On Single Mom’s

there was an interesting post on single mom’s on Mentu’s site  . i’ve also told younger guys and some single mom’s about my thoughts on the dating single mom’s phenomenon. firstly, as a man just shy of 40, most of the women in my dating pool are going to have a child. i have no problem with that. however, more than one child and i’m not committing. now, this isn’t an attack or a shaming on women that are single and have 2-3 kids. i’m quite sure it would be different if i had a kid or 2 myself.

me being a 38 year old childless man, i’m NOT SURE if i want kids…..and what if i DO want to have kids some day? a women with 2-3 kids has basically killed it for me- if i DON’T want kids. if i DO…..tough shit. so i choose to not engage in serious committed relationships with them. sex…..SURE. commitment, no….sorry. i think the world of a woman who’s working and raising 2 kids (hell, my own mom did it.).

those who’ve taken the red-pill are pretty aware of the current trend of women dumping their husbands and cleaning them out for frivolous reasons. i have no problem with divorcing a man who’s abusive or any other legit reason. but i have NUKED, single mom’s that gave me attitude and suggested i was lucky she was even giving me the time of day. and honestly, you’d be surprised how many single mom’s DO still have entitlement issues. well big surprise my soft harem is ALL single mom’s back in NO.

the purpose of this post IS NOT, about single mom’s though. i was pondering something else.

the “do not commit to single mom’s meme” is spreading quickly. divorced men are telling younger men the pit-falls and risks of marriage. boys are seeing what their fathers are being put through. and daughters i’m sure are noticing how mom is basically on the carousel. THIS, is what struck me as interesting……

i was talking with the private man last night and mentioned my theory how the upcoming generation of young girls might just be the reformers of american marriage, that they might be less inclined to just drop the marriage. to which private man mentioned that if the ‘sphere goes mainstream it’s very possible. but i have a different reason for thinking this: i think the up-coming young women may be more willing to work trying to keep the union alive having seen first hand how difficult it was for their mother’s to secure commitment after divorce. did i research this: seriously….ME research?

stay up.


23 Comments on “On Single Mom’s”

  1. Jamie says:

    “i think the up-coming young women may be more willing to work trying to keep the union alive having seen first hand how difficult it was for their mother’s to secure commitment after divorce.”

    THIS.
    I’ve been trying to convey this point around the sphere for some time but the response has not been kind. I’m not sure how much truth there is to it but if the divorce rates of the 80’s and 90’s is any indicator, I’d say the chances are about 50-50. MOST of the single moms I know who are my age have pretty amicable custody arrangements with their baby-daddies. (I only know one who doesn’t and HE is the one who bailed.)

    Thing is, approximately half of us millennials have already been through a divorce and the fallout. I like to think we learned something.

    Also, my mom didn’t get re-married until I was 20. To be fair, my brother and I raised hell on her boyfriends when we were little. We hated all of them but one and sadly, that relationship never took off. Dating as a single mom sucks. Not only do you have to find someone that YOU like, that likes you back, your kids have to get along with him too and this all needs to be established BEFORE you start down the LTR road. Fuuuuuuuuuuck that.

  2. Caelaeno says:

    Eh. My parents’ divorce has just made me wary of marriage in general, rather than of divorce…in fact, I think my mom probably should’ve divorced Dad ten years before she did.

    It would be interesting to see if the average age of first marriage is higher, lower, or the same for children from broken homes.

  3. dogsquat says:

    That’s an interesting point, Danny. If it’s not this generation, it’ll be the next that brings marriage back. I don’t think that Uncle Sam will be taking very good care of the baby boomers as they age, simply due to money issues.

    I think watching granny die alone, in bad surroundings, and miserable because Medicare doesn’t cover a med that would make her feel better is going to leave an impression on a lot of people. It’s better to have family take care of you than government workers in your old age. You ain’t gonna have much family that cares if you EPL on them in your 40’s.

  4. ASF says:

    I kind of doubt it will be this generation, maybe the next one.

    The single mom calculation takes on a different perspective if you already have a child. In that case, there can never be long term commitment, because I would view any resource expended on her child as something I am taking away from my own. Although strictly speaking it’s probably not quite a zero-sum game, it feels like it is. Sorry single moms.

  5. deti says:

    Hmm. The argument that women will bring marriage back is the opposite of what the men are doing. Men see how it is now, and say “no marriage”.

    Women see how it is now, and eventually will say “marriage, and I’m in it for the long haul”. You might see more women willing to show good faith early on, like being willing to sign prenups, being willing to move cross country, and giving up more and more independence.

    • JS says:

      That’s an interesting POV. In some ways I agree but in some ways you’re scaring me.

      I was actually thinking….well how can we women bring marriage back if men stop proposing (which with the MGTOW & sphere is/will become harder and harder). But you bring a good point about “You might see more women willing to show good faith early on, like being willing to sign prenups, being willing to move cross country, and giving up more and more independence”

      I am willing to sign a pre-nup. Move across the country? It would depend on where.

      As for the scary bits….give up independence? What does that mean? No working outside the home? No visits to my family if my husband’s work schedule doesnt allow him to come with? Getting an allowance from my husband? Asking permission to buy a new outfit? Those things are not exactly making me feel excited about the type of person who would want to infantilize me and turn me into someone with all the independence a 9-yr old girl.

      HOWEVER, if you have a different idea of giving up independence, I would love to hear it.

      If it means pretending that I can’t kill bugs, operate a fuse box, take out the trash or take the car to a mechanic, well I can pretend to be weak/stupid so he can feel strong, I have to do that already, so that’s not a big deal.

      But seriously, what does give up independence mean in your above statements?

      • Michel says:

        It means none of the above you mentioned. He’ll elaborate.

      • deti says:

        JS:

        “Give up more independence” just means the man/husband is the dominant partner, while you submit. Dominant just means he breaks the ties, sets the overall course of your life, and you submit and follow the course he lays out.

        Somebody’s gotta lead. Only one person can drive the car. The man is suited to it. So you should let him do it.

        He gets ultimate veto power over the big stuff. Things like where you will live, what car to buy, where he will work, where you will work, whether you will work — you talk together. If you are diametrically opposed, he breaks the tie and you do it his way. But if he is a good captain, he listens to the advice and counsel of you, his first officer. More than once my wife has influenced me away from a poor decision with her advice and counsel. She was a good first officer– she saw something I didn’t and spoke up to keep the ship from driving into an iceberg.

        Give up independence does not mean he micromanages your life. That’s not alpha, that’s insecure beta or omega. He’s an idiot if he’s trying to do that. If he’s alpha he releases you to work and act as first officer. That means you have autonomy over certain areas of the day to day operations of the relationship. For example, my wife is in total charge of running our house. She makes decisions on food purchases, home improvements, spending on little things. clothes for the kids, clothes for herself. I have neither the time, the patience nor the inclination to flyspeck every decision she makes in that regard. So I don’t, so long as she is showing basic competence in executing those functions.

        She is free to visit her family or anyone else she wants, or take the kids overnight somewhere, or go by herself. I am not a slavedriver. I am at work, she is at home. I cannot and do not demand that she account for her whereabouts and activities every minute of every day. However, if she showed she were not trustworthy, then I would tighten my oversight. I have not had to do that.

        It’s one thing to spend $50 on clothes. Don’t care about that. If it’s going to be $500, I at least want to hear about it before the $$ is spent.

        A good first officer shows she can be trusted to handle things. If she can, she gets more and more authority and autonomy. If she cannot, she gets less. Show yourself trustworthy, and some good man will probably hire you as his first officer.

      • JS says:

        @ Deti …okay, I can get on-board with what you’ve written.

        I would only add, in regard to the man breaks ties when they are diametrically opposed, instead of him deciding the final outcome when they’re have opposing viewpoints: that if the couple is at odds over a particular decision or issue, they should, out of love, acquiesce to the person who it means more to.

        For example: I would be happy never owning a car again; I haven’t owned one for over 10 yrs. I think cars are a waste of money, time (finding parking) and they depreciates in value the moment you buy one. However, I live in Manhattan (I would also be happy never driving again….it makes me nervous to drive). But if my imaginary, future, husband really, really wanted a car, despite the expense and aggravation, I would of course submit to his wants/needs for having a car.

        But if it were the other way around, I would expect that if it something were really, deeply important to me, he would let me have it simply because he could see that it was really important to me and not as important to him, whatever that topic may be.

  6. Southern Man says:

    Enjoy your blog, but we need to have a talk about the proper use of apostrophes.

  7. just visiting says:

    You’ll have women who are scared of marriage and divorce . So, you’ll see more couples living together, having kids and then breaking up .

  8. The Navy Corpsman says:

    When I was in college, I met an incredibly beautiful woman who had two kids from a previous marriage. We dated a few times, I met the kids, we all got along very well. But, (and you knew there was going to be a “but” dintcha?) I had resolved to myself that things were not going to go too far before I found out WHY she was divorced. Long story short, she didn’t want to tell me. Her older son told me, while we were on a picnic. Let’s just say that she was justified in filing for divorce. She simply would not tell me, and that was a Spacetraveler ‘non-negotiable’ in my book. Raising two kids that were not my biological children was not a problem for me, but a wife that would not talk about her previous divorce, was a problem. In the end, we just stopped going out on dates, rather than a formal breakup.

    She could have easily been the One. She didn’t just tick the boxes, she filled them to overflowing, and I told her that, several times. She just didn’t want to talk about her divorce, and eventually that became the wedge that drove us apart. Single moms are definitely different from women that have no children, but that’s never bothered me. However, even though the Eat Pray Love crap is only recently admitted to by women, it’s been around for decades, and I’m not one to commit to someone whose record is already 0-1 or worse. I’ve mentioned before, over at Spacetraveler’s site, that I don’t think divorce is a bad choice, if you’re in an unhappy marriage. But, let me make this clear, divorcing because she is bored, or emotionally unfulfilled, has always made a woman a red flag, to me. What the hell could make me believe that she won’t do the same to me? As you said earlier, Danny, the social stigma of divorce has been removed, for the most part, in our society. I never had much of a problem with divorce, if it’s justifiable in my opinion. Where I draw the line, is quitting because it’s not ‘fun’.

    Of course, should her children be something like the kid in the “Omen” movie, I might have different thoughts. For me, however, a woman’s character was far more important than her having kids already. As for women changing as a result of men’s refusal to get married? Not if the majority of blogs and articles on the internet are any indication. The reaction to Red Pills seems to be “you’re bitter” and other crap that shows me that they aren’t even interested in hearing it. Sure, some women are trying to understand, and they’re the ones who are being left behind in all this. But the vast majority of women now understand that they have the upper hand, and are too busy reveling in their ‘new empowerment’.

    Also, I just had to comment on ‘independence’. Ladies, understand this: most men, at least the majority, are much more concerned about their own independence than they are about yours, before a marriage. Most men also understand that you are concerned about yours, much more than theirs. This is basic human nature. Where the problem arises, is when men realize that you can file for divorce and still keep him as provider and ATM machine, without allowing him any regained independence, but you get ALL your independence returned. Tell the truth: would you be willing to be ‘enslaved’ as Betty Friedan called it, for the rest of YOUR lives? I’ll not comment on whether most men are dominant, or not… but if you’re a dominant type woman, I’d advise you seek a submissive male, if you’re hetero. Otherwise, you’ll just become part of the statistics.

    The Navy Corpsman

    • deti says:

      You were right, Navy. If she doesn’t want to talk about why a major relationship failed, that’s a major red flag. She could be hiding something. She could have been at fault. Or maybe she was not. Fact is, she doesn’t want to completely open up; she won’t be an open book, and that’s a dealbreaker. Rule for me was if we’re serious and I want to know about it, you have to tell me, and your story better check out. Otherwise I’m justified in concluding you’re hiding something.

      We’re not like girls. We don’t want mystery. We don’t need intrigue. We don’t want surprises, and we don’t want drama.

    • JS says:

      I think the red flag on her not talking about it depends on what the son told you when he explained why they divorced.

      For example, if she was severely abused, she may not want to go into details because they are painful for her to relive or she fears you’re not strong enough to handle it.

      No offense but a lot of men have a hard time dealing with hearing about trauma – I speak from experience. I was in a traumatic car accident when I was a little kid and my dad died, I wound up with yrs of PTSD, and it takes me a long time to tell a guy that my dad died, nevermind how it happened, because I dont want to get judged/labeled as being screwed up/daddy issues….I’m not screwed up but I had to work very hard (therapy and on my own) to work through my issues/grief/PTSD, etc but I dont like talking about it and risk getting labeled as damaged goods for something I had no control over.

  9. Professor Mentu says:

    Hey Danny, thanks for the linkage. Not sure what I think about the next generation bringing marriage back though (not disagreeing, I’m really not sure what I think yet). If I had to guess, I’d say women will rationalize and then normalize getting pregnant by some guy with good genetics, then marrying the state (welfare, medicare, etc.)

    An entire generation will not have the know-how or skill to be the woman men want (kind, caring, honest, dependable, feminine, loyal, trustworthy, etc.) because there’ll be no one around qualified to teach them.

    I hope I’m wrong though.

  10. The Navy Corpsman says:

    “I think the red flag on her not talking about it depends on what the son told you when he explained why they divorced.

    For example, if she was severely abused, she may not want to go into details because they are painful for her to relive or she fears you’re not strong enough to handle it. ”

    Her ex cheated on her, therefore I feel she was justified in seeking a divorce. Here’s the real problem, JS… she never even said, “I need some time to get over it” even though it had been two years. She just absolutely flatly refused to speak of it. Like Deti said, I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist, I don’t need that kind of drama, and I’m not qualified to help another person deal with their emotional baggage of such importance. It came down to whether or not she trusted me to understand the situation she went through, and clearly, she did not. Or maybe her son didn’t know the whole story, but in the end, her refusal to talk with me about it made the reasons for her divorce a moot point.

    The Navy Corpsman

    • JS says:

      okay, I can see if she could not even make a broad statement of “he left me for someone else” or “he was a serial cheater or having an affair” …then clearly she is not over the trauma and needs to work through that before she can truly be present with someone new (aka you).

      I had a bf when I was in my early 20s who had a rough youth (his dad beat/abused him severely) and he was very tight-lipped about his past, but it’s not like he told me nothing (liek you’re describing above)….but I got very used to the idea that some people dont want to speak about their past. So maybe I am too lenient in that arena than I ought to be

  11. Raycomo1982 says:

    Great Post! Great Blog! My two cents on single mothers is simple; each child equals a strike against you, and three means you’re out! Why? Since I have no children, she can get 100% of me (theoretically), but I have to share her with some other dudes f*ck trophies? Nah, don’t think so.

  12. J.M. says:

    Hi, regarding your comments, I think that single mother shunning for anything but one night stands has to come back if we are to regain certain equilibrium. Whether you like it or not MOST single mothers made choices that led them to their present condition, they are not entirely innocent, not even innocent at all, especially in the West. If not for morale for practical purposes, what self-respecting man would date someone and take of children that have a father, remember there was a reason our greatgrandfathers didn’t marry single women with children but widows…


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