Yet another Reason for Me to Hate Rob Pattinson

As I’ve stated before. I work nights. ALL NIGHT. When I come in it’s sunny, and when I leave it’s sunny again. Around 2-3am I indulge in my guilty pleasure. Celebrity gossip. BUUUT, I read sites that completely ridicule and trash Hollywood. The humor on the sites is top-notch. Well tonight I learned of unexpected turn in the pobrecito Robert Pattinson saga.

Kate Upton wants to bang him.

To those of you that don’t know and/or don’t care- Kate Upton is a slamming hot model that graces the current Sports Illustrated Bikini Issue. Her titty meat is sufficient to cause me to weep as if I were staring at the Cistine Chapel. So here is an open letter to Rob.

Roberto,

You Sir are the luckiest son-uv-a-bitch alive. You were cheated on by a 5, and by what could only be considered Divine Intervention, have won the interest of a 9.5. On behalf of mortal men across the globe, you have a duty to get inside that woman and gun Kate down until her girly parts smell like mid-summer Texas roadkill. I urge Roberto, do NOT act aloof. Be the sullen Douche that you typically are, and allow Kate to “make it all better.” Once you hit it, then you can be Mr. Cool Brit. You’ll have earned it budday.

Now you get out there and make Danny proud.

Best Regards,

Danny

Sad thing is, I doubt this will end well (if it goes down at all), Rob strikes me as the type of guy looking for a serious relationship and Kate probably just wants to offer a pity fuck (+3 Kate). Robert banging Kate Upton is akin to finishing public high school with a GED, only to have MIT offer you a free ride. Being in love with KS then transitioning to a blonde supermodel is a process. Imagine trading in a Tercel (your first car btw) and deciding to try your hand at handling a Ferrari. Look, I’ve had my fair share of 9-10’s. And EVERYONE of them told me most guys get REALLY insecure quickly while dating them. *rolls eyes* You really have to be a vet to date a  9-10. And one thing I’ve noticed with 9-10’s once they realize you could give 2 shit’s about how hot she is, SHE’LL escalate the sex. Yup.

But you know. I just couldn’t be a celebrity or famous athlete. There’d be an unexplained population spike in southern California of pale, myopic midgets. But seriously, I’d be COMPLETELY in the MGTOW bandwagon. I will NOT be contributing to some women’s 5 figure per month nest egg.

Let’s take a look.

— Charlie Sheen: As part of his 2011 divorce settlement from Brooke Mueller, Sheen was to pay $55,000 per month for the support of their twin sons. In June 2011, a Los Angeles judge ordered Sheen’s former bosses at Warner Bros. Television to garnish the money from any payments made to the former “Two and a Half Men” star.

— Nas: In December 2009, the rapper was ordered to pay more than $51,000 per month to his ex-wife, singer Kelis, and their son. [Dan- Married 4 years btw]

— Martin Brodeur: In March 2009, the New Jersey Devils goalie was ordered to pay his ex-wife $500,000 a year in alimony until 2020, as well as $132,000 in annual child support. [Dan-FUCK.THAT.]

— Russell Simmons: In February 2009, the hip-hop mogul agreed to pay $40,000 per month in child support for his daughters Ming and Aoki with ex-wife Kimora Lee Simmons. The payments were to continue until both girls reach 19 1/2. [Dan- Russell met Kimora when she was a 17 yo model]

— Britney Spears: In July 2008, months after erratic behavior landed her in the hospital and saw her father appointed conservator of her estate, the pop singer reached a settlement with ex-husband Kevin Federline that had her paying him $20,000 per month in child support. [Dan- To which Burtney said, OH NOE MUH FRUNCH FRIEEEES MON-EH!!!!!]

— Rap impresario Sean “Diddy” Combs was ordered in 2005 to pay about $19,000 a month in support to former girlfriend Misa Hylton-Brim for the care of their son Justin.

— Revlon Inc. Chairman Ronald Perelman was ordered in 1999 to pay more than $12,000 a month to ex-wife Patricia Duff for the support of daughter Caleigh.

I know this isn’t anything new. But it’s just the reasoning behind my never marrying within the Hollywood dynamic. And I’d totally get a place in the quarter. I’ve run into Brad Pitt, John Goodman, and Trent Reznor while out in town. Brad and John I spotted on royal street and Trent was at the Virgin Megastore- Beth was with me. A lot of celebrities are starting to vacay in NO because- WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK THAT THEY’RE CELEBRITIES!!!! My cousin is Pit-Boss at Harrah’s Casino on Canal street, he’s ALWAYS meeting celebrities. And they all say the same thing, “I love this city because you guys are so laid back.” But, I’ve started to notice photogs in the quarter, and us locals harass them. Lol.

Dear Lord do I wanna make a mess on her tummy

Kate Upton + under bewb= WINSAUCE!!!!!

Stingray asked for a pic of a 10. OK. here’s my last……well, close to 10.


18 Comments on “Yet another Reason for Me to Hate Rob Pattinson”

  1. Vicomte says:

    One must wonder:

    If it is not in RP’s nature to want to bang KU

    then, should he choose to bang her

    will she still be interested?

    That ended up more like a haiku than an if/then.

    Nearly bedtime for me.

  2. Spacetraveller says:

    Danny,

    I am not sure if I should be allowed in THIS locker room, lol.
    I do kind of see where you are going with this thing re RP. I can understand that you so want him to ‘win’ after having suffered a fate with KS that every man hates the most.
    But…Is it possible that KU might be exactly the kind of woman that RP would now be on the lookout to avoid? He would not want to be cheated on again. A very attractive woman like KU might take him right back to cheaterville.
    Unless you really want him to ‘pump and dump’ her…
    But I can see that this man is just not cut out for that.
    But then again, I get that that’s exactly your gripe against him 😀

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      St-

      Put the hamster down, and step away from it NOW!!! Lol.

      From what I’ve seen of KU, she’s a goofball. I guarantee she’s fun as all hell to be with.

      And dat ass and dem bewb’s….even if she did cheat on it’s still a win for me because all I have to say is, “yeah dude, but did YOU pound that?

      I win. Every dude reading the sphere would sympathize, then follow up with a “congratulations man.”

      Sent from my iPhone

      • Just1X says:

        Seconded

        • dannyfrom504 says:

          It’s interesting that ST assumes that KU is likely to cheat on him. But the fact is he was cheated by what most men would consider a less attractive woman. This validates what the blogs keep pointing out- ANY woman can turn to cheating if the man’s behavior is more supplicating.

          You gotta love the hamster.

          Sent from my iPhone

  3. The hamster has been put down, Danny…um in both senses of the expression lol.
    Interesting, your point of view on this cheating thing.
    You see, I always thought a woman might cheat if SHE thought she was attractive enough to attract another man, i.e a 7.5-10…
    But you are saying that a woman would cheat even if she is unattractive? That it depends on how alpha her man is?
    That’s a foreign concept to me, but one which is starting to make sense… I cannot be objective about this, of course, being a woman. I can only take the view of men on this, given that you guys can see it better from the other side…

  4. Songirl says:

    I have a feeling I might regret popping into this one but my two cents…

    KS did RP a favor. 
    She never deserved him. He is a good man who would not end an LTR without cause.
    They have been together since the beginning of his journey through the twilight zone of fame hitting (pardon the pun) and it would be difficult for this highly introverted guy to date outside of this bubble. He’s as loyal as they come…still has his same group of  friends since highschool, is a gentleman an heart, and has been well publicized saying he wants a relationsip like his parents long marriage and to be a young dad. Is KS the candidate for this scenario?
    No way.

    That being said, I recognize a lot of “Danny” in him. He is a nice guy. funny, easy going, appreciates simple pleasures. Cook him a nice meal and rub his head(s), yours for life.
    To a point.
    Lie? Cheat?
    Done.

    That being said, this is not his first time at the rodeo. People think he was hatched on the set of Twilight. He wasn’t. Despite his youth, he’s lived on his own and travelled the world since he was a teen on movie sets in London, South Africa and Spain. He had a LTR Common-law relp. with a model who still speaks highly of him. For a 26 year old guy, it’s amazing there are not a dozen tell-all ex-jilted girl book deals. Because there are none. No one has a bad thing to say about him.

    But I sense he is an intelligent romantic who is no door mat. This nice guy stuff in only the shallow end of his pool.

    Take it from a Good Girl to recognize a Good Man. He isn’t George Clooney-perrennial happy bachelor at heart. He could be, but he won’t. This one will get retired early, if he can sift through the garbage to find ‘The One’. And that was never KS.
    J

    • ASF says:

      No offense, but only a girl could claim that cheating on someone is doing them a favor. That is hamsterism. All men enjoy having our heads rubbed and having someone cook for us. Baed on the reporting on him he seems straight up beta, which is not surprising since that’s what most men are.

      There are good alpha examples from Hollywood such as Clooney and DiCaprio.

      • Songirl says:

        Please forgive my ironic language. Cheating is never okay. He is better off without that particular girl and I’m sure still smarting from the loss just the same.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        ASF-
        i think she meant she never really deserved RP, and by cheating on him. she nuked the relationship because deep down she’s toxic.

        SG-
        interesting point. my reason for saying she did him a favor is simply that i find KS as attractive as a gutted fish.

  5. She nuked the relationship because she’s young. Young women between 18-24 are bad at settling down with a guy they hook up with at that age, even if he is a catch. They think there’s something “better” out there. Young women have beyond ridiculous expectations for men courtesy of romance novels and Hollywood.

    For Kristen, the romantic idol and dream man for millions of women was a crashing bore.

    Even middle-aged plump ladies, with almost zero to offer, think their future man should have god-like qualities. See Cat Lady list.

  6. Stingray says:

    If Kate Upton is a 9.5, what does a 10 look like?!

  7. ASF says:

    Some argue that there is no such thing as a 10. I think there probably is, but I think the difference between 9 and 10 is not based on physical characteristics but on personality.

  8. RockHard says:

    I read some RP quote the other day from Kimmel or some late night host, something like this:

    Host: When this kind of thing happens, it can feel like the world is coming to an end.
    RP: It is.

    I hope for Robbie’s sake he was playing emo to moisten panties in the audience, but I doubt it. Would George Clooney go in hiding at Reese Witherspoon’s pad for 2 weeks? Rhetorical question. That’s why Clooney’s going out with a girl who’s 19 years youger and RP’s crying into a hot blonde’s martini.

    FWIW, my take on a 10 is that she’s a 9 with some additional barriers – KU is 9 pts fior hotness and another for being famous, surrounded by her people. Paris Hilton is a 8 for hotness but a 10 for being Paris Hilton. But you’re right, it’s all subjective.

  9. […] From 504 – Cajun Lobster Rolls, Lessons Learned, Yet Another Reason To Hate. . ., Flirting, You’re Doing It Right, Nuking A Princess In Japan, Closing A Ten. . ., A Young Man […]


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