The importance of Sexual CompatibilityPosted: December 27, 2011
“i refuse to buy a car i’ve never driven.” i didn’t make it up and i don’t recall where i first heard it, but it’s my favorite explanation for not waiting for sex until after i’m married.
i’d been wanting to post about this for a while now, well while speaking to someone in email land i made mention of it. there’s a story to it, of course. of.course. i was in Japan stripping the wax of our psych room. “Amy” walked in. amy was a phillipina/white (total coconut btw) girl i’d known for a while. VERY pretty woman. VERY sexual as well, however i wasn’t sure to what extent. when she walked in i KNEW something was wrong. “danny, can i talk to you please.” OOF. this DID NOT sound promising. “ok, sure girl, what’s going on?” she walked in and closed the door. OH NO, NOT good. amy had been with her bf for a few months and well, i won’t lie….dude creeped us all out. he was an odd sort. whatev’s. in essence she tells me “i’ll just be blunt about this.” which told me this was going to say was a doozy. she explains she has a very high libido and the bf was the sort that likes it “once to twice a week”. well, she was initiating and he turned her down. not to be deterred she kept at it only to be grabbed and told, “what’s wrong with you!!!??” as she spoke these words to me i thought, “OH DEAR LORD!!!! no.” i guess she could see in my expression that i realized the gravity of the situation. the tears instantly flowed from her eyes and she managed to say, “what’s wrong with me?” i was heart broken. i hugged her and heard the sobbing and told her, “oh baby…i’m SOOO sorry. no no no no, there’s nothing wrong with you.” she replied, “please don’t lie me Danny. please.” i kissed her forehead and went and get her some tissue. as she tended to the mess that her face had become i gave her a moment to get it together. we had a pretty frank talk about her sexuality and she’s basically a “as many times a day as we can woman”, while he’s a “once to twice a week guy”. i told her basically that there was NOTHING wrong with her. she had the normal healthy libido of a 23-24 year old woman. AND that there was nothing wrong with her bf. the problem they had was possible sexual incompatibility.
“if the sex is good, it’s 10% of the relationship. if the sex is bad, it’s 90% of the relationship.” again, don’t recall where i heard this, but VERY true.
she asked me what she should do and all i could tell was she’d have to determine if this was something that means THAT much to her, she’ll just have to accept how he was and she’d not be changing his behavior at all. they’re married now, BUT…MUCH drama involved and there’s a TON dysfunction in her relationship (unless things have changed). A.LOT. seriously. i don’t talk to the woman anymore btw.
i have an INTENSE libido. surprise surprise. i’ve been fortunate that i’ve never really had a gf that wasn’t able to keep up. seriously, i’ll keep the gf in the bedroom all morning/afternoon on certain occasions. so needless to say, sex in the relationship is important to me. she doesn’t HAVE to be on the same page, but at least in the neighborhood. again i think every couple is different and it’s a subject best to be handled by the individuals involved. but if she’s a “once-twice a week woman”….OOOOF; trouble looms ahead. the beast must be fed, and he’s ALWAYS ready to feast.