The 8469 Club

early disclaimer: what you are about to read is filthy, obscene, and juvenile as all hell. none of what you are about to read is anything you would ACTUALLY do. it’s just something me and my classmates (male and female) came up with as a goof.

in the navy, i have what’s called an NEC (naval enlisted code), it means i’ve received special training outside my basic job. i’m an 8452 (adv radiographic tech) well while bored in between modules we were all goofing and talking about the dirty sanchez and crap of that nature. then i started with my “fake” and dorky sex moves. which spun complete…..WAIT. i need to give you an idea of the mindset of our class. 32 students, 7 women (all very cool btw) from all walks of life and ethnicities. we had a co-ed locker room. now the women were set up in their own little corner so we couldn’t watch them change. BUUUUUT, they had to walk through 20 feet of men undressing to get there. it wasn’t a big deal. UNTIL…..the class “goer” made a fatal error and walked in and said, “boys in boxers, my favorite part of the day.” oh boy….BIG MISTAKE. my boy coops said it best, “ah boy, she just fucked up.” for the rest of the week, the SECOND she (and aman-duh) walked in, we dropped our boxers to the ground, and she had to wade through 20 feet of meat crop. they TRIED not to look. TRIED. we giggled as they bee-lined to their locker. towards the end of the school, we had lost our changing room. so we had to change behind a HUGE tv that was used for teleconferencing. i was changing and decided to mess with aman-duh (she’s blonde and could get quite ditzy) and said, “hey manda, did i tell you my sister flew in for my graduation?” amanda responded excitedly, “REALLY, you never talk about your sister.” i laughed, “yeah, i have a twin sister, i thought i mentioned that.” now the CLASS chimed in, “oh shit, seriously….damn. never knew that.” i said “yeah, check her out.” i stepped out from behind the TV and had tucked my mule and did the Buffalo Bob pose.” the entire class fell over laughing. yes, the ENTIRE class. i stepped back behind the tv. i asked, “amanda, yah ever seen cat brains?” lol. “uuuh, no danny. i don’t think so.” i stepped back out and showed her the “brain” (google it but GUYS know exactly what the fuck i did). when amanda saw it she shrieked and turned away, as did all the other girls. the guys were SHAKING in laughter. it was a hilarity tsunami. my boy’s matz and morgan were drooling and crying in joy. i knocked it outta the park. to this DAY, if you bring that day up, the girls shake their heads and sigh, and the guys nod in approval. welcome to active duty military social dynamics. like i said, we had some REALLY cool girls in our class and we looked after them like sisters.

so we’re talking “dirty sanchez” and decided to start inventing new moves. i immediately told them my fake ones. this generated the  8469 NEC (adv sex tech). in order to get the NEC, you had to come up with a move. there were about 15 of us. these are the ones i can remember: i’ll start with the ones i made up (the first 5). the girls’ are FILTHY.

  • the angry pirate– this is when you pull out and finish and the shot has a bit of trajectory on it and manages to get in her eye. she immediately shuts it and and mutters, “GAAAGRH GAAAAA ARGH!!!! the angry pirate.
  • the fisheye/porpoise– this is when you have a girl in doggy and you take it out, then push it against her “dirty penny” and she IMMEDIATELY turns to look at you with her VERY wide open eyes, but… only see her ONE eye. you ladies know EXACTLY what i mean. lol. amanda chimed in with, “oh that’s the porpoise” she explained, you do the same thing but when you do she gives you the fisheye and goes, “EEEEEEEE!!!!! EEEE!!! EE!!! EEEEEE!!!” i lost it. gold.
  • the disco bunny- for short guys. take one arm and place it under her waist, take the other and place it above (think of how you accept a hand-off in football) her waist. you then jump from one leg to the other in a VERY silly looking dance. the disco bunny. don’t ask WHERE the name came from, it just came to me.
  • the scorpion death lock- this one is just death. you only pull it off with a ONS you’re worried about getting clingy. you take her from behind, then lift her up by her ankles. as soon as you finish you bend her legs all the way to her head, like a scorpions tail. the scorpion death lock.
  • the rusty trombone- sigh. ok. a guys standing up and the woman squuats behind him and while eating his dirty penny she give him a hand-job. it looks almost like she’s playing a trombone. the rusty trombone.
  • the butterscotch sundae- one of the girls came up with this one. a guy puts cling wrap over his chest and the women drops her “sundae” on him. i NAILED her when i said, “that’s so 1999, i totally don’t use cling wrap anymore.” ZING!!!
  • the angry dragon- arlo came up with this one. a girl gives you oral and when you finish you jam her head all the way down just as you finish. you pull out your mule then karate chop her throat and she goes, “HHHHHHHSSSSTTTHT” and angrily grabs her throat. kinda a visual, b/c his hiss is what sells it. the angry dragon.
  • the strawberry shortcake- again, one of the girls. simple premise: girl gives you oral, and you give her a facial, then you punch her in the nose. the strawberry shortcake.
  • the crockpot- quite possibly the most VILE and disgusting of them all. again….a girls submission. a guy blows inside his lady before they go to bed. you fall asleep and first thing you do in the morning is go down on her. the crockpot. this one KILLED me. it’s sooooo nasty and utterly beta (no wonder the girls like it). lol.

i realize i just took 5-10 minutes of your life that you can never get back. and for that…..i’m sorry. i really am. now you know why there was a disclaimer.

5 Comments on “The 8469 Club”

  1. “Hilarity Tsunami”– loooved it. Great and also gnarly disgusting post. Def a home run!

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Look, I’m not proud of all this per se, it just happened. Lol. Sailor’s can be pretty…..well….colorful. Add to that a roomful of HM’s with “sea time”.

      Sent from my iPhone

  2. Random Angeleno says:

    5 minutes gone. oh the humanity!

    Somewhere I’ve seen a listing of all these outrageous moves. The classic donkey punch is just one of many more.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      i posted about the donkey punch guy that was on jeopardy this past weekend. that’s what promted this post.

      i am truly sorry for loss of 5 minutes that i can never replace. TRULY.humbly.sorry.

      now if anyone needs me i’ll painting the wall with my shotgun.

  3. SL says:

    What about the Martian’s Eyes? David Yow used to do that with a flashlight.

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