Dodging a Bullet

I stopped in one of my local watering holes back in NO to see my girl Brit. I walked in and there she was- the ex. I mean, we’re cool, but it was kind of awkward because I wasn’t expecting to see her. I think we talked for about 2-3 minutes and I split.

I met her via a family friend when I came back from spain. She’s a VERY good looking, petite, busty girl. Like, dem’ bewbies are no joke. Miss those things, I really do. I was running the soft harem when I met her and about 2-3 weeks into it, I was only messing with her. Eventually I decided to give her a shot.

It lasted 3 months.

I’m not going to bash her, but I finally relaized I was better off without her. Then I had a suspicion she had screwed around. Started messing with her in november and by april I dropped her- you DO recall my “rule of 3’s”, right?

Why did I drop her? Well, I gave her my version of a shit test and she failed miserably. She would fly in every month for about a week. On her first trip out I noticed as soon as I got in from work, I had to do dishes and clean for an hour, then cook us dinner. She never left the sofa. SERIOUS red flags popped up in my head. She complained about tending bar, but refused to entertain any suggestions from me on alternatives to benefit her.

Before too long it became a “the sex is the only thing worth holding on to her for” issue. I really didn’t want her to come down for the second visit, but she already bought the ticket. I went into “not fight” mode and was watching EVERYTHING she did. Again, she sat around doing nothing while I worked, came home, then did shit while I was cooking and cleaning. Every second she wasn’t helping, I was letting her go and trying to figure out how I was going to break the news to her that it’s over.

When I dropped her off at the airport after her second trip back in April, I was already gone. I called her 2 days later and ended it. I knew she was into me. But I also knew she was going to be sponging off me. I didn’t see her as a viable long term partner. I was told she was crushed when I broke it off.

The next month I went into NO for my sister’s wedding. I was driving to the ceremony when her bestie (a family friend) informed me about her cheating and the ex even went so far as to lie and say she had told me and I wasn’t going to let it get to me. I was laughing my ass off inside. I asked my friend how the hell she could believe that, especially since she knows me. Whatev’s.

So, now that we’re up to speed- I learned the ex was STILL working the job she ragged about incessantly, BUUUUUUT…..the guy she strted dating after me got her pregnant, and she had had the baby a few months ago. When I talked to the girl I went there looking for, I asked for dirt on the ex. Here’s what I learned.

1. Dude was a total kiss ass and basically had her on a pedestal.

2. After the baby was born she pretty much went into bitch mode and nagged him at every turn. I learned she fought with him every chance she got.

3. She eventually broke up with him and THEN (surprise surprise) got all super serious about child support. She NEVER wanted to spend time with him or let him visit with the baby (oh he can, but it was on HER terms), and made him jump through hoops to see the kid.

I KNEW this was going to happen to me if I had gotten her pregnant or stayed with her. I saw the signs as to her being a lazy “gimme gimme gimme” chick, so I walked. And sure enough, I was right. I told her friend, “THIS is why I ended things with her.” I didn’t want to end up like her current dude. She’s gonna ride him for every penny his beta ass has.

Not I said Dan. And this was WAAAAAAAAAY before I had a blog. Guys, trust your gut and don’t be distracted by a cute face, great tits, and healthy libido. It’s like the saying goes-

“No matter how attractive, smart, and sexy; some guy, somewhere, out there, is sick of her shit. lol.

Stay up.

Oh, and in actual important news. Thankfully, I nuked my FB a long time ago. I still have a FB for the blog, but I’m never on it.

That’s what I Like

she was about 5’0″. 100lbs, black hair, chestnut eyes, very slim waist and decent chest. but that ass.

it’s the kind of ass you see and immediately think, “DAAAAAAAAMN.” when she walked past me and i did a quick sweep of her body when i got to her ass, my eyes popped out of my head. it’s literally a bubble. but honestly her shell is EXACTLY what i like. i’m a fool for brunettes. but her look is VERY typical for girls in kenner/metairie.

she was working so i didn’t want to bother her. i began to devise my scheme. i had to set myself apart from “customers”. i knew the other girl working so when my set was close by i spoke to the other girl. i introduced myself (she knows my mom) and we spoke for about 5 minutes. i let her know my name, my job, and that i drove in from florida. then i let her get back to work.

part 2 was for her to see me being excellent. to catch her eye. i made sure i chatted with as many women as possible and made them laugh and was my charming self. eventually, i had my opportunity to make a move; and i took it. she was putting things away in the small kitchen area set up for refreshments and i opened with, “if i ever start a business i’m totally hiring you. you’re like a machine here.”

a tad cheesy, but i had to approach this cautiously. i didn’t want to put her in an awkward position, and that could be VERY easy if i weren’t cautious. she thanked me and i asked her name. she told me and then asked me how long was drive in. PERFECT, she WAS eaves-dropping. i answered the question then reframed with, “do make it a habit to listen in on other people’s conversations?”

she laughed lightly and said, “i couldn’t help it, you guys were right there. so, are you really in the military?” lol. i couldn’t have planned this any better. i said i was and she asked what service. i told her and explained my job and she mentioned she was saving for nursing school. i teased her about not doing her current job as a career. she giggled and said, “NO. i’m not doing this long term.”

i was hoping she’d laugh. i told her she had a cute smile and she blushed slightly. i told her to remind her bf that he’s a lucky dude. i tell ALL women this. this is my litmus test as to her relationship status. if she’s involved i won’t really escalate. she’s single.

game on.

“in that case, you and i need to get together sometime so we can talk AWAY from your job.” i didn’t want to keep her or get her in any trouble and i didn’t have my phone so i told her to write down her number. “we need to go to the office.” we walked to the admin office and she wrote down the number. i told her i forgot my phone back home, but i’d text her thursday when i got in. “i won’t be able to really see you until i come back, but we can still have text/phone fun until then.” she smiled and nodded.

i told her it was nice talking to her and i was looking forward to text fun. she smile and extended her hand to shake mine. i looked at her and asked, “do you really want me to kiss your hand HERE?” again she blushed, smiled and told me she meant to shake hands. i told her that i’m not a piece of meat and getting her number wasn’t a business transaction.

i walked away and got back to visiting my family at Paw-Paws wake. lol.

stay up.

OOOOOOOH YEAH!!!!! giggity.

OOOOOOOH YEAH!!!!! giggity. and NO, this isn’t her.


The Best Therapy

first and foremost, thank all of you for your condolences. the funeral’s after party was a blast and we were HAMMERED. just like Paw-Paw would have wanted.

i learned a few hours after he’d past the news that Paw-Paw had moved to the after life. initially, i was numb. i couldn’t think coherently. i was sitting in the house, just literally sitting there thoughtless when i got a text from a friend. when she learned about Paw-Paw she told me she was on her way over. i got another text that she was a block away and i told her i had unlocked the door for her and that she could just walk in.

she fumbled at the door and Brody ran screaming at her. when the door opened Brody went into welcome mode and she greeted him. i was staring at the tv and i heard, “you look awful.” i thanked her and i could see out the corner of my eye she was removing her shirt.

then her bra.

then her shorts.

i killed the last of my beer and she walked into the kitchen and grabbed me another. i heard the can crack open and she came to me. she set the beer down and told me to get up. i stood up and she sat in my spot and she motioned for me to sit. i sat in front of her and she draped her tiny arm over my shoulder and i could feel her tiny fingers tracing my neck and head.

eventually she started kissing my neck and i told her i didn’t want do anything. she didn’t say a word to me the rest of the night. she just stayed there, nurturing me, getting me fresh beers. at some point i guess my head was bobbing and she told me to go to bed. i don’t know what time it was, but i got up as she led me to the bed-room. as i laid down she went into the living room and shut all the lights out, then joined me in bed. she draped an arm and leg around me and i drifted off drunkenly.

i woke up to a blow job.

i NEVER sleep on my back, but as i regained consciousness i knew what was being done to me.

“good to see you awake Danny.”

i didn’t say a word. eventually she was riding me and when it was done she showered me. she wanted to bathe me, but i NEVER use the tub. after i was clean, she left. yeah……she fucked me then she left. asked me my plans for the family and told me she’d pray for me and my family. saturday i went to the hospital and got my emergency leave finalized.

that was florida.

i drove into NO a different man. i wasn’t sad, i was flooded with memories of my childhood and from the last few times i came home and stayed with him. eventually NO east bled into downtown and then into metairie. KENNER, i was back home in kenner. finally i exited power and turned onto vintage. that’s when Brody came alive. he KNEW we were close to mom’s. as i drove to my mother’s house all i could do was smile as i saw the 20 cars surrounding her house. my entire family was there.




the tio’s were talking about their childhood. my cousins and i were recalling childhood memories at Paw-Paws. i was home and we were doing what my family does best……

PARTYING. exactly what Paw Paw would have wanted.

i drove to her house around 9pm. i NEVER go over there unexpected (baby daddy bullshit). she came to the door with a “what the fuck” face. i told her i was home on emergency leave because Paw-Paw died and her face dropped. she took me inside and her daughter jumped into my lap. as i tried to be playful with daughter mom finally had grandma take her into another room. we talked for a moment and she asked me about my plans. she suggested i get a room that night. i knew what she was getting at.i told her the next night would be better since i had to be up early for the funeral.

i sat watching tv at 10 am the day after the funeral. she was showering. she was chattering post-coital woman-speak that i was trying to filter out as i watched Justin Wilson deftly concoct duck stew and wild rice. she stepped out the shower and dried her hair with the towel. i finally got off the bed and walked up behind her. i was looking at her reflection in the mirror and i started brushing her hair. she dropped her head and moaned as i stroked through her long black hair.

i commented that she looked amazing and she smiled. i traced my finger along the upper ridge of her towel and undid the fold. the towel dropped to the floor. i looked into her eyes via the mirror and said, “perfection.” she looked away and smiled and continued to brush her hair. after a few minutes she told me she wanted her towel and i told her no. she said she was getting cold and gave her permission to retowel. she took the brush and began blow drying her hair.

we made plans for lunch we had one more quickie before leaving the room and returning back to life. this is the illusion of the soft harem. the sex only exists when the sex goes down. once we go back into public, it’s an unspoken thing. we’re friends, nothing more, nothing less.

she asked me if i had plans to visit any other “friends” before i left. i told her no and she scoffed. i knew what she was doing. they ALL do this. they all know there are other women, be it in this state or the state i reside, but there are other’s. you must NEVER admit to having other’s. she’s the only star in your universe. treat her as such. but they usually only mention “other’s” behind closed doors. in public……

we’re just friends. asking about other’s is crossing a line. they know it’s a breach of protocol. since she’s not my gf, she has no business nosing too deep into my affairs (no pun intended).

i feel bad for my mom. i do. she want’s nothing more for me to settle down and have a little lady and have her pop out a kid or two. but that’s just not in the cards for now, and she know’s it. the women in my family are well aware of my extracurricular activities and they roll their eyes when i mention having “something to take care of”. hell, on this very night my sister spilled the beans to mom about the girls i was fucking back in junior high and high school. mom was STUNNED.

“YOU KNEW HE WAS DOING THAT!!!!!” she screamed at my sister. the table of woman my mom dances with erupted in laughter. mom’s mouth and eyes were wide open. my sister nodded and asked how she DIDN’T know. i was red-faced and my sides were hurting from me laughing. hell, even i thought she had a clue.

despite my loss, my sorrow, my grieving…..i have to be thankful that the women in life (family and “friend”) are good at taking care of me. and they apparently love doing it. me and my cousin Cherie (she used to babysit me and my sis) did a ton of talking and drinking after the funeral, she’s a GREAT woman and it was good to be there for her as she was also there for me. i’m truly blessed. again, thanks for the well wishes guys… rock a fat ass.

stay up.



one of Paw-Paw’s fave’s…..

Fuck Samsung

don’t worry, i’ll be up and running again soon. tonight is the wake and tomorrow is the funeral. when i got in last night, you’d have never been able to guess the family patriarch had died. there was food, booze, and laughter. there were all Paw-Paws kids, 2 cousins, a brother in law and a niece eating drinking and tell stories of yore. OH, the post……

i will now NEVER buy a samsung product.

ITLR: The 90’s. Yer Welcome

anyone remember this gem? enjoy your Memorial Day. i think me and the Brother in Law and Sis are going out for “range therapy” after lunch tomorrow.

Tread Carefully

i’m sitting in a hotel just past tallahassee. i was falling asleep while driving so thought it best to pull over. i have a few posts sitting in the draft section so i figured i’d update since i’m done wit checking emails. i even forgot my phone at the house. fml. see….i’m that much of a wreck atm. oh look BB’s back. yeeeeeeah Bb.

One of the servers at my local approached me a few days ago and informed me her mom is trying to convince her to date me.

Holy out the blue fuck-monkey’s. WHAT???!!?

I made the perplexed dumb Disney male character face. You know the face. The face the boy makes when the female character comes on to him. I digress. Apparently mom learned I’m about to retire from the Navy, have never been married, have no kids, have a VERY good paying occupation in the wings, health care benefits, a pension, and I own my house in a VERY great neighborhood.

The way my friend described it, her mom had stars in her eyes.

Now, my girls is cool, but we’d never be anything but friends. Funny thing though- is I already know most women I get involved with see me in the same manner my friends mom does. I’m a meal ticket. A path to easy street. I actually don’t like telling women I’m about to retire from the military.

Even my mom has had to point out to her friends how “Danny has to be careful of any long-term prospects”. But the beauty is…..GAME. I recall my mom jokingly telling a woman the last thing she’s worried about is her son being lonely. “Danny is never hurting for female attention, trust me.” She’s actually tougher on prospective gf’s than I am. But I guess that’s what mom’s do.

In fact, a divorced woman, you’d think she’s be gunning for me to get married. But alas, my mom is also a red pill woman and is well aware of the pitfalls to me getting married. And she’s accepted the fact that I just don’t want to do it. However, always the optimist, she still says I’ll end up married. Maybe, but certainly no time soon.

Back to my friend- I explained to her that her mother’s rationale is the very reason I’m avoiding marriage. And there are a LOT more guys following the same path. She seemed to stop and consider what I was suggesting as a legitimate choice. “I’ve never considered it could be a risk for a guy to get married.” Yeah, I’ve heard this one before….HUNDREDS of times.

“Girl, you have the luxury of not having to think about it. If we got divorced you’d get as much as you wanted in the settlement. Fuck that.”

I wish there were more to the story, but that’s really all that happened. Lol.

It Has Come to Pass.

Paw-Paw passed in his sleep around 9:40 pm NO time. my alpha role model and mentor has returned to his love of 67 years. i’m not sad……just numb. he left painlessly and is back with Maw-Maw where he belongs.

the site will not be updated for a while. please forgive my absence, i need to take care of my family. i thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes.


[edit-I’m driving into NO tomorrow for the funeral and to assist Mom. I thank all of you for the prayers and well-wishes. Like I said, I have the best readers ever. I really appreciate all of your support.]