Vacay is Over

spent the weekend at my sisters visiting with her family and my mom. it was a great get away. i spent the entire weekend staying completely away from the blogs. didn’t read, comment or check my stats. it was awesome.

i drove down saturday morning and met up with mom and my niece at sis’s crib. i was STARVING, so we headed to the local wing place. i ordered my wings and my niece some fries. now…..my niece is special needs (autistic) and eat’s like a champ (we call her moose). well in true family fashion, she dips her fries in…..anyone wanna guess? ketchup, BBQ sauce……..no…….TABASCO!!!!!! yup, and you know those jalepeno’s that you get with nacho’s- well, she calls those “pickles”. kid’s def one of us. she ate one of my “dry jerk” wings (that are pretty spicy) and dipped them in the jerk sauce (uncl…KoKO Danny is a good uncle and removed the meat from the bone for my darling). yeah see….her speech abilities are limited (i call it speaking Lo-Loese) so instead of uncle Danny, i’m KoKo dahnnee).

we went back to Sis place and i went out to the back yard to check the marina. i got lucky and the dolphins showed up. now for those of you that have never watched dolphins hunt, they are fucking LETHAL. their strategy is brilliant. one dolphin zig-zags from corner to corner pushing the fish down the channel and the other dolphin swims in a small circle at the end of the channel and slowly brings the circle closer and closer to the end of the channel. the second dolphin catches strays that leave the main pack and once the fish are corralled to the end of the cove, one dolphin feeds, the other keeps the stragglers from escaping. then the dolphins switch roles. it’s fucking magic how precise they are. gotta respect the technique.

my sister and brudduh in law finally got in (they were in Guatemala doing a Church mission assisting villages with health care). well, they were gone for 2 weeks and were jonesing for some american food so we went BACK to the same wing place (it’s kind of a neighborhood institution). sis and brudduh got waaaangs, i got a bacon, chill, jalepeno, cheese foot long hot dog. the niece ate fries and crap off everyone else’s plate. now…..brudduh in law and sis conceal carry. lol. so me and brudduh talked guns and the girls talked about the trip. i’m now TOTALLY getting my concealed carry permit. it was a good time.

back at their house, we watched tv and talked and cut up. see, my brudduh in law is funny as shit. he’s a pilot for southwest airlines and has the best delivery and comedic timing EVER. me and him DESTROY my sister with anything she says. it’s fucking brutal. even mom laughs at our ribbing on her. the running joke is she’s a slut for going to a certain high school, my joke is i’m functionally retarded, brudduh’s joke is he’s gay (he looks like kevin spacey). it’s a non-stop yuk fest and the jokes are no holds barred. mom is old, so we make geriatric jokes about her.

but the moment of the weekend came when my sister (while explaining how they get head of line privileges at Disney bacause Lo-Lo is autistic and she said (acting like she’s speaking to a park employee), “yeah, this is my daughter, she’s pretty me….she’s pretty bad. oh no, ultimate set up. she was on track to say, “she’s pretty messed up.” well, i let loose a full on carpet bombing of how “messed up” her autistic daughter is. “yeah, this is my child, she a fucking fucking wreck, i mean look at her.” mom and sis were cracking up. then i mention how it’s ok since mom was a crap mother as well (joke) by stating that for my birthday mom sent me a card with a picture of a dumpster at an abortion clinic and the card read “wish you were here.” then it was suggested i go to Disney with Sis and the fam and i could cash in the “front of line” schtick by wearing my hockey helmet, making a blank stare and uttering, “i go di-ney. i, i, i go di-neeey.” while holding a melting ice cream cone. i’m pretty sure i could pull this off.

yeah, we’re THAT family.

did u know my sister owns a 110lb wolf (ok ok ok, he’s a german shepard)

he's a big baby if he knows you. if he doesn't, he's all teeth and bad attitude.

he’s a big baby if he knows you. if he doesn’t, he’s all teeth and bad attitude.

and he’s the judge jury and executioner of LoLo as well. he is HER dog. see.

she loves her puppy.

she loves her puppy.

and just so you know…..she’s a TOTAL girly girl. i know because i had to play with her for a while and i saw this and my stomach turned. warning, this pic is NOT for the faint of heart. i present to you the wall of Disney heroine dresses my niece owns.

this really creeps me out. anybody gotta tonka truck?

this really creeps me out. anybody gotta tonka truck?

it was a really good visit. it was nice to completely get away from the blogs and just drink some beer and kick back with family. seriously, my family OWNS. we always laugh, drink, eat and act a fool. it was a good time.

oh…..i’m like supposed to talk about girls and shit here. ok, i had to go to the air force base by sis’s house b/c she wanted 2 sea bags for future church missions. well, as i cruised the uniform shop there were 2 AF girls in uniform giggling about 15 ft away from me. one finally asked, “so….what unit are with?”

game on.

i smiled and asked her if she makes it a habit of asking strange guys about their unit in the BX? both girls started laughing. this is too easy. i told the girls i’m just in town visiting and my sister asked me to stop by the base a grab her 2 sea bags (that’s what we Sailor’s call them). the girls asked about “sea bags”. i told them that’s what we call them in the Navy. one girl squealed, “OOOOOOOOOOH, a SAILOR!!!!?”

see, i told you this was easy.

the girls asked what i did in the Navy. *DISCLAIMER- I totally embellished this* i told them i’m a Corpseman; and of course the girls wanted to know what that is. the following is my total BS response-

“Basically, i’m a medic for Marines. they get shot, my squad lays down suppressing fire, i run in and stabilize any/all life threatening wounds, haul him back to the squad while my patient and i return fire, reassess him and determine if he needs to be evac’d or can continue the fight. then get my ass back into the shit.”

now this is TRUE, but I’VE never done this in combat. but it IS a green-side HM’s job. so it was BS, but true. see, i’s sneaky tricky. but the point was to get tingles, and trust me…..these girls had more moisture building up to leave a snail trail if they lost their legs. i ended up number closing one by handing her my phone telling her i come out here often and next time i come out we needed to hang out. will i call…..NO. but it was fun.

it’s all confidence, humor, and frame. the job itself is alpha as fuck and i know my job well enough to know how to make it a lot more epic than it actually is. add to the fact that AF girls LOOOOOOOOOVE Sailors and Marines. being on an AF base, i’m a change of pace from the typical AF guys (most of them are the laughing stock of the armed forces and the AF girls will readily admit that) so once the girls knew i was a Sailor…..i was validated. game took over from there.

anyone wanna guess how much fun i’m going to have when i move to san antonio and am possibly WORKING on an AF base?

hide yer daughters.

stay up.


13 Comments on “Vacay is Over”

  1. RojoC says:

    I have a dog like that, but damn! That one has 20lbs on mine! And mine is already on the bigger side.

    Glad you had a good time with your fam-bam. I miss mine (most of the relatives are on the other part of the state). They’re always down to eat and drink.

  2. ARoss says:

    Special needs definitely makes game a lot harder especially when it comes to the way women see you. I say this as a person with Cerebral Palsy (mild right sided hemiparalysis).

    It seems like sailors get the most pussy in the military as my grandpa(moms dad) was Royal Navy married 3 times. His first wife was a Spanish senorita (died bull fighting), second wife(my mom’s mom) was from Exton,PA (died of pneumonia in 73) and his third wife(step granny) was 11 years his junior.

    Also my great grandpa had married 8 times. The first 6 times he decided the Royal Navy was more important than the women. His 6th wife was a total sweetheart, very feminine did everything for him until she past away. then his last wife was the complete opposite and made him do everything and literally work him to death.
    Sorry for the ramble.

  3. Faust says:

    Thought you were retiring, man. Can’t get enough of working life?

  4. sunshinemary says:

    Aww, I love the way she has her dresses displayed; that’s a good idea!

    Glad you had a fun weekend!

  5. deti says:

    glad you’re back, Danny

  6. Tamburlaine says:

    This is why I hope to never have daughters.I know there are dirtbags like me out there.


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