Parenthood and Broken Homes

my childhood was pretty twisted in the beginning. i lived in a VERY abusive household. my dad was a major alcoholic and beat me severely and treated my mom like shit. my mom actually left my dad when i was 2 because he beat me so badly, i was covered in bruises. when i was in 4th grade mom told me and my sis she was leaving. one day while my dad was at work, my mom gave me a garbage bag and we were on the road from Corpus Christi, Tx to NO within an hour.

when my mom mentioned leaving i can’t begin to tell you how relieved i was. between the beating, the molestation, and the general atmosphere in the house- it was the happiest moment in my life. the next few year where me, my sis, and my mom shared a bed room at maw-maw (RIP) and paw-paw’s was the best time i ever had in my life. i always tell mom’s that your kid is much more aware of you being in a shitty relationship than you think. so i reality if you’re sticking with an asshole, you’re teaching your son how a woman should be treated or your daughter what she’s needs to expect as a normal relationship.

El-P always has a very surreal POV. always loved his stuff. was talking to a single mom friend today and this song popped into my head. considering the state of the SMP, El-P is on to something. of course coming from an abusive household and knowing El-P’s history of child abuse, the song is fucking amazing. per El-P, the song is about abusive step-fathers, which he was using his alcoholic step-father as an example.

God help the kids.

always HATED blink 182. but this song really hit home for me.

forgot this one.


25 Comments on “Parenthood and Broken Homes”

  1. just visiting says:

    Extended family can be a godsend in this way. And if a parent was not very good, an uncle or grandparent who is involved or invested can provide an alternative example.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      i always enjoy spending time with my nephews and nieces. i’m very fortunate to have as close a family as i do.

      the 11 years my mom and dad were married i KNEW what they had was just NOT the way it should be. thankfully dad never beat my sis, just me. BUT my sister saw that her NOT getting beat meant that dad didn’t love her as much as he loved me.

      how twisted is that?

      • just visiting says:

        Your sister probably saw it as attention. When boundaries are blurred in a family, so can the ideas of positive and negative attention. A very hard thing for you to go through. The abuse is bad enough, but the human barometer aspect in between times…..learning to read a situation or an inflection because you never know when something’s going to trigger it. (Yeah, I had a step dad for a few years.)

        A family made strong by love and loyalty is a precious thing. From the pictures that you’ve posted, it’s clear that your nieces adore you. And your Paw Paw and Maw Maw clearly loved you very much. (And I suspect that you might have gotten your sense of humor from your Paw Paw. I seem to recall him charming the ladies and quipping about licking the mustard jar,lol.)

    • Spacetraveller says:

      Agree, JV. Sometimes even friends can fulfill ths role. This works better in communities which are open though…By this I mean where everyone looks out for everyone else.

      • just visiting says:

        Yes! Absolutely.

        I’m a strong supporter of extended family. But you’re right about communities that look out for one another. And friends helping friends.

  2. Ulysses says:

    Fantastic Damage was a great, twisted album about the darker facets of life. Always glad I could never relate with Stepfather Factory.

  3. Young Hunter says:

    The manosphere has an identity of mostly early to mid 20’s single men, and older bitter men. Unfortunately I think certain viewpoints get overemphasized. The young men are complaining about finding good women, the older men complaining about bad ones fucking their lives up. If not so specific, then complaints about women in general, which is fine. What’s lost in the mix is the bad shit men do. Not the “bad” stuff women often focus on, but the real evil stuff. We have more issues than broken marriage contracts and all that shit.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      All I can do is offer my perspective.

      Sent from my iPhone

    • deti says:

      “What’s lost in the mix is the bad shit men do.”

      All due respect, everyone knows about “the bad shit men do”. The media, other women, friends, neighbors, all of them — bombard me every minute of every day with news, information and gossip about the “bad shit men do”.

      The manosphere is about the only place where men can go for a respite from that and talk truthfully about everything OTHER than the “bad shit men do”.

      • Ulysses says:

        I didn’t suggest it become a new focus, only point out that we sometimes overlook the fact that most everybody of both sexes suck.

      • Young Hunter says:

        I wasn’t meaning to say it should be our focus. Re-reading it, my comment looks a little douchy and hostile, but it wasn’t directed at Danny at all. More in support of him and his mom actually. Without knowing his details we might just think his dad was one more guy who had his kids kidnapped away from him, a victim.

        We don’t need to be beaten over the head with it, because I agree, I hear how bad we are all the time. Just a grounded reminder like this every now and then has value.

    • deti says:

      BTW:

      I love women too, and I don’t wish ill on them, unless they’ve done something to deserve it; in which case I wish only the reasonable consequences flowing from their actions.

      That said, I will no longer turn a blind eye to the bad shit women do.

      What danny’s father did was despicable. No one denies that. he’ll get his if he hasn’t already. Hell, he’s deprived a relationship with his son danny, one of the finest men I know.

  4. Young Hunter says:

    Wasn’t really meaning to say anyone’s perspective is “wrong” just that there’s still a lot of uncharted territory in the ‘sphere.

  5. damngringo says:

    Hated Blink-182? You seemed a great guy!

  6. Wow. Sorry to hear you went through that. My best guy friend experienced something similar (his Dad on the other hand beat his mom and sister and not him because he was a ‘boy’ and therefore worthy, it’s fucked up whatever way you look at it). I used to think his life was like a poster for success, for not giving in to what horrors you saw as a child, except then he did Something Terrible last year I won’t go into. I still love him though, he spent 30 years previous to that as a contributor to society, he just finally cracked after never talking about it or addressing it. Anyway, didn’t mean to write a book here! (P.S. I also don’t speak to my Dad, and I feel fine with that – sometimes it’s just how it works out I guess).

  7. Jacquie says:

    I am sorry you went through this. I want to ask though, does it help you to write about it on a blog like this? Does it help you work it through and let go of it, or have you been able to reach a point of letting it go? I’ve been looking for ways to just help me let go of the rest of my stuff and reading you open up about this part of your life makes me wonder if I could do this, if it would help me let go of some of the last remnants of pain I feel.

    My dad was a hard disciplinarian; not really abusive, although it could be seen as such by many people. He hit hard, but not in anger, and not without us having given cause for such. I remember many times when I would mess up that I would pray for getting one of dad’s spankings for punishment; I would pray so hard for this. I knew that what my mother would meter out, the alternative punishments, were far worse. The mental stuff hurt so much more than the hardest hits I would get from my dad. Having the physical scars hurt far less than the emotional ones. Yeah, we hear alot about the abusive dads, but there are abusive moms out there too; why don’t we hear about them as much? Not all of them are so nurturing.

    I’m glad you had your mom and sis, and that you had extended family to support you and that you’re tight with them. I’m finding that I’m healing best the more I keep away from my family. I don’t know if it was appropriate to share all that here; if not, just delete this comment. I guess reading about your background again stirred a few things. I think I understand where you’re coming from.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      i’ll tell you what i tell other people that respond as you have.

      “it happened, i can either let it define me, or i can acknowledge it….and move on.”

      i moved on. i was a kid, i couldn’t control it or handle it. i could choose to be a victim, but to me- that’s some bitch shit. fuck my dad, trust me….

      he’s done A LOT of bad things. it WILL come back him. he no longer had ANYONE. he’s going to die and honestly 2-3 people might show up. i have ZERO interest in talking to him after something he pulled back when i was in san diego.

      if you have something painful in your past, you can let it dog you down, or you can get, look the beast in it’s face. and turn your back it.

      it’s that easy. the human animal is always as happy as it ALLOWS itself to be.

      be well.

  8. thebastardson says:

    nice to see someone open up without throwing a pity party.

  9. […] From 504 – The Klonapin Kroniclez, New Orleans Boys, Parenthood And Broken Homes, ITLR – Let Danny Do The Heavy Lifting, ITLR – The Chosen Few, ITLR: Smoke And Drink […]


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