction. Women by and large see sensitive, emotional men as weak, feminine and unable to protect them. The last thing a man should do with a woman he’s dating is excessive display of emotions, especially fear, anger, frustration, sadness or pain. These are enormous attraction killers in the embryonic stages of a relationship. A woman does not want to give emotional support to a man unless he is her husband. Even then when she gives that emotional support, don’t expect there to be attraction while she does it.
Men, this is one reason why you keep your cadre of male friends. You don’t ditch them when you get with a new girl. You need your male friends to help pull you through when things are down. The fewer negative emotions you display, the greater the attraction your woman will have for you. I would not recommend showing heavy negative emotions to any woman but a wife. Emoting all over a GF will threaten her attraction and thus the relationship. Certainly, don’t show any negative emotions at all to a new girl.
Men, guard your hearts and reveal them only to the most trusted people in your lives. Your women and your relationships will thank you for it.
Ten Things Women Can Do Right Now to Improve Their Attractiveness
1. Learn how to make one meal. Spaghetti with a meat sauce, a vegetable, a salad, and a white wine. Simple and fast. Then move on to the dishes Danny has listed in previous posts.
2. Improve the makeup you wear. Find a look that works for you and that you’re comfortable with.
3. Start growing your hair out.
4. If you are not sexually promiscuous, don’t start. If you are, stop. Stop right now.
5. Take a mental inventory of who you are and your life experiences. What is interesting about you? What do you like to do? What do you find interesting?
The idea is that you’re trying to find things about you that you can offer a man besides physical appearance. Your appearance and allure will attract a man, but what then? You must be able to offer something aside from your appearance. Find out what those things are.
6. Stop reading and trying to implement sex and relationship advice from women’s magazines.
7. Compliment every person you see today.
8. Get to bed early tonight and get a good night’s sleep.
9. Get rid of one article of clothing that you like, but you know doesn’t look good on you.
10. Stop eating after 7 pm every night, unless you’re on an evening out.
Ten things Men Can Do Right Now to Improve Their Attractiveness
1. If you’re in a bad relationship that’s going nowhere, end it right now. And then do not talk about her to any woman. If you need to bellyache, do it with a male friend.
2. If you’ve just ended a bad relationship, don’t rush headlong into another one. Be alone and unattached for a while.
3. Hit the gym. You will feel better, look better, and boost your testosterone levels.
4. Buy one new outfit that looks good on you and that you feel comfortable in. New shirt, new slacks, new shoes. Or, if you’re so inclined or your profession requires it, get a new suit, dress shirt and tie. Then give away to a local charity one old outfit that you no longer wear or that you can’t wear any longer.
5. Do something you’ve never done before, either alone or with a friend. Then talk about it to the next woman you see. (Make sure your chosen activity is legal and can be discussed in mixed company.)
6. Find one new male friend who understands Game. Sharpen him, and let him sharpen you.
7. Make conversation with the women around you. Move beyond “How are you?” “Fine.” Say something else. Change it up.
8. Pay attention to details: Your nails. Your haircut. Stray eyebrow or nosehairs. Your teeth. Your breath. Deal with them.
9. Take a road trip to someplace you’ve never been before. Then bring it up in conversation to the next woman you see.
10. Clean your house/apartment and keep it picked up.