All the single ladies…Dalrock’s version.

Dalrock is ALWAYS on point and i’m not on his site nearly as often as i should be. he recently posted a great piece about how feminism has yet again fucked over women in relationships.

http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/unwed-mother-blame-feminism/

i’ve posted more than once about feminism and the ill effect’s it’s had. so much so that i won’t even talk about it any more, it’s moot. i really wanted to keep all my recent posts about New Orleans and all my exploits here, but sorry…….Dalrock’s post was too good. if you’re a woman and read this blog (and i KNOW i have a few of you reading), do yourself a favor and nose around his site, he’s a veritable treasure trove of relationship advice.

stay up.


12 Comments on “All the single ladies…Dalrock’s version.”

  1. Bellita says:

    I like Dalrock, too, but not his commenters, so I’ll comment here instead.

    I know a woman who has split up with her husband and is effectively (if not legally) single. She’s actually very close to me and I love her, but she has stopped talking to me about her ex-husband and her relationship woes because I keep challenging her “script.” That script is that her ex-husband “ruined her life.” (That’s an actual quote.) My retort is always, “You ruined your own life!”

    On Dalrock’s thread, Deti wrote: “there are things a woman can do to assess whether a man is or might become an addict, abusive, irresponsible or a cheater.” I’d like to go through his list with respect to this woman’s husband . . .

    1. Does he have a history of addiction?

    Yes! Illegal drugs in college. I’m not sure which ones, but it was the late 70s/early 80s period, so fill in the blank with whatever was popular in those days.

    2. Has he been married before?

    Yes! In fact, the woman started dating him and became engaged to him before that first marriage was legally annulled. (And having revealed that, I’ve totally proven the responsibility thesis and could stop now . . . but of course I’ll go on.)

    3. What’s his employment/educational history?

    He had to drop out of college due to causes related to the drugs he was taking at the time. He never went back to complete his degree. I’m not the type to idolize degrees, but where we live, they’re kind of a requirement to anyone who wants a professional career. (Having worked in education, I’m not crazy about that, either, but never mind me.) This man had over a decade between the time he dropped out and the time he started a family with this woman to get the degree he would have needed to get a job that would have let him earn a reasonable middle class salary.

    4. What’s his family history?

    His parents separated when he was a teenager. But in fairness to him, this is more and more common these days, and I don’t know whether we can assume that broken homes still mean broken character. Also, this man is very close to his siblings. When the cracks started showing in his marriage, his siblings were the first to give his wife a hard time about it.

    5. Does he have any male friends?

    This is the strongest thing in his favor. When he and this woman were dating, he could introduce her to friends whom he met in nursery school. They were great men, many of whom have stable marriages. I know some of them myself, although we’re not really “friends” because they’re a bit older than I.

    6. Does he like to do things outside of work?

    No hobbies at all . . . unless you count watching TV.

    7. How open is he with you about his past?

    When they split up, I asked this woman about her ex-husband’s childhood. She couldn’t answer a single question. I don’t know if it was because he never wanted to talk about it or because she never cared to ask. In fairness to him again, she’s not the kind of woman who’d care to ask.

    8. How does he react to stress?

    During the first year of their marriage, she called her father in tears to come and pick her up because she and her ex-husband had had a fight and he had smashed things in the kitchen. (Not just glasses, but also appliances.) The fight was about her driving. She was nine months pregnant at the time and he told her that he didn’t want her driving because if she went into labor behind the wheel, she might get into an accident. She took the car anyway without telling him, he found out because of the way it was parked, and the fight ensued. But I’m not sure whether there were red flags indicating this during the courtship stage.

    9. How long have you known him?

    This is a gray area, but that doesn’t make it any better. They met in college but didn’t get married until thirteen years later, so it seems as if they had known each other a long time. But he went to work in another country soon after he dropped out, and there was a long stretch of time between those early years and their running into each other again. And it couldn’t have been more than four months after that reunion that they got engaged. Less than a year later, they were married.

    And that’s it for Deti’s questions.

    One time, when this woman was feeling even more sorry for herself than usual, she told me, “You’re lucky you’re single. Never get married, okay?” And I said, “I can still get married. I just have to choose better than you did.”

    I truly believe that people can change, mature and transcend their circumstances, but that doesn’t change the fact that bad bets are bad bets.

    • Jennifer says:

      “I like Dalrock, too, but not his commenters”

      Amen.

    • Looking Glass says:

      Dalrock tends to switch between “nice” and “strident”, so his comments section can get really rough.

      Doesn’t mean he wasn’t right in this post, but we are kind of to the point in society to saying things that are truthful in a non-“nice” way is responded to just because you weren’t “nice” about it.

      Granted, I’m used to having to soft-pedal my own thoughts to people, in real life, but that’s more because people can’t keep up. But, if you don’t want to get into the comments section, I can’t blame you. Wild west in there, haha.

      • Bellita says:

        I actually did get into a thread once. It wasn’t a bad experience. But the one I was actually addressing (Dalrock) didn’t respond to my comment and people I didn’t know from Adam thought I was engaging them. And in a sense, I was. Dalrock’s blog gets so busy that it sometimes doubles as a chat room. Besides, he can’t respond to every last comment (and doesn’t seem like the type of blogger who would do so, even if he could).

        But since he’s the only one there I actually want to say anything to, and there’s no guarantee he’ll reply, I see no point in joining any more conversations there.

  2. dannyfrom504 says:

    Mahal-
    “I can still get married. I just have to choose better than you did.”

    perfect. that’s the best answer you could have posted.

    there’s a reason i posted this. a VERY real reason.

    but let’s be honest, Deti is ALWAYS on point.

  3. Dalrock says:

    Thanks for the kind words and the linkage!

  4. rmaxd says:

    Yea theres no susan walsh to mollycoddle, team woman batting feminists like deti bellita etc. on dalrocks site

    Why are you guys commenting on sites in the manosphere anyway, walshs site i can understand, do you guys really have to pollute sites like this with your feminist drivel?

    You guys rarely understand the issues being discussed & when you do its always followed by some inane feminist influenced comment

    Wouldnt you guys be more productive if you discussed topics picked up on mra sites, on open minded feminist sites, places where the ideas need to be discussed, & then address the issues raised on mra sites or forums

    Seriously if you guys cant handle criticism, ie like most women, suck it up, blogs & sites especially mra sites worth their salt, will never mollycoddle you guys, no whiteknights or feminists to rescue you from concepts such as objective debate & common sense … words foreign to most women …

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      i approved your comment since i want everyone to speak their minds, however….politeness counts.

      Deti guest’s posts here (because i agree with 99% of his advice) and i’m a friend of Bellita’s. both readers have been polite and engaged in talks on this and other blogs in a mature and polite manner.

      i’ve been to Dalrock’s site and happen to agree with his point of view (which is why he’s linked here). i’ve read the comments and it can get pretty out of control (just like on Susan’s site….whom i’m friends with).

      i think we NEED to have these discussions, but in order to be productive….it needs to be polite and respectful. you have toed a line of JUST SHORT of disrespect. so i will you ask you (if you decide to post here) to follow the only rule i have here: PLAY nice.

      • rmaxd says:

        This is what im talking about, what ppl like deti bellita etc., & presuming yourself call polite isnt polite, its simply mollycoddling designed to cut off any form of real constructive criticism

        I could easily point out any number of feminist & misandrist drivel by the ppl listed above, & if posted on a site such as the spearhead or roissys site, they would be more then called out for it

        If your going to give license to self affirmed moronic feminists & misandrists & call yourself part of the manosphere, expect to be called out on it, just dont expect ppl to play nice for the hypocrisy

        Im all for an objective well thought out debate or constructive criticism, I DONT PLAY NICE when it comes to ppl who go out of their way to distort the truth or white knight

        Theres NOTHING disrespectful for telling it like it is, if i really wanted to be disrespectful i wldnt have bothered posting anything in the first place

        If you want to white knight for the above, be my guest, just dont expect your visitors to PLAY NICE … lol

        Btw i just happened to be passing by & couldnt help notice the gruesome above from walshs site & in all seriousness i dont see anything really insulting or hurtful in my commentary above

        Unless you’re implying they cant handle some likelihood of criticism & you’re need of white knighting for them …

        Seriously you really dont want to use kid gloves, or mollycoddle feminists, or team woman batting women, their inanity gets worse the more you tolerate their craziness

        Unless you’re into that sort of thing, im all for freedom of crazy, it is after all highly entertaining …

      • Looking Glass says:

        Let me put it this way:

        Joe McCarthy was perfectly accurate in his assessment of Soviet infiltration. But he let his staff get out of hand, which lead to a very nasty backlash. Decorum is always important, it doesn’t matter what your subject is. It’s one of those important social conventions that, while culturally set, exists across cultures.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        rmaxd-

        Good Sir. this is the last post of your’s i’ll allow. i RARELY get comments with your amount of piss and vinegar. call me a white-knight (that’s so cute) or whatever. just know this…..

        i gave you a chance to engage MY blog with meaningful discussion and you took a less than favorable route. Guh-bye. stay off my blog, i don’t want/need you here.


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