Deti’s greatest misses
Or: How to avoid screwing up a good thing
Bad case of oneitis? Do you have a relationship that’s run its course and you just can’t let it go? Or maybe you’re holding back the momentum. Could be you’re wanting more than you can get from a girl. Well, Dr. Deti’s here at Danny’s place, with the cure for what ails your relationship, fling or bed-buddy.
Let’s take a leer and a gander at deti’s life and past relationships to help us. All references to Greek letters are based on the Vox sociosexual scale.
1. The First Girlfriend. It’s early in high school. She’s cute. deti falls for her hard. He is a mawkish schoolboy. Writes her poetry. He’s totally devoted to her. He tells her how much he loves her. In junior year she breaks up with him.
Diagnosis: Gamma, falling to possible Omega. DLV. ONEitis.
Solution: Never, never, never make a girl your everything. She hates it. Now she has you, and she doesn’t want you. First, step back. Don’t see her or call her every day. Don’t tell her everything. She is part of your life. She is not your life. Second, go about your own business. Do your thing and get good at something that doesn’t involve writing stupid poetry to young girls.
2. The Second High School Girlfriend. Cute, but not as cute as First GF. Takes her on a few dates, does his best to impress. deti falls hard again. She is not impressed. She is last seen in the high school parking lot, getting it on with some douchebag who works at the paper processing plant for a little above minimum wage.
Diagnosis: Game fail. Refusal to FIDO.
Solution: Even if you have some game, it won’t work on every girl. In fact it won’t work on most girls. Sometimes she’s just not feeling it. Recognize it, realize you did your best, it didn’t stick, and move on.
3. Third High School Girlfriend. Undeterred, our intrepid deti sallies forth again. This one is cute like #2 but inexperienced. She’s totally in love with deti, who, foolishly, thinks he can do better. He stands her up for a date with another girl; but the other girl stood up deti, who in turn is left holding his …. well, you know.
Diagnosis: Passing on the sure thing. Failure to respect the momentum.
Solution: If you have a choice between a maybe and a sure thing, you go with the sure thing, especially when she is totally devoted to you. Respect the momentum. Don’t ever stop moving forward, particularly if she’s trying to pull you there.
4. First College Girlfriend. Things start out great, but deti fails to escalate. She’s patient, but then deti decides he’s not feeling it with FCG and wants to date other girls, but can’t let FCG go. She gets increasingly pissed, then pushes the nuclear button, ending this mess of a relationship after a life of about 15 months.
Diagnosis: Where to begin? Failure to escalate. ONEitis. Failure to pull the plug on a brain-dead relationship.
Solution/Autopsy Findings: The relationship had run its course. It was over in about 8 months, but deti continued it on life support, going back and forth between seeing other girls and returning to FCG. Pull the plug and end a bad relationship, and do it now. Maybe it’s because you just don’t feel it, or you screwed up and you can’t fix it, or it’s just *meh*, or she’s pissed, or you mishandled something at a critical juncture. Whatever it is, doesn’t matter. Put it out of its misery.
Secondary cause of death: ONEitis. Tertiary cause of death: failure to escalate. If she’s willing, you need to escalate to full on P in V. Get you some condoms, wrap it, and get busy.
5. Italian Fling. This girl was HOT and down for early sex. She’s sexually experienced and always down for a good time. Deti does great out of the gate showing some Greater Beta. But he doesn’t quite know how to handle this. He thinks he’s got to go all in with commitment, declarations of love, and dates. After all, he wants to keep this one. She quickly loses interest after deti starts talking relationship.
Diagnosis: ONEitis (again). Investing too early. Failing to run his game after he’s got her. Failure to recognize and accept a good thing.
Solution: If what you’ve got is a fling, and it’s good sex, and she is good with how it is, then you GO WITH IT. It is what it is, and don’t try to make it more than what it is. Enjoy it while it lasts. Don’t start talking relationship with a girl who is down to sex you a couple of times a week. Just go with it. Just show dominance and keep the upper hand. When the ride comes to an end, be gracious about it. And for heaven’s sake, do not go all in.
6. Summer. I wrote about her at HUS. Long story short: Cute, about a 5, dynamite personality. Summer is only the second woman deti’s ever met that’s actually worth anything. He finally gets her alone and doesn’t escalate. She gives him a second chance. She invites him over to her dorm room, he escalates, runs into last minute resistance, then gives up. He’s not going to wait for sex even though Summer tells him “I haven’t done this before” and “I’m not ready to do this yet”. deti thinks he can do better, but nothing showed up on the horizon.
Diagnosis: Giving up too early, impatience. Failure to stick with the sure thing.
Solution: You stick with the sure thing. And you don’t give up. Sometimes “I’m not ready” means “keep trying” or “try harder” or “I’m getting there”. If you can’t get through the LMR you let it rest for a day or three, then you try again. Notice she said “I’m not ready … YET.” If deti had given Summer another week, she’d have been eating out of his hands.
And the fact that she’s a 5 doesn’t mean she’s not worth a few days’ wait. Maybe she is, maybe she wasn’t. But deti will never know, because he gave up too early.
7. Entitlement Princess. Deti met her senior year of college, and was smitten. A solid 7, probably. But she immediately pulled the entitlement princess out, and bashed deti within an inch of his life with demands for gifts, entertainment and meals. As if he’s never learned anything, deti stays with EP for 4 years until he just can’t take it anymore and finally breaks up with her.
Diagnosis: ONEitis. Failure to end unsatisfactory relationship. Failure to implement TWABAW.
Solution: Remember: There Will Always Be Another Woman. And end a relationship that no longer works. Certainly you don’t let them straggle on for 4 years. The minute you see entitlement princessing, you RUN, don’t walk, away. The telltale sign of an entitlement princess is her constant complaining that you don’t spend enough money or time on her. The EP is also prone to status whoring, including carrying expensive handbags.
Friends, learn from my mistakes. If a fling is what you’ve got, GO WITH IT. The average girls have a lot going for them, and you don’t know what you’re missing if you don’t give them a chance. End a bad relationship NOW. Don’t put up with entitlement princessing or status whoring. Remember that There Will Always Be Another Woman.