Just Be Yourself

my post featuring an interview in what shay maria finds attractive in a man has gotten a little bit of a talk going on. in particular the line where she tells men to “just be themselves”. i happen to agree with miss maria, whole heartedly in fact. but i think some of the guys that say JBY is bullshit are looking waaaay too into the the red-pill mindset and not into the more practical reasons to JBY.
now….if a guys just running game to get laid, JBY isn’t really a factor. if you just want to get laid, you know the drill. no point into going into all that……there are PLENTY of other sites teaching men all that. that’s not MY site. i’m more relationship minded, and keeping with that- JBY is in fact a necessity.
i HATE being asked, “what is it you look for in a girl you date?” by a new or potential gf. seriously, i NEVER answer it. firstly i don’t want to pigeon-hole a woman (well, except….you know) by what i may or may not like. i want to experience HER. i want to discover HER, i want to learn what moves her. to me that’s the best part of having a new gf. in my experience, it’s best to take my time and discover if the woman is right me by JUST BEING MYSELF. in return, i’ll do the same. either she’s feeling me or she’s not, and VICE VERSA.
i think JBY is pretty basic. i’m not going to agree with something she does just to gain favor with her or to be agreeable. at the same time i don’t expect her to bend to my each and every…. let me rephrase that. i don’t want her to act in a manner she thinks i’ll approve of. that’d be disingenuous. when it comes down to it- either you’re good together, or you’re not. it’s that simple. i have certain characteristics that i NEED in a women, if i don’t see them….well, time to move on. the last gf was a cool, feminine, likable woman. BUT……there were things i was able to discover by spending time with her that told me she just wasn’t right for me; so i moved on.
JBY means being you and holding her accountable if/when she messes up. it DOES NOT mean supplication and pedestalization. i think men and women can agree on that one. i just feel like some guys are getting too hung up on the game side of JBY and not focusing on the practicalities of JBY.
when i meet a potential new gf i act like the same individual writing this site. a few of the readers have spoken with me or know me personally and can vouch for that. i don’t act any different. think of a friend- you’re probably friends with that person because by and large, you both get along well. you may not see eye to eye on every issue, but you respect their individuality. to me, it’s the same with screening a new potential gf. i know who and what i am, i know where i’m going. a cute face and body isn’t going to change that or compromise my sensibilities or morals.

because i’m ME, and pretty decent me if i may add. stay up

17 Comments on “Just Be Yourself”

  1. Firepower says:

    JBY game is strictly for Robert Patinson and Tony Romo.

  2. dannyfrom504 says:

    JBY isn’t game. sorry.

    • Firepower says:


      …i just feel like some guys are getting too hung up on the game side of JBY…

      If you have to establish, codify and describe rules – it’s a game.

      No big.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        i never put down rules, i just described what i do when i meet and am interested in a woman. i don’t put on fronts or airs, i’m just myself.

        ask any woman that knows me that comes to my site.

  3. Blues says:

    So here’s the deal, JBY is advice that depends on the interpretation a man gives it and said interpretation is entirely dependent of what pill he’s on, lemme elaborate:

    -If you’re on the feminist controlled blue pill (administered on a daily base in girl world) JBY it’s interpreted as “just be yourself, you don’t need to change, it’s the young girls that aren’t mature enough to appreciate you, just wait and don’t change your chumpy beta self because one day a carousel rider will need someone to be her provider and then she will realize what a great catch you are and take you… at least until she can get a kid or two, divorce and go back to alpha chasing while you support her and her boyfriends life style”

    -If you’re on the red pill, it’s interpreted as “just be yourself, you don’t need to become this super fake alpha pua, just develop the most alphapersona you can make out of your individual tastes, traits and skills with self improvement”

    Basically what colors your perspective it’s the principles you have in your head, to borrow Rum’s idea it’s like being a master mathematician that can do anything with numbers flawlessly but that thinks π = 2.14 , no matter how well you know your stuff as long as you carry this flawed principle you’re either bound to fail or succeed in what seems a random manner unless you correct it.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      again, i think most guys look too deeply into this. it’s easy…BE YOURSELF. i don’t know how else to explain it. all the gf’s i’ve had in the past……they got the raw, unfiltered Danny. if they liked it cool; if they didn’t……..well….it was over.

  4. just visiting says:

    I don’t think the guys in the sphere are ready to hear it. I’ve tried on other blogs, but they just equate it with getting stomped on. Perhaps I’m off the mark, but I think the main thing is have some self respect and take care of your boundaries.

  5. deti says:


    I get what you’re saying about JBY but there’s more to it, I think.

    For you, Dannyfrom504, JBY works because “yourself” is pretty damn good.

    For a lot of men, “yourself” is not so great. It’s pansy, weaselly, supplicating, mealymouthing. It’s weak, boring and wussified.

    So a lot of men have to be better “yourselves” before JBY can really be offered as sound relationship advice.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      “So a lot of men have to be better “yourselves” before JBY can really be offered as sound relationship advice.”

      i’ve said that from day one Brother. be the best you you can be…..that’ll always bring the woman to you.

  6. Random Angeleno says:

    JBY is a dating and relationship disaster for a man fully immersed in the blue pill world. Being the best he can be will only attract women if the blue pill is excised (or better yet exorcised) from his mindset as he pushes himself forward.

    Danny clearly internalizes the red pill in his mindset even as he also makes it abundantly clear that he likes women, thus JBY works great for him because his attitude is both fun to be around and also no pedestalizing or BS tolerated. His boundaries and self-respect are fully integrated and congruent with his personality and outlook; he has no issue communicating them to women as necessary. An important lesson in how JBY can work with women, otherwise known as a chick crack exhibit.

    Ingesting the red pill is not salvation by itself: for me, it was just the first step of a journey toward becoming the kind of JBY guy who can attract women, not the kind who routinely repels them. A lot of work there, but some want the easy way which is why PUA is so attractive to them.

  7. M3 says:

    Let me just add my real life experiences with ‘jby’

    Entire teens and 20’s. was told ‘jby’.
    -played d&d, online games, heavy into tech, not physically fit, a veritable fashion faux pas, shy, timid, supplicating.
    = involuntarily celibate.

    30’s and specifically last 1.5 years,
    -worked out and developed a body that catches female gaze, groom well, shaved head and accepted lack of hair thus ‘owning it’, read Yohami about frames, read Badger about slowing down and being focused, bought a new more fashion trending wardrobe, practice inner game, learned to control emotion, dropped one-itus, become flirtatious and drop innuendo without fear of consequences.
    = ‘jby’ that works.

    the core of me hasn’t changed.. just how it’s presented. I have the luxury of ‘just being myself’ now with knowledge, wisdom and proper application.

    Being told to ‘just be myself’ when i was absolutely unattractive was almost license to continue excusing my poor betashmuck ass to continue being a loser. I think women should be a touch harsher and instead of saying ‘jby’ to actualize their thoughts and spur men to STOP just being themselves if it is detrimental to their hopes of actually attaining female companionship. This is quite different from teaching a man to become and asshole gamer, but a little push in the right direction would go a long way to helping break the cycle of self delusion in a lot of walking beta/omega zombies.

    I would much rather have heard in my 20’s.. ‘You know, you’re a great guy, but you’d be so much better if you put some muscle on, walked tall with your head high, and flirted a little instead of making self depreciating jokes all the time.’

    instead of ‘there’s someone out there for you, just be yourself and you’ll find her eventually!’

    I can’t remember where i read it, but i recall a post about natural alpha’s being the worst people to get advice from, because they are natural and have no clue why they have success, they’ve had it all their lives, so them saying ‘just be yourself’ is like a guy who knows how to ride a motorcycle around a racetrack at 300mph telling a n00b ‘oooh its simple, just open the throttle and hug the corners, it’s easy’.

    Then there’s surprise when they’re picking out bits of body parts and twisted metal out of the retaining fence around the first chicane.

    Just my 0.02. Chicken and egg. One needs the knowledge before being yourself is socially acceptable or attractive.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      this is why i try yo keep my posts about actual interactions with woman and i write about myself. i’s rather talk about what i’ve had work/not work rather than pontificate “game”. yes- game works, but like you said, i don’t know how guys don’t “get it”. glad you found success though. and tbh, your 30’s and above are your best years for handling women. seriously.

      very good explanation M3. stay up.

  8. Spooky says:

    “But I think some of the guys that say JBY is bullshit are looking waaaay too into the the red-pill mindset and not into the more practical reasons to JBY.”

    Guys are like boobs. Better when they’re genuine.

    Used to know someone who formulated this whole persona of what he had decided was the ideal man that he was supposed to be, based on advice he’d gotten from (very creepy PUA-based) game sites. Overdid it by leaps and bounds to the point that it was extremely clear that he was overcompensating frantically at every turn. He thought it made him suave, but it really just made him look like he was imitating someone else–which technically, he was.
    You can see the problem here.

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