Fitness Tests and Halloween Lulz

Today I had a HUGE fitness test handed to me. Well, not HUGE…I guess that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I actually get one twice a year. It’s all part of my Navy contract. My biannual Navy Fitness Test. It’s kind of a joke actually.

But I’m getting old. Look, I didn’t even prepare for this BS of a test and I still got an excellent. So, as far as the Navy is concerned, I’m in excellent physical shape. How did I do….

Male, 38 years OLD, 131lbs.

Sit/reach- pass. You have to reach out and touch your toes.

Sit-ups- 84 (excellent)

Push ups- 78 (max for my age)

1.5 mile run- 13:21 seconds

Not too shabby. But I can already tell I’m going to be SORE as hell tomorrow. Ah well, nothing a few beers can’t fix.

I want no applause, congrats, or hoop-lah.

IT’S MY FUCKING JOB!!!!!!

It’s always blows me away when Sailors want to gloat how well they did on their PFA (Physical Fitness Assessment). What’s even funnier is the fatties that STRUGGLE on their PFA. You have people PAID to be in shape, yet they still can’t even manage the MINIMAL standards. Pretty pathetic when my 38 year old ass can wipe the floor (PFA wise) over a 23 year old kid.

One thing I did notice though. My score (and weight) have remained basically the same for the last 15 years. I was in a car accident and from then on my run time dropped. USED to be able to do it in the 10 minute zone. Now I’m doing it late 12 early 13 minute zone. Not too shabby, right.

I know no one really gives a shit but I have ZERO material for any kind of post, so you get to read dreck like this. Looking forward to sitting at home….

FUCK. I just realized in need to clean my foyer. Yes, I have a foyer; I’m a fancy gent-ul-man. You see, last night I set the foyer up with red drop cloth, and tarp, opened the window and blasted haunted house sound effect. I placed the candy jar on a VERY old rocking chair my Grammy gave me, and the kids had to walk into the foyer to get candy. Well, they had to walk past ME, to get it. And I was dressed in a scary as fuck costume. The teenagers where the WORST. I didn’t fuck with the little ones though. The best was when I hid behind the drop cloth and I’d pop out and scare the fuck out of the kids. Lol. All in all it was a fun evening. I finished it off watching Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin Special. LOVE that shit.

 

the eyes intermittently glow red. see the candy behind me. lol. i think the parent’s laughed more then anyone else as i scared the piss out of their kids.

the actual dimly lit set. looking to my left as my friend steals one of my beers.

here’s a change of gears as i had to go to the OR, but didn’t have scrubs, so i had to wear the dreaded “bunny suit”. there is NO WAY to look sauve or cool in it. i think my face says it all.

kill me. srslee. put a fucking bullet in my head.

and as a palate cleanser, here’s your’s truly in full Service Dress. i still say i have the sex appeal of progeria syndrome.

me escorting my mommy at a wedding.

Stay up.


29 Comments on “Fitness Tests and Halloween Lulz”

  1. Southern Man says:

    I’m guessing that you ran a thirteen-minute mile and a half.

    Please to say that in my early fifties I’m pretty much right there as well, except I can’t get anywhere near touching my toes. And thank God chin-ups weren’t on the list. I can do four now. That’s up from one four months ago, and none six months ago. Progress! My teen daughter is now in Navy boot camp at Great Lakes and spent the two months before shipping out stressing about the fitness test – and working out to prepare for it. That’s my girl!

  2. MissMarie says:

    Rawr!

  3. MissMarie says:

    For bein so shexy, duh!

  4. aneroidocean says:

    Is there a time limit on the sit ups/push ups?

    I think I did 78 situps in junior high (with someone holding feet) in the 60 seconds allotted. Thank you ridiculous amount of situps in Judo.

    I’ve noticed myself getting fat lately now that I’m injured. This is NO GOOD.

  5. Spoos in August says:

    “…the sex appeal of progeria syndrome.”

    Now that is a well-turned phrase.

  6. themrs says:

    Had to google progeria syndrome. Good grief you should’ve given me a warning. Pulled up the wiki page and just about died laughing at the accompanying photo. Braxton-Hicks galore and raccoon eyes from my mascara running…thankyouverymuch! Baby is kicking like Jet Li now 🙂

    “I want a dog for Christmas Charlie Brown” is my favorite. Rerun reminds me of my little brother.

  7. ASF says:

    Why are the sleeves so long on your uniform? Are you allowed to have it altered?

  8. I just love a man all decked out to clean a crime scene. Yummy!

  9. […] Of Man, Internet Famous, ITLR: Poo-poo Pee-pee, Battle, The Klonapin Kroniclez:Halloween Fun. . ., Fitness Tests And. . ., Like A Boss, Stingray Kills […]


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