Such a Tender Flower

there’s been much discussion about the masculinization of women. i present to you a charming letter sent by a young woman to her sorority “sisters” that’s gone viral. anyone know the over/under that this “young lady” is on the carousel.

“If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee Julia, I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN’T be post gaming at other frats, I don’t give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

“But Julia!”, you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that count for something?” NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN’T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I’ve not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like “durr what’s kickball?” is not fucking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don’t give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

“Ohhh Julia, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad”. Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.

I’m not fucking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t talk to boys I’m too sober”, then I pity you because I don’t know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don’t fucking show up unless you’re going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will tell you to leave even if you’re sober. I’m not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.”

charming. of course the sorority’s prez had to run some damage control and issued the following.

“My name is [redacted] and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter’s list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names “Delta Gamma” and “Sigma Nu” from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter’s values nor Sigma Nu’s and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

[redacted]”

the delightful writer, in the center.

the delightful writer, in the center.

Today it was announced she resigned from the sorority.


47 Comments on “Such a Tender Flower”

  1. Senior Beta says:

    Looks like her dad was a sailor.

    • stormy says:

      This is funny because dg’s symbols are anchors….

      As someone who was semi involved in Greek life I can tell you that emails like this, while not the norm, happen at least once a year or semester.

      Also, look up screenshots of this girls tweets. A bunch are racist and others are slutty…one of them said, “you call it morningwood…I call it breakfast in bed.” Wtf

  2. Vicomte says:

    The Cunt Punts will continue until morale improves.

  3. daredodie says:

    I’m sure the men are lining up to date her…

  4. sfer says:

    She is funny and physically attractive.

  5. earl says:

    One of my old bosses…a retired Army vet who had a salty mouth always said this when he heard a woman curse.

    “I know I’m no saint…but when a woman swears it bothers me.”

    I can tell you I’m the same way.

  6. Athor Pel says:

    You just know her Mom and Dad are so proud of her.

  7. Shade Zero says:

    I can’t think of the guy’s name (but he is playing Zod in the Man of Steel movie), but Funny or Die has a video of him reading the letter that is pretty awesome. You should check it.

  8. ARoss says:

    This has me thinking of the opening of Full Metal Jacket for some reason I can’t quite put my finger on it…

    • RojoC says:

      I can see why. But nothing will ever top that scene. Nothing. It is said that R. Lee Ermey came up with that stuff on the spot too.

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        He did. He was a consultant and ended up with the lead. Kubrick loved his rawness.

      • deti says:

        That scene of “Gunnery Sgt Hartman, your senior drill instructor” is epic. Absolutely epic. I bought that movie just so I could see that opening. LOL.

      • deti says:

        “You are nothing but grabass-tic pieces of amphibian SHIT. You are ALL equally worthless.”

        “You had best square your ass away, or I will definitely fuck you up. I will gouge out your eyes and skullfuck you!”

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        i met R. Lee Emery.

        https://i2.wp.com/a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/45/3631fe12e518c09b9501377389340430/l.jpg
        see. back when i was in x-ray school back in san deezy.

    • Spacetraveller says:

      Danny,

      I am afraid I don’t understand this letter. What is it about? For the sake of the non-Americans amongst your readership, would you mind ‘translating’ a little?
      What’s a ‘chapter’, ‘sorority’, ‘frat’, ‘Delta Gamma’ or ‘Sigma Nu’??

      • dannyfrom504 says:

        Lol. ST. I’ve never been in a fraternity or associated with that side of college. But….

        Chapter= national frat/sor at said college.

        The “Greek” titles are names for the fraternities/sororities.

        Fraternity is a private club for men on a college. Sorority is the female equivalent.

      • Athor Pel says:

        These greek campus social organizations have standing agreements to socialize with each other. For a sorority member to fail to fulfill that obligation reflects poorly on the local chapter as well as the national. To fail to socialize with other greeks defeats the whole purpose of belonging to said organization.

      • deti says:

        To add to Athor’s:

        The entire purpose of Greek fraternities currently is to socialize with each other and to provide opportunities for young men to have social lives (i.e. party, get drunk, and get laid).

        Greek culture at most campuses is exclusive: A guy has no chance with a sorority girl unless he’s in a frat, and he has to be in the right frat. But first, he has to be Greek himself. The unwritten, unspoken “benefit” of being in a frat is that it gives him access to sorority girls.

        But never mind that if the guy had no Game before he’s in a frat, his Greek status is generally still not enough social proof to get the job done. If he couldn’t get laid before he goes Greek, his frat brothers with Game won’t be able to get him laid.

        There are all kinds of frats: The Ag frat, the geek frat, the yuppie frat, the future professionals frat, the animal house frat, the burnout frat.

        There are all kinds of sororities: The smoking hot HB 9 and up; the fat girls; the weird girls; the ballbusters; the cool girls; the party girls.

        There are planned “nighttime events” between one sorority and one frat. They are preplanned and scheduled per semester, one every third weekend or so. These “nightime events” are of course euphemistic; the frat hosts a blowout multi-kegger and invites the sorority. Individual attendance by both frat and sorority members is MANDATORY. The frat puts on the party, buys the booze, cleans up the house and puts on the show; the sorority provides the eye candy/potential hookups.

        For the frat, you show up because you’re expected to help in some capacity: DJ, security, tend bar, change kegs, cleanup. For the sorority, you show up because if you don’t you’re a snobby stuck up bitch and it’s bad PR and the frat won’t want to party with you anymore and won’t provide the free booze and free fun. We don’t give a shit if you have a boyfriend or the frat guys are dicks or it’s no fun. You’re in the sisterhood; you show up for the party and you flirt with the guys and you show them that we’re cool girls and not bitches.

        This email is responding to problems with girls not showing up for the event, or showing up and leaving early, or showing up and talking about how they’re planning to go to the “fun” post-event party. She’s gotten some flak from other frats about how her “sisters” are not cool girls and are stuck up bitches and are screwing up their nighttime events.

        That’s pretty much what this email is about.

  9. Spacetraveller says:

    Thanks for the explanations, Danny, Athor and Deti.

    Interesting stuff…
    And now I think I suddenly understand more of what you guys complain about here…
    This college private club business sounds a little sordid to me.

    Is it possible to go to college and not be part of a frat or sorority? Are they actually or effectively compulsory?

  10. mindstar says:

    If you want to see more of Michael Shannon he’s the lead in “Ice Man” which is being released in a week or 2. It’s the true story of a Mob hitman whio about 100 kills

  11. TempestTcup says:

    What’s the difference between a sorority girl & a toilet?
    The toilet doesn’t follow you around after you use it.

    What’s the difference between a limo & a sorority girl?
    Most guys haven’t ever been in a limo.

    What’s the difference between a sorority girl & a bowling ball?
    Most guys could eat a bowling ball if they had to.

    And these were from the early 80s; there were a ton more. Glad to be GDI!

  12. OffTheCuff says:

    Of course it’s possible. Not everyone pledges, or is accepted. The point of doing so is the exclusivity, so it would be pointless for everyone to be in.

    • Spacetraveller says:

      Ah, I see.
      We don’t have anything like this in the UK…at least not that I was ever aware of…

      • josh says:

        Yes, but you have a class system, and that allows many not so bright people to continue to prosper merely because of their class status.

        Fraternities and Sororities originated because the local business communities didn’t like the ideas of an educated class having any sort of power, so it wanted to extend its influence to the schools.

        There are droves of intellectually incompetent children of business folk who still want the status symbol of an education. They can coast through 4 years of school, and all the social and business connections they make through frats or sororities will help them when they graduate.

        When I was an undergraduate in the 80’s, a few friends of mine joined frats, but they couldn’t really explain what the point was. It was like: Well, you join this group and you get a bunch of instant friends. It seemed at the time like it was for people who couldn’t make friends on their own. No one I knew took it seriously.

        Later I transferred to another school that had a more visible fraternity and sorority population. It was a very difficult school, and most of us spent all our time studying. The frat guys were the ones partying all night, taking road trips (In motor homes that said no fat chicks on the side.), and coming over and breaking the elevator in our building.

        There were rumors that they had answers to the tests and various term papers on any subject available in their basements. (Remember this was before the internet.) We viewed them probably as you view the pointless upper class twits in the UK.

        Overall, the whole system, like the English class system, has a whiff of the archaic about it, and I find it funny that modern men and women are hanging on to these ancient rituals in the modern world. It seems like a reaction against the very problems we face today, as if a clinging to obsolete institutions will somehow make global warming go away.

  13. sunshinemary says:

    Someone left the link to that letter on my blog a few days ago, and I was just aghast when I read it. What a foul mouth – very unladylike! However, no one is saying this, but in my opinion, the girl was quite right to read her sisters the riot act.

    According to deti’s explanation above, the boys plan the parties and spend time and money preparing for them. The girls understand ahead of time, before even joining a sorority, that attending these events is required. Therefore, since they knew they would have to fulfill this requirement, and since the boys have spent time and money preparing for the event, the girls have an obligation to gussy themselves up, put on a pretty smile, and go be charming. They should talk to the boys, be attentive to them, dance with them, and all that, but of course they are not obligated to sleep with the boys. But to ignore them or not attend at all is flaky and rude, and the girls should be called out on that behavior.

    However, I hold Foul-Mouthed Girl in low esteem because it would have been possible for a clever girl with some wit to write an absolutely devastating letter without using a single four letter word. That she had to resort to such language shows that she lacks creativity and intelligence, not to mention manners and good taste. Therefore she appears to be right on par with her flaky sisters, and Sigma Nu would do well to remove these girls from their social roster. If they can’t act right, they should not receive the boys’ attention.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      And THIS is why I love you. I was simply calling attention to her mannerism. You went a step further and I can’t disagree.

      Though, I’ve never been in a frat and would never want to be.

  14. Keanu says:

    Yes she is a catty bitch in the email, but isn’t it funny that she is reprimanding her sisters for not being flirty enough?

    I have a mixed opinion on sororities, but I do think they help girls learn to be more socially competent. A red pill lady knows how to coyly flirt! lolz. Same for fraternities. Before there was game, there were bros relentlessly and shamelessly hitting on girls many nights a week and asking them, “Hey do you want to come back to my room and see my fishtank?” The perfect bait.

    Btw, I don’t think I thanked you yet for the addition to the blogroll. So, thanks. Btw I’m on there a few times so I triple appreciate it. lolz.


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