New Orleans Boys

you get me and my friends together and you better lock up your daughters. when i was living in NO, my apt was ground zero for party central. you get me, adam, and justin together……your vagina is NOT SAFE. the party we had after the vans warped tour is STILL a legend for us three. ok, i had a TINY apartment back then, i was an E4, and my complex had a pool. on one occasion, todd popped his grape while filming some skating and the skater fell. i heard a banging on my door (which woke up beth who was sleeping on the sofa). i could hear adam yelling to let him in. as i opened the door 4 guys stormed in and todd had blood all over his face. beth looked on, then finally went back to sleep. adam mouthed, “she’s fucking hot.” lol. i cute todd’s afro (note-jewfro) to look at the cut. he could have taken 5 stitches but i ended up derma-bonding his cut. they left shortly after.

then after the warped tour, where adam best over all and justin placed second in street, they showed up at my pad for an impromptu drinking sesh.

game on.

it was a saturday, and adam brought over some beer and fish to make his infamous BBQ catfish. i told you NO boys can throw down in the cooking department. when we got to the pool and adam fired up the Q, i put on Q93 (local rap station), and justin jumped into the pool right away. it was a loud, testosterone fueled debacle. there were 2 lesbians there in the hot tub and i joined them (i knew them), and after about 15 minutes 4 girls showed up and lined up to tan in front of the pool. *ahem* well, me and ms. lesbian start talking about pussy, and i taught her how to make a girl squirt. me and my 2 friends completely disregarded the girls, but talked with the lesbians. finally, a cute redhead turns her head towards me and lesbo and after a few minutes said, “will you two please stop.” i asked her if she was offended and she replied that she wasn’t, but she was getting horny. lol.

adam was working the grill and we could all (me adam and justin) tell the 4 girls wanted to “be a part of the group”. lol. finally, justin broke the ice and said (from the pool), “you 4 gonna sit there and be boring, it’s like 90 degrees out, come for a swim.”

all the girls smiled. that’s right.

here’s the rundown: adam was cooking and kept asking me for crap to add thusly showing i too know how to cook. and justin would chime in to show off as well. justin was playing with this 8 year old boy in the pool. i was talking sex with 2 lesbians. the four girls had NO chance. as adam cooked, i said, “either get in the pool or join us in the tub, quit being such fucking stiffs.” 2 girls went to the pool, one came to the tub and adam grabbed one and had her help him on the grill.

endgame- i ended up bringing redhead to my apartment, adam went back to the girl helping him cook’s apartment, justin was fucking one of the girls in the pool as i was taking red-head upstairs. lol. all four of them ended up back at my apartment after it got dark we we continued the shenanigans. to this day, we STILL talk about that impromptu get-together.

CHALMETTE GIRLS-

chalmette girls are a legend in NO as being easy. case in point.

me and the boys were at the goldmine in the quarter (great dance club/meat market btw) and my boy was getting a drink. he ended up talking with a girl for about while waiting to order and when he got his beer, he came back to the group. we were all bullshitting when girl came back she told my boy, “Hey, i thought we were talking.” my friend introduced her to us and Lightfoot asked where she was from. she answered, “chalmette.” my boy, the one who was initially talking to her said, “wanna go for a walk?” she asked where to and my boy said, “my car.” lol. i can’t make this shit up. she just nodded and said sure. lol. and off they went. we all left after 5 minutes we walked to his car, and he was banging her in the back seat. we were ROLLING.

case in point 2- i was at the first lollapalooza and…ok……this was back when i was a senior in HS. just as a frame of reference, rage against the machine and tool were the OPENING ACTS. lol. well, as tool played, there was this cute girl that kept looking my way. she was HOT; miniskirt, great rack, chewing feverishly on gum. i finally opened with something along the lines of “you be cool and say hello or just keep staring at me?” now, i have to admit i was riding a HUGE alpha wave because i had a girl back in texas that was basically a fuck toy for me. well, girl smiled when i open her and we started talking. i found out she was from chalmette. eventually i asked her for a piece of gum. she said she didn’t have any. i INSISTED that she had gum for me. now, i didn’t know what IOI’s were back then, i was just a clueless guy with nothing to lose. when she asked me where she had gum and i pulled her too me and started kissing her. i then took her gum, quit kissing her and placed the gum between by teeth and said, “right here.” lol. i ended up banging her in a portalet an hour later. as we both walked in the line behind us cheered. as we walked out, more cheers and guys were slapping me on the back. lol.

my sister was with her BF during the show. she came to tell me she and the BF were going to get some food, saw me with girl, pulled me to her and whispered, “if you don’t fuck her you lose all credibility with me.” her BF, knew my reputation and just shook his head. as our entire group watched alice in chains perform, i was the only guy NOT with a girl (after the sex, we split). well one guys tried to give me shit for being the odd man out and i held my finger out and said, “i fucked a girl 3’oclock in a portalet.” my sis’s bf confirmed. dude shut up. lol.

when i told debbie about this (the girl i mentioned in “having female friends”) she laughed and called me “impossible”.

this is the front 242 song i was HOPING they’d play. while they were playing it, i had my hand under girls skirt, playing “man in the boat” and she was pushing against it. no panties. i didn’t need game to know what was up.

the boys back home-

My boy Adam and the tribe. Adam is the gentleman at the beginning of the clip. can’t wait to meet up with him for a beer and late night shenanigans. already talked to eric and alex……oh the fun that awaits. and my house of shock pals know i’m coming in as well.

welcome to NO. lol. we might be foul-mouthed, crude, lummoxes, fueled by pure testosterone, and real joie de vie. we work hard, we play harder, and we’re some protective mother fuckers with those we care about. and when it come to you ladies…..well, i’m sure you get the picture. i’m driving to NO thursday, if you’re gonna be in the area, drop me an email and i’ll let you buy me a hand grenade. lol.

stay up.

me and adam at mom’s. we had a crawfish boil before i left for spain. see i really am that short. adam’s about 5’10”

suck it

me and paw paw gutierrez.

working the burl. yeahYAHrite!!!!!


2 Comments on “New Orleans Boys”

  1. Georgia Boy says:

    Okay I can trade some lollapalooza stories. I was at the show in philly that year where ratm refused to play (as a censorship protest). If you’ve never heard that story, they started up with some strange sound effects but not music and the band walked out on stage butt naked, all four of them just standing with their dicks hanging out in front of everybody and each had a letter painted on his chest … P … M … R … C. Hairy motherfuckers as you could’ve guessed, what women see in us sexually is betond me sometimes but I’m glad they like it so much. Anyway they stood for 15 or 20 minutes and then the sound fell silent and they walked off. Tool came on 20 minutes later and after the first song Maynard James Keenan basically had to fill everyone in on what the hell had just happened. Good times.

  2. […] From 504 – The Klonapin Kroniclez, New Orleans Boys, Parenthood And Broken Homes, ITLR – Let Danny Do The Heavy Lifting, ITLR – The Chosen […]


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