ITLR- The P Word
Posted: February 21, 2013 Filed under: Girl distractions, Wisdom 50 CommentsLads-
it’s time to discuss a subject i don’t talk about all that often on this site, but i feel it’s imperative to have a sit down and discuss this in a healthy manner. if you have a woman in your life you deal with it all the time, but you may not fully understand it. well, i’m here to give you my perspective on this wonderful little topic and i’ll tell you how I deal with it.
her Period.
if you have a woman in your life, there’s no escaping it. obviously this isn’t for the married guys; they have this pegged already. this shouldn’t take long as i just plan on giving you “survival training” when aunt flow arrives. first things first.
KNOW THE TIME OF THE MONTH SHE RIDES THE CRIMSON WAVE
now, break this down simply. is she- first week, last week or mid-month. break mid month into- early mid, late mid. it’s that simple. if she’s an end of monther, and your normally sunny, feminine gal is suddenly sporting sweats and moping. check your calendar. if it’s the 26th, she MIGHT be bleeding. leave her be, be nice, and try and make her comfy. don’t antagonize and asks grumpily, “what are you, on your rag or something.” you’re risking having your throat slit. in order to do this you must (in the early portion of dating).
PAY ATTENTION TO WHEN SHE’S CARRYING ‘PONS
NEVER EVER EVER ASK. i mean you can, but you only get to ask once. be up front and polite and if she answers simply tell her, “i just want to know so i don’t get my head chewed off because i didn’t know it was that time.” but i’m sneaky tricky, the first month or two of dating she’s under a microscope, i’m gathering all the info i need to analyze our compatibility. but i’m also learning who she is as a person- likes, aspirations, her relationship with her family, her cup size, favorite foods, bra size, and of course when her period falls during the month. if doesn’t get one b/c of BC- WINSAUCE!!!!!
once you get this down, it’s time to ask yourself.
CRIME SCENE SEX- YAY OR NAY
this is totally up to you. personally, i make her sleep on the floor when that mess is going on. YECH!!! just kiddn’. i’m fine with CSS, but she has to provide the towel, which i’ve never had a girl give me any resistance about this request. now one mistake that you WILL pay for. DO NOT ACT GROSSED OUT IF SHE ASK FOR SEX DURING HER PERIOD. i’ve seen guys do this and MAAAAAAAAN did they pay for it. coming off as grossed out you, come off like a cartoon. grow up, women bleed once a month.
BUYING ‘PONS
i don’t have a problem buying her pads/’pons. what you MUST know is making sure she’s VERY specific about brand and whatever details she wants. if you don’t see the exact one, don’t buy. also, there’s the ‘pon shit test. if you’re going to the store or are already at the store and she asks you to pick some up- hmmmmm. ok, fine. if you’re just at home watching tv and she asks you to go pick some up. DON’T. women KNOW when that shit’s coming on, and she should take accountability to prep for the week of fun.
DEALING WITH CRAMPS
B had REALLY bad cramps during her period. one of the great things about my job is that i have instant access to doctors that are always willing to teach something new. NOW, as a male HM, OB/GYN is something i’m not allowed to practice (thank God), which is fine. but i did learn this helpful tip. if a woman has really bad cramps, having sex can alleviate the pain. i mentioned this to B and she said no, it was fine, and hour later i was balls deep giving her some Danny midol. and it worked. the sad thing is, cramp sex is the only sex where i was simply a tool. it wasn’t about my pleasure. but she was a good girl and would let me get my cookies.
hope this helps.
stay up.
tee-hee. winner winner chicken dinner
I always used to have bad cramps during my period and would become depressed the entire week before it started. Thank goodness, I found a cure while procrastinating on the Internet: magnesium supplements. Check it out ladies! It really helps.
Thanks for stopping by girl.
About that image… You guys dont have showers over there? 😛
Sho-wer?
This epic place to have sex. No? Come to Europe! 🙂
Do you not recall who’s lived in 2 European countries? Lol.
Sho-wer sex? Whut dis be? *rolls eyes*
Alright, then lemme try again: Come -back- to Europe then!
Lol. Are you suggesting I fed-ex the penis?
Fed-ex the penis? Not particularly. A penis without a man at the end of it, is not fun at all.
Well it is a “buy one get one free” deal. Lol.
Do women overall have their Defcon-P throughout the month, or do they all have it like around the same time of the month?
Seriously? All women are different. Although, it’s not uncommon for a group of women to have their periods sync up when they live together.
Sent from my iPhone
Yeah, see that group sync thing had me a little confused since I had briefly heard of it. Also, keep in mind that I have little to 0 experience with this shit.
And that leads me to my next question: The changes that are brought forth by the P, they must be very subtle, right? I can’t say I notice anything out of the ordinary with women when I am out and about/school/gym/etc. Like I don’t even realize they have Ps at all, you know?
Yeah I know I’m inexperienced as hell, but I at least I stand up straight now, haha.
Realize-
Since she was 12 she’s been dealing with this. Women are pro’s at keeping it discreet. The best thing you can do is learn what part of the month she gets the P and keep it in the back of your head.
Trust me, when she know you know her cycle, she’s very appreciative.
Trying to understand all the Other crap you mentioned is irrelevant. Keep it simple.
Sent from my iPhone
It’s -very- different from woman to woman. For some it’s a dull, annoying pain, for some it’s no pain at all, for some it’s a -major- short fuse and bitchyness all over the place, for some they’re not affected at all. And just to add to the confusion, it’s also when ovaluting you can get moody or be in pain, which is in the middle of the month if she has her period at the end of the month.
I demand to now how one can run out of tampons.
How does this happen.
you don’t want to know
Nose bleed?
Sent from my iPhone
I’m serious.
It’s like not buying any toilet paper for the one week of the month you know you have to shit.
splain dis.
The girls are going to have to answer this. As I don’t know how frequently the change out. I do know that they change them more frequently on “heavier days” but again….
Every woman is different, some bleed a lot, some less. You’re going WAAAAAY beyond what this post was meant to inform. But-
It is an honest question. Though it’s getting beyond what I can answer as I have a pee-pee.
How one can run out of tampons? It’s not a magic box, creating a new one, when you take one from the carton? Maybe I’m not getting the question. 🙂
I don’t mean to interrupt the flow of the thread, but my thirst for knowledge must be quenched.
I’m quite sanguine that a woman will inform us that it isn’t a simple matter of a complete lack of proper planning.
Because that would be bloody ridiculous.
Hahahahaha!
Very clever, Vicomte!
These puns are fast and furious 🙂
“Interrupt the FLOW of the thread”
“I’m quite SANGUINE”
“That would be BLOODY ridiculous”.
Full marks for that – made me smile.
I can’t believe I am discussing this with men, but it seems the world has gone topsy-turvy…
In the interests of sharing ‘intelligence’ on the workings of the female body…in exchange for all the education you guys have given us ladies on how you think…
To answer your urgent question, I can’t say I have ever ‘ran out’ of necessary equipment. I just haven’t. But I know many women who regularly do. I once had to leave work to go to the shops urgently to purchase some emergency supplies for a female colleague because she got a nasty ‘surprise’ out of the blue and was stuck in the bathroom with no way of emerging without ‘evidence’ so to speak…
I think I know why this happens – I would say it is those women who are not clockwork ‘regular’ who run into problems. Those of us who know exactly when we will face the red devil prepare well in advance.
Those with Polycystic ovary disease(PCOD) and other gynaecological ailments that make their cycles irregular are always left guessing..a good friend of mine with PCOD used to get a period like twice a year, and then one year when she had 4 in a row she was totally unprepared…
Other women are perhaps just generally chaotic in their lives anyway, and not being prepared for their (regular) periods is just a symptom of their lives in general, I presume.
RojoC,
The synchronisation thing is true 🙂
Also, may I say – in all sincerity, I don’t think you should feel bad for not noticing that the women you hang around with have periods.
You SHOULDN’T know when a woman is on her period, unless of course you live with her. As Danny says, most women see it (quite rightly) as a very private issue and will do anything to hide it from you.
Even married women try to do this.
Danny is exceptional in having so much knowledge about this, I have to say. His Mum and sisters obviously have him well trained…and if course his…um…friends, lol.
Having said that, I do think it is useful to know the cycle of any woman you are dating. It helps you stay out of trouble.
I for one am unbelievably tetchy for 1-2 days a month. My mother always tried to ‘isolate’ me during the ‘vulnerable’ times when I lived at home.
Now I ‘isolate’ myself, for everyone’s safety, lol.
It helps if you know when to ‘disappear’ for a while. For your own sanity.
And yes, the cramps can be pretty bad. Exercise does help, yes. But clearly Dr. Danny has found another cure. 😀
ST-
Don’t encourage vic.
but thank you for the tutorial.
Dr. Danny- shut up. lol.
Sent from my iPhone
I never run out because I have stashes everywhere: glovebox, drawer in the bathroom at work, in my desk at work, at home, etc. My husband pokes fun at me for it, but it pays to be prepared!
good girl. lol.
Major clue she’s perioding:
You see her carrying her purse with her everywhere she goes, esp. to the bathroom.
If she’s taking her purse to the bathroom and she doesn’t have to, she’s on the rag.
If she’s usually dolled up, but suddenly is sporting sweatpants as soon as she gets home.
Sent from my iPhone
this is true: or she gets home from school/work, gets out of her good clothes, and slobs out for the rest of the day, because she doesn’t feel good.
Period euphemisms often used by women:
“aunt flow”
“on the rag”
“riding the cotton pony”
“cleaning lady is here for her monthly visit”
A bit of deti wisdom on this:
1. If you’re going to have period sex, don’t let the smell gross you out. You’ll have to deal with it. And do not turn her down if she’s asking for sex.
2. Pads or ‘pons: know the difference and know what your lady uses. Toxic shock syndrome scared a ton of women away from tampons in the 80s. Many women my age who were using tampons as late teens and early 20s then went to pads and never went back.
I like the smell of dirty pennies. Lol.
Sent from my iPhone
Running out and asking a guy to go get supplies baffles me… I think I’ve ran out once in my life, had been thinking I had more left than I did. Did the logical thing and *went to the damn store and bought some more*. It’s not rocket surgery. I pity the guys I date, there’s no fricken telling when or even IF it’ll show up, that’s something you have to keep in mind – it can be all over the place.
Great- call forensics. Lol.
Sent from my iPhone
Forensics?! LOL!
well, who better to deal with unforeseen blood flow? i’m a practical guy, yah know.
You crack me up!
Welcome to the Danny show.
If you call it a show we’re going to need to see you striptease…
If I do that, then it’ll become a vomitorium.
Hehe,
I see you are starting up your own pun session, Danny.
Did you really have to use the word ‘show’ on this post of all posts?
😛
May I make a little point? This may have only been an oversight on your part…but I think it is important to correct it so your brother readers don’t get the wrong idea…
“…and of course when her period fall during the month.”
Ah, I am sure you know this is not a constant, even for ‘regular’ girls.
This is because ‘cycles’ are based on the lunar month and NOT the calendar month. (Hence old English terms like ‘lunatic’ to describe women, lol).
So the cycle appears to ‘reset, as it is a 28-day, or 29-day or 30-day or whatever cycle. Then there could be irregularities which are ‘unexplained’ as well, and this is where many women panic that they could be pregnant if they are ‘late’ or worried that something is wrong if they are ‘early’.
But you can still work out the cycle length if you take a sample of 3 or 4 consecutive cycles into consideration, but know that you could still be up to a week out from time to time.
Is this too much information?
Apologies 🙂
You certainly are a brave man for getting into this territory, Maestro.
I believe this is a Manosphere first. 😀
PS: I am not sure it is good practice for a woman to ask a man to go shop for her feminine hygiene products! This is part of the ‘code’ of being ‘discreet’ about it. If you are already out shopping together, I guess it can’t be helped, but if you get asked to do this when you are nowhere near a shop (as in your example), then I think you are perfectly within your rights to decline…
ST-
ok. uuuuuuum. thanks. that was very in depth. lol. i/we appreciate the explanation. I know it, i’m just trying to help the guys that don’t. so thank you for the specifics.
If you are running Linux on your computer, there is actually a program for remembering your woman’s period called Mencal, which is a calendar with the relevant days marked in red. When my girl and I first moved in together, I told her about the program, and she laughed and gave me the info I needed to get it started. Instead of a weird question, it became just another funny thing on the computer for her. She didn’t know I had serious reasons for wanting to know.
http://community.linuxmint.com/software/view/mencal
nerds of the world unite.
There are phone apps, too.
Thanks for helping me out with details, guys. I appreciate it. I just like knowing how/why things work. I am definitely glad that I don’t have to deal with any of that stuff either.
the blog exists for JUST that reason brudduh.
Actor-comedian Kevin Pollak tells how he used to balk at buying tampons for his girl until he realized that it was a DHV to other men in line at the register that he was getting laid – “well at least we know the tampons AREN’T FOR ME!!”
it’s like buying condoms. you’re just advertising that you have a woman.
Pregnancy test–Alpha
Vagisil–Beta
Pragnancy test and Vagisil–Danny
you forgot acyclovir, AZT, and plan B. wokka wokka.