Guest post: Advice For College Men

a bit of advice from Deti.

Advice For College Men

I went to college in the late 1980s. I want to offer a bit of advice for men in college or going to college on dating and sex.

This advice is geared toward men leaving home and going to live on or near the campus at which they’ll be attending classes. It’s also geared toward young men in their late teens and early 20s.

1. You need to be aware that generally, the gender breakdown is 60% women to 40% men. This isn’t necessarily good. It doesn’t mean more women for you men; it means fewer men for the women. This means more women competing for the top 10 to 20% of the men. Odds are, you aren’t one of those top men. If you aren’t, keep reading.

2. Remember: You’re there to study, improve yourself, and be the best man you can be. Use this time to get better and improve your status. You’re not there to score women. Scoring women is a healthy diversion; not the be all and end all of your existence at college (or anywhere else for that matter).

3. You MUST be on guard against oneitis. You MUST not let one woman monopolize you or your attentions. When a girl breaks up with you (not if, WHEN), you must be in a position to let her go and move on.

4. You MUST look out for your own self interests. No one else will do this for you. You are fooling yourself if you think your friends, their friends, your girl, and everyone else around you is acting altruistically. They’re not. They’re looking out for number one. You should too.

5. Get in with a good group of male friends. Don’t ditch them when you get with a girl. Your friends, not your girl, should be your sounding boards, your confidants, and the ones who have your back. If you need to unload, do it with your friends, not with your girl. If you need to bitch and complain, do it to your friends, not to your girl.

6. Do not hang around girls or groups of girls you’re not dating or trying to date.

7. You need to understand: When a girl breaks up with you, she is essentially sending you the message: “I think I can do better than you.” Most of the time it’s nothing personal.

8. If you cannot get girls’ interest, something is wrong. With you. Usually it’s one of the following:

You’re doing nothing to distinguish yourself from other men around you. You need to change your manner of dress, your attitude, your style, or your visibility with and to others.
You lack confidence in yourself. You’re visibly uncomfortable in your own skin.
You don’t act in a dominant fashion. You let everyone else lead you around.
You’re shooting too high for girls out of your league.
You’re orbiting other girls.
You’re physically unattractive. You’re fat, you’re out of shape, you don’t dress well, you have a crappy haircut, your hygiene is terrible, or something else is wrong. See if you can get someone to help you with it.
You’re hanging out in the wrong venues.

9. If you can get girls’ interest but you can’t hold their interest, something is wrong. With you. You need to find out what it is. Usually it’s that your attraction traits are not authentic and the girls are seeing “the real you” a few days or weeks after you meet them.

Relationships: Don’t get serious with a girl unless you are firmly in control of the relationship and it takes place in your frame. You set the tone and the agenda. End a relationship the moment it ceases to serve your interests. Do her a favor and cut her loose if you really aren’t all that into her or if that relationship just isn’t working. You do NOT need to see or talk to her every single day. You are not married. You do not owe her an explanation of your entire life or existence, nor does she owe that to you. If you’re considering marriage at some point, that’s fine – as long as you are ready to take on leading her and you’re aware of all the risks. If you’re not ready to lead her, DO NOT GET MARRIED. If you don’t want the risks, DO NOT GET MARRIED.

35 Comments on “Guest post: Advice For College Men”

  1. adiaforon says:

    Solid advice. I can add the following along the non-pussy-related route:

    1. The Internet has made it possible for you to learn outside of the classroom like never before. The plus is that you can learn at your own pace and from people who know what the hell they’re talking about (e.g., ‘spherians, Yale Open Courses) and not from some dipshit adjunct instructor who likely doesn’t care about his or her job because of the peanuts they’re making.

    2. Related to (1), if nothing else in your college experience, learn HOW to learn. Become an auto-didact and take charge of your education. Even outside of the classroom. This means you have to read, listen, watch, write — then do it again and again. When you find something confusing, consult an outside and credible source for clarification and/or being challenged. If you don’t do this, you run the risk of existing only in your own head and not understanding, much less caring out, other people’s opinions on the subject — half-baked though they might be. Remember that the world doesn’t revolve around you, but you are the center of your OWN world.

    No one else will take charge of your education. It’s entirely up to you.

    3. We men usually learn best through our own experience. That is, either we learn through direct experience, or we read about someone else’s (e.g., Danny’s) experience and then try to see how it fits into our own lives, at whatever point down the road of life we happen to be.

    4. Remember that the end goal of college is to get a degree, which is the summation of whatever credits you need for your major. Secondary goals are establishing contacts for future job opportunities and internships, among others. Concerning credits, related to (2), ensure that you ALWAYS have all of the credits you need, and ensure that your academic advisor is assisting you in getting those credits, even if only in a perfunctory and half-hearted way. Never entirely trust your advisors. Again, you must learn how to do this yourself.

    5. Again, related to (2), your brain is still developing while you’re in your 20s. Your personality and habits are still malleable, so take great care in laying down the foundation for success later on. It likely won’t come while you’re in your 20s because of forces outside of your control (e.g., feminism, affirmative action, a shitty economy, bad location). No matter. Continue to read, watch, listen, and write. Stay on a path. The path will change, assuredly. Envision yourself as the person you want to be and avoid really bad habits, like alcoholism, smoking, bad diet, etc. Again, the Internet is a gold mine of information for this, and enables you to correct bad habits and get off of a destructive path much quicker. In the past, you had to wade through a lot more thickets and bullshit from dysfunctional people before you found out about this yourself, which cost valuable time.

    6. Above all, do not go into debt for your education, if you can help it. This is killer in this day and age. Though you might go into a STEM field, a shitty economy and bad location can leave you unemployed for a long time. College debt isn’t dischargeable and accrues interest from six months from your graduation date. If you do go into a STEM field and have to take out loans, then keep it under $15,000. The higher salary you have, coupled with living frugally (which is a great habit to have, anyway) means you can pay this off quicker than a liberal arts grad could.

    As Danny says, stay up.

  2. Vicomte says:

    If this seems like too much work, I can advise you on how to drop out of high school and be moderately clever.

    The first part is easy: if you’re over eighteen, you can just stop going. They can’t do shit.

    The second bit is also easy: with all of your free time and complete lack of employment prospects, you’re pretty much forced to find a way to entertain yourself.

    Either that or you go crazy. If you agree to be committed voluntarily they can only keep you for five days.

    The More You Know.

  3. […] Guest post: Advice For College Men […]

  4. earl says:

    So in conclusion…college is just 4 years of what your entire adult life will be.

    You are put into this world to become the best man you can be…women are just a nice diversion. Even if you marry them.

  5. earl says:

    “9. If you can get girls’ interest but you can’t hold their interest, something is wrong. With you. You need to find out what it is. Usually it’s that your attraction traits are not authentic and the girls are seeing “the real you” a few days or weeks after you meet them.”

    You can get girls with your dick…but you can’t keep them with your mind. I’d suggest a Fight Club between the two as a way to solve your problem.

  6. Ton says:

    Actually Deti’s advice sounds pretty solid regardless of age.

  7. Great article, but I think the gender breakdown on campus would be 5% of top tier men/Alpha’s. 20% is too high.

  8. Socialkenny says:

    I think 1 of the biggest mistakes guys make is getting girlfriends while @ college. That is so ass-backwards!

    Your time @ college should be void of a legitimate girlfriend. It just defeats the purpose of college life.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      I never messed any of the girls in my class when I was at UNO. But I did run game at college bars around Tulane Uni.

      Sent from my iPhone

    • adiaforon says:

      I second that emotion. Girlfriends in college are just distractions — and will suck of of your time and money.

      Put thy nose to the grindstone and work to lay foundations.

  9. deti says:

    Oh, and There Will Always Be Another Woman.

    TWABAW holds most true for men in college.

    There will never be another time in a college man’s life when it will be this easy to meet new women.

  10. Joe Sixpack says:

    “””If you’re considering marriage at some point, that’s fine – as long as you are ready to take on leading her and you’re aware of all the risks. If you’re not ready to lead her, DO NOT GET MARRIED. If you don’t want the risks, DO NOT GET MARRIED.”””

    This is the most important point. For any man, college or not. Too many men just let the girl push them along into the wedding without realizing that they are headed towards divorce court rape unless they take charge of the marriage.

    Fuckin wemenz just want the epic wedding and think that things will magically work out in the end. Then after a few years of not being “haaaappppyyyy” the wife cheats on him. He’s in divorce court paying alimony whilst being on the hook for paying off the honeymoon debt.

    I got lucky. My wife makes as much money as me. Divorce wouldn’t hurt my wallet

  11. deti says:

    I probably should add this too.

    Don’t take advice about dating and sex from faculty members, professors, advisors, RAs, or counselors employed by the college or university. Most of them are trained to give stock blue pill responses. Most of the faculty and professors are politically liberal and steeped in the blue pill. The few conservatives are mostly tradcons or neocons; and are equally blue pill.

    The only advice you should listen to is from a physician at the university health services who, after you’re there for treatment for your pubic lice, tells you to use rubbers.

  12. prcd says:

    I went to college in the late 90s-early 2000s. Men do not make friends anymore – they “hang out” around drugs/alcohol/vidya games. I advise doing your own thing in college. If you happen to bump into other people, cool. If not, oh well. You will likely never talk to the people you went to college with again upon graduation, even if you spent a lot of time studying for engineering exams with them, going to church with them, rooming with them, etc.

    I wish it weren’t so, but it is….

    • freewheeler says:

      I’m at university right now and I can confirm the above. All anyone my age wants to do is smoke/drink/play video games and all anyone looks forward to is partying. Personally I’m not interested in slowly poisoning myself or sitting around with my dick in my hand playing video games. I roll solo and am focused on finishing up my degree and setting myself up for professional school afterwards. I gotta say, it’s really liberating being my own man and rolling solo, not allowing shitty company to influence me.

      • prcd says:

        It’s actually pretty liberating to let go of the idea of needing “friends” – a term that means far less than it used to. Most people, despite all the modern forms of communication we have, are so distracted by their technologies and vices that they don’t even notice the people around them anymore, much less return phone calls from their “friends.”

        Keep doing your own thing, sock away as much money as possible in index funds, and you’ll be financially independent by 35.

      • Yep It's Me says:

        I’ve got no real advice here – because I realize it is different today than it was during my college days in the early 80’s. And I will tell you this from my experience, you will have a few friends that stay with you throughout the various stages of life – I have at least one good friend from elementary school, high school, college, early professional years, later, etc. – I can count on two hands the Men I consider true, there when you need them, will give you their last dollar friends.

        But one thing that creates a true friend is a “shared experience” – usually one that was stressful (but usually fulfilling). So, you should be able to find at least one other Man to fit that bill for you.

        I would echo the “have no girlfriends” or at least limit them. During my “early Man years” it was always either implied or suggested that you “be a one women guy” (in other words…a serial monogamist) if you’re reading this blog and others, you know the trap to stay out of with that – keep spinning plates, arrange your harem – even if you have found someone special, never stop flirting and “working your attraction”. You do this for one simple reason – because it’s a skill and like any other skill, it will fade away if not used.

        And for the love of all things Manly, WORK OUT and stay in good physical shape and health. You are doing a ton of stuff for you mind, don’t forget your body. Because no matter what you think about your body – as you age it gets harder and harder to stay fit – take advantage of how your body works now and don’t allow it to get out of shape in the first place.

  13. Matt says:

    Nail down as much credit by examination as you can before your first day, preferably while you are still in High School.

    Danny, you are in the military. Have you taken all of the DANTES/DSST tests that are offered? And I do mean ALL of them. If not, get busy. While you’re at it, put the moves of the babes running the testing center.

    I disagree with Cappy Cap about the value of a degree. If you can score one for under $5K, it’s well worth it.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      My Dante’s profile is damn near done. I’ll print out a copy one month before I retire.

      • Matt says:

        Excellent! don’t know how CLEP fits in there, but if you can take a bunch of those.

        Do you know about external degree programs? Charter Oak, Excelsior & Thomas Edison are the big three. You can also get a bunch of credit for scoring high enough on a subject GRE.

        If you have the time, go ahead and take a bunch of the tests that you have very little interest in, you never know when you’re going to need just a few more credit hours. And since the DANTES tests are available to you a no cost, that might be a good investment.

        Studying for “History of World Religions” can make you sound a lot deeper than you might be. The economics & business tests are really easy, you just need a bit of the vocabulary.

      • Matt says:

        Getting a work visa can often be easier if you have any king of degree. You’re young, you already have experience abroad, so make sure you have way more options than you think you’ll need.

        And before you ask, my grandmother died before I could teach her to suck eggs.

  14. Rattaporn says:

    Great Advice–for men of ALL ages. I just sent number 9 to a 45-year old friend of mine who is attracting lots of women but failing to keep their attraction because he comes across as aloof and alpha in his Facebook postings, thus attracting his fair share of women–but in person he acts like a Beta and showers any woman interested in him with far too much attention and projects neediness. This is partly b/c of his personality and lack of gaming knowledge and partly from fact that he is just out of an 18-year relationship. I would welcome a posting from Deti on advice to older men coming out of LT relationships, many of whom have become quite rusty on their gaming skills or who have none. Excellent work!!!!!

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