Your New Alpha as Fuck Voicemail

your voicemail is a very good indicator as to who you are and what people should expect from you. i’ve had the same voicemail for YEARS. had quite a few girls comment on it as well. it’s simple, direct and alpha as fuck.

“i can’t come to the phone right now, but leave me a message and if i want to talk to you, i’ll call you back.”

it’s that simple. even a very prominent (and now defunct- RIP UoM) blogger rocked it for a while. of course i realize some of you use your phone for business purposes so this really won’t work for you. but, for you normal, every-day guys out there- this shit is money. use it and notice the reactions you get.

28 Comments on “Your New Alpha as Fuck Voicemail”

  1. I like that, I also think any type of ‘joke’ voice mail that skirts social conventions works too, because it shows you dont give a shit about ‘official’ voice mails.

    Hey man I asked about it before about the Navy and I was not looking for a recruiter (yet anyway) but I am seriously considering going in as an officer. Is the Navy pretty legit? I read stories that scare me about officers losing command of a ship because they flirted with some girl and get slapped with sexual harassment.

  2. Emma the Emo says:

    Lol, do you get a lot of voicemail anyway?

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      not really. but i get comments on it after they hear it. “you BETTER want to talk to me.” is the typical response to

      On Wed, Mar 27, 2013 at 10:49 PM, dannyfrom504

  3. Vicomte says:

    ‘Say something interesting’.

  4. ARoss says:

    I don’t have voicemail, I’m on pay as you go too expensive and as Joe Pesci and Chris Rock say

  5. ChesterPoe says:

    I had a similar voicemail before but, due to my phone not being only for social calls, it had to be changed. If you want to go the funny, piss-them-off route you could take inspiration from Archer.

  6. […] Your New Alpha as Fuck Voicemail […]

  7. Days of Broken Arrows says:

    “It beeps, and you speak.”

    That was the voicemail of an Alpha I once knew. You need to say it like you’re James Bond or someone like that, though.

  8. Athor Pel says:

    For the years I had an answering machine I had one message.

    To paraphrase it said,
    “Leave your name and number after the beep.”

    I can’t remember what I said exactly. I do remember I didn’t sound pleased to be receiving the phone call.

    That’s it. That’s all it said.

    No ‘Hello’.

    No telling them my name.

    No promise to call them back.

    No real expressed interest in hearing what they had to say.

    Everybody that heard the message made some comment on it. I enjoyed the consternation.

  9. Ashley says:

    I’ve always wanted to make a witty voicemail message like that but then I think of potential employers calling me and judging it.

  10. OffTheCuff says:

    I had no what mine was until a few seconds ago. Apparently, it’s “hey, this is X. Leave a message.”

  11. zorroprimo says:

    Alpha as fuck voicemail is per Archer: “Leave it. [beep].”

  12. stormy says:


  13. Dr. Illusion says:

    My voicemail says “You know who you called. I’m either working, asleep or screening my calls. Leave a message and I may get back to you.”

    Seems to work for me.

  14. Peabody says:

    The only time I ever had a voice mail, it was “This is X, and you’ve reached my car phone’s answering machine. I’m home right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number after the beep, I’ll get back to you as soon as I leave.” I received only positive feedback from guys. My girlfriend (now wife of 23 years) thought it was extremely annoying. Hmm…

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