ITLR: Poo-Poo Pee PeePosted: October 29, 2012 | |
The following is just plain gross and juvenile. Ladies….you’ve been warned.
Strap yourselves in kids, I took my meds, I’m drooling proper-like, my harness is on good and tight, my hockey helmet is on tight, I got a fist-full of crayon’s and I’m coloring WAAAAY outside the lines.
Brody’s my boy. Seriously. I love the goofy bastard. But sometimes he can be a dick. Take last night. My Son, God bless him, farts A.LOT. And it’s God awful. Well, as all of you know, I recently had a VERY bad stomach virus (best diet EVER, btw). And I’ve had VERY bad gas for the last 2 days. Well, my bung is already world famous for the horror I produce. EVERYONE in the family is well aware of my capabilities. Yes, it’s embarrassing. But it’s what dude’s do. But there’s more to it than that. It involves bragging rights among men. EVERY man I know when the talk comes up totally relates and chimes in to the this little scenario- “Dude, you know what sucks. when you’re sitting at your desk, and you feel the big fecal shift, and you realize Kong is at the gates, and you to get to the can IMMEDIATELY.” ALL guys laugh when i mention this, they nod approvingly. Some will chime in, “What about when that hit’s you and you’re in the car? SUCKAGE.” lol.
I have literally had “dump conversations” with guy friends for 30-45 minutes. And the wives/gf’s look over in disgust and simply shake their heads. Trying to stop us would be futile. We’re giggling, laughing, animated, looking like we’re having the best time. Well, we are. Duh. Any woman that get’s skeeved when guys get like this usually didn’t grow up with brother’s or many male family members. The best example I can ever provide, well…..two examples are this: my gf in Japan. I was her first REAL bf. Yup. Before me, she hadn’t really dated any one seriously. She said the education she got while dating me was invaluable to her (she told me this WAAAAAAAAAAY later). She ended up marrying the next guy she dated. And now’s she’s a mommy. She learned how to actually take care of a man by dating me. Def something she’ll need to STAY married. Last I heard she’s doing just fine. Good for her.
The second occurred while I was living in Italy. I worked at the teen center and one of the girls I knew from the ER worked there with me as well. Now, the teen center was for kids 13-high school senior. I overheard one of the girls talking to another girl complaining about her bf and his farts. My ER pal looked at the girls and very “matter of factly” asked, “Do you girls plan on having a man throughout a large portion of your life, you know….marriage, kids?” Both girls nodded. My friend nailed them with.
“Get used to that smell.” I was ROLLING.
Look I’m 38 years old. But fart/poop= funny. ALL.THE.TIME. So, back to Brody. I was watching football last night, having a beer and affixing my laser sight to my pistola. Then, I let one rip. Brody, who was sitting at my lap….SECONDS LATER, looked up at me, made a “huff” sound, got up and walked away. You little fucking bastard. Talk about a total ingrate. I actually chastised him for walking away. “YOU SONUVABITCH!!!!!! I deal with your nasty ass all day, feed you, provide a roof over your head, and you’re gonna pull this shit. Fuck off!!!!” Yes, I actually said this to my dog. Lol. Don’t judge me. He’s my son and I’ll talk to him any damn way I deem apropos.
Oh, you Ladies are out of time out now. And congrats to someone special for acing microbiology. Never doubted you for a second Girl.
This post warrants a scene that slays me every time i watch it every guy i know laughs his ass off at this.