ITLR- Proper Bar Behavior for Men

went to the local last night for some UFC goodness (GSP CRUSHED IT!!!!!), and i noticed a lot of things that bothered me from the guys there. so i’m taking it upon myself to educmacate you lads as to proper manly bar behavior. now…….the local is a sports bar called gator’s dockside. it’s a sports bar/wing place. pretty family friendly joint. i know 90% of the staff: managers, barkeeps, servers, and kitchen. they take care of me. so, how do you get your alpha on at your local.

order drinks apropos. men are only allowed to order: beer or whiskey. PERIOD. if the shot is called: lemondop, blueberry screamer, etc= PUSSY. if it’s fruit based you fail. if it’s whiskey based you MIGHT get a pass. keep it basic and order a beer and a jameson double. for the record, i’m not allowed to drink jameson at my local anymore. don’t ask. one of the readers is a bartender and i’m SURE she can guess why.

pick a place. if you frequent a local establishment, pick a spot at the bar and STICK to it. i have a seat, and all 4 of the bartenders know it. if someone’s in my spot, they will alert me when the tab is paid and i can take over MY spot. which leads to….

your spot. last night i was watching the fight and a dude and his chick came in. now prior to, i moved my seat in a manner that gave the seat next to me little to no room. his chick sat and the stool next to me sat open (he stood up). i kept that frame until i’d had a few brief comments with them both and he felt comfortable sitting down. i even scooted over a bit and he thanked me. had he just sat down i wouldn’t have budged and made a point to make him VERY uncomfy sitting down. i’d have farted, moved in a manner that brushed up against him, bumped into him, you get the idea.

be a boss when you get in. beta= mind if i sit her?. alpha= anyone sitting here? seems trivial, but it speaks VOLUMES to men of the tribe. i’ll NEVER ask a dude permission to sit in a public place. but i WILL be polite and ask if anyone is using the seat. if not, i TAKE the seat.

once you become a regular, get friendly with the staff; starting with the bartenders. then the servers (especially the female servers), then the kitchen staff. the cooks are the hardest to know because they don’t come out often. well, Danny has brought food to the local and dropped it off in the kitchen most of the time. and guess what- if i order 10 wings, i somehow end up with 15. if i order something that included fries, it magically come out with cheese fries (they know i love cheese fries).

seems trivial, i know. but the art of manliness is on the decline and it’s my mission to keep it alive. so sack up, be excellent.

my girl So-So came by to pick up a computer stand (told you fuckers i was getting rid of my shit and getting a travel trailer) and as she keyed the lock Brody went apeshit at the door. So-So laughed and and told her friend to come in. the friend asked, “is he going to bite me?” lol. So-So assured her that Brody wouldn’t but my girl texted me that our co-worker was VERY nervous about walking in. that is until Brody approached her and applied his licking therapy to her. lol. LOVE my boy. see, if he knows you, you’re fine. if he DOESN’T he becomes 40lbs of teeth and fury. So-So dog sat him more than once and knows him VERY well. he’s actually kept someone from breaking into her place.

MY BOY!!!!!!!!!

stay up.


12 Comments on “ITLR- Proper Bar Behavior for Men”

  1. deti says:

    Heartland of America bar rules. Especially for going out with guys from work:

    1. Don’t tell anyone you’re going to the bathroom or to take a piss. Just go do it and don’t tell anyone about it when you get back. We all know where you went. We don’t care.

    2. Respect others’ space and insist they respect yours.

    3. Run a tab and pay it at the end of the night with a credit card. It’s just easier that way and better than carrying a bunch of cash.

    4. Do not be a cheap bastard. In a group of guys from work, the senior member/most well compensated member buys the first round. If that senior member arrives late, he buys the next round. Well compensated group members buy a round for the lesser paid members. If you can’t afford to buy the group a round, don’t go. Nothing hurts office morale like going out with the senior partner/lead project manager and he won’t buy a round. If you are a boss, buy your subordinates a drink or two.

    5. Tip generously. If you cannot afford to tip waitstaff and bartenders, don’t go.

    6. Sarging, or getting plowed with your buddies: Pick one. You are probably not going to get laid if a breathalyzer shows you blowing .30. So if that’s the plan, enjoy yourself, have a good time and someone will deposit you in a cab and send you home at the appropriate time. But if you’re going to sarge, then know when to say when and don’t get shitfaced.

    7. If you are out with a mixed group of men and women from work, do NOT act amazed at how different the girls are in a social setting from how they act at work. You have some game, so you should know some will be drunks, some will be sluts, and some will get stupid. And don’t comment on it. Just enjoy the show. And do not talk about it at work the next day.

    8. Do not lean in when talking to anyone. If you have game you should know this too. Don’t smile too much and don’t hold your drink in front of your body with your holding arm at a 90 degree angle. put it on a table or hold it down at your side.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      I’m working on a post about 30 yo women getting hammered and acting like 22yo’s in the local. It was REALLY sad.

      Good rules, but I drink alone. Lol.

    • BC says:

      7. If you are out with a mixed group of men and women from work, do NOT act amazed at how different the girls are in a social setting from how they act at work. You have some game, so you should know some will be drunks, some will be sluts, and some will get stupid.

      aka pinatas – always get smashed, and anyone can hit it.

      And don’t comment on it. Just enjoy the show. And do not talk about it at work the next day.

      Best general advice of all.

  2. andrewmichaelmedina says:

    Can’t do beer or whiskey anymore. Too much binge drinking as a punk kid.

    Rums and vodkas are my poison now.

  3. […] pick a place. if you frequent a local establishment, pick a spot at the bar and STICK to it. i have a seat, and all 4 of the bartenders know it. if someone’s in my spot, Source: dannyfrom504   […]

  4. MissMarie says:

    Spot-on, as usual. I’ve seen a lot of this go on bartending, it’s funny because you can predict what’s going to happen. You also learn to spot the alpha guys at the bar and give them preferential treatment because they’ll take care of you back, especially if idiots get rowdy. Also, it gets easy to spot the girls that are past their party prime that are still chasing men like they’re a prize…

  5. Sean says:

    What about red wine for the Paleo amongst?

  6. RojoC says:

    “Good rules, but I drink alone.”

    Tequila and vodka are my elixir’s of choice. I drink them straight. I do like me some good Scotch too.

  7. K-stan says:

    Never thought about the “can I sit here, is anyone sitting here” thing before. I always ask if someone is sitting in a seat I want…guess Im more alpha than I thought haha


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