Getting a second date

i LOVE reading women giving relationship advice. i stumbled up this gem and figured i’d tell women how to REALLY cop a second date.

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/study-it-takes-men-20-minutes-or-less-to-decide-if-they-want-a-second-date

it’s the very last part of the article that got the dreaded *facepalm*. talk about no shit sherlock. ladies, you want to know how to cop a second date, here yah go.

  • be feminine
  • be fun
  • be friendly/flirty

look a first date is an interview, we all know that. you’re selling YOU Inc. so go ahead and be a stiff, over-bearing shrew. go ahead  and unload all your issues….see where that gets you. no guy wants to be around a woman like that, ESPECIALLY on a date. i was on a first date with a 23 year old woman (i was 28) and she was on her phone as i drove us to lunch- then i heard, “GOD ALRIGHT, QUIT BEING A BITCH!!!” and she hung up. then she said, “God my mom can be such an ass at times.”

seriously.

as far as i was concerned, the date was over. when i dropped her off, she mentioned having a great time and was looking forward to doing it again. “uuuuuh, yeah….i don’t think so.” i replied. she looked stunned and asked what was wrong. long story short i told her calling her mom a bitch rubbed me the wrong way. she asked me why the hell that would bother me so much and i told her:

“if you have that little respect for your mother, you’ll cut my throat if you get pissed at me. no thanks, best of luck to you.”

and i walked off.

Tia Susan posted a great article along the same lines, but it’s actually good in comparison to the MSN article- not that she needs MORE traffic. lol.

http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2012/04/03/relationshipstrategies/three-things-that-will-make-you-a-catch/


16 Comments on “Getting a second date”

  1. dogsquat says:

    One thing the gals reading might want to keep in mind is this:

    If you really like a guy and want to stick out in his mind, find an opportunity to help him in some way. You’re going to have to calibrate this to the situation, but even something small will shine out like an 81mm illumination round in the sable void of modern dating. Examples include:

    “Oh, are you taking that class next semester? I took it last year and still have the textbook. Feel free to buy/borrow/look over the book sometime.”

    “I love eating [whatever food], too! Let me email you my favorite recipe.” Bonus points if you bring said chow to the next date, BTW.

    “Wow! My friend is an expert at [Subject of discussion] and loves talking about it. Next time we hang out, I’ll introduce you two.”

    Don’t fixate on these examples – focus on their intent. A guy you’re interested in dating can probably get generic booty anywhere. What is becoming increasingly uncommon out there is a woman who is interested in being a team mate.

    I decided my GF was marriage material when I was dealing with a broken water pipe at my place of residence. I called her to cancel a date, and explained why. Unbidden by me, she showed up 20 minutes later with a wet/dry shop vac and helped me clean up. I was sloshing ankle deep in my newly re-done bathroom, cussing fit to peel paint, and then….there she was – with power tools, no less!

    I (and many, many guys I know) have reluctantly been forced to live by the ancient wisdom that “The only people in your life who truly have your best interests at heart are your mother and your Drill Instructor.” At that moment, she proved the exception to the rule.

    Most women would say something like,”Oh, that sucks, I really wanted to hang out. Call me when you’re done.” My ol’ lady PROVED that she’s got my back that day – that she will be someone I can lean on a little bit if I need to. I look out for all the people close to me, but for her, I’ll slay dragons.

    Again, I’m not saying you should donate a kidney to a guy on the first date. Don’t volunteer to help a first-date guy from Maine to LA. Keep your personal safety in mind at all times. Find something that takes less than an hour and doesn’t cost more than the price of a drink. You might get burned. Big deal – doesn’t cost much.

    The payoff for showing that you’re capable of thinking/acting this way, though, can be huge.

    • dogsquat says:

      Crap. I accidentally a word. This:

      “Don’t volunteer to help a first-date guy from Maine to LA.”

      should be

      “Don’t volunteer to help a first-date guy move from Maine to LA.”

  2. susanawalsh says:

    @Danny

    Whoa, good for you for giving that woman some honest feedback. I give you credit for seeing the date through at all.

    I think the suggestion in the msn article to work in some casual touching is a good one – and women often overlook it. I think they probably do worry about giving the wrong impression, but a light touch on the forearm is a strong IOI – they should do more of it.

    As always, Dogsquat’s advice is gold, I’ve clipped it for future reference. Dogsquat is inspiring!

    Thanks for the link, Danny!

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Killsquat always brings the heat.

      I’ve never really been on a first date where there isn’t some light touching. If a woman’s attracted to you….she’s going to touch you. Typically it’s the forearm or shoulder.

      And you’re welcome Tia.

      Sent from my iPhone

      • dogsquat says:

        Danny said:

        “I’ve never really been on a first date where there isn’t some light touching.”
        _________________________

        Hey! Me neither! Wait – does it count if the touching happens when I’m by myself, like before the date?

        IT’S MY DICK, AND I’LL TOUCH IT AS LIGHT AS I WANT.

        Stop looking at me like that.

  3. just visiting says:

    Something that used to bother me was an ex friend of mine who would have a date with one guy, and then break it if a different guy asked her out. She’d casually mention that she had plans, but that she’d cancel to go out with him. I figured this would be a red flag to a guy, but apparently not. Or am I being hopelessly old fashioned?

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Major red flag.

      Last minute flaking (barring an emergency) is a no-no. I won’t even try to make new plans, she has to work into my schedule from that point.

      Sent from my iPhone

  4. Ceer says:

    About the mom phoning your date DURING the date…

    This is a big no-no. All it can do is distract from the mood if it’s going well, and be off-putting if it’s not.

    If you have to do this, take the following steps:
    — put your phone on vibrate, and keep it away from hard objects
    — excuse yourself to the restroom to discreetly make your call
    — only call for legitimate reasons like a schedule update
    — ignore incoming calls or politely tell them you are busy

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Well to be fair, I didn’t care since we were driving to lunch. Once we were having lunch, had she taken a call I’d have taken notice.

      Sent from my iPhone

      • just visiting says:

        Keep in mind Ceer that a decade or so ago, a lot of the cell phone etiquette that we have now was still developing. A lot of it was common sense, but for younger people, not so much.

  5. Random Angeleno says:

    Cell phone use at any point on a first or second date is a no-no. Period. Only exception is emergency or on-call. The on-call needs to be disclosed up front. Cell phone use in front of me on a date is disrespecting my time with her and I don’t take kindly to that.

    If you act standoffish, don’t be surprised when I don’t call you again. Show a little physical touch on my forearm or something safe like that during the date as you act interested. Believe me I will give you the opportunity for those small touches. If you don’t take it, I will think you’re not that interested in me.

  6. Spooky says:

    I actually know someone who regularly describes her mother as a bitch (her mother actually kind of acts like…her) and has a serious victim complex. She’s never had a healthy relationship with a guy who wasn’t a complete douche in her life.
    It’s hard for me to not consider the possibility that the two are connected.


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