Deti Guestpost: Once More, With FeelingPosted: April 24, 2013
i woke up to this email from Deti the other day. enjoy. OH, H/T to Free Northerner on his field report.
The starting point for my thoughts today is Roissy’s Ninth Commandment.
A lesson from the Gospel of Roissy, The Sixteen Commandments of Poon, the Ninth Commandment.
Please stand for the reading.
IX. Connect with her emotions
Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.
You may be seated.
Thus endeth the lesson. (Thanks be to Roissy.)
Never, ever forget that your relationship with your woman depends in large part on how she FEELS — about you, her job, her friends, the world around her. When she says she is thinking about you, she isn’t. She’s feeling, emoting, anticipating, marinating, simmering. The pathway to her heart is for you to influence how she feels when she is with you.
Think about what women say about the men they love. When asked what they like and love about their men or why they stay with their men, what do they say?
“I love how I feel when I am with him.”
“I can be myself with him. I’m so comfortable around him.”
“I feel happy and relaxed around him.”
“He feels so close to me.”
“I feel like I can tell him anything.”
None of these quotes describes what the women think about him, his attributes, or his good qualities. Instead, these women are describing how they feel about themselves — and more specifically, how they feel about themselves when they are with their men.
Also notice the present tense descriptions. There are no descriptions about future plans, or their lives in the past or future. The quotes are about how she feels right now, in the moment.
(Vox Day has wisely pointed out that when hearing a woman describe something, it’s a good idea to mentally imagine the modifier “Right now I feel….” just before her statement. Examples:
“I’m pissed off!” becomes “Right now I feel pissed off.”
“I love you” becomes “Right now I feel that I love you.”
“I just cannot do this” becomes “Right now I feel that I just cannot do this.”)
I’ve noticed in my experience that when many women describe the course of their failed relationships with previous boyfriends or lovers, they often can recall only their own feelings and emotions. Events they experienced with their past loves (even good experiences or joyful events) are glossed over. Major details are recalled only vaguely, remembered incorrectly, or even forgotten entirely. In her mind and heart, the memories and impressions of how she felt and how he made her feel are all that remain. She can’t remember what happened, but she can remember how she FELT about what happened.
Much has been written about the alpha widow phenomenon. There are biological explanations for it — biochemical reactions producing feelings of bonding, particularly intense or pleasurable sexual experiences with an alpha. But I wonder if a big part of the alpha widow’s experience is the intense emotion and the resulting euphoria she feels about herself. Perhaps those feelings and emotions are so intense, so mood-altering, and so powerful, that she simply cannot let them go; and she spends time trying to recapture and recreate them. I wonder if this is a big part of how a woman becomes an alpha widow.
In long term relationships, feelings — and a history of good feelings — become important. A man needs to give her alpha moments, “magical moments of masculinity” (H/T Julian O’Dea). He must fill her alpha memory bank with things that generate good memories for her. The vacation to Hawaii when he took her for the long walk on the beach because she wanted to go. The times he ripped her clothes off and banged her fast and hard because he couldn’t keep his hands off her. The daily take-charge attitude. The weekend getaway when he told her to pack a bag and be ready to go on Friday afternoon, and he whisked her away on a surprise jaunt to a bed and breakfast. She will feel special, loved, sexy, cared for, and comfortable. These are what you want her to remember during the tough times, the lean times, the bad times. She will remember how she felt, and that it can be that way again, because you could do it before.
Now none of this is to say women never think, or are incapable of rational logical thought, or that they are beholden to their emotions all the time. It is to say, though, that in matters of intersexual relationships, women default to emotion and feelings first. It is to say that a large part of the mechanics of her day-to-day relationship with you depends on how she feels — how she feels about herself; how she feels when she is with you; and how she feels about herself when she is with you (those are three separate things). How she remembers you will not depend on what you did together or the events that transpire between you. The emotions she felt when she was with you will shape her impressions of you, and your future together.
Now go forth and make her feel loved. She’ll thank you for it, and she’ll remember it.”
OH, and big up to SunShineMary for designing the site’s official t-shirt for the wimminz. IF you get one, send me a pic of yourself in it and get a FREE intarwebz kiss-on-the cheek from yours truly.
this just in- for the fellahs– Mary, you ROCK.
AND, had another manosphere first today. i met the incomparable Bill Powell for lunch. we talked sphere crap, wimminz and community world domination. the army is forming; ride the apocalypse. when the zombies come, we’ll be an army of two. Stay up Bill. it was GREAT meeting you Brother.