Avoiding her Negative Energy

A commenter asked me to elaborate on this so i thought i’d try to explain it in more detail. i guess i should have realized it would need to be explained in better detail, so i’ll try. it’s common knowledge that women are emotional creatures.

this can be broken down into 2 camps- she’s not upset with you; just upset. and she’s upset with you.

one of the women i work with is HIGHLY volatile. she goes hay-wire VERY easily. and when she does….no one wants to talk to or deal with her. i and one other person get along with her just fine. when i go into her area and she’s spun, she’ll be vexed, flighty, irrational, angry, sad…..you get the picture. well, when she’s in this state and she’s going off, i simply listen to her, nod, and throw out the occasional, “yeah, i can see how that would upset you.” then i move on to something else.

i side-step her negative energy.

this happens to many women under distress. your job as a man is to LISTEN, support, and LISTEN. where many men fail is they try to solve whatever is causing her being upset. wrong move. she doesn’t want you to solve anything. when a woman is upset and comes at you all- “DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!!!!!!” simply side step it, and do not go to her level. just stay calm and focused, but DO NOT accept her negative energy. just be cool.

had a gf that had a shit day at work and she pissy. she wasn’t really being an ass to me, but i could tell how stressed she was. i asked her about her day and the floodgates were opened. she droned on about work, her boss, one of her co-workers…..you know the drill. so i listened and nodded, and finally said, “well i can certainly see why you’re upset.” that’s phase one. once she’s unloaded i’ll give her some time to collect her thoughts, then out of the blue, i’ll approach her from behind, wrap my arms around her stomach, kiss her neck and compliment her on how much i like (insert any compliment here).

now, part 2. what do you do when she’s upset at something you did. this one’s tricky and difficult to post about. but it basically comes down to listen to her, HONESTLY listen to why she’s upset. once she’s told you and it’s your turn, explain why you made the decision you did. if you are sincerely in the wrong apologize, but ONLY ONCE. especially if you feel justified in your decision.

it’s very likely she’ll escalate the anger. the madder she get’s the calmer i get. which doesn’t help, but as i said before- DO NOT accept her negativity. if she continues to escalate i’ll tell her, “i realize you’re upset, and i do want to discuss this, but we can’t accomplish anything while you’re this worked up.” and i’ll walk away. will it piss her off, YES. but you’re already in a corner. best to regroup by letting her calm down and broach the subject a little later.

however, DO follow up. DO NOT ignore the issue. trust me…..she isn’t going to forget about it. and you lose points if you don’t close the issue.

dealing with her being emotional and upset at something not related to you is much easier than when she IS upset with you, but- it is what it is. but listen to her, be her rock, and support her and you’ll walk away relatively unscathed.

Mardi Gras Update-
took Paw-Paw to krewe of centurions tonight and had a *ahem* friend come out to watch the parade with her daughter. it was a really fun time. girls kid LOVES me. i had to pick her up so she could be closer to the floats. then took Paw Paw to cafe du monde for coffee and beignets. it was a great night.

me and my pal

me and my pal

Paw-Paw housing some beignets

Paw-Paw housing some beignets

update- there’s an update to the story i posted yesterday. funny how they clean their shit up when they actually get help accountable for thier bullshit.

23 Comments on “Avoiding her Negative Energy”

  1. aneroidocean says:

    The person who loses their cool almost always loses in an interaction. This has been a hard one for me to learn, especially with women.

    This is also where I see people deriding books like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus because they aren’t hardcore enough with the red pill mentality. I happened to read that book on the recommendation of a friend and it pretty much turned my whole world upside down when it came to understanding how men and women communicate/react/see the world. Neat stuff.

  2. aneroidocean says:

    Those are some large *ahem* beads!

  3. Vicomte says:

    You neglected to mention the Paw-Paw levels of pastry Zen that are required to make it through twenty minutes of ‘DAH DAH DAH!’.

    Four minutes in I’m wondering how many Tanzanian hookers I would have to rawdog so I could get AIDS and hopefully die of Kaposi’s Sarcoma before she finally gets to the point about the time Shelly ate her Activia yogurt from the employee fridge.

    • dannyfrom504 says:


      Would you rather prefer being gang raped in a Haitian prison, or licking a Kenyan marathon runners toe-webbing?


      Sent from my iPhone

      • Vicomte says:

        I’m fairly certain, with enough therapy and the support of my friends and family, that I could eventually put the Haitian gang rape behind me.

        • dannyfrom504 says:

          You got moxie kid. I like that. Just to show my support, I’m gonna jam a carrot peeler up my bung and give it a few hearty twists.

          All I ask is someone catch me when I pass out.

  4. The section about how to deal with women who are pissed and stressed about nothing and everything is -spot- on. I wrote something about it on my blog at some point, and you f*cking nail it. Listen, don’t try to solve anything or give advice, just listen and pull her close and let her dissapear in your arms.

    You ought to make money on this, Danny, you are effing -good-.

  5. leo barstad says:

    Great advice, but the one thing you are leaving out is what to do when they are wrong, and just pushing your buttons to win. Luckily, Bill Burr has it covered:

  6. deti says:

    Mmmmmmm. Beignets kick ass. Sister used to vacation in NOLA w/her hubby every year. Brought back beignets. Good stuff. Breakfast o’champions.

    Your lady’s beignets are nice too.

  7. MissMarie says:

    Right on, as usual. I try to do the venting thing with girlfriends rather than boyfriends because I know men are fixers and it’s not fair to unload and then reject advice. But just listening is really the best way to go. And cuddling 😉

  8. Stingray says:

    where many men fail is they try to solve whatever is causing her being upset. wrong move. she doesn’t want you to solve anything.

    Exactly. Men try to solve the problem that she is presenting in her words. That isn’t really it, though. The problem is the emotions running around in her head that MUST come out. They come out once you tell her it’s ok and that she is right to feel what she does. I tend to think a lot of this happens because we want our men to tell us that we are not completely insane. If they agree with us, we’re good. If they do not agree with us, then oh crap. What is wrong with me!?!?!?

    Having said that, if she is being crazy, I tend to think that it might be best to get this across to her. I am speaking from personal experience so I very well may be wrong. When it was pointed out that I was being crazy I knew it was then time to change some things as that was not going to fly. Same with when she is angry with you, the man. Yeah, listen to her complaints, but if she is being insane, she needs to know, at least on some level. This is when follow up might be moot as something should just stay dead.

  9. […] while she’s talking. trust me, she’s not used to that. lol. remember what i said about accepting her negative energy. happy […]

  10. […] drives the hamster wild than having a dude REFUSE to accept her negative energy. if she cannot and will not discuss it calmly (my frame), we’ll discuss when she’s got […]

  11. […] simply took a page from the link i’ve […]

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