Applying the Three PillarsPosted: July 11, 2013
when we left off yesterday, i explained how i ended up with nancy. after 3 weeks of dating, i decided to commit. i had already gone on several dates with her, and as i explain in the three pillars after the third “date” i knew she was going to be my gf. eventually i decided to give in and commit.
i got my first shit test IMMEDIATELY after i referred to her as “my girl”. we were walking in the commissary getting stuff for our getting underway (salad dressing, hot sauce, etc) which is basically crap you can’t get on the boat. she made mention of a restaurant and i told her we’d check it out after we come back. she replied.
“well, i don’t know if we’ll still be together by then or not.” i quit walking and let her take a few steps and replied.
“oh really. well then shit, let’s make this easy and just call it quits right now.”
she quit walking and turned and stared at me. she made the universal girl face for “uh-oh”. well, i was dead serious. i told her, “seriously girl. we can end it right now. might as well, after all, we’re hitting thailand, i’d be a single man in thailand. UUUUM-UM!!!! so….should we end it?”
she stood there dumbfounded. i started walking, walked past her, looked back and i said, “c’mon let’s get the rest of our crap and head back to the boat. i’ll PRETEND i never heard you say what you just said.” and with that she walking right next to me. and if i may add, her attitude was as calm as a hindu cow. she was all over me in taxi to the boat. she was practically sitting on my lap, holding my hand, and resting her head on my shoulder.
so we’re underway and it was a 3 month tour. we tried to have sex in as many of the spaces in medical we could. we were in HEAVY competition with cheryl and her dude. i joked that me and nancy had at least 30 “drain babies”. lol. but something was going on and creeping in slowly.
we weren’t getting closer. things felt stale. i just couldn’t put my finger on it, bescause she was totally cool. i was doing everything i know a good bf is supposed to to. i looked after her, made her laugh, was there for her when she had a shitty day, and made every attempt to understand who she was as a person.
by the last week of us being underway, i was avoiding her. i had sat long and hard trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with me. i was sitting on the ward reading and my boy vic came in and asked how me and girl were doing. i explained what was going on, and vic (who is married) asked a simple question: “do you feel she understands and knows you as a person?”
i went blank. i told him i was breaking up with her once we got back to yoko and he nodded. the answer to his question was no. she didn’t. and i realized i was doing all the work in the relationship and she was just kind tagging along for the ride. i didn’t have a gf, just a FWB. which was NOT what i was looking for. honestly, she brought nothing to the table but sex, and i could get that on my own.
the last few days on the ship, i was avoiding her. once we were back in yoko i was sitting at home. nancy was on duty the day we pulled back in. the next day she called me and asked me if i had plans for the that night. she asked if she could make a suggestion. i told her yes and she she replied, “sex.” i sighed and told her i didn’t think it was a good idea.
i knew what i had to do. i swear to you, i had NO desire to see her. so i told her i didn’t think it was a good idea for us to keep seeing each other.
she simply replied, “oh, ok.” i said god bye and hung up.
i felt like a HUGE weight off my shoulders. the next day at work, everyone in medical was silent. vic made mention of hearing about my breaking up with nancy and he asked if i were ok. i laughed and told him i felt great and that i felt bad for nancy, but i had to do it. now when i say i felt bad for her i really did. last thing i ever want to do is hurt anyone, and the truth was nancy was an EXTREMELY cool girl- just a lousy gf. i realized she was selfish, she was very self centered and she was putting the effort into us, that i was.
i was sitting in the ward standing duty and playing xbox. nancy walked in and sat on a bed next to the chair i was sitting in. about a week had past since we had split; she acted nonchalant and asked, “i guess you know why i’m here.” i replied (without looking at her), “no, i don’t. you sick?” she replied no, and that she wanted to know why i had ended it. i paused the game, looked at her and said-
“sometimes things just don’t work out between people. it happens.”
i unpaused the game, continued playing and as nancy sat there i said, “bye nancy.”
we started seeing each other in january, and i ended up breaking up with her late march. right around 3 months. i really did feel bad for ended it, but i wasn’t happy and thought it best to punch out rather than pretend i enjoyed her company.
eventually, cheryl pulled me aside and told me i need to tell her WHY i broke up with her. i refused. then cheryl told me it’s understandable if i didn’t want to date her, but i at least owed her an explanation so she would fuck it up if she starts seeing someone else.
fuck. she used logic, i could counter her request. i saw nancy on the mess decks at lunch and told her in spanish, “do you really want me to tell you the truth?” she nodded and told me she did. we made arrangement to meet after she got out of her japanese class at 8pm.
to be continued…..
in other news i was interviewed by Pete Phoenix at Manosphereradio. check it out.