Meet Stephanie. And She’s SINGLE!!! OOOOH!!!!

Once again, I hit paydirt on one of the feminist MOOOOOOM sites. This career woman has written an open letter to us men on what she expects from us if we want the pleasure of winning her over and dating her. Bitch please. And notice how she keeps “finding out” the guy is married. Classic. Maybe she keeps running into married guys because of that lil’ devil called HYPERGAMY. No dude in her dating pool wants ANYTHING to do with a woman like her.
“I don’t think I ask for too much in a significant other. I’d say I’m pretty average when it comes to what I’d like to see in the opposite sex … hilarious, successful, sweet, frequently does yard work with his shirt off, same old. But what I don’t want … well, that’s a different story. Unfortunately, a lot of that story comes from personal experiences — and some have made me seriously revise my checklist of what I look for in a guy. So I’ve decided to write an open letter to all the men who will eventually cross my path. Here it goes …

Hey Future Date,

First of all, I’d like to say good luck. Dating me is no easy feat. In fact, a former beau once compared my complexity to a Rubik’s cube, so you’re in for a real treat. But this isn’t about me, it’s about you. And since this is just round one, let’s start off with a few basic ground rules …

Please don’t be married. This is one of those things that should kind of go without saying. But sadly, it has to be mentioned. Now if you can’t fight the uncontrollable urge to lie about your marital status, you should probably Google your own name to make sure your wedding registry isn’t the first thing that pops up on the search. It’s just not a good look for you. Or your marriage. Or men in general. God, I hate dating.

Now I know you’re a fan of the booze — and sometimes vodka tends to get the best of you. But when this happens, please don’t bark at strangers on the street. Sometimes even vodka can’t excuse you for getting on all fours in the middle of Manhattan. It’s just — no. I can’t divulge any further on this topic. Just don’t. Moving on.

Since you’ve successfully scored my number, I’m assuming we’ll be texting a bit before we decide to meet up again. Texting is a great way to keep in touch, we can totally do that. But please don’t accidentally send me a video of a random girl doing a striptease in your hotel room. Thanks for the gesture, but I’m totally good without it and don’t need to know that ever existed.

While I appreciate your enthusiasm, please don’t get ahead of yourself. We are not instantly married. Relationships take time to develop. Refrain from uttering brilliant one-liners like “we could have our last first kiss.” Save the Noah from The Notebook act for later on. Too much too soon is creepy. It’s overkill. And honestly, it makes me feel like I’m smothered in a corner. Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Aaaaaaand that about sums it up. Now, if by any means you think any of my requests are out of line, please feel free to turn the other way and never speak to me again. Otherwise, we should be in good shape. So tell me about yourself, do you frequently do yard work with your shirt off?

Love always,


i never said she was bad looking. but….NO thank you


41 Comments on “Meet Stephanie. And She’s SINGLE!!! OOOOH!!!!”

  1. Vicomte says:

    Doing yard work with your shirt off is highly impractical.

    Bitch has obviously never used a weed-whacker.

  2. aneroidocean says:

    I am totally stealing that line. “We could have our last first kiss” said in the right situation with the right smirk would be fun.

    The hamster is VERY strong with this one. Must have bulging muscles from all that lifting.

  3. A.B. Dada says:

    I googled one of the paragraphs, gal’s name is Stephanie. Not terrible looking. But, she’s some sort of relationship advice spinner, which makes her automatically undateable.

  4. theislander829 says:

    The hamster is strong with this one. I’m assuming she’s mid 30s.

  5. senior Beta says:

    She will no doubt be writing Bolick type nostalgia articles in Atlantic in 10 years about how tough it’s gotten.

  6. funkyzeit says:

    I would hit this. She is hot so she can make certain demands. Her hamster is a good thing here, would be probably easy to make her do a lot of stuff.

  7. johnno says:

    Well, despite the initial hamsterisation I guess what this chick is doing is just complaining about pitiful beta behaviour. Fair enough in view of her physical attributes. One thing we have to bear in mind is girlspeak, and we shouldn’t take every word she says literally, paying more attention to the context (her feelings) and her actions though. We all know that whatever a girl says now could mean something totally different the following second. My opinion: Hittable, but use some caution due to potential high RPM.

  8. Stingray says:

    I agree, somwhat, with Johnno. Women tend to up the perceived confidence when they are becoming desperate to date as we think that’s what men want. That being said, I stopped reading right here: But this isn’t about me, it’s about you.

    If she changed that sentence around she might find a really good man.

  9. Jim says:

    Dating her is no easy feat. She needs to get that tattooed.

  10. Athor Pel says:

    That is one proud woman. She sees herself as funny, clever, confident, and worldly. Too bad she is unconscious of her own limitations.

  11. Old Glory says:

    Someone send her The Private Man’s “Dating Exercise for Women” and see how she does.

    She’s got a nice figure, but I see crazy eyes. Would have to meet her in person to judge her level of crazy though…

  12. driversuz says:

    She’s way too subtle; I think her list should be longer.

  13. LongLostFriend says:

    Tracked down her Twiiter feed. She retweets Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton and live tweets The Bachelor.

    She is complex!

    • Jim says:

      Yep. For someone with the mind of a 16 year old. Tis the problem with entitlement. It stunts growth. Adult women with minds that never evolved past their teens. Worst part of all, they can vote.

  14. The Navy Corpsman says:

    I get concerned when I hear/read something like this:

    “I don’t think I ask for too much in a significant other.”

    Clearly, that means she DOES ask too much, and therefore is far too high maintenance for my world. I’ve been out of the dating world for a long time, but that one sentence rationalizes everything she says afterwards. I’d agree the hamster is strong, could even be on steroids. She could have supermodel looks and I’d still leave her sitting at the bar. But, I’m sure that part of the reason is that, at my age, I’m far less likely to deal well with bullshit, so in my own way, I’m just as overconfident as she is.

    This is the main reason I told Spacetraveler that I’d never remarry if my wife died tomorrow. As a general rule, if you have ‘bad luck’ in relationships, don’t try to give relationship advice, especially to the opposite sex. Almost every male I’ve ever known was capable of simple logic; if you keep choosing the wrong people to have a relationship with, it’s not their fault, it’s yours. The only women that seem to be capable of self-examination like that, are the ones that already tied the knot, or have sunk into an endless spiral of self-loathing and medications.

    The Navy Corpsman

  15. Just in case the men didn’t catch this one: it’s not a good sign that she even listens to what Kim Kardashian says, let alone re-tweets it, like it’s the word of God that has to be spread.

    Maybe I need to do another Crazy Cat Lady post…….

  16. Twenty says:

    In fact, a former beau once compared my complexity to a Rubik’s cube

    Not a sign of a deep thinker. Rubik’s cubes are well understood, and quickly and easily solved with any number of techniques.

  17. Jacquie says:

    Mr. D and I noticed something about the picture of her…look just above her right hand, it looks suspiciously like a baby bump. Plus the scarf seems a bit off. Anyone else see this?

  18. twentyfour8 says:

    Why is her face perfectly in focus, but her waist and legs are blurry? I can’t tell if she’s just 25 lbs overweight or 35 lbs overweight.

  19. Random Angeleno says:

    I’d hit then so sorry I’d quit it if da hamster was too strong. Don’t matter what she says, she’d give it up for the alpha dog. Again. In spite of everything she’s already said. She sez she wants a beta but she won’t accept a beta when push comes to shove. She needs an alpha who will stay exclusive to her, but what are the chances she will find that guy? Nil, I’d say!

    At 26 she’s too young for me, but I would not give her commitment at any age as she has already shown herself unworthy of my time let alone my commitment.

  20. Spacetraveller says:

    Is this one of the profiles from TPM’s collection of awful dating profiles?
    I agree with everyone here. She is shooting herself in the foot without realising.
    What a shame.
    She is a beautiful woman.
    The right attitude towards men, and she could get one to stay.
    But her whole article screams contempt and disrespect for men.
    And admitting that she is ‘hard work’ doesn’t help her cause.

    Why is that modern women think saying something like ‘Dating me is no easy feat’ attractive?

    I blame feminism…

  21. […] Danny from 504: Can’t We all Just Get Along; Meet Stephanie. And She’s SINGLE!!! OOOOH!!!! […]

  22. M3 says:

    Do you ever wonder if they possibly write this type of shit as satire? Was this a blog post or an actual profile on a dating site? Maybe one must assume BS, especially if it comes from a feminist site where she thought it would be funny to condense all the perceived ill’s of the sisterhood dating rolled into one fake profile. I cannot begin to imagine this woman has suffered the indignities of dealing with men who are married barking drunken sexters who send videos of strippers in hotel rooms whilst professing unrequited notebook love and instant marriage proposals on a constant basis.

    If all of these things have happened to her.. her screening filter has some serious holes in it. I’ve heard hamsters love chewing through screens.

    “So tell me about yourself, do you frequently do yard work with your shirt off?”
    Not as often as you’ll be on your knees. And don’t forget to swallow with a smile.

  23. […] 13, The Fulcrum, Fake Your Own Death Game, Danny From 504 – Can’t We All Just Get Along, Meet Stephanie, She’s Single. . ., Taking A Women Into The Wild, Trying To Make Peace, ITLR: Male Aggression, Krav You Very Much. . […]

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