The coffee cup, the shit test, and the INTJPosted: February 20, 2013
i was putting away dishes from a LOOOOONG time ago (i’m lazy) and i finally got around to putting back the glasses and i realized all my coffee cups were in the dish washer. as i put the cups away, i finally ran across my rue de la course coffee mug. rue de la course was my study spot. it’s on carrolton and oak. oak st. is a magic little microcosm of the city.
at first i was a bit shocked because…..NO ONE gets to use my coffee mug but me (i think my mom used it). it’s special. see, they don’t sell this style mug anymore. i copped it YEARS ago and now they only sell these small single serving size cups. then i remembered one morning back in NO. i was seeing this girl and she wanted coffee and grabbed my mug (she knew i didn’t let other’s use it). i stopped her and grabbed another mug, which she argued. i told her-
“sorry, it’s just i’m the only one that uses my mug, i told you that.”
she pushed it and i insisted that she use a different one (frame holding- of course i was still purple and evolving to red pill) and again she kept insisting that i let her use it. now, i’ve always been big on “there are certain borders i have that i DO NOT allow to be breached”, the mug being one of them. if i’ve made my mind up about something, it takes an act of God for me to reverse myself.
if i’m out with friends, and i decide i’m ready to leave….i leave. any goading, ridicule, ribbing, etc will NOT deter me. matter of fact, it will probably ensure i never go out with said group again. this is definitely an INTJ thing. yes, i know it seems trivial, but here’s how i see it.
in situations such as these, ESPECIALLY when it concerns a woman, giving in to something this small sets a precedence that she can come into my world and fuck with my borders. i feel it shows she has little respect for boundaries and my individuality. i finally dropped this on her-
“tell you what, let me bang you in the ass (which she REFUSED….and i never pushed it) and you can use my mug.”
of course she called me unreasonable and made every argument she could and i simply went back to, “so….ass sex tonight?” she was trapped and i think she finally realized it since she finally went for a different mug. of course i got the silent treatment, and some bitchiness until i finally told her to get dressed because i was taking her home.
yet another shit test.
she fired off a, “fine” and went into the bedroom to change. i finished my coffee and went into the bathroom to put on deodorant. as i went into the bedroom to change she looked at me bewildered and asked, “what are you doing?” i told her dead-pan (and didn’t look at her) that i was getting dressed to take her home. i could feel her going into panic mode then she reframed about how she had a lot to do anyway. she commented-
“good, then this ends up perfectly.”
i ended up dropping her off and i went to go study. when i got home (3-4 hours later) and i saw i had 3 messages- all from her. she apologized for being unreasonable and blah, blah, blah. it was obvious she worked on this little diatribe and i didn’t call her until the next day (wasn’t a tactic, i just really didn’t want to talk to her). we dated for a 2-3 more months then it just played itself out. we talked occasionally and when i mentioned a girl she’d rib me with, “she hasn’t touched your mug has she.” cute, but i know women enough to know i’d done the right thing by standing my ground.
i know it seems trivial, but as an INTJ i’m a very very VERY solitary creature. i actually enjoy being alone, thrive in it. now, all things considered i’m a VERY giving guy. seriously, i say yes to 98% of the shit a woman asks of me (99.8% to family). but there are a few things that i’m persnickety about. and YES….to this day, NO ONE uses my mug but me. i have 7 others, PLENTY of choices for someone to choose from.
i let VERY few people outside my immediate family into my little world. when i actually allow a woman a glimpse of it, she can easily push me away by pressuring me to do something i’ve decided against. if she wants to go to a certain restaurant that i have told her i don’t like, we’ll go- but i won’t eat. i’ll just order an iced tea and politely watch her eat. the GF in Japan learned this one quick. maybe i’m being unreasonable, but in the early phases a woman can SERIOUSLY blow it with me by not respecting my little idiosyncrasies. and the sad thing is, when i walk…..i’m gone. done. i bear her no ill will, and i’m actually friends with more than one of the ex’s.
i never said us INTJ’s weren’t odd creatures, but the small borders we have are minuscule compared to the gift of the loyalty, devotion, and sheer fun we can provide.
[ed- if you’re the reader that’s linking me on the-coli, please shoot me an email. you can find it at the top of the site as “contact”. i WILL keep your handle anon. thanks]