last night i discussed how to use a dog to your advantage when talking to a woman. this wasn’t learned from research *snicker….research a fucking post* rather via being a bonafide member of the super secret underground society of the “doggy community. and you know what, 60% of the time it works EVERY time *love anchorman*

first thing’s first. if she DOESN’T like dogs- RUN. she’s probably an alien spy chronicling human behavior before planning an invasion. that, or she’s just a soulless twat.

it has been my experience that you can tell a good amount of info by the type of dog a woman owns. whether i dated, was friends with, or just casual observation. dog parks are fucking money. i met a slamming hard 8 in san deezy that LOVED Brody. he actually used to pee on her- SWEAR to God. she found out her BF cheated on her and i asked her out. we went out a few time, but it fizzled out. i already had orders to spain. well, she had a rescue and a chihuahua.

let’s discuss WHY i asked her out. and it wasn’t just because i saw IOI’s. WHAT does a woman’s dog tell you about her personality. it’s actually VERY easy.

toy dog- chihuahua, yorkie, pekingese, pomeranian, etc. this is usually the choice of a GIRLY girl. possibly a trend follower girl as well. she def likes chick flicks and until she actually has a kid, she WILL treat the dog like it’s her child. the dog sates her desire to nurture and mommy something. she’s also more high maintenance.

rescue- she’s gone to an animal shelter and adopted an abandoned dog. usually a cool, girl next door type. probably a good call for a LTR. also usually a bit older; as in, over 24. very likely choice for a woman that’s got a heart, but frugal. nothing wrong with that.

breed specific- the choice of breed usually reflects on the person’s lifestyle. a few examples.

Labrador retriever- outdoorsy girl. possibly a runner. but this is a girl that’ll happily go camping with you. she LOVES being outside. yet, she’s a traditional, care-free girl. low maintenance.

bulldog- i’ve ALWAYS been amazed at how many women love bulldogs. it’s been my experience that bulldog loving women LOVE, i mean CRAVE alpha men. you CANNOT be wishy washy with this woman. she shit tests at any sign of weakness. she loves to sit back at the house and watch TV. she is perfectly content sitting at your side and just enjoying your company. she’s protective, but will not bother you when you want “you time”, she knows you’ll be back soon enough.

pit bull- i’ve been shocked at the number of women i’ve know that have pits. see above. oh, and she’s probably got a few tattoo’s and know what “suicide girl’s” is.

my go to guide for learning about dogs based on individual breed is http://www.dogbreedinfo.com not only does it have excellent explanations about dogs, but gives instructions on training, proper HUMAN behavior, and great explanations on the nature of canines. if you woman doesn’t own one of the breeds/types listed here, go to said site and git yer learn on.

hell, let’s even apply this to me. i linked Brody’s breed description and i can honestly say- i VERY much resemble a staffy. i’m loyal, protective, adore my family, play hard, work hard, i’m goofy (PLEASE someone argue with me on this one), i’m small, and intelligent (debatable, i know). i’m friends with a few of my readers, PLEASE….anyone of you, read the “temperament” section of a staffy and tell me that doesn’t describe me to a tea.

now get out there and have some fun.

it was a GREAT day today. see, my family is VERY close. when i was a child we used to go to my aunt charlottes for a family reunion type thing. the men drank beer and cooked. the women drank wine, cooked, and complained about the men. and us kids played in the pool. interestingly enough all of clan gutierrez married 100% red-blooded cajuns. and let me tell you something- cajuns are some hearty individuals. we love, work, and play harder than ANYONE you’ll ever meet.

well me and my mom-n-them (regional reference FTW) met up with my paw-paw’s sister carmen at her assisted living center to witness her being dubbed a maid in the 2013 royal court (it’s a mardi gras thing). then we ate and talked. now i haven’t seen these people in almost 20 years. as man of this the family, i have a specific role. i didn’t sit down (no room) and i’m the youngest in the group, so i had to stand. i was the “go-boy”. i didn’t eat until all my aunts and cousins (they’re older than me) ate. one of my one cousins (female) usually fills in this role, but she ain’t the youngest- so i did it. secondly- i’m security. i was constantly scanning the room for anything i thought could be trouble. funny thing is- i’m programmed to do it. lol. it’s IMPOSSIBLE for me to switch off.

all in all it was a great visit. then we headed to a VERY famous bakery to pick up some king cakes (again, a mardi gras thing) my bay sis made. now i’m at paw-paws watching foodtv and drinking beer with him. great day. tomorrow i’m off to take a “friend” *wink wink, nudge nudge* to the range to go shooting, then housing some vietnamese goodness.

I forgot to put this up- was watching wheel of fortune with paw-paw and the puzzle had 3 words. The last 3 letters of the first word ended with -ing. Zero letters visible on the second word. Last word ended in -r. I was writing this post and watching the show when paw-paw blurted out, “banging your sister.”

I almost spit my beer out laughing. Lol.

stay up.

aunt carmen, photo wrecker, mommy

aunt carmen, photo wrecker, mommy

paw-paw and aunt carmen. 2 mexicans that married cajuns. lol.

paw-paw and aunt carmen. 2 mexicans that married cajuns. lol.

little cousin amy housing some king cake.

little cousin amy housing some king cake.

when she's not tearing out finger nails or churning butter- she's a pastry chef at a famous bakery. baby sis.

when she’s not tearing out finger nails or churning butter- she’s a pastry chef at a famous bakery. baby sis.

authentic smoked cajun andouille and tasso from Jacobs. FUCK YEAH!!!!

authentic smoked cajun andouille and tasso from Jacobs. FUCK YEAH!!!!

BIG PIM....oh who am i kidding, minuscule pimp'n.

BIG PIM….oh who am i kidding, minuscule pimp’n.

17 Comments on “WGTOD”

  1. My wife really wants us to get a bulldog at some point, but our current purebed, though a great dog, makes us slightly leery of purebreds. Your description of bulldog fans is spot on. The wife tests, but isn’t high maintenance. (She, the dog, is fine with medication, but an epileptic hundred pounder still gives one pause.) (Greater Swiss Mountain Dog for those who are curious. That’s my favorite breed.) (Third parenthetical just for the hat trick.)

  2. Matt says:

    Your description left out the part about being a shorthair breed…..

  3. Vicomte says:

    When was a kid, my father had this sort of running joke where he would ask any cute girl walking a dog how old it was, as a kind of pick-up line. The best one was:

    ‘Excuse me, how old is your dog?’

    ‘Uh…*look of realization* I don’t know!’

    I would also like to note, for the record, that I have a baker’s dozen of sexual pastry puns I’m not saying right now.

    Walkin’ away from it.

    Walkin’ away.

  4. Wow, your lil’ sister is gorgeous, Danny!
    And Baby Amy likes to colour-coordinate her food and clothes, I see, lol!

    PS: I see why family is important to you – you have a great one.

    You know, you and Pawpaw have something fundamental in common: you both have great sisters that you love dearly.

    So for men like you, it will be hard to find any woman who meets the same high standard as your sisters.

    My mother had the same issue: she had fantastic brothers and father (and I had great uncles and grandfather by inference). I am surprised she married my Dad! (who of course was also great, because he eventually made it into ‘home base’, lol).
    I know that given half a chance, she would have picked one of her brothers any day though…

    So Pawpaw’s comment is not so strange afterall…

    (Um, hey, I am not an apologist for incest, don’t get me wrong! I am just thinking how having great siblings of the opposite gender can actually make it harder for one to break away from one’s own natal family…but, afterall, Pawpaw and my mother managed to break away despite having great sisters/brothers, so I guess anyone can do it).

    What do you think?
    (Sorry to derail a post about…dogs!)

  5. MissMarie says:

    What does a preference for spaniels say about me? That I like droopy ears and excessive hair? lol

  6. RojoC says:

    Thanks for that dogbreed website, by the way.

  7. Found these three articles about dogs today…you must have some sort of synergy with ‘The Daily Mail’.





    And, most amusing of all, is this one…


    Don’t have a dog now, as an adult.
    But we had one when I was about three.
    The dog was one of those big breeds (so to me at that age, it probably looked like a horse).
    It was a big docile dog and I loved him very much.
    I used to suck my thumb, and my idea of ‘love’ was to offer the dog my thumb to suck, and back in my mouth my thumb would go. He was the only one I deemed worthy of sharing my thumb with.
    I used to gross my Mum out doing that, lol.
    To this day she still teases me about that.

  8. CLG says:

    I have a bulldog named Sarge. grandfather was USMC S.Sgt. in Korea. nuff said.

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