This Weeks BrophyPosted: July 14, 2013 | |
and the winner is…..
THE NAVY CORPSMAN who dropped this gem on last nights post.
“A man’s advice to a woman giving advice to men…..
1. I know more about ties, cravats, bowties, and looking sharp as a man than you’ll ever dream about seeing in real life. By the way, when you stuff that size 16 into a size 10 dress, even other women make fun of you. Skinny jeans are for skinny women.
2. I don’t have to wear cologne, I know how to shower. By the way, that’s a nice perfume you’re wearing, must you marinade in it?
3. I can build a fire and light it with a bow drill and two rocks, I can use flint and steel, plus I can light my own farts with a Zippo. Clearly, this is a non-issue. I can cook better than 90% of the women I have known, excepting professional chefs. By the way, see number 2 above re: marinades.
4. Never happen. By the way, stop drinking before you get a hangover. Grow up, even if you’re still in college. The only romantic comedy I have ever seen was Die Hard, hope that’s ok… errr no I actually don’t care if it’s ok.
5. A DATE? By the way, you owe me a blowjob for that lobster you ordered.
6. I am an old people. Fuck you. By the way, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on. And the pocket square.
7. ‘Oh, he said work was going well?’ and someone’s like, ‘He just won the Nobel.’” Like…
By the way, English isn’t a country.
8. I ironed my own shirts for five years after I became married. My wife finally said it was time to pay for dry cleaning after I landed a multi-million dollar software contract. I’m cheap, but she was right. Ironing a T-shirt? I roomed with an Iranian my first year in college, his family (wealthy) barely escaped the Ayatollah and his minions. He used to iron his bedsheets. Two years later, he was committed to an asylum with a diagnosis of crippling OCD. By the way, who the fuck are you dating that doesn’t know how to iron a shirt, and WHY ARE YOU DATING THEM?
9. Miss (I presume you’re unmarried… just a guess), I know more about cars than any owners’ manual will ever be able to impart to you. I have restored a 67 Corvette and a 56 Chevy Bel Air ragtop. Both my sons are professionals, one makes about $100 per hour turning wrenches on Ferraris, Aston Martins, BMWs and other imports in his own business. The other just turned down a job fabricating chassis for a NASCAR car and truck team. By the way, you’d be surprised how little stuff you can do, even if you can read an owner’s manual, unless your car was made before 1990.
10. Oh for…. If I waited three months to give my wife something, I’d forget I even bought it. I remember one thing I bought her that she wanted, a killer laptop computer back when Windows 95 was brand new. I installed Office, Photoshop, the whole shebang. She played Minesweeper for 14 months. On the other hand, everywhere we go, we always go to the local jewelry store, sparkly things trip her trigger. If she admires it, I buy it for her. Why? Because she liked it, and I liked seeing her smile. Win-Win. However, her jewelry boxes now weigh half a ton, and I still have to move them every time she wants to re-arrange her boudoir.
By the way, if a man HAS to buy you stuff, you’re clearly not worth the money.”
well played Sir. and again, congrats.