Speaking too soon……Mea Culpa

Integrity is a big deal to me, thats why i blog openly. i go to great pains to be as accurate and descriptive in my posts and comments. i feel i owe it to those of you taking the time to read this be given a fair look into the inner working of myself. i have successes AND failures. well, i was recently posting about myself and SHC’s possible romance. while i respect her privacy, i will touch on her personal crap just enough to convey how it relates to ME. i will answer no questions about her here or in private. so here goes.

i met SHC WAAAAAY back in 8th grade. had a huge crush on her. used to go to her house nearly everyday.  never made a move. she also had a crush on me…..but she’s a girl, i need to make the first move. needless to say nothing ever occured between us outside of pent-up teen age attraction. she ended up crushing on a friend of mine. well one of my best female friends dated him all throughout high school (i moved to texas after sophmore year….this girl is the only person who knew i moved), and spent her ENTIRE senior year  trying to break up with guy. after a year of stalking and harassing, he FINALLY quit bothering her. he turned his sights to SHC. she’s been married to him for over 15 years. he’s still the same guy he was then and she’s MISERABLE in her marriage, even claims she’s no longer in love with him. well i really don’t know how we starting talking but we’ve been FB friends forever, RARELY spoke. something happened (and i really can’t recall what…..i think she mentioned something about her mother remembering me) and she and i started talking, and talking, and talking. feelings developed. she talked about leaving the hubby and needing to start over. WE were never discussed although we admitted feeling for each other. then, suddenly she announced plans that she was in fact leaving him and we talked about “us” to which i simply said, “there’s IS no us if you’re married. move on with you life and we’ll see what’s happens. but you need to concentrate on yourself first.” this was when i started to develop stronger  feeling for her.

ok look. go ahead and get the cliche’ slinging out of your system. i can wait.

you good? great.

well, she DIDN’T leave him (surprise surprise) and she went in super hamster mode. on my end it was simple: i deleted her from FB and quit talking to her all together. even her mother sided with me and my decision (not that it REALLY mattered). well….about 3-4 months ago. she tried talking to me. i really can’t recall how we started talking again, but we did. again…she’s SO UNHAPPY in her marriage (she claims, and i believe her. i KNOW she is), and now she realizes she really does have to leave him (and not to be with me, but to be happy again…for HERSELF) and she says she’s planning on moving in with her mother until she can get on her feet, she’s trying to find an apartment, and she “feeling like she’s living with a friend, not a partner). her marriage is…..well….i won’t go into it, but it’s not good (although she’s not battered…..don’t worry). so again things move to the topic of the possibility of “us”. and she says she’s can’t imagine a life that doesn’t have me in it, and she didn’t realize i was hurt by the first encounter (because i acted so “calm” and “brushed her off so easily”) but now she realizes REALLY wants t be with me.

well, strap yourselves in kids, she told him about her plans to leave and somehow my name was mentioned. i got 2 threatening messages from him (relax…he’s a paper tiger) and she’s removed from my FB (probably for the best but i know SHE didn’t do it). we haven’t spoken for about 3 days and i suspect we won’t. now, i will say, that whatever happens i truly hope she musters the strength she’ll need to leave him. i mean….seriously, she fucking miserable. but….that’s all on her.

however, the whole situation has left me a bit deflated and sullen; however…..it’s my own damn fault and i fully acknowledge that. i accept my responsibility for my actions and decisions. but at the end of the day, i need to take care of ME first. i decided to post this out of fairness. to show that whatever know-how i have of women and whatever success i may have with said know-how. i still fuck up time to time. it’d be pretty pompous of me to post all the good shit and not address the mistakes. thus, the mea culpa.

no need to worry, the sunny fellow that usually posts will not doubt return shortly. just give me a moment to wallow in my Ducky moment for a little bit. i’ll soon gain the perspective that i need (hell….it’s actually staring me in the face)  and will be back on my feet. but fpr the moment, i’m licking some minor wounds.

17 Comments on “Speaking too soon……Mea Culpa”

  1. Bellita says:

    I’m so sorry, Danny. 😦

  2. ASF says:

    Way too much unnecessary drama for you. Maybe you should point her hubby to Athol’s site. Wouldn’t that be funny?

  3. Looking Glass says:


    You might want to offer sending the guy the Book. He needs it.

    And Old, Unrequited Flames have this way under your skin you don’t even realize. It’s kind of irritating, in some ways.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      LG- actually I spoke to her mom, and I’m good. Seriously. It stung sure, but mom said they were acting like newlyweds. Obviously those 2 are actually perfect for each other. He needs a victim and she needs to be abused. Sad, that’s not my idea of relationship. So I’ll look elsewhere.

      Sent from my iPhone

    • Looking Glass says:

      Haha, you got used as a prop. 🙂

      But, trust me, I feel for ya. I pretty much acted the part of relationship prop in my LTR. So, in hindsight, I definitely know the feeling.

  4. allie says:

    Booh 😦

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Nah, it’s cool. It stung for a second. But whatev’s.

      I never got people that do nothing but bitch and moan about their situation being fucked up, naming specifics in their life that bother them, them doing nothing to change it.

      If that’s her true colors I have no use for a woman like that. So hasta….

  5. Augh. That’s just fucked up (their marriage).
    I’m sorry. LG sure said it about old flames.

    • Looking Glass says:

      I figured out the old flame thing when I was chatting with a whole lot of friends from high school. The girl I took to prom my senior year still mentions it to people every now and then. Which I found odd (but, I can put on the ritz really well, was a great time), but it made me wonder if maybe there are people in my history that could cause problems. (I could cause her some, but she’s married and I wasn’t really ever in to her, she was just a friend)

      I realized there is 1 girl from high school that, due to that “unrequited” part, could crack me in probably a week. It’d be hard to come to my senses if she had proximity and showed heavy interest.

      I was actually very annoyed at this realization. I don’t like having holes in my defenses, haha.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        “I was actually very annoyed at this realization. I don’t like having holes in my defenses, haha.”

        This resonated with me. I’m the same way, she wasn’t so much a former flame since we never did anything. We have a history, but there’s definitely attraction. In the end, her issues got the better of her and I’m done. I’m no one’s emotional tampon.

        Sent from my iPhone

  6. just visiting says:

    I’m sorry to hear about that. It’s probably just as well, as leaving one man for another doesn’t allow her to process things properly. It sounds like she will eventually leave him, but it would be best for her to have some space between relationships. If only to try and figure out what part she played in a dysfunctional dynamic, and fix it.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      well, she KNOWS what part she’s playing. this time around i was able to ascertain what her trip is. and with that….she’s dead to me. and she knows that.

      i wish her the best but statistically….if she’s done this for this long and she know’s her marriage is that bad and she STILL stays, she’ll never leave. and again this marriage is pretty much her ONLY relationship experience.

  7. Mulligan says:

    Been there, done that, got the t-shirts. You may not realize it but you just dodged a bullet, as in 50 cal. Divorce puts your brain in a blender, adds salt, and cranks it up to purée. It NEVER works out like people think it will.

    BTW, LOVE your blog and appreciate your openness. It takes guts to do what you’re doing.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      i don’t know as far as dodging a bullet. she’s actually a VERY decent girl. i didn’t have nefarious intentions for her. thus the relationship could have been decent, then as we work through her crap….we’d see if it had wings. but she’s the loser in this, not me. she KNOWS i’m better for her, she’s just got this dysfunction that won’t allow her to leave.

      so…..i didn’t dodge shit, she hit the jackpot, just decided not to cash in. her loss.

  8. […] happily married and a mother of 2 teens, and she’s sweet as all hell. since posting  https://dannyfrom504.wordpress.com/2011/10/29/speaking-too-soon-the-mea-culpa/ , it has been viewed almost 90 times making it my second most viewed post all week. well, the girl […]

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