This Weeks Brophy

and the winner is…..

THE NAVY CORPSMAN who dropped this gem on last nights post.

“A man’s advice to a woman giving advice to men…..

1. I know more about ties, cravats, bowties, and looking sharp as a man than you’ll ever dream about seeing in real life. By the way, when you stuff that size 16 into a size 10 dress, even other women make fun of you. Skinny jeans are for skinny women.

2. I don’t have to wear cologne, I know how to shower. By the way, that’s a nice perfume you’re wearing, must you marinade in it?

3. I can build a fire and light it with a bow drill and two rocks, I can use flint and steel, plus I can light my own farts with a Zippo. Clearly, this is a non-issue. I can cook better than 90% of the women I have known, excepting professional chefs. By the way, see number 2 above re: marinades.

4. Never happen. By the way, stop drinking before you get a hangover. Grow up, even if you’re still in college. The only romantic comedy I have ever seen was Die Hard, hope that’s ok… errr no I actually don’t care if it’s ok.

5. A DATE? By the way, you owe me a blowjob for that lobster you ordered.

6. I am an old people. Fuck you. By the way, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on. And the pocket square.

7. ‘Oh, he said work was going well?’ and someone’s like, ‘He just won the Nobel.’” Like…
By the way, English isn’t a country.

8. I ironed my own shirts for five years after I became married. My wife finally said it was time to pay for dry cleaning after I landed a multi-million dollar software contract. I’m cheap, but she was right. Ironing a T-shirt? I roomed with an Iranian my first year in college, his family (wealthy) barely escaped the Ayatollah and his minions. He used to iron his bedsheets. Two years later, he was committed to an asylum with a diagnosis of crippling OCD. By the way, who the fuck are you dating that doesn’t know how to iron a shirt, and WHY ARE YOU DATING THEM?

9. Miss (I presume you’re unmarried… just a guess), I know more about cars than any owners’ manual will ever be able to impart to you. I have restored a 67 Corvette and a 56 Chevy Bel Air ragtop. Both my sons are professionals, one makes about $100 per hour turning wrenches on Ferraris, Aston Martins, BMWs and other imports in his own business. The other just turned down a job fabricating chassis for a NASCAR car and truck team. By the way, you’d be surprised how little stuff you can do, even if you can read an owner’s manual, unless your car was made before 1990.

10. Oh for…. If I waited three months to give my wife something, I’d forget I even bought it. I remember one thing I bought her that she wanted, a killer laptop computer back when Windows 95 was brand new. I installed Office, Photoshop, the whole shebang. She played Minesweeper for 14 months. On the other hand, everywhere we go, we always go to the local jewelry store, sparkly things trip her trigger. If she admires it, I buy it for her. Why? Because she liked it, and I liked seeing her smile. Win-Win. However, her jewelry boxes now weigh half a ton, and I still have to move them every time she wants to re-arrange her boudoir.

By the way, if a man HAS to buy you stuff, you’re clearly not worth the money.”

well played Sir. and again, congrats.

Congrats Navy Corpsman, you've earned it.

Congrats Navy Corpsman, you’ve earned it.

stay up.


18 Comments on “This Weeks Brophy”

  1. The Navy Corpsman says:

    I have to say, women giving advice to men on how to attract a woman is like Muammar Al-Qadhafi and Libya sitting on the United Nations Human Rights Council just prior to the revolution in that country.

    I admit that this particular little idiosyncratic pastime of women ticks me off in a Royal fashion. Most men are logical creatures, and logic dictates that the best person to get advice about how to attract a woman’s attention is from a guy who does really well at attracting women’s attention. Using a woman’s advice is going to do nothing unless you’re trying to attract THAT woman.

    Women are social creatures, much more so than the average male. Yet they are still individuals, and if you treat ALL women the same way, you’re going to find yourself sleeping alone for a great deal of your life. This is quite true even if you put them on a pedestal, or worship the ground they walk on.

    I have to confess, I do not know anything about the woman who wrote the original post that Danny copied for his readership’s amusement, but I gotta say, she needs some advice on how to attract a quality male. Let’s take them one by one:

    1. Learn to tie a tie. Ok, here she is just implying that some men do not know how to dress well. Fair enough, but let’s not turn this into Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. How to fix this statement=> Learn how to dress well, for the type of woman you want to attract. Don’t wear a Brooks Brothers suit to a biker bar.

    2. Wear the right amount of cologne. Now, this can be taken two ways, either she dates guys with BO, or dates guys that buy cologne by the gallon. Either way, my own experience tells me that women like men that don’t smell… except on the occasions where they want to wash you themselves. If you ever experience this type of attraction from a female, fall down on your knees and give thanks. Also, take pictures or video, preferably both. How to fix this statement=> Don’t stink, of anything.

    3. Build a fire. This one just blew my mind. Ok, I’m a country boy, but are you telling me there exist men somewhere who cannot build, and light a fire? Homer Simpson exists? “Mr Match, meet Mr Charcoal Briquette” How to fix this one=> You can’t. Just leave this one out completely. Maybe replace it with “Learn how to cook well enough that you won’t starve when you are living alone.”

    4, Know how to take care of a hungover lady. Sorry, in my book, ladies don’t get hungover. How to fix this statement=> Know how to take care of a sick girlfriend/wife. Note, not any random female you have hanging around, I do not suffer from Florence Nightingale Syndrome. I am not a nurse. It needs to be a serious relationship before I am going to clean up your vomit.

    5. Ask a woman on a real date. This relates to my age, but where and when I grew up, dates were commonplace, and involved two people only. If you ran into friends, that was cool, but you stayed with your date. I’m not even going to ask what the hell a ‘group hang’ is. How to fix this statement=> First date is no-pressure fun time together. Second date is ten times the pressure, and 100 times the importance. Never ask for, or go on a second date, if the first date was in any way, bad. Never. Ever.

    6. Enjoy the company of old people. What did she do, take her date/boyfriend to visit grandma in the nursing home? Worse, did he take her to visit his grandma, then bitched the whole time they were there? Not all old people are like that. How to fix this statement=> Get your shit together and learn how to tolerate everyone you meet. Nobody means that you have to accept them or their personalities, but you can tolerate their presence for more than ten minutes. You can still be an alpha ass if need be, but you can be civil the rest of the time.

    7. The more time you spend talking about yourself and how great you are, the less great you seem. Translation: Listen to me talking about myself, and how great I am. Epic fail. Allow her to talk about herself, sure, but don’t forget to challenge SOMETHING she says, some notion or idea she expounds upon. Ask for a clarification, challenge does not mean call bullshit on her, it means to show that you are paying attention to HER. How to fix this statement=> Ration your own stories. Reveal little bits at a time, keep her curiosity piqued. Once you get past the basics of job, age, and dick size, let a woman talk. Women LOVE to talk. Trust me on this one.

    8. Ironing in general. Particularly a dress shirt. See #3 above. Let’s assume most men own a dress shirt. Let us also assume most men do not pay for dry cleaning every week. Fair enough, learn how to iron, or you will look like you just woke up after spending all night in the mosh pit at a Dead Kennedys show. Of course, if your name is Jello Biafra, disregard. How to fix this statement=> Dress like a slob, attract women that are slobs. Dress like a banker, attract gold-digging women looking for a meal ticket. Simple.

    9. Crack open your car manual – and actually read it. Again, I do not want to speculate about how this made her list, but the last time I paid any attention to it, automotive mechanics were 99.99% male. Car enthusiasts were 99.99% male. How to fix this statement=> Do not date a woman who knows more about cars than you do.

    10. Be a thoughtful gifter. Ah… yes. Remember that movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You?” Neither do I. But women do, and they want you to be into THEM. Note, I did not say INSIDE them, put your dick back in your pants. NOTHING says “I am into you” than buying something she noticed three months ago and commented on. Yes, the original post actually meant some sort of useless trinket of little intrinsic value. You noticed her commenting on it, therefore when you buy it, wait an arbitrary amount of time for her to forget about it, then gift it to her, you’re into her. This is actually really really good advice for married men, or men who want to get married to a specific woman. Just be aware, as I am, that once you do it the first time, you better damned well keep it up forever. That’s why I let my wife pick her jewelry. She gets what she wants, me being into her, I get what I want, me being inside her. Still Win-Win. How to fix this statement=> Just be thoughtful, without being fixated on making her happy. Lose the part about gifting entirely. If she IS a material girl, go to an art store/gallery, find a print of Marilyn Monroe and a print of Madonna, get them framed, and be a thoughtful gifter while you burn both prints in front of her.

    My thanks to Danny for the award, I want to thank … er… no one else. Ok, correction, I want to thank the Jim Beam distillery, my icebox for making the ice, Ancient Mesopotamia for inventing glass, and my right hand for lifting said glass.

    The Navy Corpsman

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      *slow clap*

      On Sun, Jul 14, 2013 at 11:31 PM, dannyfrom504

      • The Navy Corpsman says:

        Ok, I’ve run out of sarcasm for tonight, I wrenched my back bucking hay all day in this heat. I don’t always drink bourbon, but when I do, I drink Jim Beam. Stay thirsty my friends.

        The Most Interesting Navy Corpsman in the World.

        P.S. Know any women who know how to take care of hungover dumbass with a bad back?

        P.P.S. Apparently I lied, I still had some sarcasm left. Fucking heifers and their need to eat during a drought. I should let the bulls into their pasture, see how they like that. Calves still suckling, while getting drilled by a Limousin bull. Would it be considered bestiality if I pointed and laughed?

        Almost Certainly the Most Drunk Navy Corpsman in the World

  2. Vicomte says:

    I read this with one eye closed out of respect.

  3. The Navy Corpsman says:

    Too late, I already had two while reading about potential rioting on America’s streets. In fact, I just poured the last of this bottle. Someone needs to invent ice that cools bourbon without melting. Dry ice doesn’t work, I tried it once and frost-burnt my lips.

    Is it just me, or does Trayvon Martin look like Barack Obama?

    The Navy Corpsman

  4. The Navy Corpsman says:

    P.P.P.S. I want to also thank Paula Deen for making me aware that butter is racist.

    The Navy Corpsman

  5. Young Hunter says:

    Umm… What else to say? I’ll just join in the applause. Might as well give him next week’s Brophy while you’re at it, Danny.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      ??????????

      that’ll all depend on next weeks coming comments. i don’t pick a comment until sunday afternoon. we’ll have to see next weeks winner.

      On Mon, Jul 15, 2013 at 4:15 AM, dannyfrom504

  6. Lord Highbrow says:

    “The only romantic comedy I have ever seen was Die Hard”

    Hahahaha, +1.

    “7. The more time you spend talking about yourself and how great you are, the less great you seem.”

    I was actually thinking about this the other day after listening to Danny’s interview on Manoshpereradio (great interview, btw Danny). At most, I skim 99% of ‘game’ type blogs, cause the guys that write them are knobs. As you said, if you have to tell everyone how great you are, you’re really not that great. Except Bender ;).

    That’s why I like Danny so much – he just comes across to me as a laid back dude who’s enjoying his life. The kind of guy I would be keen to hang out with.

    Here’s a quote that I read every day to remind myself to keep my head: “It is true that nothing defines manliness more than a motivated and inspired individual who lives with a quiet confidence and a zest for life.”

    Sums up Danny pretty accurately, I reckon.

    • dannyfrom504 says:

      Dude thanks. i’m flattered. i appreciate you stopping my and commenting on my lil’ corner of the intarwebz

      stay up

      On Mon, Jul 15, 2013 at 5:31 AM, dannyfrom504

  7. Nice brother, Tweeted to my legions of female fans.

  8. Random Angeleno says:

    My $0.02:
    Selected responses:

    1. Your pants make your ass look fat.
    2. I didn’t know they have perfumed water softeners.
    5. On your knees!
    7. The vapidity congeals rapidly.
    10. Be glad I still have your digits.


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