ITLR- Running a Soft Harem

Athol had an interesting post where he pontificates his options if he lost Jen. he mentioned a soft harem. THIS is something i am well qualified to speak of.

i ran a soft harem for about 2 years when i came back from Spain. five girls. 4 were single mom’s, and one had no children. and they ALL knew i had other women. but they were smart enough not to ask, and i was smart enough to never rub their noses in it. running a SH requires a bit of aloofness and a TON of charm. women are VERY competitive and jealous. most of the shit tests i get about “other women” come in the form of me leaving and her asking, “so…which one of your other girls are you going to see now?”

aw. how cute.

i usually go with one of two replies. the first being, “you know, i’m kinda worn out. you did a number on me. i think i need to recoup for a few days.”

the second being, “you know. i haven’t checked my schedule. i need to eat first and refuel.”

agree and amplify works well, as does negs, and teasing. the important thing is you DO NOT directly mention the girls. allude to them jokingly, but NEVER confirm. when in her company, she is the center of the universe. this is NOT about supplication, but about keeping her focused on you. not wondering about your side pieces.

it’s very difficult for some guys to run a SH. most guys get too many feelings and drift into “relationship” mode.


any women in the stable need to be kept at arms length emotionally. i care about them, i do. but the dynamic we share is tangential. i fully admit, if it weren’t for the fact that i live in Jax and the SH was in NO, the girls would press me for a relationship. this is simply in their nature. most girls, even single mom’s do NOT want to be a side piece booty-call. some will accept it as “good enough”. they are getting some male attention and affection… they “allow” the harem status (though i ‘d NEVER refer to having a SH). if you EVER mention having a SH to one of the girls in the stable…..yer fucked. she’ll feel objectified and used (most of the time, some don’t care), so always err on the side of being cautious and secretive.

running a SH is a GREAT thing for a man. he gets it all: sex, female company/affection, and pride that people can smell a mile away. which in turn, attracts other women. i KNOW i’m not getting married anytime soon, even still……i retired my stable a while ago.  i still talk with all of them, but the sex just doesn’t go down. and yes, they ALL knew i had multiple women.

if you can pull it off, i highly recommend a SH. how do you do it? quite simply.

  1. BE.HONEST. let her know up front that you ARE NOT looking for a relationship, but enjoy her company. if she declines on the sex, just keep working game. if that fails…..bail. she gets no more of your time.
  2. never directly mention having a SH. EVER. if she asks about you having other women just use the responses i posted above or agree and amplify with, “damn, i dunno, i probably fuck about 5000 other women.” and roll your eyes.
  3. when with her, make it all about her. DO NOT make it just about sex. you have to create the illusion of a relationship. have lunch, have coffee. if you aren’t just fucking her she can’t use it against you. so make sure you spend time with her outside the bedroom. just not, like…a LOT of time. lol.
  4. realize, at ANY point, she can end the entire dynamic. DO NOT guilt trip her or shame her for ending it. be polite and tell her you’re sorry it has to be that way, but you understand. if she finds a BF, congratulate her and wish her and the new endeavor well. trust me, if it hit’s the skids, she’ll be back. lol. TRUST ME.

i wouldn’t recommend a SH unless you have ninja like game. it’s very difficult for most guys to pull off. especially younger guys. but if you’re going to give it a try, i’ve laid out the ground work. best of luck and happy hunting.

stay up.

i shall bed you all before the night is through.

11 Comments on “ITLR- Running a Soft Harem”

  1. @dannyfrom504 Saw you over at Hawaiian Libertarian: “Shadows on the wall.” He does great stuff. Still, philosophy counts only if it can be applied to where the rubber meets the…. Soft harem. lol I needed to read that. I can’t pull it off (just now I hope), but as one who seeks truth and self-improvement, the principles you give are where I am going, growing, adapting (not entirely in a direction I would choose if I could better control the social circumstances) out of respect for my sexual, political, economic self.

    So bluntly candid and succinct. Perfect.

    Funny how interchangeable hot women look if you get enough of them all in one place. And they aren’t talking, shopping, voting, etc. They are ordered and in place. Beautiful on so many levels.

  2. […] From 504 – ITLR: The Return Of The Great One, ITLR: Running A Soft Harem,My New Baby, To The Lurkers. . ., What Would Tyler Durden, Karaoke […]

  3. Zed says:

    2 chicks in this SH (dunno if that even counts or maybe it’s just two-timing), met a third who is a friend/coworker of SH1, made out with her and mentioned that she should keep it quiet. Lots of physical chemistry, but things sour and she ended up telling SH1 about the shit we did, now SH1’s texting me wanting to confirm this which is kind of weird because we generally have a don’t ask don’t tell policy on other chicks. What’s the best way to respond?

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      if it’s not a committed relationship, take a “it’s nothing we need to discuss” issue. never kiss and tell with girls in the stable. even if they talk about it- it’s best to take a “i don’t know what you were told, but there’s nothing for us to discuss.”

      make sense.

      • Zed says:

        Yup, 100%. And “nothing we need to discuss” sounds a hell of a lot better than “none of your damn business” which is what I was thinking.

        I think this SH1 is itching for a relationship whether she says it or not, I just gotta keep that in check and be prepared to let her go.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        they ALWAYS want a relationship. especially if they are over 25. single mom’s are perfect since they have to put so much time into the kids/kids, but STILL crave some romance.

  4. Halfbreed says:

    hey Danny

    Ever meet the children of the single moms in your harem? If so, do you think that helped or hurt your frame & relationship(s)?

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