I’m Lazy, Let’s Poke Fun at Women’s Advice for Men

i ALWAYS love articles by women telling men what they NEED to be doing. this is one i stumbled upon recently. [ed- emphasis mine]

1. Learn to tie a tie. Even better: learn how to tie a bow tie. Even better than better: learn to fold a pocket square. It takes sharp dressing to another level. “You don’t even have to have it memorized,” Brown says. [the last sentence here shows how much bullshit this is. this is pure projection. i NEVER wear ties. so why should i learn to tie one. much less a bow tie or “pocket square”. pretentious princess.]

2. Wear the right amount of cologne. Brilliant tip: shower, towel off, then spray your cologne on – then put your clothes on. “That way the cologne is on you, not on your clothes. You have to get a little bit closer.” [OOOOOH….does this mean i can give make-up tips? (if you smile and see cracks……ew)]

3. Build a fire. At the very least, know how to light a grill. “I know a lot of guys don’t like to cook that much, but even if you’re 21, you can grill. You can buy a little Weber-style kettle grill for $18 at a garage sale. Get some lighter fluid. Go get some chicken thighs, pour some Italian dressing over them, and that’s your marinade. Then sit around, drink a beer. Let it happen.” Some help. [ok, but you better be able to cook a meal.]

4. Know how to take care of a hungover lady. Brown and co. have this broken down to a science. “Here’s what you’re going to do: have some coconut water on hand. You have some delivery on speed dial so you can get her some food, and then you have one rom-com for her to watch, and Markus suggested Love, Actually.” Really, anything set in England or starring Hugh Grant will do. [whiteknights of the world unite.]

5. Ask a woman on a date. A real date. And no, gentlemen, “group hang” does not qualify. “I think there’s something very charming if someone asks you out on a date. They have the intention, but they also have a plan. They don’t leave it all up to you. So even something simple like, ‘You know, it was so great to see you after that party the other day. Do you want to grab drinks after work on Friday?'” The date doesn’t need to break the bank, either. Brown’s examples: walk around a park together and point out the ridiculous things that other people are wearing, or go to Goodwill and try to find the most hideous item there. [i thought women killed off the act of dates.]

6. Enjoy the company of old people. For life advice, but also just for fun. “Old men will give you the greatest fashion advice. They know how to look sharp. They know how to be put-together. They know about the pocket square. These are the people who won World War II. And old women are even better – they’ve reached the ‘do not give a fk’ stage.” [i don’t even know what to say about this one. as much as i loved Paw-Paw, i’d NEVER take fashion tips from a man who wore plaid pants.]

7. The more time you spend talking about yourself and how great you are, the less great you seem. Next time you catch yourself yakking on about work, take a minute to reassess. “It’s always the people who never say much about what they’re doing who you later you find out – ‘Oh, he said work was going well?’ and someone’s like, ‘He just won the Nobel.'” [i’ll give them this one. keep her talking about herself.]

8. Ironing in general. Particularly a dress shirt. Yes, you can own an iron. And yes, you can even own an ironing board. And when you actually put them to use, you can elevate your everyday style from “eh” to “Okay.” “I had a guy friend, and he ironed almost everything before he wore it. Even a T-shirt – he’d give it a quick iron. And his clothes always looked great. It’s hard to look super-capable if you’re also very wrinkly. Wrinkly and capable are often mutually exclusive topics.” Cautionary tip: On the iron, it will say what temp it needs to be for your fabric. Follow that. “Don’t think ‘Oh, I’m going to turn it up all the way for masculine manliness.” Also make sure you’re always moving the iron – otherwise, burns happen. [talk about projection. i can iron, but that’s what dry cleaners are for, and it’s ONLY for my more dressy shirts.]

9. Crack open your car manual – and actually read it. You don’t have to be John Travolta in “Greased Lightnin,” but little things like changing a car headlight can save you time and, more important, money. “Know what’s in your manual. Flip through it. You’ll be surprised at how much stuff you can do yourself if you just know what’s in the manual.” [thanks for subbing in man class today. does this mean i can hash out ways for you ladies to be “better” women?]

10. Be a thoughtful gifter. Notice the girl likes something. One time she’ll say, ‘Oh, I love this bracelet. Oh, this blouse is so pretty. Oh, this is such a cute little pot for my house.’ Just remember one of those times. File it away. Go buy that thing. Wait three months. Give it to her. She will be yours forever.” [if that’s what it takesf for her to be “mine forever”, she can beat feet.]

stay up.

OH, if you want to lose an hour of your life making fun of someone, check out my interview by manosphereradio


30 Comments on “I’m Lazy, Let’s Poke Fun at Women’s Advice for Men”

  1. darlingdoll says:

    Bahaha! Laughed so hard at your response to #2 and #6 🙂 Awsomeness!

  2. The Navy Corpsman says:

    A man’s advice to a woman giving advice to men…..

    1. I know more about ties, cravats, bowties, and looking sharp as a man than you’ll ever dream about seeing in real life. By the way, when you stuff that size 16 into a size 10 dress, even other women make fun of you. Skinny jeans are for skinny women.

    2. I don’t have to wear cologne, I know how to shower. By the way, that’s a nice perfume you’re wearing, must you marinade in it?

    3. I can build a fire and light it with a bow drill and two rocks, I can use flint and steel, plus I can light my own farts with a Zippo. Clearly, this is a non-issue. I can cook better than 90% of the women I have known, excepting professional chefs. By the way, see number 2 above re: marinades.

    4. Never happen. By the way, stop drinking before you get a hangover. Grow up, even if you’re still in college. The only romantic comedy I have ever seen was Die Hard, hope that’s ok… errr no I actually don’t care if it’s ok.

    5. A DATE? By the way, you owe me a blowjob for that lobster you ordered.

    6. I am an old people. Fuck you. By the way, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on. And the pocket square.

    7. ‘Oh, he said work was going well?’ and someone’s like, ‘He just won the Nobel.’” Like…
    By the way, English isn’t a country.

    8. I ironed my own shirts for five years after I became married. My wife finally said it was time to pay for dry cleaning after I landed a multi-million dollar software contract. I’m cheap, but she was right. Ironing a T-shirt? I roomed with an Iranian my first year in college, his family (wealthy) barely escaped the Ayatollah and his minions. He used to iron his bedsheets. Two years later, he was committed to an asylum with a diagnosis of crippling OCD. By the way, who the fuck are you dating that doesn’t know how to iron a shirt, and WHY ARE YOU DATING THEM?

    9. Miss (I presume you’re unmarried… just a guess), I know more about cars than any owners’ manual will ever be able to impart to you. I have restored a 67 Corvette and a 56 Chevy Bel Air ragtop. Both my sons are professionals, one makes about $100 per hour turning wrenches on Ferraris, Aston Martins, BMWs and other imports in his own business. The other just turned down a job fabricating chassis for a NASCAR car and truck team. By the way, you’d be surprised how little stuff you can do, even if you can read an owner’s manual, unless your car was made before 1990.

    10. Oh for…. If I waited three months to give my wife something, I’d forget I even bought it. I remember one thing I bought her that she wanted, a killer laptop computer back when Windows 95 was brand new. I installed Office, Photoshop, the whole shebang. She played Minesweeper for 14 months. On the other hand, everywhere we go, we always go to the local jewelry store, sparkly things trip her trigger. If she admires it, I buy it for her. Why? Because she liked it, and I liked seeing her smile. Win-Win. However, her jewelry boxes now weigh half a ton, and I still have to move them every time she wants to re-arrange her boudoir.

    By the way, if a man HAS to buy you stuff, you’re clearly not worth the money.

    The Navy Corpsman

  3. earl says:

    “The more time you spend talking about yourself and how great you are, the less great you seem. ”

    Actually I think that is more projection than anything.

    As a guy you have to talk about yourself at first to even get the ball rolling…women really don’t know how to start conversations other than by asking questions. The reason is that so you start talking about yourself. I don’t give a life story…but I’ve learned the art of conversions with a woman.

    If the whole conversation is you talking about yourself…and she is sitting there as dead weight not adding anything, then she isn’t into you anyway. If she can’t invest in a simple conversation…she is probably terrible at investing in other things.

  4. Swithers says:

    #1 makes sense to me.

    Women looking for a free night out on your dime without having to give it up, they lurve gay men (the ones that haven’t worked it out yet. Brokeback Mountain type deal). What says i-are-gay better than a bow tie and pocket square? What the hell he’d get out of that deal, I don’t know, but it’s all good as long as he brings his wallet.

    #4 any woman getting that drunk (unless it’s just her and me in private) is not of interest the next morning and for the rest of her life. I guess it’s one of those patriarchy things, that drunk women are unattractive for a relationship.

    #9 What the hell has this got to do with getting women? Unless it’s about saving your money from car bills so that you can buy princess more trinkets. And the Corpsman nailed that one with, By the way, if a man HAS to buy you stuff, you’re clearly not worth the money.

    • earl says:

      Yeah drunk women are very unattractive…here’s how to deal with a lady with a hangover.

      Don’t even get involved with them when they are drunk. Let their girlfriends do that for them.

  5. LiveFearless says:

    But here’s the sad part: A lot of nice, attractive men with stable, secure careers will feel appreciation for her condescending tone and take her advice. Each nice guy would take the advice because she sounds like his Mother, and he wants to be able to attract the woman of his dreams.

    If he doesn’t know the correct words or phrases to search for, he’s not going to find you to give him this GREAT and FREE advice via your blog, and he’s not going to find Vic that my post links back to… He’s going to only find this advice that’s guaranteed to cause him unnecessary pain in a lonely existence.

    @DannyFrom504 it’s time to go bigger… nice interview on soundcloud

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      thanks man. it was more like 2 guys having a beer and talking about man shit. it wasn’t unitl i asked how the interview would start did i even realize he was recording. lol.

  6. Spacetraveller says:

    Hey Danny,

    I think I get your take on this one.

    Women should perhaps not be telling men WHAT to do at all.

    The only exception is, if you are telling a man how things are viewed from a woman’s point of view.
    These two frames are not the same.

    For instance, it is a world of difference to say to a man, ‘Build a fire’ and ‘I really like it when I am with a man who knows how to or likes to build a fire.’
    Does this make sense to you?

    I can smell your disdain for this article, and I think I understand why.

    I wouldn’t have understood why, ten years ago. But now (I think) I do.

    Education is everything 🙂
    You are a useful dude, Il Maestro 😀

    • Spacetraveller says:

      Ah, please take out the comma after useful.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      the list is what that one particular woman THINKS is important. but even then, a woman’s list of “must have qualities” is moot.

      i proved it by having the ex come up with a list of qualities she needed in a man. she took almost 15 minutes and listed 14 qualities. the qualities that could be used to accurately describe me……

      5

      i had 5 out of 14 qualities she “needed”.

      the defense rests. lol.

      On Sun, Jul 14, 2013 at 5:44 AM, dannyfrom504

      • earl says:

        You should also mention how ladies view your blog subject based on what age they are.

        Best laugh I had in a long time.

  7. […] I’m Lazy, Let’s Poke Fun at Women’s Advice for Men […]

  8. Re: #4 – Or be with someone who doesn’t drink much, if at all. I suppose that that’s a tall order in the Western world, but my girl goes light on the sauce because she knows when to stop.

    If “taking care of her hangovers” is the equivalent of Mommy giving Johnny cookies and ice cream when he gets the chicken pox and happens more than once a month, forget it.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      i just let her sleep. but mentioning all the crap they did is going WAAAAAAAAY overboard. take out on speed dial, coconut whatever, rom-com.

      eh, no.

      she get’s rest, water, and tylenol. “call me when you feel better.”

      • Indeed. All of that stuff she can do herself.

        I’ve also found going out and doing stuff to work well for beating hangovers because the mind’s occupied with other things. Thanks to the liberal amounts of soju flowing at teachers dinners, I’ve taught while hungover plenty of times and the knowledge of having 4-6 classes to crank through takes the edge off the pain.

      • ARoss says:

        I find that Alka-Seltzer works better for hangovers.

  9. Johnny Caustic says:

    1. I like the “sexy stereotype” theory of dressing: women are attracted to certain stereotypical looks (different women to different looks), so a man should pick one (e.g. the “khaki’d office drone” look–just kidding) and maximize it. You have to pick a look that matches who you are. The GQ / James Bond look works for me (pocket square and all) because it fits my personality. For you Danny, a hip-hop or rocker look should work well. I can’t see you going GQ; it’s no surprise that you don’t wear ties. (If you ever did try the GQ look, for whatever reason, I’d suggest you emulate the character of Charlie Runkle on Californication.)

    2. Fuck cologne. Take a little of the sweat from just behind your balls and rub it on your neck. Girls can sense the pheremones. I’m not joking.

    4. I know how to take care of a hungover lady: mock her mercilessly. Sustain it for about a week.

    5. I take new women on exactly these kinds of dates–drinks, walks in the park. I try not to use the word “date”, though. “Hang out” is less likely to trigger provider-seeking behavior.

    6. Whenever I see photographs of American streets circa 1930, I lust over their wonderful dresses and suits and hats and wish we could return to those days. But my suit is not my grandpa’s suit, and my tie is not a bow-tie. More like what Robin Thicke’s wearing in the “Blurred Lines” video. I do appreciate the company of old people, but that doesn’t help me get chicks.

    8. The cleaner gets my cotton shirts smoother than I could in a year of ironing.

    10. I am a thoughtful gifter. Skittles.

  10. Ton says:

    Hang over care? If she’s to hung over to be fun, she best be hung over somewhere else

    Never did learn to tie a tie. Just used clip ons when I was in. Technology bitches…..

    But I have to ask, if I iron my own clothes, do my own dishes, etc what the fuck do I need a girl for? Besides fucking that is.

  11. Lena S. says:

    Cologne makes me feel ill and gives me a headache. I’d rather smell man.

    LOL @ “a hungover lady”. Nice try.

  12. pistudent says:

    just heard your interview at Manosphere radio, you owned that shit, my only comment is you have a funny pronunciation of “quesadilla” for someone that is half mexican 😉

  13. FightDirty says:

    Manufacturing White Knights one article at a time..

  14. Legion says:

    Gentlemen (& others), you are going about this all wrong. Here are the answers:

    1. I know how to tie a tie. I need to wear my suit to testify at public hearings. Bowtie? If that’s your taste, wear one, but seriously WTF? Pocket square? I’m lost on that one.

    2. Cologne – lolololololololol.

    3. Food tastes best grilled. Charcoal or gas I have it covered. Learn that for yourself. Maybe after the best taped ATM she deserves some of your other meat.

    4.This is the simplest one men: Call her a cab.

    5. Date? Yes that is dead. Women should take us out on dates for 10 or so years so we relearn that one.

    6. Enjoy the stories of old men? Yes, but princess, you won’t like what they say. Old women, if they can cook.

    7. Don’t talk about yourself, You are interfering with her endless yapping about herself. Why give her a way to track you down after she ‘whoppsie’ pregnates anyway.

    8. Ironing: I know how to iron. I do it when money is tight. T-shirt ironing? FAG.

    9. I can take care of my car. What I won’t do is take care of your car.

    10. Skittles.

    That wasn’t so hard now, was it?

  15. The most disturbing thing about this article is finding out you think plaid pants aren’t cool. Plaid pants are awesome. As for women giving men advice, this is actually not that bad. Normally, every single point will make you less attractive to women. This list only has 1 point that will make you actively less attractive to women. Progress!

  16. CLG says:

    I will say the taking care of the hungover lady bit was right about one thing: coconut water. that and aspirin and you have whittled down the time it takes to get her out the door to under 15 minutes from awaking to the horror that you let some woman spend the night.

    and I do the ironing thing for all my shirts cause I am OCD like that. and by iron, I mean “Spray with downy wrinkle releaser when you take them out of the dryer”

  17. RojoC says:

    You know, I don’t have any gravitas when it comes to the venusian arts or anything along the lines of this subject matter…but that woman’s cooking advice? She crossed the line. As a griller, I am insulted.

  18. Modern Drummer says:

    Stop making fun of my mom’s advice. Lol.

  19. Joe Sixpack says:

    Danny, minor point from your interview, RE the hair brushing. the way you described it make it sound like the brush bristles do not make contact with her head. Why not? Maybe I misunderstood it. Cause my wife is putty in my hand when I give her a combo hair brushing/scalp massage. Gives her chills to feel the bristles lightly touch her head.

    PS. the presentation skills you got on the job are priceless training for pickup. You have to have a certain body language to be an effective public speaker. That shit is critical for game.


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