More on Screening…Posted: August 10, 2012
An interesting turn of events today as I write this post. Yesterday reader “Annie” posed a question in regards to my screening of a potential gf. Notice I didn’t say lover, or FWB, I said gf- GIRLFRIEND. Now I mentioned that I haven’t slept with her by 3 months I’ll start to withdraw my time and commitment. Not ridicule, not shame, not guilt trip- simply put my focus into other thing NOT her. Hell, that could even mean a different girl will have my attention. Annie mentioned that she held out with her fiancé for 6 months. She then asked me if I thought I was being too stringent with my screening.
No. I don’t. I thought I’d offer a little extrapolation on that as to my “overly stringent” screening.
Considering the risks men take with marriage with the family court system, I feel I NEED to screen VERY CAREFULLY. There’s also some rationale behind it. It’s not just some random concept I stumbled upon. So WHY will I start to withdraw from the “relationship” if she withholds sex?
Look it’s 2012. I realize every woman has their own “time limit” they may incorporate into deciding when to give it up. And I respect that. But to me, when it’s right, it’s right. Because news flash…I MIGHT not want to sleep with her until I decide she’s got gf potential. And guess what ladies, getting laid IS NOT A PRIORITY for a decent guy. Sure, he’s thinking about it….just like you’re thinking about it. But one thing I need to know is if she and I are sexually compatible. This is an important thing to figure out and I’d prefer to do it sooner rather than later. I think 3 months is a decent amount of time for a woman to determine you’re a worthy enough man. And don’t act like you’re not antsy about getting in the sack as we are. Lol.
To me I feel somewhat like I’m being manipulated if she withholds sex for too long. It tells me she might have some hang-up’s about sex, maybe she’s repressed sexually, is there some psychology behind her reluctance? If not- WHY is she so reluctant to sleep with me? I don’t think I’ve ever dated a woman who into the end of the second month and beginning of the third, didn’t sleep with me. Now, before any of you gals get judgmental I’d like to point out the fact that you ladies joke about “I know the exact day when I plan on sleeping with him” with your girlfriends. I’ve HEARD female acquaintances mention how they were gonna “make him suffer a while longer” in regards to new bf’s. You ladies know most of you are guilty too. Besides, I get it. In the beginning you ladies have a LOT of power. I don’t blame you for having a bit of fun with. But…..
After a certain amount of time and she’s still with-holding she’s not the problem…I AM. I feel it’s almost a little bit of a shit test on her part after a certain amount of time. And how do we respond to a shit test, ignore it. Like I said, I won’t shame her, give guilt trips, or harass her. I’ll simply put my time and attention into something else. Something NOT related to her. We all know the routine, women control the sex card, and men control the time and commitment card. Simply put-
I’m being denied what I seek in the dynamic, so I’ll deny her what she seeks in the dynamic.
That’s not being an asshole, that’s just looking after my best interest. It’s quite possible the 2 of us simply aren’t right for each other. Am I concerned that I might have walked away from a good woman? No? The way I see it-
She let a decent man slip through her fingers.
All things considered, it’s not just sex; I’d never drop a woman because of JUST holding back on sleeping with me. But I WOULD walk away if added with OTHER FACTORS, including she’s with holding sex. Just because we’re sleeping together doesn’t mean she’s in the clear with me. You can ask the ex in Japan about that. You can ask Beth about that.
Anyway, I hope this offers Annie a little insight. Annie are you ok, are you ok, are you ok Annie. Sorry. Couldn’t resist.