SpaceTraveller recently posted a question as to why men aren’t as “touchy feely” as woman are. The simplest answer is because we aren’t women. I COULD end it there, but I thought I’d offer some insight into this. Because hugging a man has “guy code” that comes with it. When is it appropriate to hug another man?

1.       The man is a family member and you’re greeting him

2.       Extreme cases of tragedy or celebration with male friends

Outside of those 2 cases, hugging another man is uh….NO. A hand shake is sufficient. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s take this in a different direction. ST posited how a man would consider it “gay” to be touchy feely with another man, and that woman are ALWAYS touchy feely with each other and never consider it “gay”. I have told damn near every woman I’ve dated I didn’t care if she made out with or slept with another woman. This was actually a discussion I had with the young lady I’m talking to now. A lot of guys just don’t care if their girl fools around with another woman. I’ll end that RIGHT THERE.

One thing I do know and I tried to explain to ST is that the locker room ENCOURAGES behavior that could make your buddy feel uncomfortable with gay innuendo. Case in point: The story I told of the Marine that thanked me for seeing him in sick call by dropping trough, bending over and spreading his butt-cheeks apart (Ala Mike Honcho) and saying, “Thanks sweetie.” Sigh. One of my guys on my ship walked up behind me and gently put his finger where my bung is. I stopped, pushed up against his finger and grunted loudly. My co-worker jumped backwards and went, “Uuuuuh!!!!!” I laughed and kicked him in the ass. One of the girls saw the exchange and told my coworker, “You fag.” Lol.

I was in an elevator with my boy Allen. The elevator opened and a cute girl stepped in.

OH BOY!!!!!!

I IMMEDIATELY said, “Look, I don’t understand why you get so worked up Baby. You know I’m a physical guy. So when you come over dressed like that I just wanna eat you up.” I traced his arm gently and the girl was looking our way. My friend was laughing uncomfortably and said, “Look girl, this is what he does, he’s trying to embarrass me. We’re not a couple.” I looked at him shocked, “You fucking disingenuous jerk. So what am I, just a fuck?” As I said this the door opened and the girl casually walked out. Allen punched me hard in the arm, “You fucking asshole.” We were both laughing. I told my boy-

“MMMMMM, Daddy loves it when you get frisky. RAWR tiger.” Lol.

I can’t say this is just unique to Military types. I joke like this with my neighbor Sean. His wife giggles in delight. Lol. And it’s not anything recent or new. Remember the scene in “Tommy Boy” when Chris Farley leans in to kiss one of his frat buddies? Sorry, no link was available. 

Mentu had an interesting post regarding gay male friends. I’ve even spoken to PrivateMan about it in chat-land.  My first friend out here- GAY as all hell. FLAMING. And he gives me dirt on AAAAALL the waitress’ at my local. “Don’t talk to her Danny, she’s fucking crazy. Oh, her….she’s a sweetheart. LOVE HER. I’ll introduce you.” And YES, I make gay jokes with him ALL.THE.TIME.
Back when I was living in NO, I had a second job for a few months. I used to dance in a gay bar/club in the Quarter. Yup. One of the guys I knew in the Barracks was a dancer there and told me they always needed dancers. You see, in the community- I’m a twink. As in some gay men have a fetish for young guys. I basically moved from one station to the next each 15 minutes. After 3 stations you get a 15 minute break in back. In 6 hours its possible to make just over $500. This was back in 1999-2000 btw. I had to completely shave my body hair, put on some boxer breifs, and shake my tookus. Say what you want, but I couldn’t argue with the cheddar. Now, get this- all the dancers were STRAIGHT. Seriously. And the club has VERY STRICT rules about harasing the dancers. Customers will get kicked out if they mess with the dancers.  

21 Comments on “GAY GAY GAY!!!!!!”

  1. Vicomte says:

    Once upon a time I was a young poolee in the Marine Corps DEP. When my sergeants told me the Navy spent their free time go-go dancing at gay bars, I thought they were kidding.

  2. Jacquie says:

    You never fail to provide an education when I visit here, Danny. I always learn something new.

  3. 😀 Danny,
    I second Jacquie’s comment! Thanks for the uh, education on this. Interesting to say the least!
    Now I have a special request, Danny.
    This ‘no homo’ thing I keep coming across that no-one else has seen (according to commenters on my blog)…I seem to remember seeing that at least once on your blog. Could you fish out one of these for me? Or would it be easier to ask any man who has written that to identify the comment as ‘evidence’? Thanks! I am driving myself crazy trying to find these comments that inspired my post, and to my shame I can’t find any, for the simple reason that I can’t remember exactly when I saw these comments, as in, which date…. Need your help here, Danny 🙂

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      your hamster is Godzilla trampling tokyo now. lol.

      i already told you, “no homo” doesn’t exist in my world, or among my peers. it’s a “beta” term to me. real guys embrace “homo” humor.

      got it?

    • Vicomte says:

      It’s just a joke.

      ‘No homo’ is a humorous acknowledgement that men aren’t supposed to do/say certain things that may be construed as homoerotic. It’s understood that no one was gay in the first place. I believe the term probably originated on the internet, which has it’s own sense of humor about these things.

      It’s not like someone makes a gay joke and then has to say ‘no homo’ in order for everyone to recognize that he is not gay; the no homo is part of the joke.

      Men-only environments are rife with homoerotic humor. This can even go as far as showing someone your dick and then calling him a fag.

      I mean, guy was looking at your dick. What a homo.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        “Men-only environments are rife with homoerotic humor. This can even go as far as showing someone your dick and then calling him a fag.”

        i showed my X-ray classmate’s my “brain”. lol. the girls all reacted with, “AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” and the guys responded with giggles. and all the guys in my class were war vets or just came from a ship.

  4. Athor Pel says:

    Little Danny is a ho.

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

  5. Rojo says:

    I only have immediate family in my life (long distance mostly) so my good friends are like family to me, and are few and mostly spread out across the the world. They get hugs. Friends in my city do not. It’s just the way it’s always been. My buddy, who lives in Iceland is getting married in September, and I guarantee there will be a big bromantic hug upon our reunion.

  6. Athor Pel says:

    It’s amazing what kinds of sick crap a bunch of soldiers can come up with when they have too much time on their hands, heck, even when they’re busy they think up sick shit to do to each other. I don’t quite know why but once they feel comfortable enough the sickness just oozes out.

    Basic training humor is locker room humor with a twist of military induced cruelty.

    Danny’s remembrances reminded me of something that happened when I was in basic training. I thought I had scrubbed it from my memory. Thanks dude.

    I don’t remember names so I’m not gonna be using any. I was a mere spectator to all this, an incredulous spectator but a merely a spectator.

    One guy is taking a nap, during the day, in the barracks, while many of us are working, there in the barracks. If you know anything about basic training then you know this kind of situation just screams for messing with the sleeper.

    Several of the non-sleeping trainees were highly motivated to mess with the napper, to wake him up in such a way as to cause the most amount of consternation. They wanted him to crap his pants in surprise or barf in disgust, they didn’t care which.

    They started having a somewhat lengthy but animated discussion of what they should do to him. All kinds of ideas were put forward. As the ideas mounted up the endeavor took on the flavor of a dare.

    Finally one idea was put forward that produced a considerable amount of giddy anticipation on the part of the conspirators. I mean they practically vibrated. Some were even hopping from foot to foot, they couldn’t stand still. The guy that came up the idea was also the volunteer.

    The spectators all told themselves, “there is no way he is going to do that”. Then they would review what they knew of the perpetrator, “yup, he’s gonna do it. Damn, he’s a sick bastard. I am so glad I’m not taking a nap right now.”

    The plan went like this. He was going to wake the napper up by whacking him on the face with his penis. Yep, that’s it, that’s all there was to the plan. I think it was more about the reaction of the audience at this point rather than the desired reaction from the victim. Of course there was some posing that went on with penis poised inches from the napper’s mouth, that kind of thing. They so wished for a camera. But eventually the penis whacker got busy. One whack, two whacks, then a flurry of whacks right on the forehead of the napper.

    Sadly for you, the present audience, I must tell you that I stopped watching at this point. My warped tendencies ran out of steam. I only turned back once the napper woke up and the p-whacker had holstered his weapon.

    I’m glad to say this was the sickest most pervy thing to happen to me while I was in the military. I am very aware things could have been much much worse.

  7. aneroidocean says:

    If I’m in a monogamous relationship, monogamy applies to both male and female partners. Sure, it’s not the same for her to get with a man vs. a woman, but it’s in the same category.

    As for man hugs, I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality, that I don’t mind hugging my close male friends at all especially if I haven’t seen them for a while. I also do the hand clasp (thumb wrapped around thumb) with the arm in between half hug and back thump.

    The homoerotic joking with guy friends is some of the funniest humor in existence. I don’t know why, but it’s just amazingly funny. Also, I do have one friend who we’ve all known forever (since grade school) that came out of the closet. The homoerotic jokes he cracks are the funniest I’ve ever heard. He ALWAYS tops us. It’s like a different category of awesome homo jokes that just supercedes anything we’ve ever been able to come up with.

    The no homo thing is just another fad joke, like “that’s what she said” that can be funny but is just played out. In the right situation it can be pretty funny.

    “Back when I was living in NO, I had a second job for a few months. I used to dance in a gay bar/club in the Quarter.”

    I’ve actually considered this after I heard just how much fucking money they make, but with the prevalence of cell phone cameras, I’m not sure this is something I’d want to do. Fuck that is good money though. In West Hollywood, these go go dancers will pop viagra and wear super tight clothes. I’ve seen them flash their dicks to men for extra tips. I kind of had to wipe my eyes to realize that I wasn’t seeing things.

    From my little experience with them, the gays know how to have a good time. No homo.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      In the quarter gay clubs/bars if you snap pics of the dancers you get booted. The guys pretty much toe the line. But in the 310-

      Yeah, good call.

      Sent from my iPhone

  8. Rojo says:

    Haha, yes the bromantic comedy is good stuff. I remember a recent interaction with a good friend of mine where I was rambling on about this paraplegic who had an array surgically installed on the part her brain that controlled movement. The array was attached to a device installed in her skull that connected to a computer allowing her to control robot arms. Really an amazing scientific breakthrough. My buddy (we’ll call him Twicer) quips, “the next big thing, Twicer gets the surgery and gives Rojo a hand job using robot arms and a spoon. That’s not gay right?” It’s not on par with them military cats, but I got a good guffaw out of it at the time.

    Or even subtle stuff like a conversation regarding Mark Walhberg, “He takes care of himself.” Goes a long way. Keep it sleazy.

  9. You never fail to make me laugh my ass off. You write the most outrageously male hilarious stuff. MY GOD MAN!

  10. […] From 504 – 3 Stellas, Playing With Girls And The Golden Rule, GAY GAY GAY, Peacekeeping And Man Hamster, Why I Have […]

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