The Beauty of Feminine MysteryPosted: January 1, 2012
i’d been wanting to touch on this for a while but DAMMIT how crap keeps jumping to the head of the post line. well TODAY (being the first day of 2012 and the beginning of the end of the World) is the day i will knock this one out.
we men are fucking disgusting.
i’ll never argue this. EVER. if i called my mom and asked her if i were a filthy beast, she’d bluntly reply, “yeah.” then probably say, “but you’re my first born filthy beast.” i guess i do serve my purposes to the family, so my being a disgusting man can be shrugged off with a “eeh, yeah…..he’s our’s.” one of the things i’ve always been fascinated about in regards to women is the wonderful air of feminine mystery. women are capable of absolutely inexplicable feats. well one of said feats has always been a thing of “WOW” for me. “DAMMIT DANNY GET TO IT!!!!!” yeah i know, i know, i can be overly melodramatic at times, but this is something that REALLY amazes me.
how the FUCK can women go to the bathroom in under 2 minutes and leave NO TRACE as to what they’ve done in there. W.T.F.???!!! seriously, i’ve ALWAYS been amazed that i can have a woman living with me for almost a year, and i’ve NEVER been able to tell what goes on when the door gets closed. and it’s not like i haven’t tried. I HAVE!!!! one of the gf’s went in the loo once and i ran into the bedroom and started rifling through the closet. she walked out the bathroom and the she had flushed the toilet. “what are you looking for?” she asked as she walked past me and headed back into the living room. SHIT. i wasn’t expecting this. my head fumbled for an excuse and i spat out, “i need to bring one of my working whites to get pressed and i KNOW i have one in this sea-bag somewhere.” no reply…….SWEET. after 2-3 more minutes i heard, ” i know what you’re doing danny.” as i sniffed around the bathroom.
of course there was ZERO evidence, other than an audible toilet flush, to give the secret of what had transpired. look, i’m a fucking weirdo, i admit it. but this was/is a mystery to me, and mysteries intrigue me (that’s my aquarius side). well here, clearly, i had been bested by a creature of 4’11 and 102lbs. i put the closet back in order and slinked back into the living room where she was watching tv. i sat on the floor (as i usually do) and she placed her tiny hand on my shoulder. “i really don’t get it danny. what’s the big deal? seriously.”
i know it. and she was right in the sense that i was looking for traces of something that deep down i REALLY didn’t want verified. for whatever issues her and i had i can say that at least she understood me. lol. i know it seems trite, but it’s just simply amazing to me that you ladies can pull this off. i know guys that have been married for YEARS that have said, “damn, i never really thought about it. but…YEAH……i have no clue if she’s ever done that. i mean, of course she has but…….huh.”
back in japan, i had just gotten back together with the gf. she was at the house and we were cleaning the kitchen after dinner. she walked away, went into the the bathroom and shut the door. she was only gone for a few minutes when it suddenly hit me.
SHE NEVER CLOSES THE DOOR WHEN SHE PEES!!!!!!!!!!
ok, seriously. this is no joke, i only close the door when i’m deucing it up. i don’t call it “the throne room” for nothing. if i’m in there and the door is closed i’m attending to kingly business and reading the latest edition of “savuer”. so if i’m #1, the doors open. well, this young lady LIKED to watch me pee (don’t ask, i never understood it either) and i just sort of was “whatever” about it (you gotta pick yer battles, this one seemed innocuous). so her closing the door struck me as odd. then it hit me.
“are. are…are you…you dropping a deuce?” there was a very meek “yes” as a reply. i threw my exasperated hands in the air. “OH GOD!!!! that’s it. the magic is gone. ROOOOOONED!!!! rooooned it you have woman.” ok. japanese bathrooms are different. there’s the main door, then there’s the terlet room and then to the opposite end is the shower area. you shower first, then you get into the self heating tub. dude, she KILLED that tub. i think she spent 60% of her time in that house in that tub turning herself into a mexican prune. she left the bathroom and she looked REALLY embarrassed. now, i was this woman’s first serious bf. when she stood next to me i told her, “ok. here’s the deal….you must ALWAYS close the door when you go to the bathroom. you ladies have a special power. it’s this thing you girls have where it’s IMPOSSIBLE for us to know what you’re doing in there. you ALWAYS pee with the door open, so since you closed it i KNEW what you were doing.” she looked at me confused, “what’s the big deal danny?” i told her, “look, there are just things about men you find interesting because they’re rooted in things that are SOOOO ungirly; right?” she thought for a moment then nodded, “i guess so.” i smiled and told her, “well, it’s the same for us. there are things about you that i find amazing because…well…it’s SOOO girly. the bathroom thing is just one of them.” she grinned, shook her head and went into the living room to read.
but, she never went into the bathroom without closing the door again. lol.
HAPPY NEW YEAR YA’LL!!!!!! last night i got my neighbors WASTED on some strawberry bounce. it’s strawberries, everclear and sugar. fill a half-gallon jar with strawberries (or cherries) and 1/2 pound sugar. cover with everclear. let it sit for 6 months in a cool, dark place. open it up once a weak or the jar will break. after 6 months: eat the froot, sip the jooce, and make merry. NOT for beginner’s. lol. THIS is what we feasted on:
if a woman ever pulls this one on me, i will smoother her with a pillow while she sleeps. lol. but you GOTTA respect the technique here. she’s good.
i don’t know why but posting the above made me think of this commercial. me and so-so saw it on ATOS and it was a gut-buster for us for a LOOOOOONG time. “that shit’s funny like panda cheese.” or, “panda funny” was a common meme for us.