Rage, PTSD, and Warrior EthosPosted: November 4, 2012
i made a concerted effort to do NOTHING this weekend. i watched football, played assassin’s creed 3, drank some beers, and just wanted to chill. last night, i felt it. it washed over me like a cold wave. it happens from time to time and i’ve learned to “deal with it”. i stripped my 9, stripped my AK, and listened to “One” over and over. when the rage comes, it’s NEVER subtle. i want blood. i want pain, i want to fight. i need to concentrate on coming down. for some reason, a woman is GREAT at soothing me- more on that…..
worked out yesterday. first time in a long time. and i went back to my old work out (which is pretty brutal) and could only do about half of what i normally do. i didn’t push myself, i’m getting too old for that. so i did what i could. i bathed in my PT playlist, i had a few songs that made the playlist in Rota. the FAST guys LOVED my selection.
PTSD sucks. i was talking with a kid Friday and he was dealing with it. but he’s still new to the process, so i had to explain the nightmares, rage, voices, hallucinations, etc. it’s not fun. but kid seemed responsive. i’m hoping my nephew comes back ok when he leaves afghanistan. he’s going right into the suck.
i’ve felt ZERO desire to interact with women as of late- thus the lack of girl posts. was talking with TPM and mentioned how as i age, i feel less and less a desire to have a woman by my side. i have enough game to get laid, but i’ve had enough of that where it just doesn’t register with me. i’ve always been amazed at how women react to an old war horse like me. a man with scars that you can’t see. a man that will bleed to defend his. it seem’s like they melt. they’ll deal with the BS that cmes with PTSD in the hard fact that said man will keep her safe or die trying. maybe men may be caught up on getting pussy, but it seems girls get giddy when the have a man that will fight and protect them. maybe an antiquated thought, but still troof.
my solace lies in my solitude. and it grows so with each passing day.
i really want to thank my readers. your emails and comments keep this site going. i’ll be fine, always have.
but keep the emails and comments coming. i appreciate you trusting a douche like me.
madness is coming your way.
stay the fuck up.
and……quite possibly, the greatest war song ever- “One”. and i own the movie this song references- “Johnny got his gun”. good luck finding it. i don’t even think it’s on DVD, my copy is one VHS.