ITLR- FaptasticPosted: December 20, 2012
Since I’ve been “Danny Downer” the last few posts I thought I’d return to fat crayons, strap on my hockey helmet, and start eating some paste. It’s no surprise that I have always adored the fairer sex. Well, as a kid I ALWAYS ran through paw-paw’s Penthouses. For those of you that don’t know- Penthouse was pretty hardcore in the 80’s-90’s. Now they went the route of playboy so they can be sold on military bases. Oh, you don’t…..ok around 1996-7military bases banned all hardcore pornographic magazines citing “sexual harassment” and that women might be offended by said magazines.
Yeah, I know. Don’t get me started. Hell, I made $3000 selling bootleg VHS tapes of porn back in GTMO (no internet back then). I basically made copies of videos I had via a friend that managed an “adult store” back in Charleston.
So…..young Danny would root through these Penthouses and READ the “letters”. It was there that I learned of the art of the fap. Well, one fateful day, and 11 year old Danny gave it a go and O.M.G.
Life on Planet Danny had forever changed.
My family must have thought I had IBS I was in bathroom so much. But now that I’m an adult, I know they knew what I was doing. Then, once again ANOTHER momentous change came about: HBO. Well, ok, it had been out for a while, but with the advent of VHS and my tech nerd evil genius I learned how to set the timer to record R-rated movies. See mommy banned me from those. Well, boy’s can be just as devious as girls (we just eventually get caught), so I found a way around it. I’d record the entire movie, find at what point the good scene came on. Erased it, then RE-RECORDED the film at the “good parts”.
How fucking genius is that? Since mom never watched the tapes I had them labeled, “The Last Starfighter” or “Police Academy 3”. She never caught on. The “good parts” were AFTER the actual movie I taped AND I had 2-3 legit movies on one cassette. I’d have 2-3 “good parts” per tape. And my “spank bank” knew the EXACT point on the tape (via it’s timer) the fapable part was at. G’head, tell what a devious perverted bastard I am.
So, as sort of a “palate cleanser” from the past few days, I’d like to present ala Rob Gordon my top five favorite fap films of the 80’s-early 90’s.
- 1. Blame it on Rio- C’mon Michael Caine banging his besties daughter on the beach. When she busted out the beans and took out her retainer. DONE. PAUSE!!!!!!! Fapfapfapfap
- 2. Just one of the Guys- the final scene. You know the scene. Terry proves to Rick that she’s really a girl. How perfect were those things. PAUSE!!!!! Fapfapfapfap
- 3. Bachelor Party- Do I even need to tell you what scene did me in? As an aside GREAT guy movie. The suicidal friend had me pissing myself.
- 4. TIE. Revenge of the Nerds- First off: GREAT movie. Funny as all hell. But it was first time seeing on screen bush. I LOVE pubic hair. The current trend of shaving it bare makes it look like a dead bird. I’m not saying you need to go Link from the Mod Squad, but there NEEDS to be some hair down there. ok. Oh wiat, I’m talking about a movie. Sorry. Pic and fucking scene, there are tit’s galore in ROTN. Faptastic.
- 5. Fast Times at Ridgemont High- You know the scene. It is forever seared in every 30 something year old dudes mind. Phoebe Cates dropping some sweater cows in a red bikini was fucking perfection for me. I could fap to that scene TO.THIS.DAY.
Now I know you girl are just as sick as us boys and are reading this post giggling, so what movies did you double click your mouse to? Lol. Guys I’d LOVE for the guys to chime in with their favorites.
And don’t think I didn’t notice you ladies stayed away from commenting on my last post. Thank you. But I KNOW all of you read it. Danny knows these things.