Meet “BritishLass” a virgin in the UK

i received an email this evening from a young lady asking some advice in regards to losing her virginity. i have decided to dub her “BritishLass” or BL for short. from here out I’LL be naming the guests if need be, for i SHAN’T have another “name” debacle, like on the last reader email post. she’s asked to keep some details private and i’ve addressed her “issues” to what she said was satisfactory. i wanted to post this because….well, i don’t have a vagina and i’m well aware that it’s a bit differently for the most part for women. i figured the Ladies and possibly guys could offer more insight :

bold emphasis mine.

“Hi Danny
Love your blog. I stumbled across it by accident a few months ago, and now regularly lurk. Big fan of the food posts especially. I’m emailing you because I kind of wanted to run my current situation by you and see if you had any insight? I’m aware that it’s a little weird, but you seem nice so..

Ok. I’m 18, not bad-looking, virgin & never had a boyfriend. Never really “properly” dated a guy either. I’ve recently started seeing a guy who is *deleted* but let’s just say he’s older*. We spend a fair amount of time together, he likes me and my company & has admitted that he’s never talked to another girl in the way that he talks to me (and he was in a long-term relationship for 11 odd years) and that spending time with me “feels right and natural”. the rest was deleted but i told her i sense clinginess already.

The other thing is the virgin thing. He gets that I’m not being a pricktease deliberately and seems to be ok with the not having sex just yet, I know he wants me, but I’m aware that sooner or later the question of “how much longer” is going to come up. I think it has already really, he wanted to know if we were going to have sex at some point and I said yes, because you know, I am kind of hoping we’re going to have sex at some point but I can’t put a time frame on it! Would it be unreasonable of me – if the topic comes up – for me to say that “yeah i like you – I’m hoping we’re going to have sex at some point but you’re going to have to stick around a bit longer” Or is it usual for military “relationships” to move at a faster pace than civilian ones? I don’t know but you might? i already addressed this with her. she know just where i stand on this. 

I guess my question is – is this “thing” whatever I’m doing viable? Or am I better off nipping it in the bud before anyone gets too involved? HELP! Thank you! there you go. guys have fun.




14 Comments on “Meet “BritishLass” a virgin in the UK”

  1. YBM says:

    I am of the opinion that women decide pretty darn quickly whether the interaction is sexual or not, and if it is, whether she is interested in such an avenue. Not the mere minutes or seconds some would say, and it is not set in stone if a man a legitimate and immediately correctable issue that happened.

    However, if you have been seeing this guy for a little while. Its time for a thought experiment:
    If he pressed you for sex on the upcoming New Years Celebration, would you do it? Then consider why your choice is what it is. If any combination of “not ready, NYE is a bad time” then consider waiting some time longer.

    If you reaction is an immediate “no not with him” in a feeling of visceral dislike, or even shivers, your hindbrain is trying to tell you something.

    Incidentally my work takes me to the Island of Jersey on the odd occasion and I do love younger women. j/k merry christmas.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      I have advised her to NOT sleep with him for the simple fact he’s presenting too many red flags and her instincts are telling her no because of it. She just doesn’t get that yet.

      Sent from my iPhone

      • That’s what I was going to say.
        It’s possible that she’s considering overriding her instincts out of a desire to please—and that’s sweet and all, but instincts are there for a reason.

  2. dannyfrom504 says:

    really kind of surprised that none of the women (aside from Mary) has chimed in. hmmmmm.

    • Bellita says:

      If I’ve been silent, Danny, it’s because the only people I feel confident passing on any counsel to are family or friends whose personalities and situations I know really well . . . and even then, I second guess myself.

      For what it’s worth, the older guy telling her that he has never been able to talk to a woman the way he has been able to talk to BritishLass (despite having been in a long-term relationship for over a decade) gives me chills. I can’t analyze this situation properly, but if a man with a similar background said that to me, I’d see a red flag.

      Would it be unreasonable of me – if the topic comes up – for me to say that “yeah i like you – I’m hoping we’re going to have sex at some point but you’re going to have to stick around a bit longer”

      I’m going to be predictable now and say I think it’s perfectly reasonable. BritishLass, you’re younger and less experienced than this man is, and you must be uneasy enough with the situation if you’ve written to an impartial blogger for advice and allowed him to post your e-mail. It seems to me that you’re feeling more pressure (from this man, from modern mores, from whatever . . .) to sleep with him more than actual desire to sleep with him, and that just doesn’t seem like the right reason to do it. Of course, if what I’ve said doesn’t apply to your situation, just ignore it.

      But here’s where I’m coming from, anyway . . . I used to teach teenage girls, and if one of them, after graduation (and after coming of age), came to me with this dilemma, my main concern would be: Is there balance in the relationship? The older man has more relationship experience, more savvy, more money, and generally more of everything . . . But in another sense, less to lose than the young virgin he is dating. I imagine an affectionate girl would feel pressured to give more than she feels ready to give, just so that it doesn’t seem as if the man is doing all the work and making most of the investment. BritishLass, do you feel that what you’re currently bringing to the relationship is no longer enough to make up for not yet having sex? I don’t think you’re being a tease at all, but perhaps the deck is stacked in a way that makes you seem like one. If so, then it’s unfair and I’d say you should nip this in the bud and find another deck.

      (Now excuse me while I go and second guess myself . . .)

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        Mahal- i was hoping my resident Pinay would comment considering i know as much of your background with teaching girls. so THANK YOU for commenting.

        like i said, as i guy the V card is just something to lose and move on. but i imagine for women it’s a VERY big deal (at least it wwould be to a woman i’d consider for a LTR). the last time i was with a virgin was this very beautiful Indian woman. she was 19 and it was her first time “seeing a man” so to speak. and i realized by the look on her face something was amiss. i asked her directly and she admitted she “hadn’t done it” before. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOK. i stopped playtime and we had a little talk. she admitted she wanted to sleep with me and it “felt right” to have sex with me. we’d been together almost 2 months. i had assumed (successfully) the she want to lose her virginity and i had been chosen to this task. and trust me, this woman was ALWAYS wanting “play” which was a ton of kissing, groping and rubbing her happy spot, she’d get REALLY into it. we had a talk and i told her what to expect and that i’d be as gentle as i could and that it was going to hurt the first. thankfully i could fuck a cheerio and not break it so this girl really didn’t have to worry much about the pain (i actually told her that btw). i REALLY dug this girl too, however she explained to me, “danny, don’t take this the wrong way, but my parents will NEVER find out about you. i can only date Indian guys. and i’m going to be married to an indian.” MF, this bitch was USING ME!!!!

        ROCK ON!!!!!!! well after the deed was done this girl was INSATIABLE. i swear. every other though was about sex. she was a machine. lol. i ended up getting sent to Guantamo Bay 2 months later for a 3 month assignment. i get a letter a week, and each week the letters got longer. then 2 weeks before heading back i received a one page letter.

        anyone wann guess what the letter said?

      • Bellita says:

        “Dear Danny . . . I met this wonderful Indian man . . . We’re getting married . . . I’ll always remember you and treasure what we had together . . . I’m just sorry I can’t invite you to the wedding . . . Good luck in your life . . . Love, Indian Girl”

        How’s that? Am I close?

      • Bellita says:

        You are going to reveal the answer eventually, right?

        • dannyfrom504 says:

          of course. although i’m sure ANY guy thats even remotely good with women knows EXACTLY what it said. most of the ladies probably know too. there’s one VERY telling clue in the story. lol.

      • Bellita says:

        One more guess before I have to go offline for several hours . . .

        “Dear Danny, I miss you so much and realized I can’t live without you. I don’t care what my parents think any longer. Please marry me! . . . Love, Indian Girl”


        (That’s pretty much the opposite of the first guess, so at least I have both extremes on the spectrum.)

  3. dannyfrom504 says:

    in the letter, it began with a very non-enthusistic comment about school and her family and friends, then the last two sentences told me she had started dating some other guy, and she didn’t mean to hurt me. lol.

    welcome to the Navy boy. c’est la vie.

  4. Doug1 says:


    If you’re not sexually attracted to him, if he never gives you tingles, then don’t sleep with him. But also don’t keep stringing him along with the hope that he might, just because you like him paying attention to you and dating you. Tell him you only want to sleep with a man if you think there’s a possibility that you’ll want to marry him down the road and vice versa whether that’s true or not, as a way of letting him down easily.

    If you are sexually attracted to him and he seems like marriage material down the road in both directions, then sleep with him as soon as you feel he’s willing to at least be in an exclusive try it out LTR with you. It doesn’t sound like you do feel he might be marriage material though, but I’m getting that mostly from what Badger and some others have said.

    If you’re sexually attracted to him, doubt he’s marriage material, but do think he’ll LTR commit, then you have to decide if you really only want to have sex with a fiancé or are willing to go the fairly low number count route which is what the majority of girls who are good girls do these days in the UK and USA.

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