House of Shock…..Posted: October 31, 2011
the girls i met (they were a 2 set)……
hit that bitch last night. i left later than i wanted to. got there at just AFTER 9. BIG mistake. i figured there’d be a line and there was. bought my ticket and i could hear the stage show was already playing. for those of you that DON’T know, the HOS does a live show 2-3 times each night. there’s a guy that comes on first and does various fucked up things to himself (go to the website, i don’t feel like writing about it): http://www.houseofshock.com/ after he’s done, the movies come back on (they run clips of REALLY good old horror films on projection screens as you wait in line) and then…suddenly…..POW!!!!!! fireworks go off (scaring the shit out of you…alicia and dana both jumped behind me) and the fire comes on. STAGE SHOW HAS BEGUN.
oh alicia and dana. ok. here goes. i got there late. my plan was to get a ticket and come back monday if the line was too long. it was too long. BUUUUT…..i noticed 2 cute (very cute) girls at the end of the line. i figured…..”ok, what the hell. let’s see what could happen here.” i got in line behind them. i was wearing my typical HOS attire. my misfits T-shirt, jeans, old tennis shoes (it’s pretty bad in the HOS, don’t wanna scuff my true religion kicks.), and skeleton gloves. i was behind them for a good 10 minutes when the topic of the line came up. i chimed in, “we haven’t even gotten to the main queue. we’ve probably got over an hour to wait. both looked at me and the Spanish looking one (Alicia) said, “are you serious?” i nodded and explained how the place worked. we talked for a bit, i found out there were visiting from Connecticut. Alicia’s parent’s lived here (and over an hour away from NO) and they SWORE when they came down they were “going to see how scary this haunt is.” i laughed at both of them. “HAHAHAHAHA!!!! you 2 are sooo cute. you have NO idea what you’re in for.” they both looked serious, “have you been here before?”, Alicia asked. i informed them that i have friends working inside, and my attire is so they recognize me and up the scare tactic (this wasn’t a line btw….i’m serious. lol). what followed was a discussion about NO and a brief chat about each girl and her story (again…..i knew they were together so i made DAMN SURE to keep the convo 50-50 with each girl. now……i was digging dana. but i noticed something…..she kept behind alicia. ok. mental note). we learn there’s a 2 hour wait. i would have bailed but since i had an active set, i stayed. this would be MUCH more entertaining than bailing and sitting at laketown having a beer.
we were finally close t0 entering and the stage show came on. scared the FUCK out of us when it did too. and not just me….EVERYONE in that damn queue JUMPED and cowered. here’s a taste….
2011’s stage show, i didn’t have room on my phone to record the whole thing. the pyrotechnics CANNOT be described. you HAVE to be there to understand it. the 3 of us were in the third queue line. i had WARNED them to get behind me before the final pyro. when the last flames lit after ONE SECOND, both girls grabbed me and hid their faces against my back. i was shielding my face from the heat. YES, it’s THAT fucking hot.
look, i go to this bitch every year that i can. this trip makes 2 consecutive visits. the girls (they were with me by this point) were BOTH apprehensive about going in. but….they wanted to tough it out. i told them, “just stand behind me. you HAVE TO KEEP WALKING. DO NOT, let the actors see they are scaring you. that just feeds them on. laugh when they scare you, and keep moving.” i might as well have told a baby bot to cry. they both said they wanted to go with me behind them as per we were in the queue. well….after the stage show, they opened the line back up. this year they kept the gates open and let a steady stream into the HOS. usually they let groups of 20 in, shut the gates, wait 10 minutes, let 20 more….rinse repeat. as we made our way to the gate. the girls jumped behind me. *giggle* “you go first Danny.” i told them to relax and stay RIGHT behind me. Dana stood behind Alicia, and Alicia kept a hand on me (this was the running theme for the ENTIRE walk-through….Alicia ALWAYS held on to me and Dana held onto Alicia). as we made our way in. i was calm cool and ready for a GREAT show. the girls were fucking pissing themselves. i’m not gonna lie to you. HOS is a fucking SERIOUS and SCARY AS ALL HELL attraction. it ROUTINELY ranks in the top 5 haunts in the country. you WILL be grabbed and corened if you go in. ESPECIALLY if you’re a cute girl. of course, i didn’t tell them that. lol. every time i hit a corner and saw an actor, i pointed behind me and said, “tourist’s, first time here” and the actors hit Alicia and Dana HARD. i was fucking dying in laughter. once, an actor cornered alicia and she froze. i walked over, put my arm over the actor’s shoulsder and said, “it’s ok Alicia, you’re fine. take my hand.” she did and the actor stepped aside. he looked at me, my t-shirt, nodded, and moved on to a new victim. as we got back into the line Alicia WRAPPED HERSELF around me. lol.
the next 20 minutes went the same way. they’d get a step behind me, someone would hit them, and Alicia would be wrapped around me. Alicia got so scared that she stepped on Dana’s foot and Dana was limping for a good few minutes. she assured me she was fine so we kept on. we made it out. and the girls were so cute. i asked them what they thought and they both agreed that it was a VERY intense haunt, and WELL worth the $25 cover. as we made our way out, the pain tribe had a display going on. they were hoisting a woman who had 6 hooks inserted into her belly. she was raised a good 4 feet off the ground. i’d have posted a pic but my camera has AIDS and pics in low light are impossible to see. i chatted with girls for a bit more, they were heading home after walking all day and i was going to see if Laura was working or not. i bid the ladies good night and told them to call me tomorrow (yeah i know and fuck you…..i didn’t ask for the number b/c my gut told me it’s best to let these 2 come to me and if i got aggressive i’d push them away. besides they fucking live connecticut. i MIGHT have asked for an email, but i honestly could have cared less. we had our moment, it was fun….move on). i DO kind of regret not walking them to their car. the parking lots were deserted, and as i made my way to my car, i immediately thought, “damn, i should have stayed with the girls.” call it a whiteknight move if you want, but that’s just how i was raised. i didn’t care about gaining any favor with them, i just wanted to make sure they didn’t get accosted. this ends my mentioning the girls. if they call i’ll post more.
anyway. i hit the merch stand. bought a t-shirt and one of allen jaeger’s posters of Eiwahz (a GREAT costume Allan made…..see below). after i bought the shirt a working the merch guy working the stand says to me, “don’t i know you…?” i looked at him. “Allen?”, i replied. he responded, “Yeah. how do we…?” i jumped in, “we’re on FB dickhead.” we were both in the Metairie skate scene. he acknowledged and we caught. i mentioned seeing him in character and he told me he costumed up because Social Distortion (FUCKING SOCIAL DISTORTION) came through and VIP visited. they asked him to costume up so he obliged. ok….you don’t understand. Allen has done Album covers, for skinny puppy, misfits, mortis, and other various bands. he provided artwork to “Thrasher” magazine for a while. wanna see his work……visit: http://www.allenjaeger.com/ his work is TIT’S. well, i mention seeing him in costume (i was told last year he no longer worked HOS) and he dispelled said input. “i’m always here brah, every year.” i mention seeing him with VIP’s and a he told me i should have gotten his attention so i could have gotten the pic i wanted. i replied, “dude, you were in character, i didn’t want to want to out your identity.” he told me to come by tonight so i could get my pic. “Brah, i keep the costume here, i’ll get you a pic, i don’t give a fuck (yeah, we locals are a colorful lot). i’m going to ask him tonight if i can wear the costume (he can’t wear it for extended periods any longer, it’s 30 lbs.) if he does let me wear it, this will be the greatest Halloween of my life. and i WILL have pics of it.
the hell with Dana and Alicia. lol