Breaking the Ice on the First Date

i’m pretty sure most of you are well acquainted with my AWFUL sense of humor. well, when i’m out with a perspective gf, i need to test the waters to see if she can handle my base sense of humor. trust me guys, this will tell you if you’re dealing with a fun girl, or a woman with something up her ass. if this offends her- BAIL!!!! if she laughs- you got a winner.

at some point mention tattoo’s. though, this works best on women that don’t have many tattoos. tell her that you think tattoo are sexy if they’re small and in an inconspicuous place; especially if it’s in her bikini line. then say, “yeah, you know….i’m undressing you for the first time, and i remove your undies, and i notice you have a small tat.”

this first part is key, it frames future sex with her. you’ll probably notice her smiling when you say it. then move on with.

“like, you have a small heart in your bikini line, YUM!!!!!” then say, “but, you not what’s even hotter?” she’ll typically ask what.

“if you have something hot written inside the heart, like….black cock.” then nod like you mean it. if she laughs i follow with, ” i mean c’mon, who DOESN’T like the dark stuff?”

did this with a few women, and the laughed their asses off. this told me the ladies would have ZERO problem with my sense of humor. the gf in japan told her co-workers “i found my future bf.” and told them that same joke i ran on her.


stay up.


13 Comments on “Breaking the Ice on the First Date”

  1. JustYX says:

    “black cock”

    oh hell, that is gold, I laughed my arse off.

    You are an evil man, I’ll buy you a beer if we ever meet…happily

  2. MissMarie says:

    I would so totally laugh!

  3. Athor Pel says:

    You do have a disgusting sense of humor, and a sick fascination with the bung hole, but this story is hilarious.

    And not much can make me laugh anymore. I’ve lived long enough to have already heard most of the punch lines and I usually see the joke coming a mile away even if I haven’t heard it before.

  4. deti says:


    I don’t know that your sense of humor is awful.

    Rude, crude, scatological, socially unacceptable, bordering on pathological? Maybe.

    Awful? Nah.

  5. Senior Beta says:

    For a normal person that is pretty raw. For a sailor – not so much. Gives us more like that HM1.

  6. Spacetraveller says:


    Can I be honest with you?
    I do dig your humour. I really do. Awful as it is. Because I *know* you already.
    I laughed now, reading this post.
    But I am pretty sure I would not laugh on a first date if you said this to me.
    Do you really mean *first date* where you don’t know the woman well and she doesn’t know you well?
    She may well run, because this sort of joke might scare her off you.
    Perhaps you could say this on date 2 or 3 (or even later) when she is more ‘comfortable’ with you?

    Some women do scare easy. Even those with a similarly filthy sense of humour. But maybe that’s a good thing?
    What do others think?
    Is Danny being too hasty here?

    (It’s not the joke I am getting at, it’s simply the timing of it).

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Nope, not too hasty. By the time I’m on a first date, she has an idea about my character. Like I said, if she’s offended…..I bail.

      No worries. She’s just not right for me.

      Sent from my iPhone

      • Spacetraveller says:

        Ah, so you are friends first for a while before a first date. That’s different from the idea in my head about meeting someone, you arrange to have a first date as a kind of ‘look see’ when you don’t know them at all…
        Even more fraught with difficulty would be a blind date!

  7. Stingray says:

    When Maritus and I were first hanging out we were walking through Walmart (college days, no money so we just did anything together. I don’t think we were really even dating yet) and he yells out “hey Stingray. How’s that nasty rash thing you told me about?”. Shocked the hell out of me but I pulled it together fast and shouted back “doctor says it’s contagious as anything. Oh well.” and we went about our business. Yeah, I know my response was completely obvious but I think he thought it was hilarious that I played along instead of freaking out and hitting him in the arm.

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