Ingredients: Apple, razor blade, duct tape, glue, and a kid.
This one is a favorite around Halloween, but works during any season. Any ole apple will do, but if you can find one that fell in a pile of e. coli-infested shit you can inflict more damage. Cut the apple in half and then glue a razor blade to one of the halves. Align the halves as if nothing happened and then tape them together. Do this to a bunch of apples until you have an entire sack. Then, go to your local grammar school and hand them to the kids as they get on the bus.
The exploding candy bar
Ingredients: Candy, plastic canister of lighter fluid, a bottle rocket, sealing wax, a cigarette, a match, some tape, and a kid.
First, build the bomb. The diagram is self-explanatory, but remember, the more lighter fluid in the canister, the more the kid dies. Next, buy some candy and tape it all around the bomb. Make sure you choose popular candy. Then, when you find a kid that you want to blow up, light the cigarette (which acts as a time delay fuse for the bottle rocket on top) and give him/her the “candy.” Run away. Helpful hint: if you have time to stake out a location, build a foxhole nearby.
The cobra in the yogurt
Ingredients: One Yoplait Yogurt, one cobra, and one kid.
Kids love yogurt. Replace the yogurt in the container with a ferocious, hungry cobra. Go to your local park and offer any one of the young, rosy-cheeked whelps your “cobragurt.” When they go to open it, they’ll think that they’re about to enjoy a healthy snack, but—surprise! Cobra attack to the face! Works every time.
Poisoned candy—a classic!
Ingredients: Candy bar, Vanish toilet bowl cleaner, a turkey baster, and a kid.
An issue that I have yet to address in this article is the “don’t–take–candy–from–strangers” dilemma. Don’t worry about it. Kids are stupid sugar magnets. Their mother (the cunt) could be standing right beside them telling them, “Remember, don’t take candy from a stranger,” and they’ll still eagerly snatch whatever sweets you have to offer. I can imagine, however, some snot–nosed goody–goody actually refusing your gift. My first inclination would be to strike the little beast, but that wouldn’t do either of us any good. So, I would explain that I was a friend and he can accept candy from a friend—works every time. But make sure you poison the candy. I fill a turkey baster with Vanish Toilet Bowl cleaner and ram it into the candy. Vanish does to kids just what the name implies.
Bear trap in the ice cream cake
Ingredients: An ice cream cake, a bear trap, a birthday, and a kid.
Order an ice cream cake at the cake store and request that they replace the ice cream with a bear trap. Most won’t do that, so take the cake home and hollow out the bottom. Since you aren’t going to be putting the hole back in, you can eat it. Yum! Spread the trap’s jaws wide and secure the spring mechanism. It’s a good idea to put the candles on the cake before you place it over the trap. Now, find a kid’s birthday party, but be careful, because adults in attendance will like ice cream cake too. You don’t want to mangle the hands of an accomplished adult, so warn the adults that there is a bear trap in the cake by spelling it out loud—don’t worry, kids can’t spell. Just say, “T-H-E-R-E-I-S-A-B-E-A-R-T-R-A-P-I-N-T-H-E-C-A-K-E,” then, anyone that is an adult will stay the fuck away from that cake. After birthday boy blows out the candles, say, “Okay, everyone dive in!” (Honorable mention: Mouse trap in the cupcake.)
yeah, i know. i’m going to hell. Happy Halloween.
was watching a movie and the boys were heading off to war. what i noted were the few scenes where women came onto the men about to be sent into combat. i have some experience with this with deployments and women seeming “into me” because of it. Right after 9-11, i was out in the quarter with friends and all my boys were winging for me by asking “when was i heading to iraq?” i always answered, “dude, i can’t say, you know that. but i have my sea bag ready and my living will is done.” the girls of course would ask what i did in the military and when i explained the role of a HM, they got goggly eyed and would reply, “OMG, like, you might not come back.” i got more ass the months following 9-11 than i can remember.
i want to to ask the women-
what is the turn on for a man approaching combat? i’m a man; the fight is primal to me, i live for it. i know my role in combat, and i’m GOOD at it. i can keep your ass alive for at least 2-3 days if you’re shot. ladies…..
can you help me out?
There’s an interesting discussion going on on M3’s…. Oh, before I begin….
Ladies- You are ALL in time out. You are not allowed to read my blog for a week. I gave you a simple assignment, and NO ONE participated. I’m not angry at you, just VERY disappointed. I will have to take some time to consider if I need to dole out spankings, but I think some of you may enjoy that too much. You naughty, naughty girls.
But I shan’t punish the guys for your transgressions. The site’s about them after all.
Anyway, there’s an interesting conversation going on at M3’s site where a young Lady asks about the relevance of a woman’s partner count. M3’s post covers the relationship between a father and daughter and how it’s vital to the emotional growth of a young girl. Deti, as per usual, offers a TON of wisdom. The post should be read simply based on the merit of Deti’s wisdom. Sorry M3. Lol.
Deti replies to Ashley’s comment-
“there is no *proof* that women suffer emotionally from higher sex partners.”
Whether women have emotional pain from having a higher number of sex partners has not been studied. I think this is for a couple of reasons:
1. Women have notoriously poor insight into the causes of their emotions. IOW, they feel a certain way, but they don’t know why and cannot articulate why. Thus, anything you might ask women about this simply isn’t very reliable.
2. I don’t think researchers would ilke the results.
What we do know is that one study has found a direct relationship between the number of a woman’s sex partners and incidence of first marriage divorce. IOW, the more men she sexed, the greater her risk of divorce.
We also hear story after story after story of women saying they had a number of sex partners in their past, married, then
1. reporting a lack of attraction to their husbands
2. divorcing their husbands for “unhappiness” or incompatibility or other superficial reasons
3. reporting they felt bonded to previous partners, but not feeling bonded to later partners or current partner
All this suggests that as a woman’s partner count increases, her ability to bond to a long term sex partner decreases. Women are built to bond to their husbands. What we see is that marriages
I disagree that women don’t suffer emotionally from a higher number of sex partners. I like women. I don’t want to see them suffer. Too many of them are suffering already. They are suffering because they had sex with too many different men in their younger days and now are unable to be attracted to the men willing to marry them.
What typically happens to these women is finding themselves in a catch-22 over and over again: They are intensely attracted to alphas who bring the tingle in spades. But those alphas won’t marry them. There are betas willing to marry them, but the women aren’t attracted to them. So by failing to select a good, kind, reasonably attractive man as a young woman, commit to him and marry him; she limits herself to the following Hobson’s choice: continue with alpha STRs, membership in alpha soft harems, or alpha pump and dumps; or marriage to a beta who she finds sexually repulsive. This Hobson’s choice is the prime reason for the ever-growing choruses of:
1. “I’m not haaaaaappy! I want a divorce!”
2. “My husband is a good and kind and decent man. I’m just not attracted to him sexually, I never have been, and I feel terrible about it.”
3. “I wish my husband would cheat, so I can divorce him. I have never been attracted to him.
4. “I’m 39, I’m single, I’ve never been married, and any hope I have of ever finding someone to marry dwindles with each passing day, and I know it.”
I’ve posted before that the ex was a slut. I broke up with her after suspecting she was cheating. And i was right. Now she mentioned on SEVERAL occasions during the brief relationship that she would LOVE to be a SAHM; which was fine with me. But I also noticed she did NOTHING to help out around the house. At any rate- it doesn’t matter. It’s over, she’s got a kid, I’m assuming she’s Disney now.
I’ve heard about the correlation between a women sexual past and her propensity to cheating in marriage. I won’t argue, I have no real experience to back it up, but it sounds plausible. Personally, I won’t hold what a girl’s sexual past against her. It’s not my business. And yes, I’ve had girls flip on me when they learn how many girls I’ve slept with. My response, “Honestly, I couldn’t give you an exact number. A lot. Is that good enough?” Most girls are smart enough to let it at that. lol. And trust me guys, women KNOW when they’re dealing with a guy who’s been with a lot of women.
Ultimately guys, it’s up to you. I can’t/won’t dictate how to react when you learn your girls “been around”. But I for one believe when Deti says there are a great deal of women who leave the carousel and truly give it up. But I’m not so foolish as to not realize a woman that’s put out to a bunch of alpha’s is NOT as likely to cheat on your “nice” ass if you begin to bore her.
which reminds me of a great joke….