Rage, PTSD, and Warrior Ethos

i made a concerted effort to do NOTHING this weekend. i watched football, played assassin’s creed 3, drank some beers, and just wanted to chill. last night, i felt it. it washed over me like a cold wave. it happens from time to time and i’ve learned to “deal with it”. i stripped my 9, stripped my AK, and listened to “One” over and over. when the rage comes, it’s NEVER subtle. i want blood. i want pain, i want to fight. i need to concentrate on coming down. for some reason, a woman is GREAT at soothing me- more on that…..

worked out yesterday. first time in a long time. and i went back to my old work out (which is pretty brutal) and could only do about half of what i normally do. i didn’t push myself, i’m getting too old for that. so i did what i could. i bathed in my PT playlist, i had a few songs that made the playlist in Rota. the FAST guys LOVED my selection.

PTSD sucks. i was talking with a kid Friday and he was dealing with it. but he’s still new to the process, so i had to explain the nightmares, rage, voices, hallucinations, etc. it’s not fun. but kid seemed responsive. i’m hoping my nephew comes back ok when he leaves afghanistan. he’s going right into the suck.

i’ve felt ZERO desire to interact with women as of late- thus the lack of girl posts. was talking with TPM and mentioned how as i age, i feel less and less a desire to have a woman by my side. i have enough game to get laid, but i’ve had enough of that where it just doesn’t register with me. i’ve always been amazed at how women react to an old war horse like me. a man with scars that you can’t see. a man that will bleed to defend his. it seem’s like they melt. they’ll deal with the BS that cmes with PTSD in the hard fact that said man will keep her safe or die trying. maybe men may be caught up on getting pussy, but it seems girls get giddy when the have a man that will fight and protect them. maybe an antiquated thought, but still troof.

my solace lies in my solitude. and it grows so with each passing day.

i really want to thank  my readers. your emails and comments keep this site going. i’ll be fine, always have.

but keep the emails and comments coming. i appreciate you trusting a douche like me.

madness is coming your way.

stay the fuck up.

and……quite possibly, the greatest war song ever- “One”. and i own the movie this song references- “Johnny got his gun”. good luck finding it. i don’t even think it’s on DVD, my copy is one VHS.

18 Comments on “Rage, PTSD, and Warrior Ethos”

  1. Suz says:

    The pain suffered by men like you, provides the peace we all take for granted. “Support Our Troops” is supposed to convey that, but it just doesn’t cover it.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      i appreciate it Suz.

      i only post about it to make civilians aware of it. as for myself-

      i want no pity, consolation, sympathy or hugs.

      i do what i do and CHOSE to do it. but thank you for the “support”. i’d appreciate anyone reading this to donate the wounded warrior project. eventually, you become encapsulated in fighting/war/horror when you decide to do this.

      but…..tbh. sometimes i WANT to fight. it’s almost like i need it. and it’s at those times, i seclude myself and try and relax. my mother HATES when i go into that place. lol. LOVE mom. but hey….

      at least i have my snoopy blanket.

  2. I hate hearing that you have to go through that. 😦

  3. “To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities – I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not – that one endures.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

    Un abrazo.

  4. K-Stan says:

    Not only did/do fight you save lives. Gotta add up to something. Ill call you again eter this after noon or tomorrow morning before i head out. Love you uncle danny!

  5. pugsfugly says:

    Every other veteran I’ve met has a deep-seated propensity for loud, aggressive music. Just like me. No other noise-therapy will do.

    And while I’ve never seen the movie, I do own Johnny Got His Gun in paperback. It’s a really decent read.

  6. Bill says:

    We should discuss this when you get to SA..I can share my treatment experiences with PTSD.

  7. Faust says:

    Ain’t AC3 freaking awesome?

    What do you do for your workout routine? Kind of curious.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      it’s amazing. i can’t even play it during the week b/c i won’t get to bed until midnight. lol.

      the only weight’s i lift are bench and squats. then i’ll do a series of 5-6 exercises such as, pull ups, push ups, mountain climbers, lunges, burpees, then dips. i’ll do 3 set’s back to back, then rest 2 minutes between sets until 30 minutes have passed. i only managed 15 minutes. lol. i need to work on it.

      star jumpers are good too. basically crouch down, then jump out and extend your arms and legs like you’re a giant “X” then land in the crouching position.

      for star jumpers, burpees, pull-ups, and box jumps: i’ll do 5. then move on to the other exercises.

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