The Klonapin Kroniclez: Halloween Fun at Danny’s House

This is a direct Rip off from Dave’s blog. But timely considering it’s Halloween. I plan on handing out some tasty yummy, nommy, nom nommers goodies. and since i posted it last night and had it saved in the draft box, it does count as a KK.
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Face it, kids suck. Who likes kids anyway? They’re filthy little runts. We should be waging war against them, not for them. What’s all this “they’re our future” horseshit, anyway? What about the present? What about me? Has everyone forgotten that adults, back in the day, also had the misfortune of falling out of some lame cunt’s cunt? It wasn’t that hard. It was so easy that I don’t even remember doing it. Yet every child who performs this pitiful stunt of bungee jumping out of a vagina is awarded Rock Star status.“Isn’t it cuuuute?” No, it looks like a fucking worm with arms. I hate kids. They’ve ruined everything: albums come with stupid warnings, car windows only go down halfway, drugs and liquor are heavily regulated, you need a ladder at the bookstore to get to the pornography, and TV and movies are boring. If it weren’t for kids and their fragile little brains, you’d probably be looking at a nice pair of tits right now, but no, we can’t show tits because of kids. Fuck kids! Let’s kill ’em.In an effort to rid the world of kids so that the rest of us can grow and prosper, I have created some deadly desserts that will, at the very least, injure the little fuckers. Kids love sweets. They fall for them every time. Just as men think with their dicks around women, so do children, in the company of candy, think with their tongues. 
 
The ol’ razor blade in the apple—a classic!
Ingredients: Apple, razor blade, duct tape, glue, and a kid.
This one is a favorite around Halloween, but works during any season. Any ole apple will do, but if you can find one that fell in a pile of e. coli-infested shit you can inflict more damage. Cut the apple in half and then glue a razor blade to one of the halves. Align the halves as if nothing happened and then tape them together. Do this to a bunch of apples until you have an entire sack. Then, go to your local grammar school and hand them to the kids as they get on the bus.

The exploding candy bar
Ingredients: Candy, plastic canister of lighter fluid, a bottle rocket, sealing wax, a cigarette, a match, some tape, and a kid.
First, build the bomb. The diagram is self-explanatory, but remember, the more lighter fluid in the canister, the more the kid dies. Next, buy some candy and tape it all around the bomb. Make sure you choose popular candy. Then, when you find a kid that you want to blow up, light the cigarette (which acts as a time delay fuse for the bottle rocket on top) and give him/her the “candy.” Run away. Helpful hint: if you have time to stake out a location, build a foxhole nearby. 

 

The cobra in the yogurt
Ingredients: One Yoplait Yogurt, one cobra, and one kid.
Kids love yogurt. Replace the yogurt in the container with a ferocious, hungry cobra. Go to your local park and offer any one of the young, rosy-cheeked whelps your “cobragurt.” When they go to open it, they’ll think that they’re about to enjoy a healthy snack, but—surprise! Cobra attack to the face! Works every time.

Poisoned candy—a classic!
Ingredients: Candy bar, Vanish toilet bowl cleaner, a turkey baster, and a kid.
An issue that I have yet to address in this article is the “don’t–take–candy–from–strangers” dilemma. Don’t worry about it. Kids are stupid sugar magnets. Their mother (the cunt) could be standing right beside them telling them, “Remember, don’t take candy from a stranger,” and they’ll still eagerly snatch whatever sweets you have to offer. I can imagine, however, some snot–nosed goody–goody actually refusing your gift. My first inclination would be to strike the little beast, but that wouldn’t do either of us any good. So, I would explain that I was a friend and he can accept candy from a friend—works every time. But make sure you poison the candy. I fill a turkey baster with Vanish Toilet Bowl cleaner and ram it into the candy. Vanish does to kids just what the name implies.

Bear trap in the ice cream cake
Ingredients: An ice cream cake, a bear trap, a birthday, and a kid.
Order an ice cream cake at the cake store and request that they replace the ice cream with a bear trap. Most won’t do that, so take the cake home and hollow out the bottom. Since you aren’t going to be putting the hole back in, you can eat it. Yum! Spread the trap’s jaws wide and secure the spring mechanism. It’s a good idea to put the candles on the cake before you place it over the trap. Now, find a kid’s birthday party, but be careful, because adults in attendance will like ice cream cake too. You don’t want to mangle the hands of an accomplished adult, so warn the adults that there is a bear trap in the cake by spelling it out loud—don’t worry, kids can’t spell. Just say, “T-H-E-R-E-I-S-A-B-E-A-R-T-R-A-P-I-N-T-H-E-C-A-K-E,” then, anyone that is an adult will stay the fuck away from that cake. After birthday boy blows out the candles, say, “Okay, everyone dive in!” (Honorable mention: Mouse trap in the cupcake.)

yeah, i know. i’m going to hell. Happy Halloween.


Battle

was watching a movie and the boys were heading off to war. what i noted were the few scenes where women came onto the men about to be sent into combat. i have some experience with this with deployments and women seeming “into me” because of it. Right after 9-11, i was out in the quarter with friends and all my boys were winging for me by asking “when was i heading to iraq?” i always answered, “dude, i can’t say, you know that. but i have my sea bag ready and my living will is done.” the girls of course would ask what i did in the military and when i explained the role of a HM, they got goggly eyed and would reply, “OMG, like, you might not come back.” i got more ass the months following 9-11 than i can remember.

i want to to ask the women-

what is the turn on for a man approaching combat? i’m a man; the fight is primal to me, i live for it. i know my role in combat, and i’m GOOD at it. i can keep your ass alive for at least 2-3 days if you’re shot. ladies…..

can you help me out?


ITLR: Poo-Poo Pee Pee

The following is just plain gross and juvenile. Ladies….you’ve been warned.

 

Strap yourselves in kids, I took my meds, I’m drooling proper-like, my harness is on good and tight, my hockey helmet is on tight, I got a fist-full of crayon’s and I’m coloring WAAAAY outside the lines.

Brody’s my boy. Seriously. I love the goofy bastard. But sometimes he can be a dick. Take last night. My Son, God bless him, farts A.LOT. And it’s God awful. Well, as all of you know, I recently had a VERY bad stomach virus (best diet EVER, btw). And I’ve had VERY bad gas for the last 2 days. Well, my bung is already world famous for the horror I produce. EVERYONE in the family is well aware of my capabilities. Yes, it’s embarrassing. But it’s what dude’s do. But there’s more to it than that. It involves bragging rights among men. EVERY man I know when the talk comes up totally relates and chimes in to the this little scenario- “Dude, you know what sucks. when you’re sitting at your desk, and you feel the big fecal shift, and you realize Kong is at the gates, and you to get to the can IMMEDIATELY.” ALL guys laugh when i mention this, they nod approvingly. Some will chime in, “What about when that hit’s you and you’re in the car? SUCKAGE.” lol.

I have literally had “dump conversations” with guy friends for 30-45 minutes. And the wives/gf’s look over in disgust and simply shake their heads. Trying to stop us would be futile. We’re giggling, laughing, animated, looking like we’re having the best time. Well, we are. Duh. Any woman that get’s skeeved when guys get like this usually didn’t grow up with brother’s or many male family members. The best example I can ever provide, well…..two examples are this: my gf in Japan. I was her first REAL bf. Yup. Before me, she hadn’t really dated any one seriously. She said the education she got while dating me was invaluable to her (she told me this WAAAAAAAAAAY later). She ended up marrying the next guy she dated. And now’s she’s a mommy. She learned how to actually take care of a man by dating me. Def something she’ll need to STAY married. Last I heard she’s doing just fine. Good for her.

The second occurred while I was living in Italy. I worked at the teen center and one of the girls I knew from the ER worked there with me as well. Now, the teen center was for kids 13-high school senior. I overheard one of the girls talking to another girl complaining about her bf and his farts. My ER pal looked at the girls and very “matter of factly” asked, “Do you girls plan on having a man throughout a large portion of your life, you know….marriage, kids?” Both girls nodded. My friend nailed them with.

“Get used to that smell.” I was ROLLING.

Look I’m 38 years old. But fart/poop= funny. ALL.THE.TIME. So, back to Brody. I was watching football last night, having a beer and affixing my laser sight to my pistola. Then, I let one rip. Brody, who was sitting at my lap….SECONDS LATER, looked up at me, made a “huff” sound, got up and walked away. You little fucking bastard. Talk about a total ingrate. I actually chastised him for walking away. “YOU SONUVABITCH!!!!!! I deal with your nasty ass all day, feed you, provide a roof over your head, and you’re gonna pull this shit. Fuck off!!!!” Yes, I actually said this to my dog. Lol. Don’t judge me. He’s my son and I’ll talk to him any damn way I deem apropos.

Oh, you Ladies are out of time out now. And congrats to someone special for acing microbiology. Never doubted you for a second Girl.

This post warrants a scene that slays me every time i watch it every guy i know laughs his ass off at this.


The Passing Of University of Man

Last week the ManoSphere was rocked with the news of University of Man’s closing shop. I received many emails and texts asking as to the reasons UofM shut down. I happen to be friends with Mentu- seriously. So I was not surprised that he closed shop. I received a text from him that alluded to the site going down. Since he really can’t get pissed at me I’ll tell you about the text he sent me. The way I see it, he bailed on the scene- so FUCK.HIM. Fuck him in his fucking ass.

“Dude, I was driving to work the other day and I saw this really bright light. Next thing I know, I’m on a fucking space-ship. Apparently there is a unisex alien race that has gotten over feminized and they found our internet (they said ‘it’s so cute’) and the Sphere and decided I was the best option for their dying race to repopulate. Apparently, “manliness” is vital for the survival of even an alien species. Fuck the Earth, I’m driving a Space ship and banging things with 3 tits. Plus they can produce my orgasm via telepathy. IT’S AWESOME And since they know I like Mexican chicks, they take on the form of a busty, 3 titted, bronze skinned beauties!!! ”

WOW. Whodathunkit?

Ok. Ok. Just fucking around. Here’s what REALLY happened.

He basically grew tired of Feminist Western culture and decided to shave his head, move to Yemen, and enjoy a culture where he could legally throw rocks at wimminz and have 5-6 wives, while he sits around and scratches his balls all day. “Weather here sucks though. It’s hot as fuck. But I have wife number 3 scratching my bag for me, and wife number 6 wipes my ass after I drop a deuce. IT.RULES.”

No? not buying it. Shit. You guys are good.

Mentu has fucked so many women, that he now has full blown AIDS. He’s currently is contact isolation since he’s more germed up that the fucking monkey on ”Outbreak”. His penis has been declared a National Emergency site by Fema. Supposedly, they tried AZT, and the AIDS giggled.

Did I make my point? Is it clear-

Mentu’s dead, and never coming back. Time to move on.


Internet Famous….

i posted about my nephew about a week ago and he’s finally gotten around to sending uncle Danny a pic. Ladies and gentlemen; meet my nephew: Kris.

The Little Shaver. His Halloween get-up. yeah…uh, my nephew. making me proud there Kris.

 

 

now this is moar like it. MY BOY!!!!!

 

i have BEATEN into his head that looks account for shit. it’s all attitude and…well, cocky and funny. he told me, “i cannot beleive what i get away with with messing with girls.” yup. they eat that shit up. they LOVE it. and he hasn’t even really been around the blogs. i shall be pointing him the direction of Roissy, Roosh, Krauser, and he’s going to be reading the gent’s on my blogroll. but i do think the PUA guys are better for the younger cats. but i will also point him in the direction of Mr. Price since i think ALL MEN need to be aware of the risks of marriage. i’ve gone to great lengths to make sure my nephew is well armed for the SMP. and i can say this- he’s KILLING it. even he’s amazed at all the gain’s he’s made.

he had his heart torn out by his fiancé, but instead of pining about it, he flipped the script and came out swinging. i know some of you female readers might be a tad uncomfy with what i’m bragging about- but look. he’s 20, about to go to afghanistan, and just got royally fucked over by a woman. this is the time in a man’s life when he just needs to be a slut. i went through it, he’ll go through it, and once his 20’s are gone, he’ll be a good man to possibly father a family.

so don’t be hating. he’s a good kid. besides, he shares nakie pic’s of 20 something yo’s with uncle Danny. GOTTA love that. i mean, love it it if you have a wee. if you have a va-jay-jay- you’re probably rolling your eyes.

 

OH, before i forget. CONGRATULATIONS TO SPACERAVELLER!!!!!!! she’s now engaged. i wish you nothing but eternal love and happiness Pet. I’m SOOOOOO happy for you. God Bless Love. a little mood music for you. and you might wanna brush up on your Italian. lol.

and since it’s me, i need to take it to perv-land…….sorry Love.


I’m in a Bad Mood

Girl rubbed me the wrong way today. when i get in a mood, i shut down because i don’t want to be a dick. for whatever reason, i decided to go to Publix and get some beer and other sundries. as i walked the aisles i had a BIG hankering for some brisket. i bought the accouterment needed for the dish, got my beer, and if you could see me….you’d KNOW i was in a foul mood. as i sat in line with one of the cashier’s (Maria- older Mexican woman) conversing in spanish, i kept noticing the bagger chick staring at me.

i wanted NOTHING to do with this girl. i was DYING that she’d leave me alone. i was wearing my black star wars shirt. it’s a simple black shirt, with the star wars logo in faded gold. as i paid my bill, i looked to the bagger who was doing her job and she finally chimed in, “i like your shirt.”

now there was NOTHING on my face that could show i wanted to be spoken too, but she spoke to me anyway. i just smiled and replied, “talk nerdy to me.” she giggled and handed me my bags. i’m not in the state of mind to deconstruct the interaction, i’m in too foul a mood. but i thought it was interesting.

then i went and got my pizza from pappa john’s. came home, and prepped the brisket. it will marinate all night and i’ll slow cook it tomorrow. i’m soaking the mesquite chips and i’ve already got the rub set up. for the rest of the night….

football, klonapin, beer, and i’m going to remove the laser point from the AR and put it on my 9mm. you know…

typical guys night in.

stay up.

brisket getting sexy. beer, chipotle, apple vinegar, garlic powder, and cumin.

ruger P95 with laser sight. ain’t she purrrrdee. shit like this put’s me in my happy place. plus football. and beer. yeah.


Female Partner Count

There’s an interesting discussion going on on  M3’s…. Oh, before I begin….

Ladies- You are ALL in time out. You are not allowed to read my blog for a week. I gave you a simple assignment, and NO ONE participated. I’m not angry at you, just VERY disappointed. I will have to take some time to consider if I need to dole out spankings, but I think some of you may enjoy that too much. You naughty, naughty girls.

But I shan’t punish the guys for your transgressions. The site’s about them after all.

Anyway, there’s an interesting conversation going on at M3’s site where a young Lady asks about the relevance of a woman’s partner count. M3’s post covers the relationship between a father and daughter and how it’s vital to the emotional growth of a young girl. Deti, as per usual, offers a TON of wisdom. The post should be read simply based on the merit of Deti’s wisdom.  Sorry M3. Lol.

Deti replies to Ashley’s comment-

“there is no *proof* that women suffer emotionally from higher sex partners.”

Whether women have emotional pain from having a higher number of sex partners has not been studied. I think this is for a couple of reasons:
1. Women have notoriously poor insight into the causes of their emotions. IOW, they feel a certain way, but they don’t know why and cannot articulate why. Thus, anything you might ask women about this simply isn’t very reliable.
2. I don’t think researchers would ilke the results.

What we do know is that one study has found a direct relationship between the number of a woman’s sex partners and incidence of first marriage divorce. IOW, the more men she sexed, the greater her risk of divorce.

We also hear story after story after story of women saying they had a number of sex partners in their past, married, then

1. reporting a lack of attraction to their husbands
2. divorcing their husbands for “unhappiness” or incompatibility or other superficial reasons
3. reporting they felt bonded to previous partners, but not feeling bonded to later partners or current partner

All this suggests that as a woman’s partner count increases, her ability to bond to a long term sex partner decreases. Women are built to bond to their husbands. What we see is that marriages

I disagree that women don’t suffer emotionally from a higher number of sex partners. I like women. I don’t want to see them suffer. Too many of them are suffering already. They are suffering because they had sex with too many different men in their younger days and now are unable to be attracted to the men willing to marry them.

What typically happens to these women is finding themselves in a catch-22 over and over again: They are intensely attracted to alphas who bring the tingle in spades. But those alphas won’t marry them. There are betas willing to marry them, but the women aren’t attracted to them. So by failing to select a good, kind, reasonably attractive man as a young woman, commit to him and marry him; she limits herself to the following Hobson’s choice: continue with alpha STRs, membership in alpha soft harems, or alpha pump and dumps; or marriage to a beta who she finds sexually repulsive. This Hobson’s choice is the prime reason for the ever-growing choruses of:

1. “I’m not haaaaaappy! I want a divorce!”
2. “My husband is a good and kind and decent man. I’m just not attracted to him sexually, I never have been, and I feel terrible about it.”
3. “I wish my husband would cheat, so I can divorce him. I have never been attracted to him.
4. “I’m 39, I’m single, I’ve never been married, and any hope I have of ever finding someone to marry dwindles with each passing day, and I know it.”

I’ve posted before that the ex was a slut. I broke up with her after suspecting she was cheating. And i was right. Now she mentioned on SEVERAL occasions during the brief relationship that she would LOVE to be a SAHM; which was fine with me. But I also noticed she did NOTHING to help out around the house. At any rate- it doesn’t matter. It’s over, she’s got a kid, I’m assuming she’s Disney now.

I’ve heard about the correlation between a women sexual past and her propensity to cheating in marriage. I won’t argue, I have no real experience to back it up, but it sounds plausible. Personally, I won’t hold what a girl’s sexual past against her. It’s not my business. And yes, I’ve had girls flip on me when they learn how many girls I’ve slept with. My response, “Honestly, I couldn’t give you an exact number. A lot. Is that good enough?” Most girls are smart enough to let it at that. lol. And trust me guys, women KNOW when they’re dealing with a guy who’s been with a lot of women.

Ultimately guys, it’s up to you. I can’t/won’t dictate how to react when you learn your girls “been around”. But I for one believe when Deti says there are a great deal of women who leave the carousel and truly give it up. But I’m not so foolish as to not realize a woman that’s put out to a bunch of alpha’s is NOT as likely to cheat on your “nice” ass if you begin to bore her.

which reminds me of a great joke….

Stay up.