Landing a man’s Commitment

ladies if you’re looking for a commitment minded man- please read. you’re welcome. emphasis mine. i left out the intro, but if you want to read it click the link. i’d read this on huff-post before i started blogging. well, i ran across it again recently and thought i’d share her 6 reasons.
1. You’re a Bitch.
Here’s what I mean by bitch. I mean you’re angry. You probably don’t think you’re angry. You think you’re super smart, or if you’ve been to a lot of therapy, that you’re setting boundaries. But the truth is you’re pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it’s scaring men off.

The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband [tee hee]. Here’s what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian [actually lacey chabert, thank you]. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn’t think so. You’ve seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man’s fear and insecurity in order to get married — but actually, it’s perfect, since working around a man’s fear and insecurity is big part of what you’ll be doing as a wife.

2. You’re Shallow.

When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you’re not married, I already know it isn’t. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.[troof]

Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.

3. You’re a Slut.

Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore — but they’re not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you’re having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin — it doesn’t stay recreational for long.

That’s due in part to this thing called oxytocin — a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm — that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It’s why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn’t even all that great and the next thing you know, you’re totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that’s how it happened. And since nature can’t discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you’re going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.[i think everyone gets this one by now]

4. You’re a Liar.
It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he’s not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he’s married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, “I’m not really available for a relationship right now.”

You know if you tell him the truth — that you’re ready for marriage — he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don’t want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don’t want to get in a relationship at all! You swear!

About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don’t tell him that. That’s your secret — just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can’t live without you. I have news: he will never “figure” this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn’t be lying to him in the first place.

5. You’re Selfish.
If you’re not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don’t have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy — or at least a guy with a really, really good job — would solve all your problems.

Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It’s not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say — if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios. [THIS]

6. You’re Not Good Enough.
Oh, I don’t think that. You do. I can tell because you’re not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.

Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don’t know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won’t love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.[yup]

I see this at my son’s artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you’re trying to be. They’re attractive, sure. They’re just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.

Alright, so that’s the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won’t. Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. [preach it sister] Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession — a free-agent penis [add- finanical freedom, possible loss of kids] — and for us, it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland. [i don’t think ANY man has ever been told by a married male relative- i can’t wait for you to hget married boy, you’re gonna be one hell of a groom. it’s usually spoken of as cautionary]

The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. [ask any one of my ex gf’s] But as you give him love anyway — because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self — you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:


i hope this helped. stay up

13 Comments on “Landing a man’s Commitment”

  1. Danny,

    I had seen this too, a long time ago.
    Whilst it made me laugh in places, I saw how true it was.

    Thank you for showing it here.
    It really IS a helpful article.


    • dannyfrom504 says:

      yeah, i read it a while back is well. as a commitment minded single man in the SMP i can stand behind this article 100%.

      • I really do like the spirit behind the article, Danny.

        If however I should find fault with it, it would be number 5.

        A woman can not and should not be forced into motherhood before she is a mother.
        It might be strange for you to hear me say this, but a woman is allowed to be selfish BEFORE she is married. It’s the only time she is allowed to be selfish.
        If she does not indulge herself sufficiently during this important time, she will be selfish AFTER marriage and kids, a time she is no longer allowed to be self-indulgent…
        A lot of women make this mistake, to the detriment of whole families.
        I say enjoy your ‘freedom’ while you can. Because whilst after marriage, a man is still allowed his freedom, a woman is not.

        Besides, there was never a time in history where adoption of a child or single motherhood of any form was a pre-requisite for marriage! If anything, this was frowned upon.

        There is a reason why one precedes the other.
        It’s supposed to be couple first, child(ren) later.

        Yes children make one less selfish – but see above.

        If a woman’s ‘selfish time’ is taken up by children before she meets a man, her LTR/marriage is already doomed, in my opinion. Because her children will always come first. Recipe for disaster with any man, whether or not he is the father of said children.

        So I am afraid I have no real praise for the Angelina Jolies and Sandra Bullocks of this world who are adopting kids as single parents.
        I am not intending to follow their plan of action and I wouldn’t advise any woman to do so either.

        There are several ways a woman can reduce her natural selfishness whilst single. And some of course do involve childcare, but not her own! She is not supposed to have children of her own if she is single!
        How about babysitting a friend’s child? Or doing some volunteer work? Or even just throwing a party to feed some hungry friends? Or visiting your long-forgotten auntie in her nursing home?

        There is so much one can do…
        Adoption as a single woman ain’t one of the smart choices in this context.

  2. sosweet2362 says:

    “You are enough right this minute. Period”

    This is not something typically heard or supported in the manosphere. I am pleasantly surprised.

    “Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something – it’s about giving it.”

    Amen. Marriage and family are about giving to your husband and kids. If you don’t want that, don’t get married. Marriage IS a career. And like any other career, if you put your time, effort and love into it, you will make it a rewarding one.

    Thanks Danny, this was great!

  3. John Robie says:

    This article is great! It hits the drama queen, stubborn, disloyal, dishonest, selfish, and low self esteem points. Continuing on, a few more qualities that guys looking for a high value woman would be wise to look out for are: being close-minded, greedy, dirty, high maintenance, down trodden, non-functioning adult and disrespectful. While most of these red flag do overlap, unearthing one simply means the others haven’t bled out yet. Thanks for sharing.

  4. At first I thought this was going to be a ridiculously cynical post, but really there is some great advice in there. I have a few single friends who need to read that!

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      you’re welcome Miss. welcome to the blog.

      • Tbh, I’ve seen your blog mentioned on a few sites, but it took making a shit list for curiosity to get the best of me… I guess that makes me the rubber-necker of the bloggosphere. I heard something bad, so I HAD to look! (Really I’m not in the dating world, so I don’t read a lot of dating blogs, but a few I end up loving…)

  5. […] Virginity“, “Reader Mailbag: Options = Instability”Danny from 504 – “Landing a Man’s Commitment”Furry Girl – “The Most Important Lesson You Will Ever Learn About […]

  6. Alina says:

    Rubbish! Do you want us all to be submissive slaves???!!! I rather be alone…thank you very much:-)

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      I wish you and your cats the best Dear.

    • Alina,
      If I may butt in…
      The article is NOT rubbish.
      There are many truths to it.
      Whether you are married or single, take a second look at it, with an open mind. You’d be amazed at what you see.
      (With the possible exception of number 5 of course :-))

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