Happy Mother’s Day

repost from Sept.

I got to work and had this little exchange on FB IM.

Her- “Are you close with your mom.”

Me-  “Why??? :/

Her- completely bat shit hamster article link

I read the article.

Firstly….it’s written by 2 WOMEN. Smh. Secondly,  a few of the explanations were insulting. To me, this sums up EVERYTHING I need to know from the first slide: “Ah, men and their mothers. It’s a bond we may not fully understand until we birth sons ourselves. In the meantime, we’ll keep busy by examining how the men in our lives interact with their mothers, in order to glean more info on their overall character. Here’s a guide to help your guy analysis.

So….these 2 Dummies don’t even HAVE sons, yet they want to spout out mother-son relationship analysis. Die in a Fire. I wonder how many women reading MSN are going to take this advice as Dogma.

Me- “To answer your question: YES. I’m close with ALL of my immediate family with the exception of my father. Secondly this article is mostly bullshit. Some is down-right insulting. Yes at some point I do believe you need to let go of momma’s skirt.”

Her- “How often do you call your mom.”

Me- “Are you serious? Please tell me you aren’t going to try to Psychoanalyze ME. You’re not smart enough, I’ll lead you in the total wrong direction. Look, as a woman, it’s best to leave the mom-son dynamic alone and respect it (unless it’s an unhealthy and caustic one…even then, you’re treading dangerous ground). All that should matter is: A-are they close? B-Does he respect her.” “If he’s a momma’s boy (which is what I think you’re leading to), recognize it and decide if you can deal with a man like that in your life. Because you AREN’T going to change that dynamic.”

Her- (10 minute pause, but I KNEW she was at her computer). “Thanks Danny”

Me- “Anytime sweetie. That’s what I’m here for.” For the record, I call the Mom about 3-4 times a month. She relays family news I need to know about. The Grandmother died (Rest in Peace Mamma-Cat) in June, my Paw-Paw will be passing before the year ends. Don’t ask how I know, I just do. [edit- i was wrong on this thankfully] I figured since I’m bored at work I’ll just comment on each slide and offer a SON’S take.

Slide 2-  “He Calls Her Daily”- If your man and his mom are always chatting, then he likely tells her everything. including intimate details of your relationship. Not only will she be privy to your private moments with her son, but she probably also weighs in on every argument the two of you have. And guess whose side she’ll be taking.”

Me, talk to my mom about my sex life. Ew. I was on the phone telling my mom last year how I had hotel reservations over the weekend when I got into the city. My step-father over heard this and asked her, “why is he staying in a hotel, that’s stupid? Just stay here.” I started giggling. My mom answered, “because he HAS to stay in a hotel for the weekend.” Good ‘ol carson clueless asked, “why the hell not?” my mom (God bless her) answered him dead-pan, “Because he’s not allowed to have sex in this house.” Lol.  These women OBVIOUSLY have insecurity issues. Now I think a guy calling his mom EVERYDAY is odd, but I think these girls are sending the wrong message and are over-reacting.

Slide 3- “He Needs Her Input”- There’s something emasculating about a grown man who can’t make a decision without his mother’s guidance. Sure, we’d like him to respect her opinions, but when he uses his mom as a crutch, it’s a sign that he’s too insecure to stand on his own two feet. If he doesn’t trust himself to make a decision, then how are you supposed to trust him to?”

Somewhat agree, but maybe there’s a reason he “needs her input.” I translate this as these ladies thinking, “he doesn’t need ME.” I ask my mom’s input on things, but not EVERYTHING. I didn’t ASK my mother if she approved of my volunteering to deploy to Kuwait. But, I DID ask her what she thought about it (she didn’t want me to go……sorry mom, but Danny’s was heading to the desert). And…..maybe mom gives some pretty damn good advice and he’s makes BAD decisions. Yet, I agree……a man needs to be able to stand on his own 2 feet.

Slide 4- “He’s Not Appreciative”- A guy who takes his mother – the woman who gave him life – for granted probably doesn’t give props to any of the peeps in his life, including his girlfriend. This type of man typically has an inflated sense of self and feels entitled: He doesn’t thank people, because he thinks they’re just doing their required duty, whether it’s as a lover, a mother or a friend.”

Ok. I’ll go with this one. 

Slide 5- “They’re Just Not Close”- While there are legitimate reasons for a man to become estranged from his mother, some guys just don’t have the patience, time or heart to stay close to their moms. If he doesn’t value his relationship with the first woman to love him, then chances are that he won’t make his relationship with his lover a priority. and the same goes for his eventual family.”

Nope. Too presumptuous. There may be a DAMN good reason he’s not close to his mother.

Slide 6- “He Bad-Mouths Her”- While not all mothers deserve a Mom of the Year award, regardless of how terrible a guy’s mom was or even still is, his propensity to diss the woman who birthed him is a poor reflection of his personality. A jab once in a while is understandable; constant bad-mouthing (or worse, whining) shows a lack of respect for women and a serious need to grow up.”

Agree. I ended a date after a girl told her mom over the phone to, “shut the fuck up already.” We had lunch (she said it while we were driving to the place). I ate as quickly as i could didn’t talk all that much and (made her pay for her meal btw) and took her home. The look on her face when I told her good-bye and didn’t lean in to kiss her was priceless. Never called her again. She was: face-9, body-8, personality- -4.

Slide 7- “He’s Not Respectful”- Even if she was pretty awful in the past, if your guy is nasty to his mother in front of you or other people, then he’s tactless and insolent. And if he’s capable of treating his mom with such blatant callousness, then chances are that he won’t hesitate to berate you in public, either.”

See slide 6

Slide 8- “He Thinks She’s His Maid”- If he still expects his mom to clean up after him, then this over-coddled dude likely relies on other people to handle all his adult responsibilities, like filling out job applications and scheduling appointments. The fact that he hasn’t taken ownership of these tasks shows that he’s immature and lazy.”

I think we’re over doing it here. What makes you think he thinks his mom is his maid? Does he LIVE with mom? I think this more points to these ladies not wanting to pick up after him since drinking the feminist kool-aid.  I bet these 2 will be cleaning up some after their sons. Is being domestic THAT awful? I ALWAYS share house-hold chores with the lady. That’s just fair.

Slide 9- “He Still Adheres to Her Rules”- Men who live by their mother’s edicts long after they’ve left the house don’t have the cojones to establish their own set of values and standards. If every sentence out of his mouth is “my mom says,” then it’s not only annoying, but also a signal that he’s afraid to live his own life.”

Agree but I think the big picture here is that these 2 are implying, “He won’t adhere to MY rules.”

Slide 10- “He Puts Her On A Pedestal”- When Mom is God’s gift to the world, whatever she says, does or thinks will always be superior to what you say, do or think. Even if you’re brighter, prettier and kinder than his mother, you’ll never quite measure up in his book.”

LOVE this one. Holy shit. These 2 are saying, “THEN I WON’T BE ON THE PEDESTAL!!!!!!” guess what, my mother is on a pedestal. Deservedly so, if the missus doesn’t like it….the hell with her. However I am NOT at mommy’s beck-and-call. But she’s a PHENOMENAL woman.

Slide 11- “He’s Close With Her- A guy who’s close with his mommy isn’t necessarily a momma’s boy. Actually, a man who has a good relationship with mom is generally more sensitive, communicative and understanding toward women’s emotions than one who barely speaks to his mother.”

Wow they got another right.

me and the mom. tell me i’m a momma’s boy and i’ll respond, “totally”.

me and mom at Sis’s wedding. i was a tad chubby then.

me and the Maw-Maw. RIP Momma Cat. not a day goes by that i don’t miss you. thank you for everything you did for me. i’ll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it.

me and Maw-Maw at a parade Downtown on Canal st. fucking cracker jacks man!!!

15 Comments on “Happy Mother’s Day”

  1. Awww, Danny,
    I think I said this before: Your Ma is very beautiful.
    And I think you have her eyes.

  2. dogsquat says:

    I think these articles serve as justification for women to think whatever they were going to think about you anyway. “Respects her opinion, but doesn’t use her as a crutch”. That line exists where the Hamster draws it.

    I am not making jokes about Cracker Jacks, either. BOOSH!

  3. The Navy Corpsman says:

    Red flag #342— A woman asks you to take a quiz from Cosmopolitan or attempts to diagnose you with a mental disorder.

    I believe the PUA websites call this one correctly… agree, amplify, then fuck with her mind. Any woman that ever tried to psych me usually ended up running for the hills. There are limits, and that’s one of mine. The wife tried Cosmo once, I burned the magazine with white gas. She never even bought it again.

    The Navy Corpsman

  4. Stingray says:

    I have a son and I swear to God, if I live to 99 I will still pick up after him when he visits my house. Do I expect him to be able to do it for himself? Yes. But when he is able to and doesn’t need help remembering to pick up after himself any more, you better damn well believe that I will do it for him. It’s a mother’s right to continue to take care of her children even after they are grown. As long as my children know how to care for themselves and they do it well, then I will continue to care for them in this way for as long as I can. It is a joy.

  5. Raycomo1982 says:

    Good post, bro! The Die in a Fire comment was priceless. You should deconstruct more of these bullsh*t psycho-analytical articles.

  6. aneroidocean says:

    Women’s magazines. I read them from time to time like I would the comics section of the newspaper. Pure comedy.

  7. […] always marvel at people that ask what my mom does for a living. i usually run a post for mothers day, but decided to change it up this […]

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