ITLR- Fuck your Fucking Man Cave

let me just go on record and say it as plainly as i can-

man caves are for fucking pussies.

if you’re a man in his 30’s and you have a man cave, you have fallen for the biggest (and most brilliant) scam modern women have ever come up with- the man cave.

so let me get this straight, you and the misses buy a house, 90% of your shit get’s axed, and wifey gets basically whatever furniture, home design crap she wants. every time i visit one of my married neighbors houses, i feel like i need to schedule myself a pap. there is NO.WAY. a man picked out the shit i see in most families homes. it seems more like hubster “just let her get what she wants” so she shuts up. well, NOT I said Dan.

while it’s no secret that i’m not married and have ZERO experience in said matter, but i always felt skeeved when i see that dude had little to no say in the decor of the his house. now enter the grand diversion- the man cave. maybe i’m a primitive asshole, but i thought the cave WAS the man’s. archaic yes, but a man’s home is his castle, not his salon. granted, if your “man cave” feature a table for beer-pong, darts, and ping pong, and you’re over 30- then you definitely have a fucking problem.

the other truly pathetic man-cave variation is the single guy house with a designated “man-cave”. seriously, you own/rent your own place and you STILL need a man cave to feel in touch with your masculinity. i can at least understand a dude married with kids having one, but a single guy. it gives me douche chills just thinking about it.

i guess i’m a bit of a hypocrite because i guess i do have a man cave. as soon as you walk in the front door, you have stepped into my man-cave. and if you happen to be a woman, you only get to see my “bed-chamber” if you plan on getting nakie. seriously, i DO.NOT. let women go into my bedroom unless she’s a VERY good friend.

belay my last. this guy gets a pass.

belay my last. this guy gets a pass.

the entrance to my "man cave". ladies, leave your dignity, self respect, and panties at the door.

the entrance to my “man cave”. ladies, leave your dignity, self respect, and panties at the door.

the bed-chamber. aka- the impregnation room. this is where the disappointment happens.

the bed-chamber. aka- the impregnation room. this is where the disappointment happens.

the kitchen. THIS is where the magic happens.

the kitchen. THIS is where the magic happens.

for my Lenten feast tonight i made salmon crostini on garlic naan bread, goat cheese, and sliced avocado. then a quick spritz of lime juice. EPIC. served it with a nice salad and ginger dressing.


35 Comments on “ITLR- Fuck your Fucking Man Cave”

  1. That’s an impressive kitchen. You should work on getting a gun room like that. Those looks like anti-tank guns!

  2. gregariouswolf says:

    My ex suggested the man cave. At first I thought “man cave” meant the garage. So she explained I get my own room. I was like, “This is my house. I get my own room in my house?”

  3. Rojo says:

    I with you young man, my whole place is a man-cave.

    • Rojo says:

      OH and I’m jelly of all that counter space. My kitchen table doubles as a cooking area as I have about 3 sq. feet of counter to work with.

  4. Vicomte says:

    What’s on the floor?

  5. CLG says:

    SO This is what it looks like when you work for over a decade and can start to afford stuff….

  6. ARoss says:

    Do you hunt with the dog?

  7. Zorro says:

    My Man Cave is right between her legs. The house ain’t got shit to do with it.

  8. RojoC says:

    AMEN!

    I may be young, dumb, and inexperienced, but I have always been insulted by the concept of the man cave. It’s bullshit because a man’s home is his castle. Likewise, I am insulted by hearing of these men who have to ask their wives for permission to buy something like a shotgun or golf clubs (or whatever item it is they want).

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      there’s many things within marriage that i just can’t stomach. maybe i’m being cynical, but it does in fact seem (from my experience) that marriage really does change the dynamic of the relationship. is it true in EVERY marriage- no. but it does seem to apply to many marriages.

  9. Vicomte says:

    I should mention that my initial understanding of the ‘man cave’ was that women were not allowed in it. It was only later I realized it essentially meant the wife had the rest of the house.

    The former is a much better application of the idea.

  10. TempestTcup says:

    Oh hilarious, We are about to build a huge metal building on the lot next door for all his tools & a little storage with some room left over for a couple of dirt bikes & room to build a rat rod. I said it can be his man cave, lol. I guess I’ll just call it a garage from now on…

  11. Ashley says:

    Interesting perspective. My guy, 30, has a man cave in our spare bedroom. It’s actually more like a man-child cave (he even admits) but he just wants a space that is all his and he says I can do whatever I want with this rest of the house. Trust me, I didn’t set it up to be this way, but it’s probably best considering what he wants his man cave to look like vs the fact that it’s not my taste at all. He insisted, I suspect out of disinterest or laziness. I’m not as picky as a lot of women. I just want most of our place to look in a way that suits both of our taste, and to not look like a 20 year old’s bachelor pad (like his first apartment). I’m not going to decorate the rest of the place like Barbie’s Dream House, and actually most of our furniture and wall decor has been given to us from his mom who gets stuff at auctions all the time.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Again. You my Dear, are the exception. He wants his own “space”, good on you for being cool about as well as you willingness to allow him some say in the decor.

      I’m mostly addressing the guys that have “man caves” because the rest of the house looks like a foof bomb hit it. ZERO hint that a man also lives there.

      Sent from my iPhone

  12. ChesterPoe says:

    I walk around my neighborhood and see so many garages which are basically man caves. Other men think it is cool that those husbands get one room for their stuff… I always say, “The house is his, not one room but all rooms. She can take it or leave it.” Compromise is one thing; ceding 90% of the house to her is submission. Real men do not submit to women.

  13. tj says:

    Sometimes I love being single: My house, my decor – and my kitchen counters are as happily cluttered as yours. Two things I did with my kitchen – visible pot rack to show off my heavy metal and a strip style knife holder ‘cuz I like my knives and I love to show ’em off (Sabatiers and Wusthofs)

  14. headwrench says:

    My man cave= her vagina.


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