Mary the Cavewoman

had a little chat with one of the guys in the ER last night. long story short, he came on too strong too early after he got some IOI’s and she quit talking to him. “i’m so sick of women man, they’re just fucking impossible.” the poor lad lamented. he’s 23, the woman he spoke of is a cute 19 year old girl in his barracks. oooooh if i had a dollar for every time i’ve heard a guy say these very words. hell i WAS this guy when i first joined this wonderful navy. i told him my “caveman analogy” story. i told this same story to the young lady that didn’t give me her number that i wrote about a while ago. said woman listened, mouth slightly agape and would smile and nod from time to time.

“women always have and always will be attracted to the same thing in men.” i pointed out to the fellow. now, for purely entertainment purposed our lovely miss Mary will be the protagonist in this tale. Mary is a young cavewoman with her family in their village doing whatever the fuck cavewomen do, and she’s reached the age where she can choose a mate. she’s beginning to feel the urge to fulfill her biological impulses. she has a STRONG desire to have her own child. she’s now taking extra notice of the available men in her village. she spots one, a man she’s ALWAYS adored, he’s a big man…tall, muscular, powerful looking. he’s coming back to the village carrying a saber tooth tiger. she recalls how bravely he fought in a raid on her village  Mary is absolutely melting with desire. he leaves the animal at his dwelling for his sister to dress and he joins the other men. then she notices something. the men don’t seem to take him seriously, he’s slightly ridiculed. she’s perplexed…this man could CRUSH the others. but he remains quiet, and the men just seem to ALLOW him to remain in their presence. for some strange reason, her attraction wanes. would her children be pariahs as well….maybe she should look elsewhere.

then she notices one of the men in the group that seems to stand out. he’s not all that big in stature, but he appears to command a great deal of respect among the other men. he’s physically attractive, but only slightly taller than the demure Mary. then she remembers the raid, and how the other men had him hide to avoid injury. and he never hunts. she thinks to herself, “will my son also be a weak boy, unable to defend himself and his wife? how will he feed me? hmmm.” she’s beginning to feel frustrated.

then she notices one of the other men approaching the village. he’s not that tall, but definitely taller than she is. he’s got a decent build, and he’s carrying with him a deer, and various fish he must have caught. she watches as he brings the game to his mother, father, and sister. he joins the men, they all greet him and he seems well liked by the others. he stands his ground, he jokes and play fights with a few of the other men. she remembers the raid and how he did in fact fight with the other men to defend the village. then she recalls one of the other women complimenting the man, and now the claws come out. “she’s going to claim him, but i think I want him.” she doesn’t realize this man knows the other woman is interested in him, but he’s rejected her. she knows everything she needs to know about this man that will make him an excellent mate: he can feed and protect her, her child will be accepted by the others, and this man obviously cares for his family. all solid qualities that makes her feminine side rage with desire. She and caveman dreamboat end up partners and soon her biological imperative’s have been met. she’s a happy and content mother and wife.

i went on to tell the guy that these four qualities (social dominance, strength, and the ability to protect and provide) ALWAYS build attraction in a woman. now, i know i’m not saying anything that probably hasn’t circulated through the manosphere, or hell……even TLC before. maybe a woman can’t look at a man right away and determine these things (hence shit tests)  but they still melt over these 4 qualities.

Bb and mr wonderful were going to be the cave couple in here but she actually has a life and i didn’t feel like waiting for her approval to use her trademarked handle without permission. lol. i don’t think Mary will mind being a cave woman for 10 minutes.  and if she does, i’m pretty sure she knows how to find me and will swiftly locate me and slit my throat. so if i quit posti…….

12 Comments on “Mary the Cavewoman”

  1. Bellita says:

    This post could have the alternative title “Marry the Cavewoman” and be about why a man should choose the woman who understands the value of those four qualities and doesn’t try to rationalize them away.

  2. Mary says:

    You have no idea how much that ending sentence made me burst out laughing. Well played, good sir. Well played.

    And the post is right on. At first I was thinking over the first caveman example and going, “Well, wait now…”
    And then I realized that no, wanting to go over to the odd man out is purely charity and isn’t a good start on either side. He may be the odd man out for a reason. And not defending himself even verbally may indicate an extremely passive nature–which would make sense in high school, but not in a grown-ass man.

  3. Y says:

    Good stuff.

    Worth noting that a lot of this can be indirectly communicated by taking bold (calibrated) action in the direction you want things to go.

  4. dannyfrom504 says:

    Bell- very true. Would you use this same example to choose a mate.

    ASF- no, not “marry” a cavewoman. Lol. But my dyslexia was finally able to see your POV.
    [edit- i’m retarded. i know what you meant now.]

    Mary- why do you think I added the last line. Lol. You’ve given me the impression you’re: practical, sweet, inquisitive, nurturing, has certain standards. Add that to the fact that you are woman on your early 20’s, hell… could easily be a single cave woman. And…..a single cave woman that belly dances. Ooh-la-la. Lol.

    And you’re right about a “grown ass man”. But I’ve seen and known men like this. They’re out there.

  5. So, what do women really want?

    Not to be eaten by a saber-tooth tiger.


    Of course, in our more civilized world, the saber-tooth tiger is a metaphor for poverty or the inability to take care of children and/or self.

    I have been told that Oprah Winfrey is so terrified of the saber-tooth tiger that she keeps a huge stash of cash hidden away so she can battle the tiger on her own. Ex-wife #1 confided to me that her worst nightmare was to become homeless. That was her metaphor for being eaten by the tiger.

    Hmmmm, I feel a righteous blog post coming on…

  6. […] Seriously, I mean that. (Hat tip to Danny) […]

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