The importance of Sexual Compatibility

“i refuse to buy a car i’ve never driven.” i didn’t make it up and i don’t recall where i first heard it, but it’s my favorite explanation for not waiting for sex until after i’m married.

i’d been wanting to post about this for a while now, well while speaking to someone in email land i made mention of it. there’s a story to it, of course. of.course. i was in Japan stripping the wax of our psych room. “Amy” walked in. amy was a phillipina/white (total coconut btw) girl i’d known for a while. VERY pretty woman. VERY sexual as well, however i wasn’t sure to what extent. when she walked in i KNEW something was wrong. “danny, can i talk to you please.” OOF. this DID NOT sound promising. “ok, sure girl, what’s going on?” she walked in and closed the door. OH NO, NOT good. amy had been with her bf for a few months and well, i won’t lie….dude creeped us all out. he was an odd sort. whatev’s. in essence she tells me “i’ll just be blunt about this.” which told me this was going to say was a doozy. she explains she has a very high libido and the bf was the sort that likes it “once  to twice a week”. well, she was initiating and he turned her down. not to be deterred she kept at it only to be grabbed and told, “what’s wrong with you!!!??” as she spoke these words to me i thought, “OH DEAR LORD!!!! no.” i guess she could see in my expression that i realized the gravity of the situation. the tears instantly flowed from her eyes and she managed to say, “what’s wrong with me?” i was heart broken. i hugged her and heard the sobbing and told her, “oh baby…i’m SOOO sorry. no no no no, there’s nothing wrong with you.” she replied, “please don’t lie me Danny. please.” i kissed her forehead and went and get her some tissue. as she tended to the mess that her face had become i gave her a moment to get it together. we had a pretty frank talk about her sexuality and she’s basically a “as many times a day as we can woman”, while he’s a “once to twice a week guy”. i told her basically that there was NOTHING wrong with her. she had the normal healthy libido of a 23-24 year old woman. AND that there was nothing wrong with her bf. the problem they had was possible sexual incompatibility.

“if the sex is good, it’s 10% of the relationship. if the sex is bad, it’s 90% of the relationship.” again, don’t recall where i heard this, but VERY true.

she asked me what she should do and all i could tell was she’d have to determine if this was something that means THAT much to her, she’ll just have to accept how he was and she’d not be changing his behavior at all. they’re married now, BUT…MUCH drama involved and there’s a TON dysfunction in her relationship (unless things have changed). A.LOT. seriously. i don’t talk to the woman anymore btw.

i have an INTENSE libido. surprise surprise. i’ve been fortunate that i’ve never really had a gf that wasn’t able to keep up. seriously, i’ll keep the gf in the bedroom all morning/afternoon on certain occasions. so needless to say, sex in the relationship is important to me. she doesn’t HAVE to be on the same page, but at least in the neighborhood. again i think every couple is different and it’s a subject best to be handled by the individuals involved. but if she’s a “once-twice a week woman”….OOOOF; trouble looms ahead. the beast must be fed, and he’s ALWAYS ready to feast.

stay up.

7 Comments on “The importance of Sexual Compatibility”

  1. VERY good post and you are absolutely right. I’m a girl who required a lot of attention, talking, affection & when there is sex involved.. Lots f that too– other wise I am NOT a happy woman & that’s no fun for anyone.

    Sex is so linked to our emotions, our identities, & our souls. When things are frustrating in the bedroom, it bleeds over in to every other aspect of the relationship.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      welcome back dear. good to see you.

      “When things are frustrating in the bedroom, it bleeds over in to every other aspect of the relationship.”

      which leads back to the quote: “if the sex is bad, it’s 90% of the relationship.”
      my appetite tends to be pretty intense. i was watching tv with a gf once and when a commercial came on she started kissing my neck out of the blue. when i questioned what she was kissing me for, she whispered, “i’m trying to get my man to fuck me.” 8/

      GAME ON!!!!!

      in NANOSECONDS, i had picked her up, thrown her on her back, and was clawing to get inside her. i kid you not, in less than one minute of her whispering that phrase, we were going at it. lol. it’s good when a woman speaks your language.

  2. Mark Slater says:

    I dunno, Danny. It seems to me that, like so many aspects of a healthy relationship/marriage, the key is flexibility and compromise.

    It seems possible that a good man, one who is blessed with normal levels of desire, can go as high as 6-7 times a week, or be satisfied with a mere 2-3 times a week, depending on the desires of his woman; IF he loves her and seeks to please her.

    “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other.”
    — I Corinthians 7:3-5

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      “It seems to me that, like so many aspects of a healthy relationship/marriage, the key is flexibility and compromise.”

      have i ever given the impression that i thought otherwise? lol.

      while i appreciate your reading and commenting. i will allow the Biblical quote to remain, but honestly, i didn’t need to read that to already know i need to respect my woman and she should respect me. i’ve stated that SEVERAL times here. but i ask you to keep Biblical quotes on theological blogs.

      my religious thoughts are deep and my own, THIS SITE is not a forum for Bible talk.

      • While I -greatly- appreciate Mark’s call for “flexibility and compromise”. That’s wonderful. Far too often online I bump into men writing as if they have no respect for the fairer sex.

        I have to say though.. I think he is off topic a bit. Weren’t we were talking about how important sexual compatability is when chosing a LTR partner? Plus, who decides what is a “normal” male sex drive?

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        thanks for the comment. and yes….back to the point. compatibility in the sack between 2 people. the story was meant to serve as 2 extreme’s. i have friends who could related this easily. one want’s sex 1-2 times a week and the other is horny all day long. they make it work AND they have 3 kids.

        understanding and acceptance rules that marriage.

  3. Doug1 says:

    I think their libidos are simply too far apart, and that it would be a big mistake for her to marry him and worse tend to lock that in or anyway raise the cost in all senses of divorce by having kids with him.

    There are a ton of guys whose libidos are higher. Most guys are. She’s got a lot to chose from in finding her husband.

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