Marriage FearPosted: April 8, 2012
i’m absolutely terrified of getting married. seriously.
the last 2 days have covered my personal experience with love and marriage, and today i wanted to discuss my views on marriage specifically. i’ve been surrounded by married folk, watched my mom deal with divorce, read all the articles and heard all the sob stories associated with marriage. but, i’ve also watched my maw-maw and paw-paw’s 72 year marriage thrive and the total adoration they had for each other. i’m on record as being 100% pro-relationship. i’d love nothing more than to come home to some feminine beauty who throws her arms around my neck and fills my ear with the nonsense of her day and it’s details.
but marriage…..that’s a different matter. i will say that women need to be aware that 90% of men have ZERO problem with commitment. most men’s marriage fear comes from the realization that if the union dissolves he’ll be facing complete ruin. his finances will be seized and he’ll very likely not be able to see his own child. i know i know i know, i can hear the women saying that they’d never put such a levy on a man. but for every “i wouldn’t”, there are 10 “i would’s”. i read a great analogy that said marriage today is like a man being given a box of 50 grenades. 5 of the 50 are live, the other 45 are duds, pull a pin and it will either go off or won’t. so…..if you pick a grenade and it doesn’t go off, you win a lifetime of happiness, if not…..you die. so what do you do……there’s always the option of……not picking a grenade. and that’s what many men are doing. it’s not spiteful or hateful or misogynistic, it’s just todays reality for men.
the flip side is that women also have a fear of marriage, but it’s completely different. what they fear is NOT getting married. the whole “waking up next to mr wonderful” is a very real issue for women. it typically doesn’t rear it’s ugly head until a woman’s later years….but it’s there. see…..most men have no problem with growing old alone, there may even be a good amount of women that see it the same way, but for men, isolation is a natural thing. i’d LOVE to be in a relationship, but i’d rather be on my own than with a sub-quality partner. growing old alone? we all die alone…..it’s the natural occurrence of things. i don’t need someone to hold me hand as i stare into the abyss….i’d actually prefer to face it alone, one to one from the chest.
what’s always gotten me is most women’s sense of “marriage entitlement” and the disappointment that comes if she DOESN’T end up married. yet they take ZERO issue with men’s fears about marriage. that’s ALWAYS slayed me. i don’t want this turn into a bitch session about marriage, but i simply wanted to illustrate most men’s issues with the union. i have no problem with commitment or taking car of a woman or devoting my life to her and us. but there’s a VERY REAL fear of the legal union. so much so, that i’m not sure if i’ll ever do it. i guess we’ll have to wait and see.
i hope everyone had a great easter filled with family, fun, and peace.