ITLR- Giving her Shit

i’m holding the door to the locker room open. LADIES…..OUT!!!!! NOW!!!!!!! i’ll wait.

we good. ok. what’s up fellas.

the other day i had a patient sitting in the waiting area. his wife was having a procedure done. he was a cool guy. definately an alpha. after a while i told him i was going to see how long his wife was going to be. well, she was having her wrist examined. but, the way she was in the tube made her look like superman flying.

i told her husband she was going to be about 15 more minutes. then i pointed out the “superman” status. he laughed and mentioned he was going to fuck with her about it.

“isn’t it fun as shit to fuck with girls and bust on them?”

dude laughed and mentioned how true it is. “i’mma fuck with her about it for the rest of the day.”

nothing makes an alpha happy like fucking with a girl and making fun of her about something, aka- “teasing” her. the flip side of the coin is how beta’s go out of their way to try and compliment. i RARELY compliment a woman unless i really really really mean it, and said woman is a friend. however, if you want to gain a hotties attention, compliemnt her less than good looking friend. something light and subtle. but teasing her is ALWAYS tits.

now….beta’s fuck up teasing usually by being a dick. you have to keep it playful and flirty. being an asshole will get you nothing but a pissed off girl. but when she’s got a slight grin on her face after slapping or punching you. this means you’re doing it right. so remember, don’t be mean. just playfully mess with her. this works on married, single, young and older women. i know because i do it ALL.THE.TIME.

i was in the ER talking with 2 of my junior guys. both are VERY alpha. well, we were discussing my awful daily dumps. seriously, i went like 7 times. it was epic. let’s be honest, dump talks are ALWAYS appropriate. i call my bathroom “the throne room”. and women are NOT allowed to use my throne room. the throne room is where i conduct affairs important to the Danny realm. if a girl is over, she can use the guest bathroom. well, me and the other 2 guys were talking by the doctor’s station. “you know what sucks? you’re sitting in traffic, and you get the big fecal shift. and suddenly you get the dump sweats. it’s like…..kong’s at the gates.” at that the ER doc giggled. then my boy chimed in, “you ever drop a growler, and the minute you open the gate, you get goose bumps?” we all started nodding and laughing. i continued, “i ate a salad for lunch and dinner and the nex day i had chocolate shredded wheat dump.” again, we burst out into giggles.

well, as i’m sure you know. when 3 guys are having fun and laughing, some woman has to come over and ruin it. “what are you guys giggling about?” she asked. i looked her dead in the eye and said, “dropping a deuce. wanna join in”. she winced and started to walk away. i continued in on her, “i bet she has perfect blonde surfer girl logs. they’re perfectly tapered. they hit the water like an olympic diver. they don’t even make a splash.” she turned around and let out an exaggerated, “eeeeew. gross HM1.”

aaaaah. big mistake. there was blood in the water. for the rest of the shift the 3 of us ribbed her about poo. i was talking to one of the guys and pretended like i took a picture of one of my dumps. he commented, “daaaaaaammit that’s impressive. and here i was thinking the sears tower was massive. but that is fucking epic.” i replied, “yeah, i really took the browns to the superbowl on that one.” lol.

then i said, “i’m REALLY impressed with this one. i call it “the swan”. my boy jumped in, “damn it DOES look like a swans neck.” girl was looking on in disgust. “you did NOT take a picture of it” we both stared at her blankly then i walked up to her holding out my phone. she ran off “NOOOOOO!!!! ew!”. this continued until i left work.

“yeah i came up here to do a portable and didn’t see you. were you down loading the brown file?” she looked at me in disgust. i continued, “next time you drop a crispy, perfectly nose cone tapered surfer girl dump, get a shot of it for me.” she was walking away by the time i was starting the last sentence.

so next time you’re in the company of a good looking woman, playfully neg and tease her. it’ll get you a lot further than telling her how “hot” she looks today.

eventually, i walked past the couple that was in my waiting area, i looked at the wife, held up my arms and said, “up up, and awaaaaaay!!!! hubster laughed and wife slapped his shoulder. perfect tingle response.

i brought this up with the mexican girl i’m friends with in the ER and she smiled. “it’s one of those things we hate, but secretly we can’t resist it.” in a way, this links into yesterdays post. women with boys GET.IT when we guys start talking about this stuff, and they stay out of. they just roll their eyes and go on about their womanly biddness.

stay up.

37 Comments on “ITLR- Giving her Shit”

  1. Joe Sixpack says:

    That juvi shit is the best. My fav move is to physically bump the girls and pretend like I didn’t mean it. “oh I’m sorry, did I just run into you”? Works everytime. I always get a smile/grin, a slap on the bicep and a “you’re such a dork”. Uh huh. A dork that has your number — woman.

  2. deti says:

    Somehow, I’ll never look at “giving her shit” the same way ever again.

  3. RojoC says:

    That’s how I know you’re good people Danny. You talk about dumps. People who are cool enough to talk about the browns winning the super bowl have always been alright in my experience–be it men or women. Personally I am very good at strategic drops in disruptive and asymmetrical environments (aka public restrooms). I’d do your SWCC boys proud man.

  4. Vicomte says:

    Listen up, kids; this is some real psy-ops shit right here:

    If you’re ever in a situation where a cute girl has gone to the bathroom (at someone’s house, say) and you think she might be plating a porcelain sundae, time it so you walk into the bathroom just as she is coming out. The look on her face is priceless, ’cause she knows it smells like shit in there and now you know, too. There’s even a mini walk of shame.

    If you really want to cause some damage make it look like you’ve been there a minute. Sit, or lean against the wall and really get comfortable.

    Now, not only does she know you know she was taking a shit, but she’s suddenly confronted with the idea that you might have *heard* her taking a shit.

    Be cool, and remember that you hold the trump card in all future interactions.

  5. ARoss says:

    You ever have the quinoa shits? ate a bowl of quinoa on Sunday and I’ve been shitting Mr. Good bars ever since.

  6. This is why I absolutely adore you. This is so spot on! Being an Alpha has nothing to do with being an asshole, it’s just staying in control and not lapdogging like the betas. And the guy playfully teasing and not sucking up is the guy we’ll notice, the guy that we’ll want to win over, and the one who’ll rank over the guys who are fawning.

    I’m so reblogging this later, ITLR or not.

  7. Modern Drummer says:

    Read this while taking an epic dump. It was a two flusher.

  8. Perseus says:

    My issue is a lot of times when I am joking around with girls they end up getting pissed off (they say I’m a dick etc) Any suggestions to correct this (I know that’s not a lot of info to go off of but I can elaborate if it would help.)

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      you’re probably taking it to far or your delivery is too serious. when i neg a girl, i grin and say it playfully. that way she KNOWS i’m joking. remember, i do this ALL.DAY. every girl i talk to get’s teased. start out with girl you know really well. that way you know what she’ll tolerate and what she won’t. of course it helps if you use self deprecation THEN tease her.

      On Thu, Jun 13, 2013 at 6:56 PM, dannyfrom504

  9. ARoss says:

    When it comes to break ups, would you say leaving an upper decker is acceptable behavior?

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