Taking a Woman Into the Wild

As we all know, I work a VERY late shift. Come around 3am I go for a run. After the run I’ll do a deck of cards. Then 4am my boy A-Lo goes for his. I’m not going into the deck of cards, that’s some military shit. Well, I do 2 miles. A-lo does 3. Fuck you, I’m 38 and he’s 26. We run the same route. For the purpose of clarity I must explain this: the route is along a back road on base. It’s pretty much 4 quarter mile stretches.

1-      The Hospital and Base Housing. It’s well lit and pretty tame. To the left is the Hospital, on my right are some bungalows and unfenced forest.

2-      The ammo dump and unfenced forest. The ammo dump is fenced in and I see deer in there every time I run. It’s not too bad.

3-       Fangorn Forest and the golf course. Once you clear ammo dump, the fences go away, it’s dimly lit, and the forest is about 6 feet from the road. This is where I stay on HIGH ALERT

4-      The base storage fence-line and softball field. At the corner before the softball field there’s an open field, then the softball field at the end of the softball field I turn around and run back.

Well, I always head to the ER before running to make sure they aren’t busy.  So, one night one of the ER nurses stopped me after I dropped off a PT and asked me if I were running that night and when I told her I was, she asked if she could join me. The nurse is a 25 yo LT Junior Grade. She came to Radiology around 0250 and I had just finished changing into PT gear. I grabbed my phone and we headed to the pharmacy. As we were getting ready to begin she looked at me oddly and asked if I ran without listening to music. I kind made a weird face and explained, “When it’s 3am, dark, and I’m basically in a forest….YES!!!” She asked why and I looked at her oddly. “Where are you from LT?” Well, she’s from Chicago. LOL. I nodded and sighed. I explained to her that I need to keep my ears on the forest to know if something is out there that could hurt me. She honestly did not understand WHY I would need to listen. I just started running and of course she followed. I guess she could see my eyes and head moving around constantly and eventually she took her ear-buds out. I told her that she’d probably have a difficult time discerning the noises since she just blasted her ears. When we finally got to the ammo dump, out came the knife. She asked if I REALLY thought I needed it. When I brought up the whole problem with wild hogs being most active at night, black bears, bobcats, cougars, and general psychos warrant the knife. Well about 2-3 minutes into the ammo dump I stopped and was looking to my 11 o’clock. She asked what I was looking at. There was a fawn about 30 feet away. I caught the movement suddenly and I froze. Once I knew it was a deer and told LT, she squealed happily, “WHERE!!!!” And off the deer ran. I shook my head and continued running. Once we got to Fangorn I was on ULTRA ALERT. By this time she had mentioned that this area was pretty spooky. I had us in the dead center of a 2 lane road. I spotted a raccoon that scurried back into the golf course. LT thought it was a cat. Silly girl. When we got to the softball field I spotted a full grown doe. I saw it from about 50 feet away. When we were about perpendicular to it I pointed it out. She had NO CLUE it was there. We stopped and surprisingly, it didn’t run. I walked about 10 feet toward it and it didn’t budge. LT asked my why it wasn’t running and I assumed it was because it’s used to seeing humans. Then I told her that we were the only thing that’s a threat to her and she wondered how I knew that.

“Well, dears can rotate their ears 360 degrees. Her ears are both pinned on us. If she were tracking anything else that other ear would be moving. We continued moving. As we made our 2nd pass through Fangorn, out of nowhere, the crickets stopped and there was dead silence.


ANYONE that knows ANYTHING about being in the forest knows this is not cool. I stopped and scanned the tree line of Fangorn. I started walking slowly, and LT asked what I saw. I looked at her and made the “be quite” gesture of putting my finger on my lips. Then I made the “listen” signal. Finally there was a rustling in the brushes about  10 feet in front of us about 2 feet high. It was probably a raccoon or a possum. I continued running and she asked how I knew it wasn’t a threat. I explained that I didn’t smell anything that smelled unusual and if something WERE going to charge, it wouldn’t do it until we started moving. The rest of the run went with me explaining the sounds and what not.

When we finished running she asked me. “Ok HM1, let’s say something DID rush us. What would you do?” I laughed and told her, “I have a BETTER question for you LT what would YOU have done had something rushed you and I WASN’T there. Now she runs that route sometimes too. She answered that she really didn’t know. That she’d probably hope to be able to run away from it. I laughed my ass off and gestured a headline, “Dead LT found mauled on golf course”. Then I explained she’d NEVER outrun any one of the animals that were chasing her. Then she went back to what I WOULD DO. I told her I’d take that knife and get ready for some pain. I explained how you deal with a bear; I explained how to dispatch a charging boar, and how to best avoid an attack by a cougar. When she mentioned I might get killed, I told her, “Yeah….but that’s a GOOD death. You know what scares me LT? Being 80, in an ICU, tubes in every orifice and you wiping my ass. Actually, you wiping my ass would be hot.” She laughed and said it must be a guy thing. I told her no, it was my job. Then she asked what exactly this “job” was. And I dropped Yohami’s line.

“I kill scary monsters.” I winked at her, and she said she’s proabably run away screaming as I was fighting some wild animal. And I laughed and told her, “Of course you would, that’s YOUR job.” and with that, I walked back to Radiology 

Look, I grew up in the forest for most of my childhood. My dad’s Dad is Houma Indian and taught me all about being in the Woods, and wilderness survival, how to track animals, how to find food. It was GREAT. I told the LT how unwise it was for a 25 yo woman to run on a dark base with headphones on. I ran into her a few days later and she thanks me for scaring the shit out of her and how she doesn’t like running alone at night. I just stared at her and said, “Good.” And walked off. Ain’t they cute when they’re young?

Meeting up with my boy Carl tonight to have a beer and plan a weekend Deer hunt.


running knife. get some.

my girls

28 Comments on “Taking a Woman Into the Wild”

  1. Vicomte says:

    People always give me weird looks when they find out I’m carrying a knife. The ubiquitous question is ‘WHY?’.

    I always tell them it’s in case I need to murder something.

    But with that thing, Danny, you might just want to play dead when you see a bear.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      I’d never be able to take a bear with that knife. My best bet it to convince it to go away.

      I’m sure you know how to do that. As do I.

      Sent from my iPhone

      • Vicomte says:

        I know the general idea. Apparently there’s some disagreement with tactics for bears. Some people say hold your ground, others say play dead/protect throat.

        I don’t think I’d have the balls to play dead.

        If there were cubs involved, I’d start belting out ‘Oh Bondage Up Yours’ by the X-Ray Spex while dancing, because that’s how I’ve decided I’d like to die.

  2. Thank you for the education.

  3. MissMarie says:

    Dear lord Danny, I wouldn’t have the guts to run out there in the dark!!! I about had a heart-a-stroke walking home from the small town I bartended in past the woods when my car was out of service… I actually carried pepper spray as well as a knife. I can’t believe how some people can be so completely ignorant about such things…

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Coddled city women. They really aren’t aware of what’s out there and how it could kill them.

      • MissMarie says:

        We don’t even have anything that large (although some say they’ve seen cougars, it’s never been verified) but between the coyotes, coy-dogs, foxes, and raccoons, I’m not that comfortable on foot after dark. Surge, generally those animals won’t mess with a person, but what if one is rabid and runs out and grabs my leg? Then I have to worry about going and getting the shot and infection and whatnot, I’d really rather not go there.

  4. MissMarie says:

    Sure*, not surge, duh…

  5. Athor Pel says:

    A great thing about living close to or in the wilderness is that it breeds humility. You get a real sense of your smallness and powerlessness in relation to the world around you. You are more likely to develop a belief in the existence of a Creator God.

    Those that live in cities, on the other hand, are surrounded by man-made objects sometimes 24/7. They might never have even seen a forest. They can escape the weather any time they want by walking into a building. They rarely have to change their plans to account for weather.

    A city dweller’s assumptions regarding the world are more likely to see man as the center of things, to see man as the thing by which all other things are measured. In other words, they have a man-centered view of the world. Hence they are more likely to become humanists.

  6. Professor Mentu says:

    Haha. All I saw on my phone was a pic of the knife and the title. I thought “Well, Danny finally lost it.”

    Good stuffs.

  7. driversuz says:

    So she’s a city girl. Does she think she’d fare much better against a human predator, or does she assume she’d be rescued immediately if attacked?

    25 is too old to be that naive; I hope your lesson sticks.

  8. The Navy Corpsman says:

    When I was 14, I got attacked by a feral coy-dog which also happened to be rabid, which explains why it attacked me at 14:30 while I was hunting. Unfortunately, I could not nock an arrow fast enough, and killed it with my skinning knife. They say the rabies shots are much better now, but back then, they burned like a hardwood live ember in the belly.

    Funny thing is, while I’m far more alert in the woods, I’m also far more comfortable. I still know how to hitch a team of mules up to a fallen log and haul it a mile to the nearest road.

    Put me back in the city, and I’m cleared hot carrying the 10mm and assuming condition red til I can un-ass the OA. Whenever I have to go to town, I get the itches until I am back home, and that’s a town with nearly ZERO crime.

    Just normal, I guess…. city people know what to do and where to look in San Francisco or other big cities, country folk know about every other place on the planet. I’ve been to New York City twice, and I’ll never EVER go there again. Same for Chicago, same for London. No breathing room. My favorite spot on the ranch is up on the mesa, amongst the ponderosa pine, where even the cattle cannot get to… two hour ride and one hour hike. Almost 20 miles to the nearest dirt road. You can see Colorado, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Texas and Kansas from the top.

    It just feels RIGHT.

    The Navy Corpsman

  9. Spacetraveller says:


    When I first saw the title of this post, I thought, ‘You caveman, you’.

  10. deti says:

    WIld thing.

  11. just visiting says:

    My cousin was visiting, and apparently she bears on her property. She hasn’t been doing much jogging, lol.

  12. […] Danny From 504 – Can’t We All Just Get Along, Meet Stephanie, She’s Single. . ., Taking A Women Into The Wild, Trying To Make Peace, ITLR: Male Aggression, Krav You Very Much. . ., Repost: Cookies, Vietnamese […]

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