i’ve been a fan of Patrice O’Neal since 2001 when i first heard him on the Opie and Anthony. as the official funny guy of the manosphere (at least in my own little world i am) none of the other guys really talk to me, so i’m assuming i’m not in the “cool kids club”, but whatev’s. fuck that noise……i’m the Lone Wolf of the “sphere”. and then i had a reader and i thought to myself, “wait….did my wolf pack go up by one? yes i think….” sorry, i digress, it’s best to cut me off REAL QUICK when i trail off. so anyway…..Patrice. he was VERY adored by the Comedian circle, i know because us “O and A” listeners followed the NY comedians. never saw him live, but i would have if he came close to my area. well, the great thing about Patrice was he did A LOT of material about women. he had a long time GF, but some of his material could be construed as a bit misogynistic. but he’s ALWAYS funny.
now, when Patrice was 16 he banged a white girl and she accused him of rape after a kid found out what she’d done and threatened to tell her brother unless she blew him. she said she was raped. Patrice’s mom put him in the trunk and took him to NY (he’s from boston), and finally turned him into authorities. he spent 2 months (i think) in jail. he had been on O and A for YEARS before he finally told this story. and it was his first time EVER telling it.
tomorrow comedy central will be airing his last ever comedy show “elephant in the room” in honor of his tragic passing.
RIP cuddle bear. you’ll be missed. the following are clips from “the black Phillip show” where he gave relationship advice. GREAT show. again…he might rub some of you ladies the wrong way, but if you’ve taken the red-pill…..this makes sense. i heard these shows back in 2006. it’d be interesting to hear what the other male bloggers think of this. i learned A LOT from Dr. Phil. women’s hatred is just like love is GOLD. and you MUST watch the first one. MUST. it’s PURE approach game.
the rape story. it starts about the 5 minute mark. he had NEVER told this story before, and he’d been on the show for over 5 years. it’s VERY explicit. NSFW btw. the first 2 are about the false rape accusation, and the last 3 deal with his time in jail as a 16/17 year old.
i went back into the forest today. i’ve kind of grown fond of spot stalking. instead of finding a spot to set up a blind, i walk slowly….while crouching and staying low, and listening to the forest, checking for droppings and feathers. i work the call every 10-15 minutes, listen and head in the direction of the clucking.
well…..we’re ass deep in deer season. i wandered into the kill zone of 2 deer hunters in tree stands. the first one, racked his antlers together to got my attention. i held up my fist to acknowledge and i headed behind him. about 45 minutes later (and a missed shot at a turkey as well) i heard an owl call above me. i froze and slowly raised my head to the trees. i saw the hunter….then heard a hushed voice, “i can smell you.” FUCK!!!!! i left the forest. i probably spooked most of the deer in the area. see, i’m hunting turkey, turkeys rely mostly on vision and sound. their sense of smell is poor. BUT…….there are many deer-hunters in the area, and i had committed a bit of a faux-pas. i took it as a bad sign and decided to leave the forest, i blame my miss on the etiquette slip. i figured i wasn’t going to bag anything and was due to miss no matter how many turkeys i saw. i left the forest and went home to shower, sleep, and think.
i was going to buy scent gear and scent mask deodorant, when i remembered something my grandfather taught me. i dig a small hole and gather some moss, and set it on fire. i then let the smoke soak into my clothing….especially under my arms and around my groin. i put out the fire and head into the forest. people burn trash and fires in the forest all the time, so the smoke scent doesn’t alert the deer, and to be honest i’d rather smell like burnt moss than milked skunk odor (yes…..you can buy that). this morning was cool, and there wasn’t much wind. i smoked my clothing and went to a tree where i saw some feathers. i sat by a tree about 30 yards away (my longest effective shooting range) and waited for them to un-roost. just as the sun was breaking the horizon, i heard them coming down, the rustling of the trees, the cackling and gobbling. i slowly got up…..took to a knee, housed and arrow and got my call. after about 15 minutes of quiet, i heard a hen. i worked the call (i tried cutting). the strategy is to annoy a hen enough to lure a Tom (or gobbler) in to investigate. the Tom is the target. around 0815 i had a hen coming to me, i clucked more boldly than she did, i was trying to piss her off. she escalated her calls and strutted towards me. i fell silent. she clucked again. i sheepishly purred with the call.
then i waited. i heard the Gobbler, and watched the hen back off. the Tom called, i clucked once. “that’s right, come get some good loving Big Boy.” i yelped and i drew him in about 35-40 yards. i put down the call and grabbed my bow. i did NOT……have much time. i had about a 3-4 minute window. i drew the string. i put the sight pin just to the right of the center of the bird. i took a deep breath……as i slowly exhaled i released the trigger. you need to try and keep the pin on the target even AFTER you release the arrow. the arrow GRAZED the Tom and he screeched an alarm and flew off. DAMMIT!!!!! i backed away and decided i didn’t want to keep at it. i was too pissed to continue. i decided i was going to NOT come back into the woods until i was better at shooting. as i slowly walked back and i heard, “not bad” whispered from a tree-stand. i looked up and nodded. i checked out at the game station, the warden asked me how i did, and i told him the tale. “been doing this long Son?” he asked. i answered, “no Sir. this was my third trip out.” he gave me some encouraging words and told me he liked the idea of the smoke scent mask.
i went home, took a shower and slept. i woke up around 3pm and headed to Green Acres to use the archery range. i shot a 4 arrow volley from about 35 yards. i was pulling to the left of the yellow but i patterning well. i called Jack who is the Bow-Smith and i told him i wasn’t happy with the trigger. he watched me shoot 4 arrows and asked for my trigger strap. he loosened it and i IMMEDIATELY noticed the difference. “OH YEAH, THAT’S MUCH BETTER SON!!!!” he replied after the adjustment. i set 3 arrows in the yellow and one in the red at about 11 o’clock (again…all were in a VERY close pattern). the yellow is about the size of a baseball (though a tad bigger) and the red is about the size of a soft ball. the blue zone is about the size of a basketball. i ran 12 more arrows then Jack told me i should call it quits (i had been shooting for about 45 minutes, and i was getting fatigued). i’m heading back tomorrow to shoot some more. as i’m typing this, I’M FUCKING BEAT and SORE!!!! my shoulder is SOOOO DAMN tense. i had to rub some tiger balm into it.
what’s funny is how ridiculously keen my senses are becoming. ANY sound that’s out of place get’s my attention. i was at home (it was dark out) walking to bring in my recycle bin and i heard a pop on the jogging path to my right. i froze and my head snapped in the direction of the sound. i dropped to a slight crouch. what i had heard was something stepping on an acorn. my eyes focused and i saw 2 shadows, i heard their voices. it was 2 kids, i waited for them the pass and went back to taking my bin in. it’s just odd how this simple thing caused an immediate reaction in me. i have also come to realize i need to rock my hunting boot’s more often, they aren’t quite broken in and my feet are done. lol.
i watch this 2-3 times a day now. lol.
Walking Dead’s on tonight. Win-sauce. AND i’m cooking my turducken stuffed with cornbread and crawfish stuffing. oh, and i found the perfect bow for MissMalice. *giggle* she can now take quarry from the “Valentine’s day pink marshmallow forest” (best line EVAR btw Pooks). kees kees.
i have mouth calls, but i’m NOT good with them. i need to practice. i haven’t been good with the mouth calls thus far. but i’d prefer them to the box call since i can keep my hands on the bow while calling.
i WILL get better with a mouth call.
i’ve long told of my adoration for all things Mexicana, well…….i just discovered a new one in my midst. wait….this needs an explanation.
back when i was stationed in New Orleans, i discovered a GREAT Mexican restaurant. i ended up eating there once a week. shit was BOMB. my first time there, i grabbed a table (in uniform) and had a waitress approach. “‘ello Sir….whu i ken gee for yoo?” i smiled and replied, ” qieuro un vaso de aqua y un menu favor.” the waitress stared wide eyed. yeah baby…this honkey knows the lingo. my waitress disappeared into the kitchen, i looked at the menu she gave me. i heard a voice and peered into the direction of the kitchen and…..HOLY CRAP ON TOAST….
the most amazingly beautiful creature appeared. i was dumb-struck. she was about 5’7″, black hair, brown eyes, EPIC RACK, about 120lbs. i was in love….SERIOUSLY. she approached my table and asked me what i wanted to order, but she began with, “habla espanol?” i nodded, she replied, “mi amiga me explica que puede, no hablo ingles.” what she said was that she was told i speak spanish. but she doesn’t speak english, so her friend waited on me. she was wearing a HUGE gold wedding band on a necklace. she’s married…of course. now….interestingly, i’ve learned that Mexican lasses fall into 2 camps: first are the ones that ONLY mess with other Mexicans and the second are the ones that prefer White-boys. 95% of my Spanish speaking gf’s have been the latter. the second group REALLY likes White-boys that can speak Spanish. SERIOUSLY.
what follows is my going there once a week and light flirting with the girl (Maria). finally i had orders to Japan, i was leaving the US in 2 months. i went to the eatery with a female friend that wanted some good mexican food. maria was there (as always) and we ordered our tacos. for some reason i decided to escalate Maria, i asked her about her husband. she responded, “esposo….YO? no…..no, no no tengo.” (HUSBAND….ME? no, no no i don’t have one.) the world stopped. i said, “pues….el arco” (but…the ring). and pointed to her neck. she smiled, “my father”. i was dumb-struck. she walked away. i explained to my friend what happened. Maria came back and asked if we were done. i asked her if she even had a BF and she said she only has a job and a daughter (an 8 month old daughter btw). i asked for her number. she said she neer has any free time and she can’t afford a baby sitter. i asked her if she had even visited the city…..she hadn’t. i told her i wanted to show her the Quarter. when she explained not being able to hire someone to watch her girl, i told her she should bring her with us. she stared at me. “y tu Novia.” (and your girlfriend….she stared at my friend Laura). i laughed, “no es mi Novia.” (she’s not my girlfriend), i turned and explained to my friend what Maria was thinking. Laura laughed and said to her (while pointing at me), “NO. friend.”
i got Maria number and took her and her daughter to the Quarter. it’s been a long time since i’ve seen a woman look that alive. she hadn’t done anything but work for the past year. she got knocked up on her way here and BF split when he found out she was pregnant. she secured an apartment and a job. once the baby was born all she did was work. she explained all this to me over beingets and cafe au lait at cafe du monde. i showed her the Quarter and explained some of it’s more relevant areas. she seemed to be enjoying herself. we kissed on St Ann heading towards Decatur. she held me tightly as we kissed, it was all i could do to keep from felling her up…..but i kept it together.
i ended up bringing her back home and she invited me in. “OH HELL YES I WANNA COME IN!!!!!!!!”. i declined but told her, “possible despues un otro salir” (maybe next time.) we kissed at her doorway and i said, “y…..no qiuero mirar univision ahora.” (besides, i don’t feel like watching univision.”) she laughed and told me she watches american television to learn English. now….i was FUCKING PISSED, that i was going to Japan. seriously……i would have married this woman, SERIOUSLY. i didn’t realize it after this date. but…..the second date.
picked her and the kid up, and we headed uptown. we walked along Magazine and ate at Juan’s Flying Burrito s she could experience “American” Mexican food. she liked it. we spent the next few hours in and out of various stores (magazine in a 9 mile series of places to get lost into). we kissed frequently and with each kiss she pressed herself into me tighter and tighter. i felt her tiny fingers clinging to my t-shirt and side of my jeans. i knew EXACTLY what she was telling me. as we got back to her place, she told me i HAD to come in. as she fumbled with the keys i waited…once the door was open, i pushed passed her and ran into the living room, i found the television and turned it on. UNIVISION. i screamed,”YA TE DIJE!!!!!” (i told you) she laughed and turned the TV off. “dame un momentito Danny”. (give me a moment Danny”). she left with the baby (Claudia BTW), and came back topless and was staring RIGHT into my eyes. “toca me Danny, que to qiuero.” (touch me Danny, oh how i want you”). i felt drunk. what ensued was quite possibly one of the most epic bangs in my life. Maria was SOOOO uninhibited, and sexy, and feminine that words don’t do her justice. i’m not kidding you…….had i NOT had orders to Japan, i think i would have proposed to her. i was THAT taken by her. we only got together one more time after that sadly. she was ALWAYS working and we lived pretty far apart. we talked on the phone quite a bit and she knew i was leaving for Japan. i’m assuming this was why she couldn’t find any free time. fml.
i’m telling you this because i ASSUMED she was taken and saw her at work for almost a year before asking her out. point being…..had i acted soon, my life MIGHT be different now. i don’t regret anything, but….still remember her fondly. after Japan, i went back to the restaurant, but it was closed down. ah well……
i’m telling you this story because……….
there’s a new Mexicana on my radar. BUUUUUUT…….thing is, she has a wedding band on her left index finger. ??????. i spoke with her and she was SOMEWHAT flirty, but i never asked about the ring. i was going togo back up to her and ask but thought that it would seem a bit too needy/clingy (clinginess KILLS your chances with Mexicana’s. srslee). so i just figured i’d “juega la fria (play it cool) and come back at a later time.
to be continued…….
first and foremost, big up to my Tigers for getting it don’t against Arkansas. GEAUX TIGERS!!!!! they DECISIVELY stomped the hogs.
secondly, i wanted to take a moment to say, “God Bless the US Navy for allowing me the privilege of coming into work today when the rest of the base was closed.” i did one xray, and the clinic saw 5 patients all day. but they closed early…..yuppers, a full 30 MINUTES EARLY. fml. well, the day was saved when i noticed they brought Christmas movies in Dental. they let us borrow them which leads to this post.
What are your favorite Christmas Movies? i have 3.
1. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
CLASSIC. too many hilarious scenes to name a fave. the second clips slays me EVERY TIME.
2. A Christmas Story
again…..CLASSIC movie. i LOVE this one. if you don’t likethis movie, you’re either a Communist, or not from this Planet. the commentary is what knocks this movie outta the park. it’s a great slice of Americana. the second clip could be called “male social dynamics…..in the 50’s. lol.
3. Charlie Brown’s Christmas Story.
this one is a sentimenatal favorite. Linus’ speech at the end is so beautiful. they need to play this to kids every year. since the true meaning of the Season is SOOOOOO lost now. i wonder if any of my parenting Reader’s watch these with their kids?
other notable mentions:
Elf, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (Yukon Cornelius is my BOY!!!!), Emmit Otter’s Jugband Christmas, Die-Hard, Love Actually (chick flickish, but it’s got tits…..eat me), and in a shameless suck up to MissMalice……Nightmare before Christmas.
this is when i fell in love with Zooey.
this is FUCKING GENIUS. i KNOW DogSquat is with me on this one.
so….what are some of your favorite’s?
i hope everyone has a great Holiday, eats plenty of good food, visits with loved ones, and most importantly…..WATCH SOME FOOTBALL!!!!!! what’s not to like about Thanksgiving, being a New Orleans native ANY holiday that revolves around food is win-sauce for me. i”ll be at the Honey-Comb Hideout for the Day and will either spend the day hunting for turkeys or surfing (depends on the weather…..TBH, i don’t feel like dealing with locals if i go surfing). after that Lord Dark Scorpion will rain his wrath upon Skyrim. friday is a work day (fuck you Navy).
but you know what….holidays just don’t register with me. seriously, i’ve spent VERY few christmas’ or thanksgivings’ with family since joining the Navy. i typically volunteer to work on said days to allow families to spend the holiday together. but whatev’s…. more importantly…..
i REALLY hope each and every one of you reading this realizes there are tens of thousands of military servicemen sitting in the Desert, waiting in line for an hour to use a phone to call family or computer to videoconference, suffering shitty (hell….IF you have internet signal) IM’ing, eating SHITTY turkey/dressing/gravy lunch or dinner, bored out their minds or restless as all hell because they miss the hell out of their family and miss being even relatively CLOSE to home.
when i was in Kuwait (camp Ali Al Salem…..a TINY desert Army base in the middle of NOWHERE) i woke up at 10am. checked email and myspace, got dressed and went to the DFAC (dining facility) and was served (by a bunch of Bengali civilians) dry turkey, crunchy dressing, and watery nearly tasteless gravy. i threw it away and ended up eating at the Asian place. i had spicy beef and garlic rice. i stared blankly at the plate for 10 minutes. i was with my room-mate and good friend Billy, a tough little hombre from idaho. i was treating him to lunch (he couldn’t really afford to pay). we didn’t say a word to each other. the place was dead silent (and relatively packed). no one needed to speak, we all felt the same way. just 5 minutes with family, to feel that familiar warmth of glowing cheeriness. but you never speak of it. NEVER. you become a stone. we finally ate and went to the gym. i ran 7 miles that day (i never run that far), and played xbox to kill the time. the rest of my co-workers were watching movies at the clinic trying to forget that they wanted to be somewhere else. i ended up buying 2 near beers, and a bottle of nyquil. i got desert drunk, and passed out around 8-9pm.
i just wanted the day to be over.
so…..all i ask….is that you keep all this in mind as you eat good food, in a nice home, surrounded by people you love and care about. please don’t gloss over the sacrifice of MANY men and women who are (as you read this) in the shit that i just described. please.
and you know what….even on that Thanksgiving, i WAS thankful. thankful i wasn’t getting shot at, and that i did have people back home who care for and love me. i’ll repost this at Christmas time.
i was at my local supermarket getting the stuff i needed to make the pork tenderloin. one of the girls there (a cute 22 year old blonde) was my cashier. she asked me what i was cooking and when i explained to her what i had in store she mentioned me bringing her a sample. TBH, i don’s remember what i told her, but i know it was along the lines “thinking about it”. i cooked, had my share and brought the rest to the guys at my local (you don’t wanna reheat puff-pastry). when i left the store, i made a mental note of her being a bit “more flirty” than most girls there and possibly having to escalate to see what could happen.
well sunday, i go to the store and i walk down the aisle for the item i needed. out of no where, i feel an arm around me and see a blur of blonde hair. “you didn’t bring me my food.” she said enthusiastically. shit, she caught me off gaurd…..hmmmmm. i regained composure and answered with, “no i didn’t. i gave the leftovers to the guys at G****** (my local)” she responded, “you said you were gonna bring me some.” i smiled and told her, “i think i remember saying i’d think about it.”
she asked me about my purchase (body spray) and she said she’d help me pick out a good scent. [ok…..i need to clue you in here, she was supposed to be manning a table to set up gift sets, she left it to come talk to me] we checked out a few scents (i already knew which one i wanted) and i walked away for the section and she followed, i put my arm around her, and we flirted as we walked. at the end of the aisle i headed back to where we came from and held out my hand. she took it.
i made some inquires as to her situation and i’ll just say she’s cute, TOO YOUNG for me, but she’s got a very sunny and feminine disposition. and she’s very cool.
now….i will say this. when it come to my cooking, i regard it the same way a woman regards her sexuality. i don’t just cook for anybody. if you’re a woman, and i’m cooking for you; you’re either A- a dear friend, B- a woman i see naked on a frequent basis. this girl’s cool, but we ain’t fucking. the guys at my local give extra wings and the occasional free beer. and i’ve known most of them for over a year.
but here’s the thing….i totally forgot about mentioning even TALKING about her getting a sample of the Wellington. when she brought it up…..i had to find and download that file ASAP. lol. once i got my bearing, the rest just came naturally. to be continued………
i fucking love Brody. Brody’s tit’s. well, he turns six years old in a week. i got him when he was 6 weeks old. he’s VERY well trained and i put a lot of effort into make sure he’s well-behaved in public. he’s SUPER protective of kid’s and women. seriously….ask So-So. all in all he’s a great dog and i’m a very proud Pappa. yeah yeah yeah, i know, you have a kid, and kid’s are a require a lot more attention, but you know what….I DON’T HAVE A KID FOR A REASON. i KNOW how much work they require, that’s why i have a dog. damn near every decision i make has me immediately thinking, “what about brody?” kids are messy and they bring about moments where i’m sure a parent hangs their head and says, “REALLY….*sigh* Dear God, why?”
i got home today and noticed a peculiar odor. then remembered, “oh yeah, i burned the trinity and andouille last night. smelled the trash can an yeah, it was off. i walked over to the computer and learned the horrid truth. apparently brody ate something that his tummy didn’t agree with. and well, he can’t let himself out so he “downloaded the brown file” all over my back door area (how apropos). and this wasn’t easy to pick up nuggets of joy; this was liquid molten bung fury. poor brody he slowly walked up with head hanging low looking up at me with a his, “i’m so sawy daddee.” i made sure my voice was calm and told him i wasn’t upset. i took him and gave him a bath. then rolled up my sleeves, donned rubber gloves and began the 20 minute poop purge. if you’ve never ensured you’ve gotten dog-poo from between the cracks of hard-wood flooring, you should say a prayer and thank God. lol. oh, and i need to take him for his teeth cleaning, that’s $200. plus he has BAD reactions from anesthesia, so i get to listen to him whimper for 2-3 hours which fucking tears my heart out.
but remember, i’m not a REAL parent. lol.
[edit-day 2, came home MORE LMBF. DAMMIT!!!!! what’s a dad to do?]