Another Brick in Her WallPosted: January 28, 2013
So when last we checked, our intrepid Sailor left Sicily for New Orleans to go to college. I was about 26. I was still hurting over the loss of Sonia. I wasn’t really interested in dating, and really wasn’t pursuing much. I had a few ONS’s and brief flings with girls I met from UNO, but nothing serious.
Then I met Beth. Beth ended up pulled from reserves to work for a year at the base legal office after 9-11. I had seen her once before in clinic, even checked her in for an appointment. Well, a good friend of mine told me he was messing with her. So I never stepped to her. I DID know (by talking to her as I checked her in): she was Mexican, had never really gone into the city, was HOOOOOOOOOT, and was 23. But….I NEVER come on to patients.
One day fate stepped in.
One of my coworkers asked to check her in, I told him she was a walk in for a Doc. He checked her in, then after 5 minutes, said coworker informed me the Doc wanted to see me. I screwed up.
She wasn’t supposed to come in today, I told her to follow up, but she had seen a different Doc. I made a mistake. I apologized to her and Doc said I needed to make it up to her by taking her for ice cream. I informed him her BF wouldn’t approve, she snapped back, “I don’t have a BF.” I apologized to her, and ask Doc to be dismissed. I went back to front desk.
After 10 minutes, she comes to the front desk and said harshly, “When I feel better I’m going to have my imaginary BF beat the crap out you.”
Wow. Talk about an open.
I was speechless. I told her I really felt bad, and she replied, “Well then, you have to make it up to me.” I asked how she proposed I make it up to her, and she said that she lived in the barracks and her number was in the system. When I figured out how, just call her. And off she went. The ENTIRE front desk witnessed this. One of my female coworkers said, “If you don’t fuck that, I’ll NEVER let you live it down.”
Long story short- we met 4 months before she was set to go back to L.A. I broke every rule with her- We slept together on the first date, and she basically moved in with me. We spent every day together. I fell HARD. Then it call came crashing down on her last weekend in NO.
All the shit above is just filler. THIS is where you need to pay attention-
I was going to UNO, I had class 8-12 each Saturday. I’d go to B’s room and pick her up. I went to her room and knocked on her door. Nothing. I went downstairs and called her room. Voicemail. I went home and didn’t see her all weekend, but i left a few voicemails. I get a call from her SUNDAY around 6pm. She was frantic as she asked what the hell was wrong with me and reminded me she had told me she had a friend flying in to visit. She did in fact tell me this. I told her I forgot, but apologized and then she informed me that her and him….
Yeah, it was a dude.
Spent the weekend in the Quarter and she was showing him around. When I told her she never mentioned a GUY was coming into see her, she went to the classic “you don’t trust me” crap. Then I asked her point blank. “So our last weekend in NO together, did it ever occur to you to maybe spend some time with your BF.” There was a brief pause then….
Well, well, well. I was fucking stunned. I told her I’m glad she had a good time and she’s safe but I needed to go. The following week (she was leaving on a Thursday), was her being argumentative and unreasonable. On Tuesday, I told her, “When my GF gets back tell her to call me, I don’t know who the hell YOU are.” Thursday she showed up at the clinic a docile little lamb. I asked her why she was there and she said she didn’t want to fight and handed me a piece of paper with her address and phone number and told me to stay in touch.
I called 2-3 times but she was cold. Lifeless, a shadow of the bright and beaming girl I knew before. I threw away her number and blew it off as “it was fun while it lasted.” 3 months later, a WALL of depression washed over me. I was a fucking wreck. This is really embarrassing to admit but I was a sorrowful, crying, depressed douche. I’d taken her EVERY WHERE in the city that was dear to me. I couldn’t escape her. My apartment became a prison, and I didn’t want to be there.
I dropped out of college (decided AGAINST trying for my RN), cancelled my shore duty and asked for a ship in Japan. 2 years later I ended up dating what would be my GF for about a year that I ended things with to go to x-ray school. In Spain, she started a myspace page and I saw it on a common “friends” page. We caught up, and started talking on the phone. I found out she went to Iraq and got PTSD. I ended up booking a flight to LA to see her. We got into it before I left and I ended up saying fuck it, never been to LA…I’mma have fun. She called my hotel when I got in and asked me to come over. We…well, you know. It was cool, then on New Years Eve, I was flying out the next day, she asked me to come sleep over, got a migraine an hour later, and went to sleep. I listened to my ipod, then went to sleep.
Next morning she was LIVID that she couldn’t sleep as I listened to my ipod. Dafuck.
Went back to Spain, I quit talking to her. Went to Kuwait, she contacted me before hand, and called me when I got to Pendleton. I lost the signal and she thought I hung up on her. I know. I know. I know. I didn’t try to contact her again.
Then I get to Jax. By now I’m on FB, said myspace common friend had a FB, B ended up on FB….and I commented to common friend that I wish she hadn’t started a page. Come to find out, dude had harbored a crush on B, tried to get with her, and she shot him down.
You can’t make this Soap Opera up. Lol.
So…I’m in Jax. It’s 2010. I had already had the soft harem back in NO. She contacts ME on FB. We start talking. THIS TIME, I wanted fucking answers. We spent about a week sorting through shit. I told her how our “friend” had a crush on her and was hoping he was going to sabotage us by saying I was talking shit about her on FB, that’s why she contacted me. She said she was visiting with our common friend on her last weekend in NO. Which was bullshit because I remember her saying her friend was flying in to visit her. Tsk tsk tsk. I told her I didn’t hold anything against her. By this point…she was 30-31. She claimed that the PTSD made relationships IMPOSSIBLE for her. Then she admitted she wanted to work things out. Then one night something happened and she was PISSED. I got grilled. By this point she admitted she wanted to get married, but I had already taken the red-pill and it was going down slowly, she said she’d never drop her last name…she was gonna hyphenate. I told her I couldn’t marry any woman that was going to hyphenate her name.
I got shit-tested with, “Well I guess I know our future.” I didn’t even reply. But it was in the throes of one of her meltdowns, after a day or two, I was in the shower and “Danny…you don’t need this shit.” popped into my head. I had an epiphany. She hamsterbated me with “That sweet girl you knew in NO is gone. My PTSD killed her.” This was the biggest load of horse shit I had ever heard, and I realized what the truth was-
She was ALWAYS this way. This meltdown was pretty much the same as her last week in NO. I felt like an absolute asshole.
I rushed out the shower and called her. It was the hardest thing I was ever going to do. I called her, my voice was shaking, and I told her I realized she’s ALWAYS been this way. Her PTSD was just a crutch to give her free rein to be completely unreasonable. I told her, “You’re doing the same thing you did your last week in NO.” This brought out her classic/common, “You know I HATE when you throw old….” I cut her off. “B, I’ll always have feelings for you, I have no regrets, but obviously we aren’t right for each other. Good bye.”
She hung up on me. Then, came a string of angry texts. I turned my phone off.
That was it. I felt the weight of the world leave my shoulders. Yeah I was a little upset, but I KNEW I did something huge. That led me to realize something I’ve told MANY other people and I finally applied it to me. ‘When it comes to relationships, the human animal is as happy as they allow themselves to be.’ Turns out, I was just another brick in her wall.
I was FINALLY unplugged. I KNEW something wasn’t right and finally just walked away. I can blame no one but myself. The pill finally exploded in my stomach. A year later, I found the Sphere. 3-4 months later, I started the site. And 2 years later I score 2 quotes from Roissy. DEE-ZAM. Lol.
Looking back on my situation, I have to laugh at myself for my oneitis, but hey-
Better late than ever.