My Guide to New Orleans II: UptownPosted: August 1, 2013 | |
truth be told uptown (UPT) is a different place for me. it’s a place where i go to relax, no agenda……just….look at life in the surreal beauty of an amazing backdrop.
the upt is a major day-time attraction. magazine st. alone is an event all itself. nearly 5 miles worth of eateries, stores, parks, and art galleries. personally, when you ask me about the UPT, it’s an after-thought. a place i go to when bored. BUT….that doesn’t mean it’s not worth seeing. magazine street stretches from just under highway 90 all the down to lake ave and lies between st. charles and tchoupitoulas.
TBH, the only time i’m on magazine (sadly) is if i have a specific destination or to a friends. it’s mostly shopping, live-music, people watching, and dining. but i’ll off up some places i like.
The Bulldog. you HAVE to stop in here and have a round. best on tap beer in the city. HANDS DOWN. everyone new to NO makes a trip there. never heard a negative review.
Juan’s Flying Burrito funky NO take on “mexican” food. funky, unpretentious, and the food is top-notch.
Sake Cafe everyone knows sake. if sushi and japanese cuisine are your thing, stop by.
Tracey’s Irish Bar GREAT irish bar with out the gimmicky schtick and horrible irish cuisine. try the crawfish balls as you sip your beer, or maybe shoot a few rounds of pool with a stranger.
OAK STREET. fucking LOVE oak street. once home of the now defunct “Humidty Ramp”. seems VERY seedy, and it is. but don’t let it intimidate you.
Squeal’s BBQ. newer BBQ joint, i hear it’s VERY good.
The Maple Leaf. AAAAAH the maple leaf. they always have someone playing. jazz, counrty, indie, rock, typically the artists are locals. tuesday Rebirth Jazz band plays at midnight, don’t miss it.it’s a pretty small venue, but it’s ALWAYS got a good crowd. and right next door is…
Jacques-Imo’s. any place that can pull off shrimp and alligator cheesecake is nothing short of culinary brilliance. a bit pricier, but WELL worth it. parties of 5 or more needs a reservation.
my all time favorite cafe Rue de la Course is on the corner of oak and carrollton. i’ll stop in, get a coffee, and read/study. place is so choice.
The Ninja. EVERYONE knows the ninja. people drive in from kenner (yeaaah yah rite!!!!!) just to go to the ninja.
Snake and Jake’s Christmas Club Lounge. ok, if it’s 4am, you’re on a bender, and you don’t feel like calling it quits. announce, “i’m off to jakes!!!!” quite possibly the closest thing you’ll come to the cantina in mos isley. if you see someone behind the bar asleep, yeah…they’re passed out. no one but local’s and those “in the know” go there. also, this is for the late 20- early 40’s crowd. and bar that wishes you “good luck” with finding it……IS WORTH FUCKING FINDING. here, ye shall not be judged for embracing your inner Dionysus. “is that Bukowski asleep in the corner? oh yeah….buke’s dead.” i’ve had some of the funniest conversations at SnJ’s with folks in the midst of a blackout who INSIST they buy me a shot. i know doctor’s that have relocated and opened practices in NO who had to re-define their diagnosis of “alcohol abuse” once they got to understand the city. lol. you GOTTA respect that. you drank a 12-pack in one sitting- dude, that’s a saints game or 4 hour crab boil to a local. lol. i’ve gone on liberty in foreign ports with “power drinkers” that i put under the table. i believe i covered this in chapter one. lol. now……on a more serious note…..
if you happen to be walking on oak after dark, you might notice a very, very, very shady looking thugish types drinking beer on porches, they won’t bother you. i’d advise tourists to take a cab there if they are really drunk. but if you have your wits about you and you’re walking to a local establishment, and any of the locals greet you, greet them back and let them know where you’re headed. you’re now safe as a kitten. i brought an ex to a house party at the humidty house and she got VERY uncomfortable walking the street.
“Danny….um, are those guys, you know- armed?” the beautiful young lady asked me.
“baby, to.the.teeth.” was my reply.
she took my hand in a death grip. and a local cat said to me-
“yo lil’ whoodie. where yat.”
i smiled, and since i can’t give you audio, i replied in my native tongue. “good evening, i’m heading over to the Alex’s.
he laughed and asked, “where yah board at, yah hurd meh?”
i replied that i leave it at the house since i’m too lazy to carry it and on our merry way we went. dude even offered me a beer. fah realz.
other places of interest.
Parasol’s. best damn roast beef po-boy in the city. a place called traceys opened up a block down and there’s a “battle for neighborhood supremacy” shit going on, but i’ve never been in tracey’s. the rivalry is written about in the link. if you stop into the bar and order food, and there’s a tall, black (VERY black) man tending bar, that’s Eric. part of the local skate tribe. tell him i said stay up. very cool guy. he MIGHT even still be tending bar at Molly’s (i mentioned this place on the french quarter post).
St. Chalres Street Car. you must hop on this bitch. it’s beautiful. a 3 day pass costs under $10. i don’t recall the exact price, but i’m sure the website will tell you. st charles ave is also great place for a stroll. fun fact: i totally had sex with a GF on the trolley one sunday afternoon when we had the car to ourself; the driver didn’t seem to “notice”. lol.
Lucy’s every local know’s Lucy’s. GREAT spot for night game. but still worth checking out for a late afternoon drink. again, this is another local secret.
Lafayette Cemetery. this is a MUST-SEE. it also happens to be my “go-to” first date venue. it’s cheap, actually it’s free, and it’s absolutely breath-taking. you see, you can’t really bury people in NO, if you do….eventually they’ll rise to the surface, so we use above ground tombs. i was always amazed at how life-long NO female residents have never been there. and if she’s NEW to the city, man-oh-man did walking hand in hand in a cemetery generate MAJOR tingles for just my knowing the place exists and the sheer originality of my choice to bring her. it’s like i’m sharing my secret places in the city and women eat that shit up.
The Garden District. tourists always want to see where anne rice lived. i think it’s on first street, but google it. some of the most beautiful architecture out there. me cruising, WTUL playing in the background, i rarely feel THAT alive.
where to stay? well when Lucky visited, he copped a place at a GREAT place on carodelet. yes, it’s a hostel, BUT it’s fucking nice and you’re a quick walk to the St. Charles street car. $10-15 gets you a cab ride to the the qauter and you can take the bus tulane uni for hunting college girls. well, i know the guy that runs the place (Robert) and he’s cool. mention Dannyfrom504 recommended his place. you won’t a discount but you’ll have something in common with him to chat about.
live music. yeah, google “pollstar.com” throw new orleans in the search engine, and take your pick. again, WTUL usually offers free tickets to most of the venues in the city.
ok, i know. “where do i go to meet women?” the BEST place to go for “night game” is tulane university. the map below gives you all the highlights. my most EPIC night went down when i was stationed there and i brought my boy from sicily that got orders to NO the college bar scene. he was tired of ONS’s, and i found out he couldn’t land a long term deal. well, he was sarging the french quarter. *smh* “dude, you’re banging a bunch of tourists that are down for the weekend, you’re probably talking to 6-7 girls before you land one.” he nodded, i added, “how often are you getting cock-blocked.” he shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head. lol. she closed 2 girls his first night out. i closed 3 on my best night and recall fondly having to wash my mule in her sink once i knew i was heading back out. don’t judge me. a woman smells spermicide on your hog….she’s bailing on you. lol. don’t ask me how i know.
so, i can vouch for: waldo’s (LOVE waldo’s), the boot (a MAJOR fave, walking distance from waldo’s ftw), rendon inn, cooter brown’s, carrolton station, and the frat house. the web-pages may be up or not. now, i haven’t sarged NO in a minute so, some of the places may be closed. friar tucks was fucking legendary for it’s $1 beer thursday night. $10 at the door, you get a HUGE mug, and refills are a buck. you leave, you pay again. sadly, she is no more. again, use the numbers here and check if they are still open. but i know the boot and waldo’s is still open. stay close to the college, and follow the crowds/noise. lol.
i’d recommend renting a cab for the day. call ahead for rates. but a cab ride from the quarter to tulane university is right around $20.
i forgot to add: if you want some of the best seafood around take your ass to Deanies. order the BBQ shrimp appetizer portion and a seafood platter. never been to the FQ location as i live about 15 minutes from the original bucktown location on lake pontchatrain.
also, i forgot to mention: Preservation Hall in the quarter. you have to sit on the floor. lol. GREAT NO jazz venue.
i hope this series helps you guys out and please feel free to email me with any questions. but for the love of God, quit with the “going to No emails. I’m tired of writing the responses. Lol.
chili cheese fries by morning 40. they mention one of my fave greasy spoon diners. oh, one eyed jacks is a GREAT music venue in the quarter.
ninth ward by the boys. i almost cried when i learned they broke up. i got to see them uptown and got backstage by helping them load their gear. lol. i even got to wander the crowd in the giant masks they were using. EPIC. also look up “I’m a drunk”. Paw-Paw loved this band and the fact that they had a sax and glorified drinking. Lol. Miss you Papa Cat.
as an aside, big up to VivaLaMansophere. the aggregator’s get little to no props. it’s a thankless job, so please visit my blogroll- check the aggregator’s, and hit up the site’s listed and say “thanks”, they deserve it.
I’ll be in NO early October. When I get exact dates, I’ll let you know.