More on Screening…

An interesting turn of events today as I write this post. Yesterday reader “Annie” posed a question in regards to my screening of a potential gf. Notice I didn’t say lover, or FWB, I said gf- GIRLFRIEND. Now I mentioned that I haven’t slept with her by 3 months I’ll start to withdraw my time and commitment. Not ridicule, not shame, not guilt trip- simply put my focus into other thing NOT her. Hell, that could even mean a different girl will have my attention. Annie mentioned that she held out with her fiancé for 6 months. She then asked me if I thought I was being too stringent with my screening.

No. I don’t. I thought I’d offer a little extrapolation on that as to my “overly stringent” screening.

Considering the risks men take with marriage with the family court system, I feel I NEED to screen VERY CAREFULLY. There’s also some rationale behind it. It’s not just some random concept I stumbled upon. So WHY will I start to withdraw from the “relationship” if she withholds sex?

Look it’s 2012. I realize every woman has their own “time limit” they may incorporate into deciding when to give it up. And I respect that. But to me, when it’s right, it’s right. Because news flash…I MIGHT not want to sleep with her until I decide she’s got gf potential. And guess what ladies, getting laid IS NOT A PRIORITY for a decent guy. Sure, he’s thinking about it….just like you’re thinking about it. But one thing I need to know is if she and I are sexually compatible. This is an important thing to figure out and I’d prefer to do it sooner rather than later. I think 3 months is a decent amount of time for a woman to determine you’re a worthy enough man. And don’t act like you’re not antsy about getting in the sack as we are. Lol.

To me I feel somewhat like I’m being manipulated if she withholds sex for too long. It tells me she might have some hang-up’s about sex, maybe she’s repressed sexually, is there some psychology behind her reluctance? If not- WHY is she so reluctant to sleep with me? I don’t think I’ve ever dated a woman who into the end of the second month and beginning of the third, didn’t sleep with me. Now, before any of you gals get judgmental I’d like to point out the fact that you ladies joke about “I know the exact day when I plan on sleeping with him” with your girlfriends. I’ve HEARD female acquaintances mention how they were gonna “make him suffer a while longer” in regards to new bf’s. You ladies know most of you are guilty too. Besides, I get it. In the beginning you ladies have a LOT of power. I don’t blame you for having a bit of fun with. But…..

After a certain amount of time and she’s still with-holding she’s not the problem…I AM. I feel it’s almost a little bit of a shit test on her part after a certain amount of time. And how do we respond to a shit test, ignore it. Like I said, I won’t shame her, give guilt trips, or harass her. I’ll simply put my time and attention into something else. Something NOT related to her. We all know the routine, women control the sex card, and men control the time and commitment card. Simply put-

I’m being denied what I seek in the dynamic, so I’ll deny her what she seeks in the dynamic.

That’s not being an asshole, that’s just looking after my best interest. It’s quite possible the 2 of us simply aren’t right for each other. Am I concerned that I might have walked away from a good woman? No? The way I see it-

She let a decent man slip through her fingers.

All things considered, it’s not just sex; I’d never drop a woman because of JUST holding back on sleeping with me. But I WOULD walk away if added with OTHER FACTORS, including she’s with holding sex. Just because we’re sleeping together doesn’t mean she’s in the clear with me. You can ask the ex in Japan about that. You can ask Beth about that.

Anyway, I hope this offers Annie a little insight. Annie are you ok, are you ok, are you ok Annie. Sorry. Couldn’t resist.


17 Comments on “More on Screening…”

  1. Marellus says:

    … write some more on shit-tests will ya …

  2. Jim says:

    Well she get’s some credit. Know a guy who gets sex from new meets almost immediately and them dumps them when they bring up dating. Usually about a week or two later. Obviously she doesn’t want to fall into that trap.

  3. Just1X says:

    “Annie are you ok, are you ok, are you ok Annie”

    You’ve aged yourself and me with that, and me just getting over my last birthday too..you’re a cruel man.


    brought back memories of AV / ECC training that I had on a ‘Resuss Annie’, I guess from ‘her’ use in the video it’s the US name as well.

    • Spacetraveller says:

      Hahahahha, thanks for the link Just1X. This helped me to ‘get it’ lol.
      (By the way, I keep forgetting to tell you I LOVE your handle! I should change mine to Just 2X lol).

      Danny,

      I totally get that you need to know you are going to be sexually compatible with a woman you want to marry. I get that.
      And for her, she also needs to know that she is ‘special’ and not just yet another girl/notch. It is difficult to reconcile the two, yes.
      Each to his own. The ways of negotiating these things are individual…there is no ‘one size fits all’…
      You may find that a woman is ‘ready’ before 3 months, you might find that YOU are not, after 3 months…it depends on you and the woman and current circumstances…
      But you are right, other factors are also important, not just sex…was it not you who said, it is is good, it is 10% of the relationship, if it is bad it is 90% ?

      But all said and done, if I may bring in the religious angle (and I know yours is not a bible bashing blog lol), if the woman happens to be religious (I don’t know if this is the case) then you must cut her some slack in case she is doing this for religious reasons. But, only if you like her for other factors as well, of course…

      Does this sound reasonable? Or is my hamster getting in the way again?

      😀

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        My mother refused to date again until the Catholic church absolved her marriage. And they did. When she started seeing her now husband she wouldn’t stay at his place unless me and my sister were allowed to stay over.

        That was about 3 months into her dating him. About 4 months later, he proposed.

        Sent from my iPhone

      • Just1X says:

        You’re welcome.
        Yeah, I quite like my ‘name’. It works on a few different levels.
        Cheers

  4. ASF says:

    I think slutiness (diseases aside) is only relevant if you are considering marrying a woman. Otherwise, I don’t see how it matters. The amount of waiting I would tolerate depends on a woman’s attractiveness and my motivation to mitigate the absence of sex with other women. Since I have no interest in getting married again, I would not tolerate even a one month wait.

    A woman may be special, but it is more likely she’s fungible.

    • Annie says:

      yeah, but many women are looking to be more than just pump and dumps.

      • ASF says:

        That’s true and admirable. Unfortunately, it’s a case of a many rotten apples ruining it for the peach. From a female perspective your strategy is sound because it would probably filter out most of the guys who do not share your goals, but it also filters out otherwise valuable men who are aware of their value and are not willing to meet your demands.

        However, is not getting married by definition “pump and dump”?

  5. Annie says:

    I get a post dedicated to me, yaaay :)))

    Honestly, I was ready to start arguing until I read what you said about not dumping her just because she won’t sleep with you. It’s your choice just as it is a woman’s choice to wait until she feels ready.

    However, I feel horrible for the women that equate sleeping a guy quickly and getting his commitment; obviously that’s not the case.

    And oh, I totally don’t get that Annie refence (guess I’m too young), but yeah, I’m ok lol

    • Just1X says:

      The OK Annie thing – check the link in my post above SFW, you durn youngster you 🙂

      3 months wouldn’t be seen as ‘quick’ in my book. As you say each side gets to have its standards, but I’m in the same boat as ASF. FWIW if you don’t know within a month of regular meetings that things look good, it’s probably better for both of you to move on. (there’s a possibility of a shit-test as well, maybe)

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      i’m glad we understand each other Angel.

      “Annie are you ok….”
      micheal jackson reference. the smooth criminal.

  6. Annie says:

    I should also add that she’s most likely not manipulating you, it’s just that she doesn’t want to be dumped right after so she wants to make sure you’re also emotionally invested.

  7. […] New Living Standard, Fight Night. . . Almost, Danny Screens For A Woman, The Padawan Is Now A Jedi, More On Screening, Warrior […]


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s